The cornucopia is long behind us as we reach the mouth of the river. The sun is high in the sky now and I watch with a chuckle as Beck drops his knives into the sand and carelessly tosses his body into the freshwater river. Viva and Elsie had watched animals drink from the river earlier in the day, we could trust that it wants going to kill us.
I hadn't caught a glimpse of Viva or Tiberius since the cornucopia, no cannons had gone off so I could only assume they were alive. Thorn and I began to fill up the water canisters and Beck and Elsie splashed around in the water. The river was surprisingly clear, much like the ocean, it was so clear I could see my feet touching the bottom as I waded into the trickling water. Holding my trident out of the chance arose to spear a fish.
I managed to get two medium-sized trout, flopping them down on a rock and later deciding to deal with them. Beck and Thorn were seated in the sand, filing through the contents of the four backpacks we had gathered. Inside mine was a sleeping bag, a water canister, a packet of dried fruit, a small torch, a packet of matches and a bottle of iodine. Inside Becks were another sleeping mattress, a packet of beef strips, a small coil of rope, a water canister, a Swiss Army knife and a box of painkillers. Becks held a third sleeping mattress, a water canister, a small loaf of bread, a roll-up tarp, a spool of fishing line and a fish hook. Elsie's held a sleeping mattress, a water canister, another coil of rope, some dried fruit, wire and a spile.
All in all, we had done pretty well, the roll-up tarp was big enough to tie up to some trees as a means to create shade and shelter from bad weather. If Thorn and I got to work we could weave some vines into some mats that could cover through the ground to put our sleeping bags on. We have everything we need to collect food, purify water and defend ourselves, all in all, I was happy with our turnout.
With his knife, Beck assists me in skinning at deboning the fish. Elsie takes Thorn out gathering to find any kind of vegetation to eat. After we finish deboning the fish, we wrap them in large flat leaves to prevent us from burning them. We briefly light a fire, but only for long enough for hot coals to remain, it's hot enough in the sun and we don't want to bring any attention to ourselves. Beck places the fish wrapped in leaves on top of the coals, turning them occasionally with the flat edge of his knife.
Elsie and Thorn return, proudly presenting a strange root vegetable that Elsie had managed to find, "You only eat the big underground part, but the flower part is good for insect bites I think, they could be useful," She explains. While Elsie's not as strong in combat, she's our best ally when it comes to food sources, knowing every plant and its property. She's already made snares and has them lying around the woods ready to trap in suspecting animals, or maybe even humans.
I can tell that Beck and Thorn are trying to make the young child's time in the arena as enjoyable as possible. We all know she deserves that much, what a curse is it for her to be so young and vulnerable and then forced into an arena where she might have to kill people. Thorn quickly turned soft when it came to the younger girl, leading her out into the ocean to play while Beck and I cook the food. "She doesn't deserve to be here," Beck utters, barely audible as we pull the fish from the dying coals. The sun slowly sinks lower into the sky as we watch Thorn slash water at the younger girl who squeals with excitement, jumping onto his back.
"Nobody deserves to be here," I whisper in response, regretting it as soon as I've said it. We shouldn't be having this conversation, not with the eyes of every living Panem member watching our every move. We are people, we aren't free to speak what we believe or free to make our own decisions, every action that we have from now on can't be our own. We belong to the games, the nineteen of us that are still alive are the property of President Snow, his puppets that he can pull the strings of any time he likes.
Beck makes plates out of large flat leaves are portions the food evenly, we decide to save some of it for another meal, hunting every day isn't something we should be relying on if we're running for our lives. Even as the sun goes down it's warm enough to survive without lighting a fire, Thorn and Elsie come back to shore and sit next to us, taking their portions of food. As far as meals go, the food that Beck and I have scraped up doesn't taste too bad, the fish isn't dry and the root vegetable has a crispy skin when cooked. We cleaned our leaf plates rather quickly, leaving us wanting more food, Beck rations out some dried apple for the four of us to eat as dessert.
"We can go out and check the snares tomorrow, we'll check if we've caught anything worth our time," Thorn decides, drawing a pattern in the sand with his knife. It's probably best we go out earlier, just in case another tribute comes along our traps and takes them for themselves. With the Careers missing a large portion of their usual supplies, they'll probably lay low during the nights, the only bandage we left them with was the one that's currently wrapped around Sage's calf.
The anthem blares into the air as we turn to the sky, at the end of each day this will become a ritual, the anthem will play and then the faces of each of the fallen tributes will show. Elsie snuggles into my side as the tributes show up on the screen, I can hear the girl sniffling lightly so a wrap both my arms around her comfortingly. The boy from Three, the one that Thorn killed to say me, the girl from Five, both from Nine and the girl from Eleven, only five, only five tributes died today. Usually, the first day killed off ten tributes, how on earth were we going to survive with the slow rate that people we dying off.
As soon as the blue hologram disappeared from the night sky my stomach dropped to my feet, at least three of us will be painted in that sky. Three of us won't leave this arena and suddenly I wasn't sure who I wanted to save the most. The young girl cuddled into my side, the boy from home or the boy with the knives, my friends. My fingers brush into Elsie's hair subconsciously as the burdens of protecting my friend's mulls through my head. Everything comes back to Finnick from that point, was he ok? Had he watched me steal all the supplies, was he proud? Or had he found himself in the bed of a wealthy Capitol member, another admirer he'd leave after the night.
I didn't want to think about who he was with, I wanted it to be in his arms, I wanted it to be me shielding him from his night terrors. Instead, I sit with my toes curled in the sand, praying to wake up from this dream. This real, terrifying nightmare. "Can you do my hair like yours?" Elsie asks, my shuffling up from her cradled position on my lap. I smile at the girl and wipe the tears off of her cheeks, nodding my head.
My hands weave through her hair, as she sits in front of me, "What was your favourite thing about the Capitol?" I ask the young girl, I don't really know anything about her or Beck, or Thorn for that matter. I've only seen the surface of the people I was prepared to die for and that scared me.
"I don't know," Elsie scrunches up her face as she thinks of all the things she experienced in the Capitol, "I liked my prep team, they spoke funny," She giggled in reminiscence, "One of them had bright purple hair, like the colour of the wisteria bush in front of our school,"
"Venus, from my team, had hair that was so long it touched the floor, bubble-gum pink too," I tell her, I can almost hear Venus shrieking at me mentioning her during the games.
"They sell bubble-gum at the little store in the main street, I've never had it though, the orphanage doesn't really give us special treats," She rambles, "But I like to watch them stretch it in the window," I hear the hearts of the Capitol shatter at the mention of her childhood, to lose her parent and now to have to fight in their games, half the country is probably willing to adopt her at this point.
"You know my friend once told me that if you swallowed bubble-gum, you'd burp pink bubbles for the rest of your life," I tell her and she giggles, it's true, Finnick and I were in the schoolyard chewing on the candy when he told me the joke. He followed this up with some ridiculous burping noises that caused me to laugh so hard I swallowed my bubble-gum. No more memories like that, those days of chewing gum in the schoolyard with my best friend are gone. Finnick's as far away from me as the District Twelve candy store.
I'm brought out of my reminiscence by a giggling Elsie, "That's silly, your friend is silly," she chuckles. I laugh alongside her, finishing weaving the braids into her hair and tying them off at the end. Her hair isn't very long, only falling above her shoulders when it's left out. Not enough hair is left at the end to put in plaits so I tie them off as pigtails.
"My friend is very silly," I agree with her, an amused smile still stretched on my face. Perhaps if the Capitol believes I'm referring to Finnick they'll find this comment more bittersweet than humourous. The Capitol adores anything that Finnick does, he can do no wrong in their eyes, being his best friend might give me an advantage.
It seems my prayers are answered when a parachute floats down from the sky and lands on the ground next to us. I open up the container to find it stuffed to the top with fresh pineapple, my favourite. A small note sits on top of the fruit which brings a loud laugh to my lips.
Tell your friend I'm not silly,
Lots of love,
Finn
(Don't eat it all in one go)
"He wants you to know that he's not silly," I tell her, she giggles at the comment and snuggles back into my body.
"Who's not silly?" Beck asks as he and Thorn return from a sparring session on the shore. They clearly missed the entire conversation but are delighted to see the container of pineapple delivered to us.
"Her friend," Elsie blurts out, reaching for a price of pineapple, I smack her hand away gently, reminding her that it still needs to last for however long we are in this hell-hole.
"You mean the one that's still on the market?" Beck asks, referring to my interview. I flush bright red when I think of the comment, thank God it's dark.
"I don't know what that means," Elsie confesses innocently, the rest of us smile at the comment. She's too pure to be in here, too kind, too sensitive. In some ways, she reminds me of Addison, or at least Addison before the accident.
Thorn and I make quick work of the rest of the mats we weaved, lying them on the ground underneath the tarp for support. We put Elsie to bed almost instantly after that, using a backpack as a pillow and covering her with one of our sleeping bags. The young girl nods off almost instantly with Beck stroking her head comfortingly.
We move underneath the tarp, stacking our weapons and supplies over to the side of our makeshift home. Nine of us are ready to go to sleep yet except for Elsie, whose light snores full their air alongside the sound of the wave crashing onto the beach. I volunteer to take the first shift keeping guard, taking my trident in my hands and holding onto it just in case.
Beck rolls over and falls asleep soon after my statement but Thorn takes a lot longer, instead, he turns to face me, nails pressed into his palms as his face pales. "I killed a person today," he whispers, shuffling closer to me as we hear Beck drift off.
I want to tell him that everything's ok, but it's not. I can justify that he saved my life today and that one more dead is another closer to survival. But how can I tell him that kill a person is not something he should feel guilty about, I've seen what killing does to people. I've seen the state in which Finnick wakes up every night. If he had done what he had done back in District Four he would have been executed by now, why then is it acceptable in an arena?
I don't know how to respond, I move closer to him and he rests his head on my shoulder, "I don't deserve to make it out," he tells me, I shake my head. He saved my brother, he doesn't deserve to be here in the first place, "You can't spend the games trying to get me out of here. If you can't fight for yourself, don't do it for me," he continues, "Do is for Elsie or Beck, someone who has been manipulated by their stupid games,"
Stupid games, stupid Capitol, stupid Snow, everything is stupid. I hate the Capitol, I hate the games, I hate the entire foundation that this country is built on. I know I shouldn't blame the Capitol citizens for their ideologies, they've been raised differently from the rest of us. I know the barriers that are in place to stop us from understanding each other. I know that the Capitol citizens shouldn't be to blame for the ruthless murder of our children.
But then I see what has happened to Finnick, what is happening to Thorn and I know it's only a matter of time before the games twist their way into my mind and suck out every last strand of sanity I have.
Oh Finnick, how times have changed since the days of chewing gum in the school ground. I'd give anything to go back to those times, to the baby-faced seven-year-old boy and the pigtail wearing, skirt twirling girl. To the time where we saw what the world could be, not what Snow has made it become.
To a world where my biggest problem was whether my painting had dried properly before my next art class. To a world where nightmares were filled with monsters in our closets and not the people, we've killed. To a world where I could dance with the townsfolk to the music of the fiddler on the docks, a world far away from ridiculous Capitol fashion and potions that turn your stomach to a bottomless pit.
I'd give anything to feel District Four's sea breeze waft into my face. To smell the off-cut frangipanis that Mrs Driscoll reserved just for me. The feel the feeling of fright when Finnick would creep up behind me as I worked.
I'd give anything to go home.
Home to Finnick.