[Author POV]
Jungkook was always the happy-go-lucky member of the group. He always has a bright bunny smile on his face and lifted the mood of the others no matter what was happening. However, no one expected one of the brightest members of the group to fall so deep.
[Namjoon POV]
Sejin hyung called me this morning, telling me to pass on the message that we would be filming a new Run! BTS episode later. He didn't say what it was about, but he said we would need a lot of energy for it.
He gave a hint - it involved some sort of water sport, something we hadn't done for years. I immediately told the other members, knowing they'd be excited. However, a certain member's reaction was somewhat alarming.
Jungkook looked nervous...scared, even. Everyone knew Jungkook loved sports, but this time he didn't seem too excited. I wonder why. Maybe it was the water? He always refused to go swimming...
[Jungkook POV]
When Namjoon Hyung told us we were doing water sports for the Run! BTS episode later, I began to panic. I've been doing such a great job hiding it, I can't let it happen now.
I could fake an injury? Say I'm not comfortable going into the water? It won't work. I have no choice, huh. I guess my well-kept secret will be revealed today.
I reluctantly ate my breakfast and went upstairs to grab my swimsuit.
I pulled out the dark navy swimsuit I stuffed into the back of my closet. I stared at the short sleeves that would reveal all of my arms. I was dreading the reveal, but it was inevitable.
I decided to wear it under my clothes so I don't have to remove my clothes there.
Maybe I could just cook up some stupid excuse there. I left my room with my phone and other stuff to meet the others in the van.
I made sure that it wasn't too obvious that I was hiding my scars. Yes, scars.
I silently went through a depressive episode last year and it got to the point where I began to relieve my pain with more pain. Ironic, I know. I'm crazy, I've realised that. Who relieves pain with pain?
[Time Skip]
"Okay go get changed!" the director told my hyungs and they left to the bathrooms.
"Jungkook? You're not gonna get changed?"
"Well uh...I wore it inside..." I nervously said.
"Okay then remove your shirt, we're gonna start soon." He smiled at me.
I panicked. I couldn't remove it while he was looking at me! I can't have the camera capture my past pain! I felt panic rise in my chest and I frantically tried to ground myself.
5 things I can see...
Pool.
Cameras.
Water.
Staff.
Bags.
4 things I feel...
The chair.
My clothes.
Cool air.
Wet slippers.
3 things I hear...
Chattering of staff.
Water rushing into the drains.
Birds chirping in a tree.
2 things I smell...
Food (saved for after the shoot).
Pool water.
1 emotion...
Happiness.
I exhaled and calmed down a lot. Hopefully no one realised-
"Jungkook? You feeling alright? You spaced out a little there."
"Uh...y-yeah it's just...m-my head kinda hurts..." I silently cursed myself for stuttering.
I began to feel nauseous from the intense panic and fear that was coursing through my veins and so I gagged. A little bit.
Just then, Jin hyung finished changing.
"Kook? You okay?"
"He said he head hurts and now he's gagging...maybe he feels nauseous." The director told Jin hyung.
He was right. I was nauseous, but my head doesn't hurt.
"Hey, Kook, can you hear me?"
I nodded quickly, bending over in hopes to stop the intense spinning of the room.
Now my head was starting to hurt.
"Maybe he should lie down for a bit. He's burning up." The director and Jin hyung moved me to the nearby bench as the others came out of the bathroom.
I felt a cool hand on my forehead that moved away as soon as it laid on my skin.
"Geez, you're so warm. Kook, why didn't you tell me you weren't feeling well?"
I'm sorry, Namjoon hyung.
"Remove his sweater, let's cool him down a bit."
Remove my sweater?! No no no!
I tried to stop them but I was too weak. So, I just let it happen. I couldn't have hid it forever. I closed my eyes as I felt the fabric pull away from my sweaty skin.
"Kook...what's this?"
I opened my eyes and saw some of my hyungs staring at my arms in shock, while some were looking at me.
They're mad.
I sat up and fumbled to put my sweater back on.
"Kook."
I slid it over my head as I felt my breathing increase.
Grounding exercise. Now.
I couldn't.
I never felt like this before.
What was this feeling?
"Kook!"
"Shh...hey, we're not mad...We're really worried, we want to know what's going on..."
I grabbed onto the edge of the bench as I felt my airway close up.
I couldn't breathe.
I couldn't breathe.
.
.
.
"There we go, breathe with me..." I tried to follow the breathing of Jimin hyung and the heartbeats of Suga hyung as I laid on his chest.
I was tired...Really tired.
"Get some rest, Kook. Must have been draining going through something like that." Jin hyung patted my head and smiled.
"Let's postpone the filming of this episode to Friday, yeah? We still have one more backed up from last week so we'll just post that first." The director told us, looking at me worriedly.
I closed my eyes in exhaustion and let myself slip away into the comforting darkness.
.
.
.
[Jimin POV]
"The scars on his arms were traumatising...No wonder he was so scared to go swimming! He doesn't have a long sleeved swimsuit..." Namjoon hyung sighed, finding interest in the floor.
We were back at the dorms and changed of course, Jungkook was also changed and put to bed.
He promises us he's out of the dark mental state but I'm just wondering how he pulled himself out in the first place...
"Yeah, he's so strong it's actually unbelievable..." Yoongi hyung replied to my thoughts, having gone through depression himself. I realised that I had said my thoughts out loud by accident but it didn't matter either way.
I suddenly got a really strong gut feeling that something was happing up there. Jungkook was not asleep. The chatter of the other members drowned out as I looked up towards his room.
I couldn't take it anymore. I stood up and began walking to his room. The others seemed confused but followed me after realising I wasn't responding to them.
I opened the door to his room and thank god I had listened to my gut.
Jungkook had a box out in front of him, the lid wide open and he was staring blankly at the contents.
"Kook...Can you hear me?"
I slowly approached him, not wanting to startle the maknae.
I closed the lid of the box, gulping as I saw the contents.
Razors.
Jungkook had a box of razors in his room.
I sat in front of him and noticed that his eyes are glazed over. I pinched his arm lightly and he jumped slightly. He slowly turned his head to me as a single tear fell from his cheek.
I wrapped my arms around him as he cried into my shoulder.
.
.
.
He told us about his depressive episodes that started last year, and it's been on and off recently, according to him. He never told us because he felt like he was a burden and didn't want to stress us out or make us take care of him.
"I promise you never were and never will be a burden to us, and we love nothing more than making sure you're safe and happy," Taehyung smiled, back hugging Jungkook on the bed. I saw him smile a little and I let out a silent sigh of relief.
Jungkook was okay. Everyone was okay.
Kook, I promise you'll be happy.
End
Word Count: 1369
omg that was so shit im so sorry anyways yes i've been dead for a really REALLY long time and im sorry i didnt expect my second language teacher to give me 200+ pages worth of homework 😩👍🏻 bear with me i'll be back