I was woken up by the sunshine hitting my face. When I opened my eyes, I first thought I was in my own hotel room, but as soon as I heard Sophia's soft breathing next to me, the memory of the previous night came back.
I had the urge to sleep again, to envelop myself once more in the world of dreams where there were no worries.
Back when I had lived in Italy, I had always been very tired and had often slept even when I hadn't done anything strenuous, my therapist in England had later explained to me that this urge was like a protective shield of my body because I had always been panic-stricken when awake and could only switch off when asleep.
Because I didn't want to slip into this behaviour again, I propped myself up in bed with my elbows and looked around the room.
There were many piles of clothes on the floor that I hadn't even noticed last night.
Sophia was sound asleep, probably an after-effect of the alcohol. I didn't want to wake her, so I carefully pulled back the duvet and clambered from the bed to the door.
My shoes were in front of it and I put them on, Sophia had given me a pair of leggings and a shirt of hers yesterday, which I was still wearing now, leaving my own clothes in her room.
It was bright in the hallway, the sun was shining through the window at the end of the corridor and I had to blink to get used to it. I dimly remembered that Sophia had said Vic had my things yesterday, so I walked towards the lift and pressed the button that would call it.
As I did so, I fervently hoped that I wouldn't run into Damiano.
The lift arrived and fortunately it was empty. My shoes squeaked as I entered and I pressed the button for the floor above me. Only a few seconds later I found myself in front of Victoria's door, without thinking about how much she had heard about the fight last night, I knocked on the door.
I heard her voice, "Yes, my God, what do you want now?" she called annoyed and I narrowed my eyes.
Vic swung the door open and her eyes got big, "O, I thought you were someone else," she smiled sheepishly.
"That's alright. I'm actually just here to get my stuff, Sophia said you had it," I said in quick Italian and Vic nodded, "Yeah sure, do you want to come in for a minute?"
"I'd rather not, I have to go to my room first," I said only because I was afraid of what she would talk to me about."Okay, wait a minute," she said and I nodded, she disappeared into the room and I couldn't see her anymore.
A few seconds later Vic came back with my jacket in her hand, "Your things should still be in the pockets," she said with a smile and handed me the jacket.
At that moment I heard a door open behind us. Vic made a face and when I turned around, my eyes fell on none other than Damiano himself.
"Eh," Vic said uncomfortably, and I reached for the jacket, "Thanks Vic," I mumbled in a scratchy voice and cleared my throat.
Damiano's gaze stung my back, "Cora-," he began, but I interrupted him by quickly saying to Vic, "I have to go down now, see you later," then I rushed past her and Damiano.
His hand reached out as if to grab me, but at the last moment he seemed to change his mind.
Although I tried not to look him in the eye, I glanced up at his face for a brief moment and my heart ached. He looked completely exhausted, his hair fell straggly into his forehead and there were dark circles under his eyes, he also looked paler than usual, but maybe I was just imagining it because of the bright light.
Fortunately, the lift was still on the floor so I could get in immediately, I pressed the button for my floor several times and then tried hard not to look at Damiano again when the doors closed.
In my room, the first thing I did was to take my phone out of my jacket, it had only a few percent battery left, but the screen was glowing. It had several missed calls, some from Sophia and Vic, but most from Damiano.
I felt like I needed to eat something, but still I wasn't hungry. My hands clung to the bathroom door handle and I searched for a hold on it while I reviewed the events of the previous evening.
Elle's words came to mind, she had said I should talk to Damiano, Sophia had said the same and I knew they were right.
Besides, I had already made up my mind to talk to him, just in the corridor it had somehow been a reflex to flee from him.
It had been silly.
Damiano couldn't help it that I was so impulsive and he deserved to be allowed to explain himself. There was a knock at my door, and without thinking twice I opened it and recognised Sophia, who was looking at me anxiously.
"You left," it sounded almost accusatory.
"I wanted to get my things," I said, explaining, and held up the phone I was holding.
"And I thought you threw yourself off my balcony," I rolled my eyes when she said that.
"Can I come in now?" she asked tensely.
I made a gesture to her to come in and she smiled, "There's someone else waiting outside," she said and I frowned.
Since the door wasn't closed again, I looked out and Vic waved at me, my expression relaxing again.
"Come in," I said and waved her in, she joined Sophia on my bed.
"Are you trying to manipulate me now or what's happening?", I asked, crossing my arms in front of my chest, "Because I've already decided to talk to him."
"Oh that's good," Sophia said quickly.
"But actually we're just here to offer you emotional support. If you want to talk we can talk, if you want our opinion we can say that too, if you just want to cry we'll give you tissues and if you want to watch movies we'll get you popcorn," Vic grinned enthusiastically and I felt my heart swell with so much compassion from them both.
"You're so sweet," I murmured quickly, "I don't deserve you at all."
Victoria quickly shook her head, "Don't diminish your worth just because you're unhappy right now. You're great, Cora," she looked at me sternly.
We actually decided to listen to music together and talk. Vic chose the songs and after a while she paused the song that was playing, "Cora, I don't know if you want to hear it, but I'd like to tell you something," I nodded and said, "Sure, tell me."
Instead of starting to talk, she turned on a new song.
After a few notes I recognised the familiar tune, Torna a casa.
"Please just pay attention to the lyrics," Vic said and I nodded, even though I had actually heard the lyrics a few times before.
Damiano's voice was singing about a woman he loved. The first verse built up and I faltered when I heard the words.
Just a paper sheet and half a cigarette are left in my hand
Let's stay a little longer, we're not in a hurry
Because I've got a sentence written in my head, but I've never said it
Because life without you can't be perfect
I looked up at Vic, "Is that-" I didn't get the chance to finish because she was already nodding, "Yeah, that song was for you."
So Marlena come back home
It's starting to be cold here
So Marlena come back home
I don't wanna wait anymore
So Marlena come back home
It's starting to be cold here
So Marlena come back home
I am afraid of disappearing
A single tear rolled down my cheek. "Marlena?" I asked and Vic smiled sadly, "Marlena is you," she said.
As the last notes of the song faded, Vic said in a raspy voice, "After you left, Cora, Damiano never once met another girl. Many were interested in him, but he turned them all down. I don't know what you thought you saw there last night, but Damiano doesn't get involved with other girls. His heart broke when you disappeared and I firmly believe that you are the only one who can mend it."
"But why?", I asked quietly.
"Because he loved you, Cora, he fucking loved you so much and I don't think he ever stopped," Vic declared with conviction and straightened up.
"Damiano was with me earlier, he was bugging me all the time because he wanted to talk to me. I don't know if he would tell you himself, so I'm telling you now: Damiano knew that you would be here at the hotel. We were supposed to be at another hotel, but he managed to convince Marta, our manager, to change the booking so he could see you again. He couldn't handle the fact he would never be able to see you again and when he found out that you were actually participating in the ESC he was so damn happy. He knew you were here from the start and he's not stupid enough to risk all that just to make out with some random girl he meets in a club."
I felt terribly stupid when I heard her words.
"I need to talk to him," I said then and Vic smiled, "Yes, you do."
I immediately got up from the bed and wordlessly left the room, leaving Sophia and Vic inside.
Before I could press the button to call the lift, the doors were already opening.
I looked up and met Damiano's gaze, staring at me as if he doubted I was real.
"Damiano," I breathed, his brown eyes boring into my soul.
"Coraline."