TW// MENTIONS of PAST physical & mental abuse
After arriving home from school, all Clay could think about was sleep, though he never got any. The stars had always been placed above sleep. The satisfactory feeling of telling them everything and anything made his night; every night. Once the clock hit 12, he was out of his bedroom window and onto the rooftop. It felt tranquil up there like you could just die happy.
The slight gust of wind felt incredible while the dew in the air filled his nose. It smelt peaceful. It had rained that morning, leaving a pleasant scent behind.
He had a lot to tell tonight. It was the end of the school year with only two days left, they had one last exam to pass before the year ended which was 15% of his grade, his mom and dad never stopped fighting, Drista was having trouble with her friends at school and Clay was supposed to help her, but he didn't know-how. Everything felt so heavy.
He laid down on the roof, back against the house panels, fingernails dug under the shingles to keep from falling. Clay's mind raced around as he spoke his truths to the stars. Absences of tears pricked his eyes as he spoke, he didn't want the stars to think he was weak, so he brushed them off like nothing. He bathed in the cool blue tint of the moon, it was almost as if he was glowing. Basking in the cool July air.
" Why does it all have to happen to me, why do I have to deal with it, I'm not strong enough for this!" By now, everything around him stopped and he let go of his tears, letting them pour. " Why can't I just have a normal life, it's so-" His rant got abruptly stopped when he saw the next-door neighbor boy staring at him from his window. Clay quickly wiped his tears, trying to figure out what he was doing. They had only talked maybe 3 or 4 times before since he was fairly new to the neighborhood.
The boy climbed out his window, sitting on his windowsill. " You alright?" He said, he spoke loud and with concern.
Clay nodded his head, knowing full well the pain would arise in his voice if he spoke.
The boy looked from side to side, starting to jump down from his roof. Clay got a bit nervous, pushing himself closer to the wall. Once he'd gotten over Clay's fence, he used multiple garden rocks to help him get onto the roof where Clay was staying. " What are you doing?" He pondered, giving him a hand. " I saw you crying." He pulled himself up, trying his best to stay balanced while getting up to Clay.
The two sat for a while, talking about whatever came to their minds first.
Clay had learned that the boy's name was Nick and that he'd gone to school with Clay, but was in advanced lessons.
Nick was also originally from somewhere in Texas, his voice still held onto a bit of a southern accent, which Clay thought was quite nice. His brunette hair was puffy and ruffled, eyes burnt umber and sparkling. They had a nice soft blue glaze on them from the moon and the crescent shape reflected.
The two talked about the stars, and how therapeutic they were. Cold midnight gust felt nice on their bare arms, but Nick couldn't handle the cold that well. " Jesus it's cold tonight." He said, leaning into Clay a bit. The blonde let it happen, not knowing anything else to do. " Mhm." He responded, resisting the urge to put his arm around the brunette. He'd finally worked up the confidence to form words, though, they weren't very easy to hear. " Do you wanna sleep here tonight, " he paused, trying to make it seem like he wasn't too excited. " Y'know, so you don't have to jump the fence again." Clay lied, all he wanted was to be able to talk to George more. Every part of him made Clay's heart leap with some sort of magnetic feeling that drew him to Nick.
He'd agreed, rather quick. Which, made Clay burst with excitement.
He didn't know why or how but this boy had just enamored him. Everything about him was darling. Nick had this sweet look of care and contentment plastered on his face at all times. The way his hair was messily strewn out all over slightly covering his deep burnt umber eyes. His pyjama pants had small yellowish cotton stars sewn on them with a blue and purple gradient background. Everything about him made Clay's heart flutter in every sort of way.
The two took a glimpse of the stars once again, taking out their dolefulness by conversating with each other and the stars. Everything was serene and placid. This boy made Clay feel things he'd never felt before, but everything inside of him told him it was wrong.
He didn't know what to make of these emotions, keeping them clandestine in his mind, trapped behind walls of the faintheartedness of his soul, and guarded by envy.
Clay had always had a deep-seated feeling inside of him of envy for people who were so confident in their sexuality, knowing full well he could never pull it off. He had always been too aghast to do so, knowing how his family would react. They always talked down upon LGBT folk, saying things like "Their sinners", "Going to burn" or his personal favorite, "Satan whores". All of these things rocked him to his core, any feeling he had to be locked away in the prison of his mind. He'd built walls so high and strong no one could get in, but there was a small crack where Nick just seemed to fit perfectly. George made his heart melt in no way anyone had before, but that was what weakened him.
The two had both came to be drowsy, climbing inside careful not to wake up anyone in Clay's house, as everyone was most likely sleeping at this time, and his family might have been suspicious that he was bringing a boy in at 12:45 PM.
Nick had laid down on the floor, curling up with a small blanket that Clay had laid down for his cat, Patches, the night before. Clay climbed into the window, immediately seeing Nick on the floor. " You don't have to sleep on the floor, dude!" He said, getting onto his bed, patting the side next to him softly.
Nick picked himself up, laying next to Clay as he got as comfortable as possible.
The two laid down for the night, George pressing himself against Clay for warmth as the fan above blew cold air onto him. Clay began to grow adherent to the touch. He flipped himself around to face Nick, his emerald green eyes met the other, every feature of his face entranced Clay. "Hi." They two said, almost in sync. They both grinned, letting out soft giggles as they got comfortable.
The two stayed up a bit longer, talking about whatever popped into their minds first, or what had been on their minds.
Clay had been the first one to finally lay himself at rest, though he wanted to speak to Nick all night. Before the younger fell asleep, he pressed his head to Clay's chest, gently swinging his arms around his torso as he lay sleeping.
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~TIME SKIP TO MORNING~
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George awoke, quickly noticing his position and shuffling away. This sudden movement awoke Clay from his sleep, letting out small yawns as he stretched his arms out, nearly hitting George in the face.
"Hey," George spoke, still drowsy. Clay's eyes immediately shifted to the boy that lay beside him. " Hi." He responded, swinging his legs to the side of his bed as he put on a shirt that had been previously tossed to the floor. George watched contently, face flushing a smooth red. Clay had bruises and closed scars on his back, which brought interest to George. He pressed his hand up against one of the scars. Clay's head veered around quickly at the touch as George looked up at him. " What are you doing?-" He said, a bit of aggression appearing in his voice, pulling his shirt down over his back. Regret washed over his face as he spoke " I-I don't know, I'm- I don't know what got into me, I'm so sorry." George got off the bed, pushing himself back towards the wall and heading for the window. " No, you're fine I was just- spooked, I guess. You're alright, George." He said. Silence filled the room. It was suffocating.
George nodded, not daring to let out a single word.
" Okay." He finally spoke, leaning into the record stand in front of the window. " I think, it's time I go. It was nice hanging out with you, Clay." He said, before getting one foot out the window. " George- please, " George cut him off. " No, it's fine I don't want my family to think I'm gone. I'll meet you on the roof tonight. 12. Alright?" Clay nodded.
After George had left, Clay's mind wandered as he stared at the ceiling above him. How could he have been so stupid? Overreacting to the boy he wanted the approval of. That was just one more thing to leave to the stars. Everything was piling and there wasn't any way to stop it. He pulled his pillow over his face, letting out screams and small tears.
Drista had knocked on the door after hearing her brother's shrieks. " Come in." He muttered, muffled from the pillow. " Are you alright?" She said, clear worry embedded in her tone. " Yes." He lied, pulling the pillow off of his face. " I don't believe you. What's wrong?" She waltzed over to his bed, sitting down near him.
" You wouldn't understand, it's adult stuff." He said, ruffling her hair. " You sure? You can talk to me, dude. I can keep secrets." She announced, fixing her hair back. " It's fine." He paused, looking at her. " Do you wanna go get some donuts?" He tried to change the subject, and of course, it worked.
The two drove down to the shops. Drista was practically bouncing in her seat as they passed the shop to go park.
They picked up a baker's dozen of donuts and got ready to head back home.
While driving back, Clay wasn't paying attention to the road. Everything went blank. All his mind could drift off to was what happened that morning. How stupid he felt, how George's face washed over to pure fear when he yelled. He felt absolutely terrible, everything hit him at once. He had to make it up to him in no way anyone had ever. His apology needed to be unforgettable. Yeah, unforgettable.
He was pulled out of his thoughts by Drista screaming, " CLAY!" His eyes shifted back to the road where he saw a car swerving not to his him, almost not making it. He corrected his driving, taking very sharp breathes. " SORRY! Sorry, I've just- Nevermind, I'm sorry, Drista." He felt tears start to prick his eyes but nothing would come out. " Are you alright, Clay? You've been acting off." She put his hand on his shoulder, trying to calm him down. " Yeah, I'm fine." It felt horrible to lie to her, but she couldn't know what was going through his mind. Sure, she was the most supportive in the family, but it felt weak leaving all your emotions to your little sister, who'd already been dealing with her struggles. Drista brushed it off, but still worried.
When they got home, Clay sat the donuts down on the counter and walked up to his room.
As soon as he got in the room, he flopped down on his bed, going right back to sleep. Sleep was his only daytime escape from the outside world. Everything was all so heavy, he couldn't handle it on his own.
Once he'd woken up, he started planning out his apology. Maybe flowers? No, that seems too romantic. A card? Too formal.
Nothing seemed to make sense. The negative thoughts didn't help, it was already stressful enough that he had made such a bad impression on George after he'd helped him so much. He couldn't even do something as simple as apologizing. It was pathetic.
No plan, no time to think, no George to help him cope. It was all crumbling around him.
Fuck it, maybe it being spontaneous was going to be the best option? Maybe George would find it endearing at the moment? Clay didn't know if it'd work out, but that's what he'd settled upon, knowing no other way. It was a two-way ticket to breaking his reputation or building it. The pressure was crushing, but not as hard as Clay was. The pain of knowing he couldn't express it only built his concern.
Clay had got called down to dinner, not touching a bite of his food from pure anxiety. His mother questioned it, but she brushed it off to just being full from lunch and excused him to his room.
All Clay could think about was George. Everything surrounded around George and his feelings. Clay wanted nothing more than too to hold him in his arms, tell him how sorry he was, and make him feel his love. But, none of that could happen unless he made a good apology.
It was 11:57 PM and Clay had been stressing about the apology all day, but now that it had finally come, he was as ready as ever. He didn't know what he was going to do, but he was going to do it.
He grabbed the bottom wooden panel of his window, pushing it up to open. Only to see George just climbing out of his, a small blur in his hand that Clay couldn't quite make out. As he started getting closer he started getting light glimpses of the object. It was a dandelion with a small green piece of paper stapled to it.
He hopped over Clay's fence, almost dropping the things multiple times which made Clay wheeze a great amount. Helping George up to his roof, Clay's hands down to George's waist to help get his other half up. Both of their faces flushed, his hands stay put.
" Thanks.." George muttered. " N-No problem-" Clay moved his hands off of him, shifting them to his own legs, messing with the fabric of his pyjama pants. The two sat in silence before George finally handed him the flower and letter.
Clay opened the letter and held the flower up to his nose, giving a slight smell. It smelt pleasant, a slight smell of honey came though, to his surprise. He read the letter, astonished by the words written.
Dear Clay, I want you to know that I'm sorry. I didn't mean to overstep and I know I shouldn't have touched you. It was disrespectful and I can tell it made you uncomfortable. You have every right to be mad at me, but all I can say is I'm sorry. I think you're charming and I was wondering if I could make it up to you.
Love, George
He closed the letter, folding it up and putting it into his pyjama pocket. He held his arms out welcoming George into his arms with a warm hug. They both melted into it. Clay rubbed circles into George's back, telling him that he was alright, and apologizing as well.
They pulled apart, staring into the eyes of each other. " Your eyes are nice, " George said, smiling as he buried his face back into the crook of Clay's neck. He simply didn't know how to comprehend it.
They sat there for a good 5 minutes. When they pulled away, all they did was stare into each others eyes, enamored by the other's beauty.
The two noticed the tension, quickly pulling away and leaning back against the light blue panels. Their hands found their way back to each other, Clay's overlapping George's.
The two carried what was now going to be a nightly tradition. Talking to the stars and each other. Anything that had given Clay a slight pressure George helped smooth out. He was a very promising nurturer. He just had all of the right quality. The role fits him like a glove.
"They're from my dad." Clay blurted, avoiding eye contact. George hummed in confusion. " The scars. He used to hurt us physically, but he's moved to emotional trauma." Tears glazed over his eyes but nothing would come out, every blind, every wince, nothing. " I-I'm so sorry Clay, " George said, moving his hand up to Clay's shoulder attempting comfort. " I just get defensive when people ask about them. I'm normally scared to tell people, but there was something about you, George." He paused. " I think I trust you." His eyes met George's. Another hug he was pulled into, not unlocking his grasp. The tears finally poured like broken dams once he could let it out. He let Clay cry into his shoulder, rubbing small circles into his back.
Clay was about to let go when he felt a pair of angel soft lips meet the top of his head. He looked up quickly at George, his face looking near mortification. " I'm so sor-" his sentence was cut off by Clay's lips meeting his cheek, leaving a hand at his jaw. " -ry" He finished, Clay's eyes pierced his soul, passion induced with anxiety roamed the air surrounding them.
Light presence of rain started, small strikes of lighting seen far beyond. George looked back, noticing the brewing storm. " I should head back before the storm comes." He said, gesturing back to his home. " No!- I mean, it'll probably be here before you can get back, just crash here." Clay tried excusing his want for George in the most pathetic way possible, though it worked oddly well. George agreed to stay, climbing into the window first. Clay watched him climb in, rethinking what had just happened. " Come in, dude, you're gonna get wet!" George whisper-shouted, gesturing to come in. Clay snapped out of his thoughts, smiling as he hopped back in.
The two laid down, still restless. George pulled out his phone, shuffling his Spotify.
Juliet
Cavetown
George tried to skip the song, embarrassed of the softer genre, but his skips were timed out, leaving them to listen.
Clay wasn't too bothered. The mix of soft indie and the pitter-patter of the rain hitting his rooftop was nice.
The two laid, listening as they try to fall asleep once again. They ended up entangled in each other's touch, too oblivious to their drowsy to notice.
As the song faded out, so did Clay's will to stay awake, seeming to fall into a quick slumber.
George took this opportunity to express how he felt, not only to the stars through the cloudy window, but to the sleeping boy who lay under him.
" I don't know how you do it, how every movement, every word you speak, everything you do captivates me in every way possible." He paused looking down upon him. " Truth is, I didn't expect to get this attached to you." George let out a brief sigh, falling asleep faster than he every had.
Just as Clay realized this he smiled, opening his eyes and giving George a swift kiss on the corner of his mouth.
" Me neither Georgie, me neither."
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3262 words
-AUTHORS NOTE-
Hi Luv's, I hope you enjoyed it! I had a fun time writing this chapter and I hope you'll come along with me on the journey of where this story takes us.
Love you all.
- Your author, Will