Warning! There is a depiction of an intense panic attack. Please read with caution.
*
Blood pounded violently in her ears as she made her way through the Playground. Her hands shook aggressively by her sides as the thudding of her heart silenced all chatter around her. Nina wasn't crying but God did she want to.
Her throat hurt, stinging more than usual as she could still taste the bile and metallic punch in her mouth from her throwing up blood and the little food she'd consumed not too long ago.
Nina Ramos was having a panic attack and she couldn't control it.
She stumbled through the building, hitting into corners and people her disfigured vision didn't allow her to see in time with no idea how the panic came about. Nina had simply gone to take a shower and gotten dressed after helping Seven clean up the lab, before she found herself struggling to breathe.
Her head was pulsing as phrases forced their way into her mind, she could make out the voices now. Identifying each phrase with a person she'd met the night before as her panic grew in her chest.
Promise me you'll be okay, that you'll come back to me.
Breathing was hard, her chest growing tight as her panting mirrored that of a marathon runner. She felt herself slowly losing her mind as her nails dug into her palms and she longed for the black leather gloves that had been keeping the self-inflicted injures to a minimum.
"Agent Ramos," someone called out as she made her way up the stairs towards Coulson office because as much as she didn't want to be around people right now, she didn't trust herself alone with an arsenal of weapons at her disposal.
You're developing quite the habit, Nina.
The voice that had said called out to her didn't belong to a person she recognised so Nina ignored them, stalking up the stairs and finding herself at the office. She knocked but when she wasn't granted an answer, she swung open the door and stumbled in.
Her hand grabbed the wall to keep herself upright as the door closed and she felt her heart pound against its jail cell that was her rib cage.
It wasn't 8 seconds... I was dead for several days.
The room was empty and Nina immediately grabbed a tablet off the desk to try and locate the director. She struggled to bring up the base's security cameras, her shaking hands proving useless when it came to pressing the correct icons as she soon found herself facing a photo of herself.
It was her file and where Nina could recite most of it from memory already, she was curious. The curiosity seemed to mix with the feeling of impending doom her panic was creating and she clicked on the file.
You're Agent Ramos. Expectations or not, you're incredible.
There was nothing new for the most part. Her name, age and date of birth. There was a list of injures she'd received since joining SHIELD but she didn't dwell on how many there were. There was an immediate family section and she noticed Hunter's name, realising that Coulson must have added it after last night.
When she was about to set down the tablet and focus on reversing her panic attack, Nina came across a video file attached and she made the mistake of clicking it.
Nina wasn't sure what she was expecting but she'd assumed the videos were of her psych evaluations or therapy sessions. She knew that after Cambodia, SHIELD had begun recording them to try and decipher any of her lies and see if she was truly as okay as she said.
She wasn't, yet they never managed to figure that out.
"N-no..." she muttered out in shock as the video played. Nina dropped the tablet with a gasp, watching as the screen cracked and the media was played on repeat.
Nina didn't know what she was expecting but she sure as hell wasn't expecting to watch the exact moment she'd received the injury that almost killed her.
And she sure as hell wasn't expecting the person wielding the life to be him.
"Impossible," she whispered, her voice barely audible as she watched the ordeal in unfiltered HD.
Nina watched, on loop, as her knife left his hand, embedding itself in her throat. She watched, nauseous, as blood dripped down her pale neck before her past self realised she'd been stabbed. She watched as Nina of the past fell to the ground, pain filling her face. Nina watched the slight smirk on the face of the man responsible for her injuries before concern filled his features as he realised he'd put a knife through her neck.
She watched, in pure terror, as Grant Ward tried to kill her.
"Ward? No... he wouldn't, Grant... he couldn't..." Nina couldn't organise her thoughts as the screen skipped and the video was replaced with live footage.
Live footage of the man responsible for her state, sitting on a bed and staring up at the camera. Nina's face contoured into one of anger as her panic subsided and betrayal took its place.
She felt blood drip down her palm as her nails dug into her skin while her body shook in anger. She was livid for two reasons; one, Ward had tried to kill her and two, no one thought it was something she needed to know.
Nina stepped towards the tablet and sent the heel of her boot through the screen, breaking it completely and reducing the display to nothing but black. She practically growled as she turned back to face the door of Coulson's office with a clear idea as to where Ward was.
After all, there was only one door Hunter hadn't opened during the tour of the Playground.
Nina stalked out of the room, passing agents who'd seen her in her panicked state but who jumped out of the way when they felt the murderous intent pouring off of her. She'd expressed her annoyance for being kept in the dark later but as of right now she had only one thought.
Grant Ward was a fucking dead man.
*
"SHIELD is a terrorist organization and they should be treated as such," a voice filled the room from the television playing an interview. The man who answered the question was none other than a certain dead man's brother, Senator Christian Ward.
"Is that what you plan to speak about at the UN's emergency session tomorrow?" the reporter asked. Skye and Coulson stood side by side in the room, watching as the interview played out, both growing more irritated by the circumstances.
"What I plan to do is lay out a proposal for a multi-national police force that will target those suspected of ties with SHIELD. Using any and all means necessary," the senator answered causing Coulson and Skye to share a concerned look.
"Anyone suspected of ties? Who determines that?" a new voice joined the conversation. The man was listed on the screen as Julien Beckers, Minister of Foreign Affairs Belgium, "Belgium will never accept this proposal. It destroys the very idea of citizens' rights."
"Mr Beckers, if you want to welcome SHIELD at your borders with open arms, be my guest," Chrisitan responded with a political smile, "but this infestation needs to be exterminated."
"Guess being a douche bag runs in the family," Skye rolled her eyes at the comment from the brother of SHIELD's prisoner.
"Are you surprised?" Coulson asked with a scoff, turning away from the TV to head towards his office with Skye in tow.
"Ward's brother never cared about SHIELD before," the hacker mentioned.
"Not openly."
"Yeah, but Hunter said that Talbot was working with a Senator who had deep pockets," she explained, "do you think it's him?"
"I do," Coulson said, raising the tablet in his hand to show off a map of the globe containing small blue dots, "months rebuilding and this is SHIELD. Few operatives here, not many more out there. If Senator Ward's proposal passes-"
"It'll be a witch hunt."
"Every military organization on the planet will have a license to kick our operatives' doors down and shoot them on the spot," Coulson said, referring from dropping his head into his hands, "I can't let that happen."
"I suggest getting Nina in on this. According to May, she's quite persuasive without her knives as she is with them," Skye said and Coulson gave her a look. The hacker sighed when she noticed and continued speaking, "are we ever going to tell Nina bout this, about him? Keeping it a secret from her doesn't feel right."
"You saw the footage of what happened between them," Coulson said, referring to the security tapes they'd watched that showed the exact moment Nina had figured out what Ward had done and the events that followed, "she doesn't remember anything he did to her. I can't, in good conscience, force her to go through that again before she's ready."
"And how long is that going to take?" Skye asked softly, "she may be back but she's not complete. We all miss her, sir."
"I miss her as well, but telling her would lead to one of two outcomes," Coulson said, "either she believes us, tries to kill him and understands that she can't just yet or she doesn't believe us, tries to break her best friend out and we make an enemy of someone who could kill all of us with a toothpick."
"She'd believe us, there's no question about that," Skye said, ignoring Coulson's over-exaggeration, "we're her family,"
"A family she doesn't remember ever having," Coulson reminded Skye, "she doesn't know us nearly as well as she thinks she knows Ward, that makes the consequences dangerous and in Nina's case deadly. I'm not taking that risk."
"Nina isn't a computer. She has more possible outcomes than success or failure."
"I know but... I don't want to fail her again, I can't fail her again. We're taking this slow Skye, we need to," Coulson told the hacker, who nodded and sighed.
"Understood," she said, turning on her heel to head to the basement, "I'll talk to Ward, see if he has any intel on his brother. But sir, I really hope you know what you're doing."
Coulson nodded, waiting for Skye to leave the room before bracing his palms against the table and lowering his shoulders in exhaustion and despair.
"So do I."
*
The thud of leather boots against wooden steps echoed through the silent basement as Nina moved down them. She emerged from the shadows, throat constricting as she lost the ability to comfortably breathe.
He wasn't facing her by the time she'd come to level ground and that'd pissed her off more than she could imagine. She glared at the back of his head, his hair was a little longer and still styled in the same way but simply glaring at him wasn't enough for her.
"Turn around!" she hissed and she watched as his shoulders tensed. She watched as he rose his head slightly and his hands clenched into fists before relaxing. She watched as he turned around slowly, and the relief that filled his face when his eyes landed on her body.
"Nina," he whispered barely audible and the anger in Nina's body grew at the fact that he looked and sounded happy to see her.
She took in his grey jumpsuit and thick beard, she noticed the faint scars on his forehead and hoped somebody had hit him as hard as she planned to. Nina hated it, the smile on his face as he locked eyes with her and the happiness her presence provided him with.
"I thought... I thought-"
"That you killed me?" Nina spat as she gestured to the white bandage on her neck. It was exposed now, due to Nina ditching her jacket on the steps for easier access to her knives, "you should know that I don't die so easily."
"I never wanted to-"
"Shut up!" Nina immediately cut him off, "you fucking asshole! You coward, you-you..."
Nina trailed off as she felt something wet fall onto her cheeks. She gulped as she raised her head slightly, she wasn't surprised she was crying because she felt so overwhelmed and so confused. She couldn't understand how this could be possible.
The last thing Nina remembered about Ward was him paying her a visit after she'd gotten hurt and ended up with a collapsed lung, they'd promised to go for dinner when they could and he left after 3 hours. She couldn't comprehend how they'd gone from that to Ward trying to kill within the single year she was missing.
"You did this?" Nina asked, despite knowing the answer as she pointed to the bandage. Ward looked at her before gulping and nodded.
"Yes."
"Did I deserve it?" she asked, her voice a little hoarse as the metallic taste of blood filled her mouth. She'd been talking too much and she was about to feel the adverse consequences of it, "my own knife in my neck! Did I deserve it?"
"No," the prisoner answered honestly.
"Did you?" Nina immediately rebutted and Ward inhaled sharply.
"You don't remember?" Ward asked and Nina's glare intensified.
"Amnesia kinda does that to you," was her response and Ward's eyes widened at the disclosure of her condition, "I'm sure I have you to thank for that as well, now answer the question."
"...yes. I deserved a lot worse," he answered lowering his head slightly but keeping it raised enough to still see Nina, "I still deserve a lot worse."
"Why?" Nina asked stepping closer to him and the system controlling the forcefield keeping Ward in his cell, "what did you do that was so bad to warrant us fighting? We promised to never hurt each other when we were cadets, I would never break that promise without a valid reason."
"You'll hate me," Ward stated with a shake of his head.
"Why does it feel like I'm supposed to?"
Nina reached up and wiped the tears from her eyes. Ignoring the new ones that immediately took their place.
"...I killed him," Ward said after a moment because last time she'd asked him to lie to her but now it was clear she wanted the truth.
"You've killed a lot of people, Ward, so have I," Nina said not noticing the importance of Ward's admission but she soon would, "be more specific."
"I'm sorry..." he whispered, completely breaking their eye contact as he took a deep breath. Almost preparing himself for the reaction of his next words, "Tobias. I killed Tobias."
Nina stood there unmoving for a moment. Her heart rate speeding up as his words registered in her brain. She looked at him, staring into his brown eyes searching for the indication that he'd lied. Hoping and praying that he'd developed a sick sense of humour in the year she was forgetting but the guilt in the face of the man she thought was her best friend told her otherwise.
Ward had killed Tobias...
...and Nina was going to kill him.
Before Ward could even blink, a knife found itself embedded into the console controlling his cell. The forcefield, fizzled away as Nina pulled the knives from her arms and threw them, pinning Ward to the wall before he had the chance to move.
She stalked towards him as she removed the knife strapped to her torso and threw it. It sliced through his thigh, cutting through the grey jumpsuit and his flesh as blood poured out of his leg and a pained scream left his lips.
"Nina-" he tried with an agonised tone but Nina's expression only darkened at his use of her name.
Nina didn't have a gun on her and she only had one more knife left, which she pulled from her boot. She aimed for a fatal spot on Ward, deciding to go directly for his heart. As she twisted the hilt between her fingers preparing to throw it, she glared at Ward, somehow managing to grow even angrier.
"Rot in hell, you bastard."
Lord only knows if Nina would've gone through with the murder because before the weapon could leave her hand, the familiar sound of a gunshot echoed through the room.
Nina's body hit the ground a second later and Ward looked down at the woman in surprise before focusing on Skye, who stood on the top of the steps with an ICER in her grip. She glared at him, training the weapon on the prisoner as she stalked down the steps and rebooted the forcefield. Locking, a bleeding and pinned, Ward in.
The moment Skye was secure with the situation, she turned away from Ward and looked down at Nina. She slowly pulled the remaining knife out of her grip and brought out her phone, dialling for Coulson who answered immediately.
"Sir, we've got a situation."