"It was like she suddenly remembered she was supposed to hate us," Jules said to Emmett and Emil while he thought I wasn't listening. I leaned back against the door frame to the kitchen, taking in his words in between the noise of dishes clattering as the three of them set the table for dinner.
Christmas dinner, to be specific. The first one I would have in years. It was made exceptionally clear by Emil when we got home from the market that I was expected to come to dinner and 'behave myself' as he put it. I rolled my eyes, flipped him off, and reminded him that he wasn't my parent but he just pursed his lips and repeated his instructions on how I was to act tonight. He seemed to be in a shitty mood. Not that I blamed him for it. I would be in a shitty mood if I was up all night fighting with Mom. I usually was anyway.
"I don't know, man, it was like a switch flipped in her brain and she went right back to the way she's been acting."
"She'll come around, J." Emil's pacifistic voice floated around the corner, filling ears. I wasn't sure why I was hiding from them. I was never one for eavesdropping. I never had much reason to be. Usually, I was the one in control. I was the one with the information and the conversations. And now, I wasn't. Maybe that's why I was listening in. So I could feel like I had some control.
"Yeah, but when? I mean, I agree she needs time, but she's changed so much. She's not the same little girl we left behind." That girl left the day you did too, I was tempted to say in response to Emmett. But I didn't. I just slid further down the wall and stayed silent.
"Yes, she is. She's the same girl, Em. Just hidden behind a wall of anger." I could hear the quiet desperation behind Emil's words. Like he was trying to convince himself just as much as he was them. "We just have to be patient with her. If there's one thing that we can agree on, it's that Flick has always been a difficult kid. She'll come around in her own time." Emil, always the voice of reason. And always so fucking cocky too. I heard Emmett scoff a little.
"I hope you're right, Emil. Because I'm getting sick of this shit with her." I decided then was as good a time as any to make my presence known.
"What, sick of me already?" I asked, pinning my oldest brother with a heated glare. They all jumped a little at my sudden appearance.
"How long have you been listening?" Jules asked, his surprised expression quickly turning into one of anger and embarrassment. "If you're gonna talk about someone, a two-bedroom apartment might not be the best place to do it," I grumbled, my gaze burning into all three of them individually.
"We weren't saying anything we didn't want you to hear, Flick." Emil seemed to be the least deterred by my obvious eavesdropping, but that wasn't surprising. Emil was always the most levelheaded of the boys.
"I was. I didn't know she was there," Jules crossed his arms over his chest and glared at me, but I just rolled my eyes and walked past him and walked over to the fridge, bending down and grabbing another bottle of Gatorade.
"Is Mom up yet?" I glanced at the stove clock. 4:36 PM. She'd still been asleep when we got back from the market. Jules had asked me to go and wake her but I flat out refused, having made that mistake too many times to count. The golden rule of living with alcoholics; Don't poke the sleeping bear.
"No," Emil sighed, leaning against the counter as he folded napkins expertly. "And I will not be the one getting her up."
"Me either." Jules hums in agreement.
Emmett sighed. "I guess I'll do it then," He walked off begrudgingly and I heard the soft sound of Mom's door creaking open.
"Everyone else will be here around 6, Flick. Be ready " Emil called after me as I stepped out onto the porch, suppressing a shiver from the cold December air. I didn't respond to him. I just pulled my cigarettes out of my pocket and lit one up, letting the smoke gather in my chest, and my lungs. Filling me up with something other than hatred and anger for the time being.
They deserved it. All the hell I'd been giving them. I kept telling myself that they had brought this on themselves. That I was just the one delivering the consequences for all the shit they put me through. And I was. I was nothing more than the messenger in this entire, fucked up situation. Yet still, guilt swam in my shallow chest like a parasite infecting the soft parts of my heart that I spent my whole life trying to shield away from the world. And I would do anything to get rid of it.
-FLICK-
"Are you fucking kidding me?" My eyes snapped open when I heard Noel yelling from the kitchen. Quickly, I scrambled down off the railing I'd been laying on and rushed over to the back door I had left ajar when I came out here half an hour ago. I put my cigarette out and stepped inside. Noel roughly shoved Cameron into the kitchen, a furious look on his normally smiley face.
"Woah, what's going on?" Emmett asked. The front door swung open again behind my brothers. A flustered and out of breath Jackson burst through, his eyes immediately falling on me with a panicked expression. Without sparing anyone else in the room a look, my best friend ran over to me.
"Jackson, what the fuck is going on?"
"Um-"
"Are you fucking kidding me, Cameron?" Noel repeated, ignoring the rest of us. "Fuck off Noel, it was one time." My youngest brother snarled back. Noel pushed his younger brother back again, this time shoving him into the living room.
"Jackson, what the fuck is going on?" I asked again through gritted teeth. He just shook his head, eyes now glued to my brothers.
"One time? Is that your excuse?"
"Noel, Cameron what is going on?" Emil asked sternly. Mom was leaning in the doorway of the kitchen, a cigarette in one hand and a glass of what I assumed to be either white wine or vodka in the other. She seemed completely unfazed by the scene in front of her, but that was unsurprising. Very little fazed my mother. Her apathetic attitude was a product of the hell she's been through in life. That's all any of us are anyway. Products of our hell.
"Jackson," I snapped in a whisper one more time.
"Yeah, one fucking time I got a little high so fucking what." My 19-year-old brother spits venomous words as he stood up straighter and fixed his shirt where Noel had pulled on it earlier. I moved to the living room doorway so I could see both of them.
"You got high?" Emmett asked, his face turning an odd shade of red.
"One fucking time." Cameron glowered.
Noel shook his head. "He was shooting up with Nick Daily."
"Wait what?" Now it was my turn to turn red in the face with anger. I snapped my attention to Jackson. "What is he talking about?" I asked.
"He showed up last night," Jackson said, nodding towards Cameron, seeming a little desperate. "Hehe showed up drunk and asked Nick to hang out and my brother said yes and next thing I know the two of them are shooting up in our bedroom." All the attention in the room was focused on me and Jackson.
"One time. I used the needle, one fucking time last night." Cameron turned his heated glare away from Noel and onto my best friend. Jackson's cheeks flushed a pale white as his jaw clenched tightly.
"It was more than one time, asshole." He said confidently. Cameron's face grew even more furious. "You little piece of shit-" He growled trying to lunge at my best friend, but being held back immediately by an equally pissed-off Noel.
"Cameron calms the fuck down," Emmett grunted from behind me.
"And if you get blood on my carpet, I'll skin you alive," Mom added in her two cents with a smirk.
"Mom, don't you care that your son is doing Heroin?" Jules asked incredulously. My mother shrugged and took a drag of her cigarette.
"He's an adult. What the fuck do I care what he does?"
"You should care if your kid is shooting up," Wren muttered. Most of the boys were standing around the kitchen counter, watching the scene in front of them unfold. "Don't tell me what I should care about." Mom rolled her eyes and took a swig of her drink. Jackson's eyes darted around the room.
"He fell asleep in my room last night. I saw your brother on the street earlier today and told him where Cam was and he came and got him. Sorry,"
I shook my head. "You didn't do anything wrong," I muttered, sighing deeply.
"It was one fucking time, why is it such a big deal?" Cameron yelled. He went to push past Noel but our older brother pushed him back again. This time, Cameron shoved away harshly. "Get the fuck off me." He growled.
"The big fucking deal is you get pissed and the first thing you do is run off and shoot up." Noel pushed him back one more time. Cameron threw the first punch. And pacifistic as he may be, Noel didn't hesitate to return the gesture. Soon the two of them were in an all-out brawl that the rest of us had no choice but to sit there and watch, frozen in utter shock. It was Emmett and Emil who managed to react first, running past me and Jackson and pulling our two brothers off of each other.
"Chill the fuck out, both of you," Emmett yelled, pushing Noel back against the wall behind him. Emil did the same thing to Cameron who was gasping for breath as he wiped the blood from under his nose and lip.
"Fuck you, Noel," He turned his attention to me and the rest of the unamused audience. "Fuck all of you." He spat.
Noel huffed and wiped some blood off his face. "Go fuck yourself, Cameron." He grumbled, shaking his head and pushing past Emmett. Wren sighed and walked out after him. I heard the front door slam a moment later.
Cameron growled lowly when he looked down at his hands, stained with his blood. "Mother fucker." He walked out of the room muttering swears to himself down the hall. Emmett and Emil both followed him. Jules and Mom shared a look and left the room as well, leaving just me and Jackson standing there alone.
"What the fuck just happened?" He asked me.
I sighed and shook my head. "Christmas has begun in the Carter family."
A/N-Sorry this update is a little later than I said it would be! My amazing editor (@natasharomanov22) was getting it ready for me to give to you amazing people. I'm serious when I say she is the best editor ever. She is so patient with me even when I'm annoying about sending her multiple copies of the same chapter and I appreciate her so much.
Anyway, I took a mental health day from school but it backfired when I looked at my assignments and realized how much I missed in one day which made my anxiety hit the ceiling so yeah, that's my life update as of right now. I also have terrible allergies and feel like I'm choking on pollen 24/7 so as you can tell I'm living my best life :D Anyway, go drink some water go eat something and make sure you get enough sleep even though it's the weekend. Thank you for now 110K reads on this story and I love you all.