"This was delicious." I sigh contentedly and plop on the sofa. "Come here, Peppercorn. Don't stand there like a Greek statue."
Alec is leaning on the kitchen island, suspiciously gazing at me. I tap on the seat next to me and grin. "Don't tell me that you are afraid to come closer. I told you that I don't bite unless asked. Didn't we already pass that stage?"
"Sam," he mutters. "We need to talk. I need to tell you something and you might not like it. I'm sorry! I feel like I have been leading you in some way, and you might be disappointed now. I... I just couldn't resist, I mean... I... I really like you and..."
"Alec, come here and sit down," I urge him. "Stop freaking out! We can talk about anything. I won't be disappointed whatever you have to say, ok? Just calm down and tell me what's wrong."
My heart shrinks despite my efforts to keep cool on the outside. I hope he's not trying to break up with me before we have even had the chance to get to know each other. This will be bad, like really shitty. I want to be with him.
He finally approaches hesitantly and sits two feet away from me. I don't like it but stay in my place. He obviously needs the distance to feel more relaxed. We are looking at each other in silence for a few minutes. He's playing with the hem of his shirt nervously.
"Alec, it's fine," I break the silence, unable to stand the increasing tension anymore. "Just say what you have to say."
"It's about the sex," he utters, almost soundlessly.
"Oh, my God!" I can't help but huff. Not again! "What about it?"
"I don't think I can do it," he mumbles.
"Well, I'm not asking you to do anything," I shrug my shoulders. "It's normal to feel this way. We've been together for only two days. I've never expected us to jump in bed on the third date. It will come when it comes."
I feel slightly relieved. I really thought this could be something more serious. I can imagine why he gets so stressed about intimacy. He hadn't even kissed anyone before me. I know how to help him overcome his fear, although he's taking this to extremes. We can go slowly, as slowly as he needs.
"No, you don't understand," Alec is staring at me intently. "It's not because I'm inexperienced and nervous. I don't think I will be able to do anything but kissing and... and touching... the way... you... touched me last night. Sam, this is how far I'll ever go. You have the right to know it before this relationship becomes more... mmm... serious."
My eyes widen for a second, but I quickly brace myself and state, "Fine! I'm ok with that. We won't go further." I don't actually believe myself while saying it. I don't believe him either. I've seen him ogling me. I know he wants more. I just have to find out what this is all about and come up with a solution.
"I know what you're thinking right now," Alec shakes his head, as if having read my mind. "I'm not just timid. There's more. I... I really will never be able to... to... Oh, Gosh! Why is this so difficult! It's not just a coincidence that I've never fallen in love. I deliberately did not allow it to happen. I managed to convince myself that I could live perfectly fine without it. And then I met you, and my life went upside down. I've been watching you every day at work. I tried to remain indifferent. You were not very friendly after all. I tried so hard, Sam!"
"Baby, tell me what you are comfortable with, and I'll never reach beyond that line. I promise! Just relax! You look like you're going to faint at any moment." I remove his hands from his face. "Don't hide these beautiful eyes from me. Is hugging ok?"
Alec nods enthusiastically, and I immediately wrap my arms around him and pull him on my lap. "What about kissing?"
"I'm not uncomfortable with anything you do, Sam. You know I love it," he mutters in the crook of my neck. "I just can't go further."
"Do you want to tell me why, Peppercorn?" I carefully ask.
"It's because... because... It's because I'm ugly," he finally sobs.
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Photo by Full rights with model releases from istockphoto.com
A/N
Hello, at the end of chapter 17!
Thank you so much for reading and supporting! ❤❤❤
What do you think is this all about? Alec obviously has a problem. Any theories? 🤔
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Love: Anny