"Go with you? Where?"
"To the Hogwarts Christmas party, of course. Here." I reached across the table to slide the leaflet in front of Harry so he could read it, "I thought it might be fun."
We were in the library working on our lesson plans for the DA. As much as I enjoyed our 'underground' classes, I was starting to feel exhausted by it all and longed for a break, when the leaflet caught my eye.
He looked at me curiously, green eyes blinking through round glasses. "You do remember I'm a ghost, don't you? One that no one can actually see or hear except for you."
"Exactly," I shrugged. "So all the more reason we should partner up. I mean... who else could you go with?"
"But- but don't you want to go with an actual date?" Harry murmured, wrinkling his nose which somehow made him look kind of cute. "You know... one you can dance with or even... kiss?"
He flushed, as though embarrassed that the word had left his lips in the first place.
"I'm sworn off that kind of dating," I muttered, thinking bitterly of Chen. Rumour had it he was taking Susan to the party and even though I was the one that dumped him, I couldn't help but feel violently angry about the whole situation.
"Well, then... if you're sure?" Harry asked tentatively, giving his glasses a little lift. "What will you tell people, though?"
"That I'm self-partnering," I said brightly without missing a beat, "apparently it's so in right now, as is decaf coffee - it's all about the natural highs these days, you see."
Harry looked at me with a completely bewildered expression on his face. "Self-partnering?"
"Cosmo says that you can't work on self-growth or self-actualisation whilst relying on a partner for support and pleasure. Before one can even think of trusting another with one's heart again, we must go on a journey to honour ourselves above all others and take time to heal our past hurts first."
"Oh, I see," Harry nodded with the look of someone who didn't see at all. "Shall I pick you up at eight, then?"
*****
The night of the party, I found myself feeling rather excited. Especially as I had found out the day before that I was going to be spending Christmas at Grimmauld Place with Sirius.
"Great, have fun," Harry had murmured dully when I shared this exciting news with him. "Wish him a happy Christmas for me, would you?"
"Can't you come too?" I asked, feeling oddly disappointed. For some reason I'd just kind of assumed he'd go where I go.
"I've tried, but I can't get in," he sighed heavily. "Must have something to do with the protective charms on the place."
"Oh, would you like me to ask-?" I began, about to suggest I confide in Dumbledore or even Sirius.
"NO." Harry cut in, preempting what I was going to say. "Besides... it's best this way, gives me a bit of a break from you."
His eyes gave a mischievous twinkle as he teasingly poked his tongue out at me.
"More like me a break from you," I snickered, going to poke him in the side, only for my finger to go right through his ribs.
It never failed to feel like reality pouring cold water over me whenever this happened, bringing us both immediately out of our playful mood. For some reason, the lack of being able to touch each other was difficult to accept, despite the fact that apart from that final day when we held hands going into the maze, we hadn't been at all close when he was alive, let alone physical.
If he were alive, I concluded sadly, we would definitely have that touchy-feely kind of friendship, despite Harry insisting he wasn't the sort.
But then again, if he were alive, I probably wouldn't be hanging around with him, but instead locked up in an empty castle classroom somewhere with Chen, making the most of the fact that I'm now of legal age.
Fucking Chen. I hoped he and Susan were miserable together. Not liked I cared, though. Whatever.
She and Hannah were annoyingly giggly as they got themselves ready for the Christmas party, trying to coax me into their conversation as though they hadn't been complete bitches to me since the summer. Just because I was allowing them in my DA classes, didn't mean I was ready to forgive though.
"It's a shame you're going alone, Cece," Hannah said airily as she magicked too much glitter in her hair. "Though I suppose nobody likes to be the teacher's pet."
Susan gave a high pitched giggle and I threw her a fierce glare.
"I'd sooner go alone than date someone's sloppy seconds." I snapped, shutting her up. "Besides self-partnering is totally in right now and nothing to be ashamed of."
I held my head up high and marched out of the dormitory.
Harry was waiting for me outside the common room, surprisingly looking rather dashing in a black tuxedo.
"Wow," I said looking him impressively up and down. "Is that a Tom Ford?"
Harry shrugged, blushing. "Dunno. I just tried to imagine a smart suit that you would like and I found myself wearing this."
"Gosh, you are so lucky." Man, I wish I were dead. I'd literally be in seventh heaven.
"I suppose being dead has its perks," he mumbled, his eyes shifting uneasily. "You look nice too, by the way. Yellow really does suit you."
I grinned, loosely placing my hand on hip as I gave him a little twirl. I was wearing a close fitting yellow backless dress with an elegant slit up the side showing off a long perfectly tanned leg.
Harry and I walked in silence, my heels making a satisfying clicking sound as every now and then we exchanged tentative smiles, and I felt butterflies in my stomach, almost as though we were going on a real date.
"This feels strange," I confessed as we stepped into the Great Hall where the party was already in full swing. I led the way immediately towards the food.
"How so?" Harry asked, having to shout over the pump of the music and being careful to keep close to me so that he didn't have to suffer the unfortunate experience of someone walking through him.
"I don't know," I shrugged, looking back up at him, his face so close that my breath caught in my throat and I drew to a halt. I had the oddest desire to reach up and brush my lips against his.
But of course, nothing would be there... just air.
"Cece?" He asked, a frown flickering in his green eyes. He removed his glasses as though to look at me better.
We remained frozen in a space between the dance floor and the buffet tables. No man's land.
I could feel my pulse race as his eyes remained on mine. I swept my tongue across my lips and I couldn't help but glance at his mouth, feeling awash with regret that I hadn't taken the chance to kiss him when I could.
"CECE! YOU MADE IT!"
I turned and blinked as Ron and Hermione came crashing into view, racing towards me from where they'd just torn themselves away from the crowd on the dance floor. They both had a giddy look about them, as though they'd been at the punch.
Skidding to a halt in front of me, they both looked suddenly awkward, picking at their elbows, as though unsure whether to hug me or not.
"Uh- hi," I smiled in equal awkwardness, trying to cover up my flustered state.
I guessed Harry was still behind me, but with him being a ghost, I could not feel his presence without looking at him or hearing him speak. And I did not dare trust myself to glance back up.
What I'd do in that moment to feel the heat of his body behind me, the beat of his heart pounding steadily against my back and the tickle of breath on my neck.
I briefly closed my eyes as I was hit with a sudden and unexpected pain of sadness and longing.
"Cece, are you okay?" Ron asked, his voice full of concern. "I know it sucks coming alone, but you don't stick out too much. Not really- ow! Hermione, that hurt!"
"It was meant to!" Hermione gritted fiercely up at him before turning back to face me, a smile fixed upon her face. "Why don't you come and join Ron and I? We could make a threesome!"
The way Ron's face fell told me that the last thing he wanted was for me to crash their 'date'.
"It's okay," I assured them both, flashing my most genuine smile, "I'm happy to self-partner. It's the new decaf coffee."
"Huh?" Ron asked, scratching his head. "What's the point of coffee without caffeine?"
"Exactly," Harry's voice chuckled softly behind me. A warm pleasant feeling tingled down my spine.
"Well, if you change your mind...?" Hermione said kindly, offering me a pitying smile.
I returned it and nodded reassuringly. "You guys go back and have fun. I'm off to get some food."
Ron's eyes widened but Hermione had already caught his wrist and was dragging him back to the dance floor.
"Do you think they're..." I pondered, intrigued at this sudden development.
"Nah," Harry said, and I could hear the smirk on his lips without looking back at him. "They're both too shit stubborn to admit they like one another."
I glanced back up, a smile twitching at my lips as our eyes once again met.
"Dance?" I asked, thinking we could somehow fluke this.
Harry stepped around me and dramatically swept his arm out in front of him, genuflecting.
"It would be a pleasure, Madam. Allow me to lead the way."
"You dork," I laughed, but I followed him anyway, feeling lighter than I'd felt in a long time.
Ever, in fact.
*****