Never say you had experienced all because the best and the worst are yet to come.
----
Rain
I just stand there watching as the person i only had walked away. Away out of my life..
I hate you Ken! I hate you for making me believe that there is forever. I hate you for letting me see that there is still life after what i have been to. I hate you for making me trust you. I hate you because I depend my happiness on you. I hate you because you're hurting me! I really hate you!!!
I felt a pair of strong arms that hugged me from behind. I look up and saw Wade. There's a grim look in his face and this is the first time i'm seeing him in this dark aura. Well, i haven't known him that long anyway.
"Don't take it too hard, Lorraine. Kristen is just having a hard time and she didn't mean what she've said."
Yea? She didn't mean that? Wow, great! Great because it hurts. It is like freezing a hand or a foot in hell.
I didn't say anything but i just kept crying. I tried to stop my tears from falling but the harder i tried the more they tried to find a way to land in my cheeks.
"It's raining, Gray! Go and follow Kristen." I heard Dawn speaks to Gray. Yea, they are still here. I furrowed my brows when Gray just gritted her teeth.
"Let her be! She needs the cold rain to clear up her mind. She badly needs space. " she said coldly and turn his gaze to Wade. "Wade, we'll look after Lorraine. Go to your class! You surely don't want to miss exams in your majors."
Wade nodded in agreement and told me to just give him a call whenever i needed him. He'll make himself available. He left after i nod.
"Let's go!" Gray says softly. Confusion is all written in my face. Why is she acting nice? We are not in good terms. We always fight and exchange dirty and nasty remarks towards each other. So why the sudden change? They pity you!
I shot her a stern look. "I don't need your pity!"
"You're still a whore in my eyes, Mckenzie.. " She replied cockily. Dawn squeeze Gray's arms and they exchange knowing looks. I just stare at them as they speak through each other's eyes. How i wish i somehow can have that kind of connection with Ken.
I immediately collect myself and composed a hard exterior. She hurts me once but i forgave her. She promised not to do the same but she did again. And for me, there's no second chances but i already gave her one. But then she blew it away and screw me up. And that's enough!
"We'll bring you home." Gray speaks authority and i'm too tired to banter with her so i just let her drag me to her car. She opened the back seat which i happily entered. I was expecting Dawn will seat beside Gray but she took the seat next to me. I just let them do what they want.
We were now in the road when Gray asked. "Give me your address."
"123 Sesame Street.." I replied lamely.
"Where is that?" She asked while her eyes are still on the road.
"Outerspace..."
I felt Dawn's hand in my arms squeezing it lightly. "C'mon Lorraine, let us take you home."
"It's a house not a home.." I said weakly.
"Then let us take you to your house." There's something in Dawn's voice that makes me give in. I tell them my address.
After twenty minutes, we finally reached my place. I noticed the two exchanging weird stares. Rich kids!!
My apartment is within a crowded area. I kinda noticed the grimace expression on Gray's face before she make a poker face. She unbuckled her seatbelt and i did as well. As i was about to go out of her car, Dawn held a grip in my arms.
"Wh-what?" I asked. She just motioned Gray to go out first. It's still raining hard but it wasn't a reason for my neighbors to stop gawking at the expensive car of Gray Lendramar.
"Hey, you don't to walk me in my door." I stopped Gray. Tsk, is she really planning to do that? Didn't she sees the men drinking nearby?
Before i could stop her, she already slid out of the car and opened the trunk. She picks out an umbrella and opened the door of the backseat. I heard my no-manners neighbors whistling and drooling at the couple. I just rolled my eyes.
"This neighborhood ain't safe." I heard Gray muttered under her breath. Dawn simply squeezed her girlfriend's arms to silent her. Good choice, Dawn.
I reached for my apartment keys in my jeans' pocket. I frowned when i noticed that it was padlock. I was about to rant when my landlady suddenly appeared.
"You haven't paid your rent that's why i put a padlock on it. Better pay first so i would take it off!" She says while eyeing Gray and Dawn suspiciously. I frown on her.
"That's impossible! My mom is paying you monthly for this!!" I yelled.
"I haven't received any!" She yelled back.
Mrs. Tanhman look behind me as if she's looking for someone. "Where's Ken?" She asked curiously as if she's having business with that woman.
"Holy crap!"
I looked towards Gray's direction when she cursed loudly and pat her forehead as if she found out something. She then pulled out her wallet and took money which she handed to my landlady. Why is she doing that?
Before i could take back the money, my landlady has already slipped it in her pocket. She immediately unlocked the padlocks and opened my apartment. After she did that, she looked at me with this knowing grin. "You really know how to use your beauty, hija! Tsk.tsk. I can't believe you dumped Ken. But now you have another to cover up your financial needs."
I just stare at her for a couple of seconds before it registered in my mind. Ken's paying my rent? . I immediately grabbed Mrs.Tanhman's collar. Her fat figure was startled but she just gave me a dirty look.
"W-what d-do you mean?" I asked straight-faced. The smirked on her face makes me want to punch her ugly face.
"Don't act as if you don't know." She said dryly. "She had been doing that for two years since the day you failed to pay me. Even your monthly allowance comes from her. She just told me to hand it to you and say that it comes from your mother."
I was shocked. I didn't expect that revelation. Two years? She has been lying to me for two years? My landlady pried my hands off her.
"She has been also shouldering your tuition fees and groceries if you pretend not to know." She added and turned to face Gray. "Ken never fails to pay me on time so i just hope you will as well." With that, she walked away.
I looked at Gray. "Did you know anything about this!?"
She immediately shook her head. "I didn't know about it until now when that lady looked for her. All i know is that my best friend has been spending too much since Aunt Kami asked me if she's into drugs. You know when a parent starts acting paranoid after learning that her daughter is spending too much but not seeing any tangible things that can be the reason why. Kristen has always been this stingy and money wise. "
Shoot! Now i understand why she's tired of me!
I felt slender fingers that led me inside my apartment. Dawn has been so soft and sweet towards other people. I don't even remember why i bullied her before. Maybe i was just a bully back then.
"You have a tidy house." Gray commented as she scrutinized my apartment.
"Ken's always here so i have to clean it up because she's a neat-freak."
She just nodded and lift a picture on my countertop. It was me and Ken. We were both smiling stupidly in the camera.
"Are you mad at her?" She asked.
"If you were in my shoes, what would you feel?"
"I..uhm.. I'll feel mad at first but..that won't last. I will never dealt on hatred for too long. I would rather hear the hard truth than hate the one i love." She says coaxingly while looking at Dawn. I can't help but to feel envy. I want that kind of relationship with Ken.
"Just find your way out." I said indifferently and head to my room. I don't want to talk to anyone. When i reached my bed, i just stare in my room blankly. Everything reminds me of her. My blanket, my pillows, the posters in the wall, the bedside clock, the book rack!
"Damn! You just stayed in my life for three damn years but why do i feel you invaded my whole damn life!!?" I shout on the top of my lungs as i tear the posters in my wall. Not being contented, I throw the alarm clock in my window causing it to break. But that's not enough because i'm too mad.
"I am not a charity case!!!" I shout again and kick the book rack. How dare her lied to me and treat me like some one who needs charity? Damn you Ken!! I really hate you!!
I heard the knock in my door but i don't fucking care.
"Lorraine, open the door. Let us talk!" I heard the soft voice of Dawn.
"Talk?" I laughed like a madwoman now. "You want to talk to me when all i want to do is to die?" I can't help myself crying and laughing at the same time.
Why she has to lie to me? I trusted her with my scars. I trusted her not to hurt me. I trusted her!!!
This time i could hear the loud bang in my door. "Open the door, McKenzie!! Or I'll tear it down!!!" Gray shouted.
Go ahead! She also tear me down. I hate you all. I will never trust anyone again.
"P-please, Lorraine! Open the door.. Let's talk about this!" I smirked as i heard Dawn pleads.
I just stare in my broken window. The broken glass is more appealing to me now. What if i die today? Will it matter to her? I thought as i go near the broken glass. Ken's last words keep ringing in my head.
"Rain, i'm sorry. I'm tired of you. I'm tired taking good care of you. I'm tired of your whining. You're such a crybaby. I'm just taking a break from you, don't i deserve it?"
"So i do deserve it?" I cried as i saw my own reflection in the piece of glass. It's broken like me! I chuckles.
That's when my door slammed open. Gray hurriedly hugged me from behind and forcefully grab the broken glass from my hand. I tugged it back and we keep fighting for it to the point that we were both cut. I flinched when i saw the blood dripping in our hands. She took the opportunity to grab it and throw it outside. Dawn is just there standing, watching us as if her life depended on whom gonna win.
"You're not just a whore!! You're also pathetic and stupid!!" Gray shouted on me. I tried to break free frim her tight embrace but she's too strong.
"L-let me go..Why don't you just let me die?!" I cried.
"Y-you c-can't!" She whispered shakingly. "Don't you ever do this again, McKenzie."
The pain and the frightened look in Gray's eyes brought me back to sanity. She's crying like a frightened baby. "I th-thought I've lost you.."
"I-I'm sorry.." I whispered and everything went black.
----
When i woke up, the first thing i've noticed is the bright sun. A new life!
I tossed the blanket and smiled.
"Good morning!" I was greeted by a pretty face of Gray. I smiled back. She take my hand and guide me to the kitchen. "Here, i cooked something special for you!" She says ecstatically. Dawn is already there. I smiled at her as well. She gave me her brightest smile.
Gray puts the plate of omelette, hotdogs, and bacon in the table. There is also a smoking hot chocolate.
"Thank you!" I beamed to both of them. I earned another smile.
"How are you feeling now?" Gray asked carefully. I grinned at her.
"I should be the one asking you that. How'd you feel? Still frightened?" I teased. I'm feeling better now. I can't stay in that state forever.
She just rolled her eyes while her girlfriend is laughing beside her. They're really cute.
"Don't we have classes?" I asked.
"Nah, we don't have classes! I cancelled it."
"Wow, you can now cancel a class?" I mocked as the Queen Bee just shrugged.
"Let's go to the mall!" Dawn speaks sweetly. I groaned.
"I want to sleep." Gray glared so immediately explained. " I just really want to take a rest and it has nothing to do with my stupidity last night. Don't worry, i realized that life is too short to commit suicide."
I felt her hands on mine. I didn't know Gray to be affectionate. I only see her as someone who is irritating.
"Whatever it is, i know Kristen is just always after your welfare. She won't do anything to hurt you intentionally." She says while patting my head.
Speaking up her friend, huh!
"But i was hurt already. No need to redeem her name."
"She's just confused right now."
"So are you saying that it's okay to hurt someone because you're confused?" I asked incredulously. "Will you hurt Dawn if you're in the state of confusion?" I dared. She immediately shook her head. I smirked when i get the reaction i want from her.
"But Kris---"
"Shut up, Gray! Not just because i let you in, you have the right to contradict me. I do appreciate your efforts in helping me, but let me do it myself. Let me help myself."
---
I was walking in the hallway of the highschool building when i saw Mandy. I intend to pass by her when she grabbed my arm.
"What's your problem?" I asked rudely. I was answered by an annoying smirked.
"How's being dumped?" I shot her dagger gazes. Damn you!! "Oh, you really think you could use Kristen up the ladder?" She continued while playing in my arms. I held myself to drop her dirty remarks.
"Go to hell!"
"You know you're pathetic. Everyone in this school knows Kristen is just playing you. Tell me, is that the reason why you don't slept around while trying to wear an image of innocent-always dumped-girl ? Is it because you are sexually exclusi----"
There! I could not take it anymore. I slapped her hard. I expect her to be mad and do the same thing but she just smiled at me. A smile that could freeze hell. "Kristen tells me everything. She came on me when she dumped you." She says while lifting up her phone. There was a picture of Ken in her sleeping form. She looks worn and tired.
"N-no.. K-Ken is straight!" I say weakly. How dare she do this to me? How can she betray me by sleeping with my enemy and selling me to her?
Mandy laughed and gave me a look as if she's pitying me. I hate it! "You didn't know she's into girls too?" She mocked "I bet one of these days she'll say she loves you so she could take you in her bed."
"She won't do that!" I dismissed the idea. I have been her and I know she won't say she loves me.
"She invested into you. She'll get it back for sure!"
The monthly rental, allowances, and tuition fees!!
She just shot me one last look and walked without bidding goodbye.
--
Gray and Dawn invited me out. Ever since the day the incident in my apartment, the two has been my permanent companion aside from Wade.
We entered a bar in the town. I didn't know they'll want me drunk. I was busy talking to some random guy when the someone went up in the stage and announced the presence of the tonight's band. I frowned immediately.
"I've heard each one of the band member has a cool voice?" The emcee asked. Riley agreed once and even offered to let each request be sang by each of the members. I haven't heard her sang, not even once.
I almost held my breath when she looked at me before she sings.
I'm gonna pick up the pieces,
And build a Lego house
If things go wrong we can knock it down.
My three words have two meanings
But there's one thing on my mind.
It's all for you.
And it's dark in a cold December, but I've got you to keep me warm
If you're broken, i will mend yah and keep you sheltered from the storm that's raging on, now
I'm out of touch, I'm out of love,
I'll pick you up when you're getting down.
And out of all these things I've done,
I think i love you better now.
I'm out of sight, I'm out of mind
I'll do it all for you in time
And out of all these things I've done,
I think i love you better now, now
I'm gonna paint you by numbers and colour you in.
If things go right we can frame it and put you on a wall.
And it's so hard to say it but I've been here before. Now i'll surrender up my heart and swap it for yours.
I'm out of touch, I'm out of love,
I'll pick you up when you're getting down.
And out of all these things I've done,
I think i love you better now.
I'm out of sight, I'm out of mind
I'll do it all for you in time
And out of all these things I've done,
I think i love you better now, now
Don't hold me down!
I think the braces are breaking,
And it's more than i can take..
I'm out of touch, I'm out of love,
I'll pick you up when you're getting down.
And out of all these things I've done,
I think i love you better now.
I'm out of sight, I'm out of mind
I'll do it all for you in time
And out of all these things I've done,
I think i love you better now, now
I think i love you better now, now
I can no longer take it! I stand up and went to the counter. I ordered a drink but a group of teenage guys pay for it. I just let them. I really want to get drunk. Someone offered me a cigar which i took. I missed this!! I thought as i puffed.
I am now feeling light-headed when i felt a pair of strong hands that grabbed me out of the bar. I looked at the culprit and saw a raging Ken.
I miss you! My heart yearned for her. All i want is to hug her tight.
"What the hell is your problem!?" She shouted in annoyance.
I just smirked and tried to get out of her but she just take a better gripped that I almost winced in pain. "Damn it, Rain! You're not smoking again, really? So, what the fuck-----"
"It is not your problem anymore!" i shout back. "You're tired of me right ? Because i'm a fucking crybaby! You're tired of my whining. You're tired of my----"
"Yeah!" She agreed mockingly. "You're too self-centered. You never consider my feelings. It's always about you! It's always about what you like and what you don't!!"
"B-but you never asked what i love Ken!" I say in a low voice that it almost sounded like a whisper.
"W-what... What y--.. What do you mean?"
"I..All i love is to stay with you!" I caught myself before i blurted out I love her.
She look away. "I..I can't.. Not now."
"Why?"
"Because i can no longer stay your friend.." My hear breaks.
"I love you, Rain! I love you more than i should have. And i can't stay your friend because i can't help myself wishing you're mine!"
One of these days she'll tell you she loves you!
"Sometimes i really wish you would look at me the way you look at him. I can't help but to keep wishing i am him so you would smile at me the way you smile at him. Did you know how my worlds stops and rotates only for you whenever you're near? Did you know how my heart skips a beat and beats loud whenever you're around? Did you know how many times i almost jumped in glee and do a stupid dance whenever you glance my way? Did you know how I'm dying to sit beside you only if you'll allow me to? Did you know how stupid i can get stummering whenever you say a simple hi? Did you know? Did you know i love you? Did you know I'm in love with you!? "
She invested on you!
" I have been like this for years,Loving you from a distance. Keeping my feelings all by myself and making sure to keep it at bay. I know i'm stupid for loving you this way. But it's the right thing to do right? I don't want to lose you. I don't want you to hate me. I don't want you to feel awkward when i'm near. i don't want you to go away. If this is only way i could keep you close, I'll embrace it whole-heartedly!"
Why Ken? Why are you doing this to me? Why do you have to make it this painful that i could no longer breathe?
I know i should have stop this charade and tell her she's doomed-- that I already know her plan. But i just can't!
"Be my girlfriend then."
Shit!
"I owe you something so i guess i have to pay you back. I'm willing to be your girlfriend for 100 days---but after that-" I looked at her intently "--i don't have to do anything with you,dyke! You're disgusting."
She gaped at me and pain is clearly written in her face.
"Wh--what ..do you mean with you owe me something?"
I point at the cigarette in the ground. Great! What a lsme excuse, Rain!
"D-did you hear it?" She asked in a broken voice. Tears freely falling in her cheeks.
Why does she acts so great! I cursed in my mind. I should be the one crying now.
"Hear what?" I asked frowning.
"M-my heart--it's breaking." She almost whispered in pain.
I looked at her and smirk.
"If you don't want to take it, i guess it's fine. I just don't want to do anything with you ag---"
"I'll take it!" She said firmly. "If that's the only time left for me to be with you, i'll take it."
I closed my eyes. I really hope i could take her for my whole life but i know i can't. So, I'll just seize my 100 Days with her.
Just this one. I owe myself to be happy with the one i love. Why can't you just fall in love with me as same as i am into you, Ken?
---