⚡COntRol⚡
Chapter 13
A few days later...
[Kaminari's POV]
Darkness.
It's all I could see.
I couldn't see myself either.
Only the pitch-black darkness enveloping me.
I couldn't bring myself to say anything. To see if there was anyone else here. To see if I were really alone. I didn't want to do anything.
It took too much energy to do anything.
My thoughts are scrambled. Incoherent. Dangerous. Honest.
Why do I exist?
It's so exhausting and tiring and draining to talk. To move. To breathe. To live.
But who says that I'm alive? Maybe I really am dead. I can't remember how I got here, or even when I woke up to find myself here. Every thought I conjure gets lost into the abyss, completely forgotten. But they had this reoccurring theme of suffering. Of pain. Of a lack of existence.
Yet... something told me that I wasn't dead. That this wasn't over yet.
Maybe it was the feeling of crisp hospital sheets on my fingertips, or the sensations of my heart throbbing in my chest, or even the slight ache in what I assumed were my temples.
I didn't care though. All I could think about was the effort of opening my eyes and seeing... whatever I would've before.
Sounds rush in simultaneously. The first I pick up on is the faint beeps of a heart monitor, only then noticing the gel pads on my chest. It was then followed by the muffled speech of a woman - probably Recovery Girl. It was then followed by a more gruff, masculine voice. After my ears felt like they were less under water, I identify the owner of that voice as Aizawa.
I could confirm that I was in a hospital bed, probably wearing a gown, sitting up with a pillow placed behind my head.
My eyes open without command, flinching at the white lights blaring from overhead. The slight movement probably caused Aizawa and Recovery Girl to look at me, their faces mostly of grave concern, from what I could make out of my fuzzed vision.
I knew I needed help but... a part of me keeps convincing myself that the way I feel is normal. Seeing living as exhausting is normal. Well, for a person as hopeless as Denki.
I can't find the ability, energy or will to reach out for help.
"One minute, Shota - he's coming around."
I blink a few times in attempts to clear up my vision, now looking at the squinting eyes of Recovery Girl. Her brows were pulled together, emphasising the wrinkles that framed her age.
"Kaminari, can you hear me?"
I groan a little as my temples pulsate, but I manage a nod in reply. My throat feels like sandpaper.
"Good. Shall I fetch you a glass of water?"
I open my mouth to reply, but was cut off by a scratchy scream, a malicious wave of agony travelling through my whole body, all of my muscles spasming unnaturally. My mind was foggy with static, and my eyes water, unable to hear anything but the piercing sounds leaving my mouth. I can only think of the searing on my skin; the increasing weight pounding down on my chest; the unpleasant churning of my stomach. And then, the sharp prick to my neck.
I didn't see Recovery Girl rush to get that needle but I could tell it was a sedative of some sort when the pain started to diminish. The pain that I was too weak to fight against on my own.
The screams decrease to heavy grasps for air, later regulating back to normal.
"Like that, Shota," Recovery Girl states, probably referring to a discussion she had with Aizawa before.
I didn't dare look at his reaction - I didn't want to see his pity.
"Kaminari, nod if you can hear me."
I nod.
"Ok, so motion isn't too bad," she mumbles under her breath, speaking up after scribbling some notes on her clipboard. "Kaminari, what is the last thing you can remember?"
My eyebrows crease as I retrace my steps to before I found myself in that black void. My memory seemed to have been rekindled by the... episode I had experienced.
My voice was parched, sounding as if it hadn't been used in weeks.
"A-I was r-running... a-and I tripped a-and hit the gro-ound. I-I don't remember wh-why though." Once I had finished, I clear my throat loudly, only to be presented with a glass of water from Aizawa. I had no choice but to look at him as I accept it, my thirst desperate to the extent where my tongue turned dry. His eyes were, as I expected, filled with pity, and I try not to shudder under his gaze, downing the water as fast as I could.
"Kaminari," Aizawa starts, "Try not to move too much for a bit. Recovery Girl has briefed your condition to me, and she will do the same for you. So just... hang in there for a bit."
Snippets of my memories were still coming back to me. I remember that I hated myself. Because my quirk was out of control; I was a coward for letting my emotions get the better of me; I wasn't smart or strong enough to be a hero; I didn't deserve to be at UA. Still, there were pieces missing.
Recovery Girl clears her throat, setting her clipboard down, and I press the cup back into Aizawa's outstretched hand.
"To put it straight, we know that you're quirk is out of control."
I stop breathing.
"Your quirk... is that your electrons in your nerves multiply, and the build-up of these electrons can be emitted out of you by choice."
She swallows.
"When you overuse your quirk, the direction your electricity reverses back to your brain, temporarily turning it off. But..."
She shudders.
"Now, its disrupting your effectors."
A pause.
"What I'm trying to say, Kaminari, is that your body is at high risk of being shut down, and you will not be able to move your muscles anymore if we don't do something now."
A stone drops into the pit of my stomach and all of my limbs suddenly feel like lead.
Recovery Girl excuses herself from the medical wing, leaving me alone with Aizawa.
I knew this was serious. I knew that I needed help and this wasn't just some 'ordinary' problem. I knew that this reveal is life-changing and I should be scared, or distraught.
But I couldn't feel much else - I've become numb.
The bleeps of the monitor fill the silence as Aizawa carefully plans what he's going to say. "You've been out for five days, Kaminari. Once Recovery Girl told me your condition, I checked the security cameras and found you sneaking out. So, from now on, you'll be under a strict curfew. I won't be allowing you outside of the dorms without another person accompanying you and additional security measures would be enforced to ensure you don't leave your dorm at night."
Great, Kaminari, you idiot! You brought this onto yourself and now you're being treated like some f-fucking charity case!
"I've also signed you up for some quirk-training sessions so-"
"NO!"
That had crossed the line for me.
"WHAT THE F-FUCK, AIZAWA! Y-YOU CAN'T FUCKING C-CONTROL MY LIFE!"
I glare straight into his black eyes in complete rage, hatred pulsing through my veins. He seems to glare right back.
"Kaminari! Watch your language!"
I grind my teeth.
My quirk was perfectly fine before all this bullshit! It got me as far as getting me into UA! There is no fucking way that I'm dropping back to the foundation when I've already wasted so much material in building this tower!
"I'M FUCKING FINE! I... I DON'T NEED THAT FUCKING T-TRAINING! Y-YOU CAN'T MAKE ME GO!"
I could feel Aizawa getting angry. "Kaminari! Those sessions are going to help yo-"
"B-BUT THAT'S THE THING, AIZAWA!" I'm heaving for breath, my hands clenched into fists. "I DON'T NEED HELP!"
His calm resolve snaps.
"STOP PLAYING PRETEND, KAMINARI! YOU NEED HE-"
"I DO NOT NEED FUCKING HELP, AIZAWA! I'M STANDING ON MY OWN TWO FEET I'M FINE!"
"For goodness sake, YOU ARE NOT FINE! STOP LYING TO YOURSELF!"
"BUT IT'S THE TRUTH!"
Words keep spilling.
"I WAS FINE BEFORE MY QUIRK WAS OUT OF CONTROL! WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD I NEED THIS DAMN TRAINI-"
"BECAUSE YOU NEED TO GET YOUR QUIRK UNDER CONTROL! WHAT PART OF IT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?!"
"WHAT PART OF ME BEING FINE DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND?! I'M FINE, AIZAWA! I'M FUCKING FINE! I'M THE SAME KAMINARI WHO BUNKS ALL YOUR LESSONS! WHO PLAYS PRANKS IN THE DORMS AND LAUGHS LIKE THERE'S NOTHING WRONG IN THIS MESSED-UP WORLD!"
I knew most of what I said were straight lies. The old Kaminari never bunked lessons. And this Kaminari has forgotten how to smile.
"GET IT THROUGH YOUR HEAD, AIZAWA! I'M FINE! I-I'M FINE! I'M FINE! I-"
A veil falls. Revealing cracks and shattered glass and the lethal claws of grief and guilt.
"YOU ARE NOT FINE! F-Fuck... th-THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID BEFORE YOU W-WENT AHEAD AND K-KILLED YOURSELF!"
A few silent seconds pass before tears fall from his eyes.
Aizawa's eyes.
Choked sobs slip through his lips, digging the heels of his palms into his eyes and hiding behind the hair that now draped over his face.
And I was to blame.
I broke my teacher.
[To be continued...]
Reference to line 50:
I'VE BECOME SO NUMB; I CAN FEEL YOU THERE; BECOME SO TIRED; SO MUCH MORE AWARE; I'M BECOMING THIS; ALL I WANT TO DO; IS BE MORE LIKE ME; AND BE LESS LIKE YOOOUUU!
Sadly, I couldn't fit "so" in, because it wouldn't suit the sentence nicely, but... life goes on?
Stay in tune to find out what happens next :3
Be potates!
~Spud🥔