Chapter 14
Blissful heart
Mary’s POV
My room feels empty, but it’s not a sad emptiness. I’m so used to seeing Kate’s stuff that it feels weird to not have them here anymore. I used to stare at them for hours, longing to have Kate here with me. I needed it to feel connected to her, but I just need to cross the village to see her now. My wish did come true, but it took the Spirits long enough to bring her back to me.
I’m so happy that she’s home. It’s surreal and I’m scared that she will be taken from me somehow. I can’t go through that again. I can’t even spy on her since she has that brick wall surrounding her. Adam will be good for her so I don’t see him as a threat. It amazes me that she was scared that I would be against her moving in with her mate. I wish her all happiness in life. This way she can settle down and create a family of her own.
Nothing will ever be the same again for all of us. We can’t go back to where we once were; we must start over completely and make new memories. The connection I want with Kate doesn’t exist. It was all just an imagination that I hoped for all these years. I don’t know why I thought the feeling would be true. We were really close once, but I realize that I don’t know my triple sister at all anymore.
What am I supposed to do with the new space? Is there even a point to do anything when I’m dying? Will it always be here to haunt us by the fact that we can’t be together?
It’s not hard to admit the truth to myself. I felt my illness for a while now. I welcomed it with open arms since there wasn’t anything worth living for. But Kate came home and my feelings changed. I want to live now and make up for all the years we lost. I will end up dying with more years apart from her than I actually had with her.
Nothing is fair. What are the Wolf Spirits doing about this? I hate that I’m not allowed to criticize them. They didn’t make my life any easier so I don’t see the point to worship them. Stupid Wolf Spirits.
The anger is burning in my chest. Sometimes I wish I could cry instead just to feel something else than the dark feelings that are taking over my whole mind. It really helps to work in the gardens, but I can’t spend every living moment in them. It’s not just a depression. A black hand has caught me and I can’t get out of the grip. It’s scaring me to death but it whispers so sweetly in my ear that I can’t resist the tempting words. It feeds my anger and hate.
Then I just need to take a look at Kate and the clouding feeling disappears. She’s the light in the dark and it’s sparkling from way inside of her. I don’t know what it is, but it is something about her that is changed since I last saw her.
Kate herself is broken. She is not really with us and she looks right through things like she lives in another realm. I make no sense out of it. She didn’t get any Ninjan training but she is still able to shut us out completely by building that emotional shield around herself. It’s more than survival instinct. Kate has become something else. I’m not sure I want to know what.
I can’t blame her for changing since I changed too. It would have been amazing to stay the same throughout life though.
Tom knocks at my door impatiently and steals my attention from deep thoughts.
“Come on, Mary!” he urges from the other side. “The helicopter is waiting!”
“I’m coming!” I answer him shakily.
I am scared of leaving the Ninjan Pack again. Last time was when I was almost killed, but what are the odds of that happening twice? I am not a defenceless kid anymore. I am a most deadly wolf and I like to get challenged. I don’t have much experience of the world outside our territory and that makes me weak. I don’t like feeling weak and it has nothing to do with my troubling heart.
I am scared of seeing the heart specialist who might even give me the time left that I have to live. I am scared of missing the most beautiful things in life like finding my mate and happiness with him. I am afraid of leaving my family broken behind me the day I die. Why did I survive the attack just to die a few years later? It is not fair.
I am scared for Kate who has to face her worst nightmare today at the trial just because I asked her to come. John Moore had her living in terror for so many years and I just had to ask her to see him another time when she spent fourteen years too much with him. I feel cruel, but I want Kate to show everyone what he did to her. I want to show everyone how he split us up and what difference it made in us who were supposed to be identical.
I leave my room and join my waiting family in the garden. Princess, Mother, Father, Kate and Tom are the ones that will come. Vincent and Adam are staying here against their will because Princess and Kate told them to. I fail to understand why you would want your mate to not tag along.
The sun is shining on Kate and she looks beautiful with a natural sun-kissed skin tone and her black hair pinned up in braids against her will. She is wearing a black Ninjan uniform too and I can see how uncomfortable she feels in it. She looks miserable and glares nervously at the forest like she’s listening to the trees speaking.
I grab her hand and she presses mine back weakly. It pins my heart because I don’t understand how a wolf of all creatures can become so weak.
“I don’t like the helicopter,” she whispers terrified and I look at the big thing that I only flied once when I was unconscious.
“Let us be scared together then,” I add comforting and I can see a hint of a smile in the sad face of hers. It is soon clouded over by panic and I promise myself to do anything to make her feel better.
We walk slowly towards the helicopter and I can’t suppress the happiness I feel bubbling inside of me. I am holding my sister, the sister I thought I’d never see again. Everything is going to be okay. John will get his punishment and I can die happy now that I know Kate is safe. The hardest thing in waiting was not knowing. We don’t have to wonder anymore.
It’s a bit puzzling to feel happy and sad at once, but that’s how I feel. I help Kate into the helicopter and make sure she is tied to the seat correctly. Princess takes the place next to her and she brings Kate’s head down to lean on her shoulder.
“Just close your eyes and think of the Spirits,” Princess says softly. “Can you do that for me?”
Kate nods and shuts her eyes. I stare at them with jealousy. I wish I had that comforting aura around myself that my older sister has. Everyone likes her so easily and I don’t want Kate to like her more than me. It’s not fair of me to think like this. Not about Princess who loves us all equally. Is she blaming me for putting guilt on Kate just so she would come with us? What if they all are upset with me and find me weak?
I’m starting to cold-sweat in my seat and it has nothing to do with the fact that the helicopter is rising into the sky. I feel so guilty for being the one who survived and got to grow up in The Willow. It should have been Kate. She didn’t deserve to be punished by anyone.
It’s my fault that she was kidnapped. I lured her deeper into the forest that day because I didn’t share the berries I found. I even dragged her deeper because I really wanted to eat more berries. It was so selfish of me. I made it look like I was thinking about her when all I thought about was my own crave. I should have shared the berries with her from the first bush.
I blame the spirits because they didn’t warn me. I put the hate on them because I hate myself that much. I can’t allow any happiness in my life because of what I did. I don’t deserve the support of the Wolf Spirits. I don’t deserve to be loved by anyone. I hope she will be able to forgive me one day. All I want is to be with her and see her happy. I want to give her all happiness I took from her and denied myself.
Kate is fighting against a panic attack in the seat and Princess is gently playing with her black braids to calm her down.
“Tell us about the sea,” Princess begs her. “I have seen it but never touched it.”
Kate is quiet for a few minutes but she relaxes slowly at the thought of it. I am anxiously waiting for her answer. Kate didn’t tell us much of what happened on the Island or her feelings. She shuts herself off and it makes everyone nervous. Even Adam has a hard time to reach her and he’s her mate.
“It’s soft,” Kate starts whispering. “It’s warm and loving. Paradise lies under the surface with corals and fishes. But nothing was as good as the water itself. It has a soothing effect and makes you feel at home. It’s strong and the energy of it surges through your body as the stream makes waves that crash against the shores. You can forget about everything while you’re in it.”
She opens her eyes and I feel stunned at the peace in them. It’s such a change from the panic in them earlier and I hug her hand tighter. The rest of the journey feels better and I’m glad when we finally get to leave the helicopter.
I forgot how different the world outside my pack is. The noise here is so unfamiliar and it takes a few minutes to get used to not knowing what everything is. I immediately start looking for any sign of danger. I will never let my guard down on unknown ground again.
We get into the black WSF van that is going to drive us to court. I take Kate’s hand again and she welcomes the comfort. I am glad to see at least one familiar face when I notice that Gretel is the one driving.
“Good day, did you all have a nice journey?” she asks while she starts up the van.
“Yes indeed we did,” Princess says respectfully to the other Alpha. “How is your family doing?”
“We are all doing good, thank you,” she answers equally as respectful. “We will arrive at the court an hour before the trial. The judge asked especially to meet you, Kate,” she continues on and my sister just nods knowingly.
It takes thirty minutes for Gretel to drive us to the huge building where most trials are being held. I spent the time exploring the city we drove through. The more I see of it the more I wish I didn’t leave my village. I don’t understand how everyone can live packed inside a town so far from nature. Shifted wolves are walking down the streets naturally and they look happy, content with their lives. I shouldn’t question their way of living. They might find me weird too.
I part from Kate involuntarily when Gretel and Princess escort her to the judge. They disappear down the hall and I take a good look around me. The entrance is filled with people who are eagerly waiting to see the man who ruined a whole family get his punishment. I only recognize a few other people and Father shakes hands with many of them. Mother glares around her arrogantly and no one dares to go near her. Sometimes I laugh at how different my parents are; the outgoing husband and the reserved wife.
I can see why everyone avoids Mother, but I have never felt intimidated by her. It’s so hard to even treat her respectfully even though I do respect her as my Mother. I did respect her fully as my teacher, but that is the only time I acted perfectly towards her. I’m sure she felt sad everyday Tom and I didn’t riot against her in class. I think she likes our wildness.
Most of the younger girls seem to check out my brother. The air is reeking of their interest in him and I grab Tom’s arm in a try to scare them away. No one’s touching him unless it’s Leanne. My best friend deserves better than to have crazy girls hanging over her mate.
“Are you okay, Mary?” Tom asks me and I sigh.
“I am going to see the man who almost killed me,” I start. “How would you feel?”
He pats my hair, knowing I hate it. I can feel the jealous stares by the females so I don’t tell him to stop.
“I wonder what the judge is talking with Kate about,” he adds thoughtfully and Mother ruffles his hair to help me revenge. “Mother,” he growls annoyed at her smirking face.
“Our little boy grew up to attract young ladies,” she says teasingly. “Isn’t that cute, Mitch?”
“Oh yes,” Father says surprised as both he and Tom realize the attention from the crowds. My poor brother looks terrified. He moves closer to me and a chuckle escapes my mouth.
“The judge needed to see Kate just to determine how bad John injured her physically,” Mother continues in her usual formal tone. “It’s routine procedure. You wold have known that if you didn’t copy Mary’s homework.”
“I didn’t copy her homework!” Tom denies with a blush.
“Keep lying to yourself, son,” Father says humoured. “Your Mother knew exactly when you cheated so you should feel happy that she didn’t say anything.”
“Really?” he says disappointedly.
“I didn’t want to ruin the pleasure for you,” Mother tells him. “You were so proud when you thought no one noticed what you were up to.”
My brother growls annoyed and I spend the rest of the waiting by glaring down all the girls who still are checking my brother out. He really needs to make a move on Leanne soon! I am impatiently waiting for Kate to return and I almost scream out in relief when she shows up half an hour later.
She walks slowly through the hall and zigzag around the crowds who doesn’t even notice her. She looks exhausted and absent. She makes herself invisible instead of getting attention. She’s mumbling something to herself and as she gets closer I can hear that she is chanting. I wave frantically at her and she waves back at me without lifting her gaze from the ground. I reach out my hand to her and she grabs it with ice cold fingers.
“Are you alright, Kate?” Tom asks her worriedly because of her blue mood.
“How would you feel if you had to meet your kidnapper again?” she asks him with a hint of humour in her tone. “I am happy though, happy to have my whole family with me today.”
The big doors to the court room opens up and we all link arms and make our way into the big hall. Fifteen rows of wood benches are put on both sides of the aisle so it creates a V. We walk all the way up to the front bench and Kate almost fall down onto it. She closes her eyes and I start to wonder if she is alright. I move hastily to catch her and sting of pain goes through my heart at the movement. Kate gasps and looks up at me worriedly.
“Careful Mary,” she says concerned.
“It’s nothing,” I tell her, surprised that she knew when my heart messed up.
“It is not nothing,” she tells me sternly. “It’s a real dysfunction, not some pathetic physical eating disorder like I have.”
“Kate, please,” Mother says disappointed. “Don’t compare yourself with Mary. Let her enjoy the energy while she still has it.”
We shake ourselves out of this conversation and focus on why we are here instead. The hall is slowly filled to the brim and I shiver with hands just as cold as Kate’s when the large doors closes behind us. The podium in front of us is being filled by the Judges and I finally get to see how a real trial is being held instead of hearing about them and executing the punishment from their decision.
The hearing booth is in the middle of the room and the room turns deadly quiet as everyone is waiting for John Moore to be brought in. The master Judge is an older woman with braided white hair and rock hard gaze. She can easily compete with my Mother’s harsh look.
“This is the trial for the Ray Twin’s case,” the Judge says with a loud and clear voice. “Kate Ray was kidnapped and Mary Ray was almost assaulted to death by a man known as John Moore. Let the trial begin! I call Alpha Eon of the Rosalea Pack into hearing.”
A beautiful woman is being lead from the back room into the booth in front of us and her Alpha aura is shining brightly with kindness. Kate snorts next to me which tells me that she doesn’t like this woman. I trust her judgement and decide to not like her either.
“Alpha Eon,” the Judge proceeds “You welcomed John Moore back to your pack fourteen years ago. With him he had a five year old girl that he claimed was his daughter. You didn’t question her loss of identification papers and accepted John Moore’s explanations and therefore broke the law. You helped John Moore to keep Kate Ray kidnapped. During the years Kate Ray worked for free and you earned a lot of money through her. Do you have any objections against the judges’ conclusion?”
“No, Judge, I do not,” the Alpha answers respectfully but quietly. She looks heartbroken as she turns around towards the crowd so we can see her face. Tears are streaming down her face as she locks eyes with Kate.
“Alpha Eon, you may step off the hearing booth and await your conviction. I call John Moore into hearing.”
She steps off the booth and is lead to a chair at the side of the room. The back door opens again and this time the hearer is surrounded by WSF guards. John Moore steps bravely up into the hearing booth. His brown hair falls down into his eyes and he smiles kindly against the audience. He has almost a serene attitude that makes it easy to doubt if he really is able to do any harm. He stands with his back against the judges with no interest to look at them.
Kate freezes next to me and I can feel the turmoil of her feelings. Her eyes are filled with hate and her lips disappear into a thin line as she’s fighting against the anger inside herself. I grab her hand harder and it’s hard to grip that the man who almost killed me is standing just a few metres away.
“John Moore,” the Judge calls out loudly. “You are being sentenced for assaulting Mary Ray, a five year old, severely that almost cost her life. You are also sentenced for kidnapping Kate Ray and keeping her isolated on an Island with a forced identity through brainwash that damaged her whole spirit into physical sickness. This lasted for fourteen years. Do you have any objection against the judges’ conclusion?”
John smiles at us and I shiver at his gentle stare. He almost looks happy for being here. He treats the judge with silence and the judges see it as he has nothing to add after a few minutes. What is there for him to say anyway? He knows he is guilty and there is nothing he can do to prove himself innocent at this point. The real interrogation has already been held. I just don’t see how everything will be better by ending his life. He already ruined everything.
“You have all heard the crimes of John Moore and Alpha Eon of the Rosalea Pack. John Moore is a Class A criminal while Alpha Eon’s crime isn’t as severe. Therefore we have decided that John Moore is to be executed by Alpha Eon’s hand tomorrow at noon on Ninjan Pack grounds. Alpha Eon is also to pay back all the money Kate earned on Rosalea. Court dismissed. This trial is over.”
The judges leave the room first while a young girl on the second row on the other side of the aisle starts sobbing and runs up to the hearing booth where John Moore is standing. She is stopped halfway and franticly reaches her hands out for him.
“No, Daddy! No!” she screams loudly. “Please Daddy!” she begs heartbreakingly and John only smiles back sadly at her.
The WSF guards bring out John and the girl falls to the floor sobbing. Kate gets up from her seat quickly and walks up to the girl and her Mother who tries to calm her down.
“Freya,” the woman says with tears in her eyes. “I guess it is Kate,” she correct herself. “I’m so sorry. Why didn’t you tell me?”
She slams her arms around Kate and I realize that this is the woman who acted as a mother figure for her on Rosalea.
“Would you have believed me?” Kate retorts. ”Everyone preferred to believe him.”
“I’m so sorry. Please forgive me, I’m really sorry.”
The woman wipes her tears and look with big eyes as my whole family walks up to them. Kate takes Mother and Father’s hands and smile faintly at the woman.
“This is my parents,” she introduces them. “Mother, Father, this is Susan and her children Kara and Sonny.
First now I notice the boy who is standing behind his mother. He is not hysteric like his sister but he is close to tears still. Who in their right mind brings children to court?
Mother looks at Susan with the most arrogant look I ever seen. She drags Kate closer to herself and nods unwillingly to the other woman.
“I love my children more than life itself,” my mother tells her sternly. “So there is no way that I’ll be able to tell you that I find pleasure in seeing the woman who looked after my daughter instead of me.”
Susan looks down broken. Her world has been smashed into pieces already and Mother makes it worse for her. Mother brings Kate with her to enter the room and the whole atmosphere is saved by Princess who chuckles lightly.
“Our Mother doesn’t like anyone, dear Susan,” she says friendly. “Thank you for keeping Kate safe during the years. I can’t imagine how her life would have looked like if John didn’t marry you. I am thankful for that and sorry for your loss. He did some horrible things, but he is not thoroughly evil. We must be going now; Mary has a doctor’s appointment to attend to.”
We leave the building and start another journey towards the hospital this time. The whole trial was quick and I can’t help but feel sorry for Susan who will be alone with two children from now on. It wasn’t scary to see John. Princess is right, he’s not evil but he deserves the punishment that is coming his way. I think of the little girl and wonder if she ever will be able to recover her loss. I know how it feels to lose someone. Even the best person can lose their sanity and do something terribly wrong.
Everyone is anxious for me. I am just too tired to care. The trial stole all energy from me. I wish to just get the whole appointment over with.
Sadly the visit to the hospital took the rest of the day. The doctors ran many tests on me and x-rayed my heart. They pricked me with needles and it was horrible. They sent us home at ten in the evening and it was midnight when we finally made it back to our Pack. Adam and Vincent waited for their mates and I watched them with jealousy as they made their way home.
I’m lying on my bed and never want to get out of it again. Thankfully my doctor promised to fly over here with the test results when they are finished. That’s the plus side of having a private doctor and famous relatives. I will only be famous for being the girl who almost got killed and then later died from a weak heart
I wonder how Kate felt after her examinations after WSF found her on the open sea. None of us were there for her. Poor Kate. She had to endure most things on her own. That’s why she’s so independent. And here I am sulking because I’ll never be able to have a normal life when I always did everything to not have one. Hiding in my room isn’t living. Escaping into the gardens isn’t living. Playing the good student just to stay away from attention is not living either. What do I want to do with my life?
“I want to find my mate,” I whisper out loudly to the room. “I don’t care that we only will get a short life together. I want him so badly. I don’t want to be alone.”
Then suddenly a light appears in front of my tear stained eyes and a soft hand grabs mine. I gasp at the tingling pleasure that hits me at the touch and my whole blood starts boiling. I finally make out the contours of the white haired boy in front of me. I get lost in his eyes and his smile makes me weak.
“The Wolf Spirits have heard you,” he says with the most amazing voice I ever listened to. “Kate wasn’t alone, I was there with her. I am Jupiter, but I am also your mate. You asked for me and here I am my lovely Mary.”
It’s surreal and my heart pains at the shock. There is a Wolf Spirit in my room! He is somehow my mate. What on Earth? I don’t even like the Spirits!
He leans down to kiss my cheek and I can’t fight against the warm feelings he wakes up inside of me. I knock him in the face before I register what I’m doing.
“What the hell are you doing in my room?” I yell angrily at the Spirit while a wave of guilt hits me for hitting my mate. I push it away and glare at him furiously while he sadly holds his swollen cheek.
“You addressed the Spirits,” he says weakly and I can see down his soul that he never could hurt a fly.
“I so did not,” I deny. “I was talking to no one.”
“The Wolf Spirits always listen,” he says and I glare at him and point at the door and then the window and the roof.
“Leave,” I commend him and the better side of me takes over. “Spirits doesn’t have solid bodies. Did I hurt you?” Confusion spins inside my head and my heart pins me harder and I gasp at the pain.
“I am not like the other Spirits,” he says and removes his hand from his cheek. It is already turning purple. “I promise not to kiss you again without permission if it makes you so upset. You said that you don’t want to be alone. Are you sure that you want me to leave?”
His kind words chases away the blackness inside of me and opens a new area that I didn’t know existed. My wolf doesn’t want to let him go. My brain tells me to kick him out since he won’t do any resistance. I put my hand on my heart as the pain gets unbearable and more painful than ever before. I lose my breath and the Spirit slowly leans towards me and puts his hand over my heart close my breast. The pain disappears within a few seconds.
I close my eyes as a calming feeling comes over me. Is he tricking with my mind? He must be and I am going to make him pay for it next time I see him. I fall peacefully into slumber and snuggle closer to his chest against my will. I curse my weak heart and the whole damn situation. I just can’t be angry when my blood sings blissfully at his touch.