They don't know about us - One Direction
Jungkook
I was excited to go to a foreign country for my studies but I was sure I'd miss home the moment I walked out of the house. As I enter the mansion we have for home, I startled my grandmother with a back hug.
"Kookie, can you not reduce my age any further? Do you want me to die from a heart attack?" She chuckled weakly and I kissed her cheek. She gets new wrinkles on her face every day and I am worried for her, really worried. I want her to outlive me.
"You are not dying. Not now, not ever. This is my order!" I exclaimed, warning my grandmother with a pointed finger who just laughed. I was an apple of her eyes, the only son of Jeon Jahyun and Jeon Machi.
This was a rich family of Busan which owned chains of 7-star international hotels.
"Gguk, are you there?" I heard my mother call me and I ran along not before I blew a flying kiss to my Granny.
"I am home, mother," I chimed, but my smile shrank in confusion when I couldn't see Eomma in her room. "Where are you?" I unsurely asked and watched the pile of clothes on the bed move.
"Help me. Get these off of me," She yelped and I barked a high-pitched laugh for a good minute while Eomma just laid there like a moribund fish.
"I am sorry. What are you doing under these clothes?" As I began to clear the clutter and dig her out, she laughed.
"I went shopping. You leave tomorrow and I want you to have a new wardrobe. It gets cold in Germany and I don't want you to fall sick. I have also bought a few summer clothes but you can take them when you visit us during your semester break." She grinned and I just stared at her.
"Eomma, Germany is similar to Korea in terms of weather. I don't want to carry all these clothes. I can buy everything locally."
"You don't have a say in this. Sure, you might be thinking you are now a grown-up and that you are attending university, but let me clear this up real quick. You will always be my baby and you don't tell me how to take care of my own child."
I dug my hands inside my black tight trousers and exhaled.
"I worry Kookie, I don't know how will you survive there... If you will like the food? What if you become homesick?"
"Eomma, Eomma, Eomma," I stopped my rambling mother by positioning my hands on her shoulders. "I know you are worried but all of you have seen my university. You know the dorm is good and big enough. You also know there are many foreign exchange students and food won't be an issue. Besides, I will learn to cook in the dormitory." I assured her but she wasn't convinced.
"You have to be the first kid who has all luxury readily available to him but you would not take it. We still have time, let us arrange an apartment and we will take care of the housemaids. You just focus on your studies and coming back home in six years." She pouted and I pouted even more.
"I said I will handle it. Why can't you trust my capability? I can do it, Eomma."
She sighed as she knew there was no changing my mind. "Alright, but you are taking these with you," she pointed at the heap of brand-new windbreakers, sweatshirts, jackets, and whatnot. "And... Your father will talk to you after dinner." She said slowly and I sat down on the edge of the bed.
She sat beside me. "He is probably going to have a man-to-man talk. Just... Don't think too much about it, honey. You know he means well and he loves you. Don't you?" She caressed my head and I looked at her with wide eyes.
"But I am seventeen! I am not a man yet." I jested and she laughed.
Soon after, I went to my room to finish up my packing and I felt a little anxious about the move. Okay, why am I lying? I felt a hell lot of anxiety writhing me. I never left my comfort zone before and I always had four elders in the house to cradle me into a cocoon of safety.
I never had a scarcity of anything. Be it money, materialistic things, or love. "But what could change in six years?" I asked myself. "Time would fly by and I would be back home before I know it."
I began to pack, and the last thing I picked was a photo album. Browsing through it with an absent smile on my lips, I felt nostalgic. There was one picture in which I was sitting with a hot dog wearing a red hoodie with washed blue denim pants while my parents and grandparents sat beside me. It was taken on a picnic that I did not remember, but I always felt warmth whenever I looked at this picture.
I pulled it out of the album and kept it in the middle of my journal. My door was knocked and I looked at a maid. "Sir, the dinner is ready," she informed me and I quickly hid my journal under the pillow before I walked out.
Appa was waiting for me at the dining table. I greeted him, not having seen Appa for long three days.
"Good evening, son." He replied and then I got tense when I saw his friend whose daughter I was supposed to marry enter the dining room. I was the only one when Suni was born, the daughter. My father was friends with Uncle Min from the days his school. Though the conversation didn't really come up since we became teenagers, everyone joked about it at home from time to time.
"Hello, uncle, how was your travel?" I asked.
"Good evening, Jungkook. It went well. Have you prepared yourself? How are you holding up?" Uncle Min asked with a bright and proud smile.
"You all might not believe it, but I am actually doing really well. I am confident." I nodded my head cockily, looking at each one of them. They all laughed.
**
After finishing dinner, Appa walked me out into the garden and we both sat on the swing. "I wanted to say a few things," Appa spoke slowly as we kept looking at the big illuminated mansion in our sight. "A man has to make many sacrifices for the family. He has to make decisions not for him but for his lineage." He stated while he let the swing rock us back and forth slowly.
"I sacrificed so much to build this house and to have this family. Sure, your grandfather has always been privileged, but he didn't hand me his wealth for my taking. Now, I want you to think about it too as you are growing up..." He continued with hesitation and I just looked at him.
He stopped the swing with the help of his legs and cocked his neck to the side to see me. "I don't want to be a bad father but it took me years to bind this family together. If I had chosen a girl other than your mother, I cannot imagine how my life would have turned out. She is the one who influences everyone in the house. She was the right girl for me and she is the reason why we are all together and stand strong after decades."
I knew where the conversation was going. I thought momentarily and nodded. I understood what Appa meant, but then he surprised me with his words. "Do not go looking for the girls who would not understand our culture. Marriage is not just between two people, it is between two families. To this day, our family or Jeon's name has never become a cause of universal laughter in any kind of disrepute. I intend to keep it that way."
I gulped, not because he asked me to choose wisely, but because he gave me the liberty to choose that I never thought I had, considering how close he and Uncle Min were.
He looked at my perhaps terrified face. I hadn't spoken a word so he slung his arm around my shoulder. "Let's look at the bright side. You are of legal age in Germany to buy your own drink."
As my eyes widened, he chuckled and patted the same shoulder he was holding. I rested my head on his arm, closing my eyes and relishing the feeling of this moment. He cared about my happiness, I knew now. I was sure he would love me the same whenever I would come out of the closet.
The next day, I bid adieu to them at the airport. I didn't know why I thought Granny would cry the most but it was no surprise that she turned out to be a cheerleader. The woman wouldn't cry or let anyone cry. Before filing for check-in, I stole a last glance at Appa and caught him wiping tears while hugging Eomma. My forbearance cracked and I let my tears fall by just standing there as everything else moved.
Only the mindset to look at any problem could solve half of it. Instead of minding the anxiety, hard work, incessant homesickness, or perhaps culture shocks that I was going to witness, I reminded myself of the six years I was going to live on my own terms, become my own person, find my purpose, and most importantly... Find the real me.
After flying for the whole day, I was welcomed by the German sun greeting me lustrously.
Like any other place, the yearly curriculum at the university was divided into two parts.
The summer semester started at the beginning of April and ended around the middle of August followed by a semester break.
Then the winter semester started at the beginning of October and lasted until the middle of February, which meant, I would be able to celebrate all my birthdays with family during the break.
I entered through the university gate after showing my admission form to security. Widespread green and freshly mowed grass were sprawled on the lawn as far as my eyes could see. There were many students like me with luggage who had arrived a day before the start of the semester. Then there were others, basking in the sunlight as they formed small and not-so-perfect circles on the ground.
The building was situated at the center and all around it was either grass, laminated playgrounds, parking space, or a big fountain. This looked to me like a good spot for clicking pictures.
I decided to take a tour later and just get into the dorm as quickly as possible. Although the dorm was already assigned, I had to go collect the passcodes from the registration office.
I was propelling the big trunks over the three little stairs when I heard someone's playful voice. If I didn't pick the Busan dialect, I wouldn't have turned my head around to look.
첫해에 해부학을 잊어 버린 것처럼 인생의 나쁜 기억을 잊어 버리십시오 ["Forget bad memories of your life like you forgot anatomy during the first year."]
I hadn't even started my first year and the joke made me cackle, but then this supposedly senior turned around, walking as if he glided through the air, his bubble-gum pink hair bounced meticulously with each step he took, and his endearing smile knocked the breath out of my lungs as he walked past me, out in the sunlight. I stood there, completely neurotic and ignored.
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8 Jan, 2022