Iliana
I wake up surrounded by the scent of Braxton and about a-million-and-one scented, red-and-white stickers.
Holy shit. I will never again allow Cinda to talk me into scrapbooking again. What a thankless, horrible, soul-eating task. My head swims as I sit up. I feel cold. Braxton must have left about an hour ago, taking his warmth with him. I slept like a baby on his chest. He's just so damn cozy.
I stumble to my attached bathroom and gasp in horror. My short, thin, hair is sticking straight up on the left side of my head. My makeup from last night is smeared all over my oily, gross face. Best of all, one of Cinda's bright-red heart stickers, this one in the shape of lips, is right smack dab in the center of my forehead. I didn't sleep on Braxton like a baby, I passed out on his chest like a black-out drunk.
I yank the sticker off with a grimace. I bet Braxton did it on purpose. It fits his m.o. I'll get him back later... as soon as the warm glow in my chest dissipates a little. I want to be friends with him again. I've pushed so many of my pack away over the last two years, ignoring everyone except for the few friends who didn't allow me to. Now that I've been declared MateLess, there's something about it that makes me feel like I've gotten over that hurdle. I can start to really heal and recover. Even my she-wolf is resigned to our shared fate. We lost our mate. Not our fault. Too bad, so sad. Now we have to truly move on.
I won't, however, let any warm, fuzzy feelings for Braxton develop any further. I don't need to be the MateLess hussy who chases the hunky, older, caramel-eyed, obscenely wealthy, alpha-male. No way. Not this bitch.
A soft knock on the bedroom door startles me out of glaring at my reflection.
"Iliana? Honey, are you awake?" Mom calls softly.
"Yup," I call back. "Just washing up."
"Breakfast is ready," she can't hide the faint hope in her voice.
"OK, Mom," I call back, feeling a twinge of guilt. I never eat breakfast. I can't stomach eating when I first wake up. I have too many nightmares and it takes a while for my she-wolf to settle back down in the mornings. I feel queasy, like if I eat, I'll throw up.
I shower quickly, but spend a little extra time trying to make myself look presentable. I'll have eyes on me all day, until the idea of me being MateLess settles into the minds of the pack.
When I walk into the kitchen, mom smiles at me hopefully. I buss Phoebe on the cheek and grab an apple from the table without meeting Mom's eyes.
"Do you want some eggs and bacon, Ili?" Mom asks.
"No thanks, Mom," I tell her. I hustle out of the room before she can ask me anything else. I just want to get to school and deal with the fallout of this weekend's ceremony. Walking to the door, I pull yet another heart sticker off of my thick sweater. Cindi is so going to owe me.
The blare of a carhorn startles me. Even more suprising is the male form that straightens up from the side of his truck idling at the bottom of our driveway.
I freeze for just a moment before relaxing. Sauntering over to the smirking male, I smack him on the forehead.
"Ow," he remarks casually. "What was that for?"
I smile sweetly at him. "Nothing much. Just a good morning greeting from me to you."
"Goodmorning to you, Doll." Braxton smiles and opens the passenger door. "Milady. Your chariot awaits."
"Thanks, sexy, but no thanks." I walk past the truck onto the sidewalk. I hear Braxton splutter behind me and hide my laughter with my hand.
"Why not?" he jogs up next to me. Crap, he's a handsome male. All hard planes and edges of pure, masculine male. He smells good, too, like the bacon and eggs Mom just offered me. Although, now that I think about it, he probably just ate breakfast and that's why he smells edible.
"I like walking," I tell him blandly. The truth is, it's an easy way to re-build my stamina after months of languishing in the clinic and my bed. I'll make slow and steady progress until I can take up the harder pack training.
Braxton doesn't argue as he falls into step next to me. He left his truck in our driveway, running, with both doors open and the keys inside. I guess he figures that the walk to school is short, and then he can sprint back in about 30 seconds.
He shortens his stride to match mine. We walk in comfortable silence for a minute before he asks me, "when do you graduate?"
"Two more weeks," I tell him.
"Good."
"You're done with school?" I ask him.
"Yeah. Home for the summer. I'm thinking of transferring for next year, though."
"Really?" I say. "You go to State now, right?"
"Yeah, I wanted to go to a different school," he replies.
I have to think for a minute before it occurs to me, "you wanted to be away from everyone."
"Right," he says, a little clipped. The silence becomes a little more uncomfortable, then he softly apologizes, "sorry. It's a sore subject. I only had a year before everyone was on top of me again."
"Well, you've joined the walking wounded. Welcome to the Club," I joke, wincing at how inappropriate it is.
Braxton wraps his arm around my shoulders, but doesn't respond. I let him hold me for a little bit. He really is so toasty. Even my she-wolf responds, wagging her tail a bit at the sensation of warmth radiating through our too-cold body.
When we're a block from school, he drops his arm from around my shoulders without me having to ask. I feel a strange mixture of disappointment and relief. I have to keep distance between us, I remind myself sternly. He's probably already fueled speculation enough this morning.
"Hey, Ili, Braxton," Cinda skips over, her smile wide. I can see Teddy lurking at the edge of the parking lot, pretending that he's not stalking his mate to school and fooling absolutely no one.
"Hi, Cinda," I reply, smiling.
Braxton leans over me and murmurs, "Let me know if anyone gives you grief, today, right, Doll?" He gets so close to me that I can practically feel his lips brush my cheek. Braxton nods at Cinda, his face relaxed, but he doesn't greet her. "Bye, Ili. I'll see you after school."
"Um. Oh, OK," I reply, like a stammering idiot. Cinda grabs my hand, giggling, and tugs me away.
"He's so dreamy," she whispers. "Don't tell Teddy I said so."
"I won't," I reply wryly.
"Why did he have a heart sticker on his forehead?" she asks me.
"Fashion statement."
---
Braxton
"I want Iliana Thomas to be mine," I announce to Uncle Alex without even greeting him. I turn the sticker over and over in my hand, thrilled at her teasing, but miffed that she got me back. My fingers flex with the memory of how bony her shoulders felt under my hand, but my lips tingle from the faint kiss I laid on her cheek.
"Hello to you too, Braxton," he says with a raised eyebrow. At my resolute stare, he sighs and leans back in his chair. "I assumed you would, to be honest. You two were always hanging around each other. I was a little surprised that you didn't end up as truemates."
"Send out the word to the other packs. We're both Mateless. We don't have to wait."
Uncle Alex smiles faintly, "it's not that easy," he tells me in a soft, but very resolute voice. "Fuck, Brax. She's eighteen years old and in high school."
It jolts me out of the near-frantic state I'm in. Denial tastes sharp in my mouth, like thorns pricking the back of my throat. My wolf snarls low, flashing fang. It is that easy. What won't be easy is if Uncle Alex wants to parade Ili around at all his idiotic Mating events in front of other males. "For two weeks, Unc. Then she's graduated and officially ready to go to the mating parties, yeah? Fuck that."
"Braxton," Uncle Alex rubs his eyes with his thumb and forefinger. "Conner and Bailey caused an uproar with the council. Other packs are saying that your brother essentially stole another male's luna. Allowing his younger brother to Claim a MateLess female at such a young age isn't going to go over very well. Shit, Brax, she's not even graduated from high school, yet."
"The council can shove their protests up their asses," I snap. "Who's being pissy? RedMoon doesn't exist. GreyClaw? Utah? Who the fuck cares, Uncle Al? Conner's truemate was a psychotic bitch. That's done and dusted."
"GriMaw," Uncle Alex says quietly, leaning forward on his desk. "They've hit an impasse within their own pack and our strong alliance with LoboGris and RustClaw are making them nervous. Having Conner regain strength as a future alpha has pushed them to the edge."
"GriMaw isn't part of our council," I say, confused. "Fuck, what does Alaska really have to do with us?"
"Hmm," Uncle Alex nods. "They're too interested in watching us and..." he sighs, "the Alpha of the GriMaw has a runaway mate. He's... not inclined to forgive Conner for taking a choicemate as his luna."
"Fuck. Him." I snap. "Cullen was always a little pissant. Dad gave up the alpha title up there decades ago. So what's their real problem?"
Uncle Alex laughs and leans back again. "Your grandfather's death," he admits. "He was a strong alpha. Mac, not so much. Their traditions drove your Dad out and they weakened as a result. Now Cullen has lost his mate because your grandfather wasn't there to make sure Mac didn't fuck up."
"Conner and Bailey are together," I point out. "I'm not the alphason. What does it matter if I mate with Iliana or not?"
Uncle Alex shrugs. "Jealousy. Mac is a second son, remember. I wouldn't mind you and Iliana together," he admits. "You'd make a good pairing, but" he interjects when I start to agree, "you are young enough to last a couple of years dating and taking your time. She just went through a lot, Braxton," he finishes quietly. "She's still going through it."
"I want you to do it now," I say, frustrated. I know she went through a lot. That's the problem. "I'll help her."
Uncle Alex quirks an eyebrow at me. "Does Iliana know about your intention to mate her? You're in a hurry, but she isn't here by your side?"
"She doesn't know," I admit, "but she'll say yes."
He shakes his head, smiling. "Don't be so sure. Fuck, Braxton. Woo the female. Stop thinking with your little head and think with the big one."
"I am," I say stubbornly. Mostly the big head.
Uncle Alex nods, "You've become too brash, too withdrawn after Caroline's death. Not that I blame you, but you need to mend some bridges, Brax. Especially with your brother."
Fuck, that one hurt. "So, I'm not the future Beta of this pack," I shrug, trying to be casual, but it stings. I used to be so proud that I would carry the same title as my dad. I didn't care that Conner would be the Alpha, let him. I wanted to be like Dad.
"That title can still be yours," Uncle Alex says quietly, "but now you have to earn it, Brax. Starting an immediate mating relationship with Iliana is not the wisest move."
I look at him, confused. He smiles sardonically, "do you know what some wolves will say? What they may already be saying? Iliana Thomas is a young, beautiful, talented she-wolf who has no fated mate. If she snatches up a strong, young male from a powerful bloodline, even with your shared history, there will be wolves who will call her a rankwhore," he says bluntly.
I literally jerk backward in my chair at the ugly slur. "Who?!" I snarl a little.
His eyes grow sad. "I can tell you care for her, Brax."
"I do," I agree without any hesitation.
"Then be smart. You have to move slowly. The pack has to want you two together more than you do. It has to seem natural, until no one can remember that either of you were ever without the other. Understand? Make sure that your names fall out of wolves' lips together, but without any nasty speculation on how quickly she spread her thighs for you."
My hands ball into fists. "Stop saying shit about her."
His smile returns, "I like seeing you react to something with some emotion. It's been a long time, Brax."
"What if they still call her... that?" I ask him quietly.
Uncle Alex snorts, "Iliana isn't a weak-minded female, Braxton. She will face down any detractors. Just be her rock, for now. That's my advice, anyway."
His advice, but he also won't give me permission to Mark Ili. Fine. I'll be her boyfriend, as Bailey would say. Until we slip into mating naturally. Sooner, rather than later.
---
Sean
"Everybody hates me, nobody likes me, guess I'll just eat worms. Big fat juicy ones. Long thin slimy ones. Itsy bitsy, fuzzy wuzzy worms!" I bellow the words to the pup-song for the entire forest to hear, spreading my arms wide. "Sorry, Iliana," I mumble, tripping over a root and falling to my knees.
I rest a minute, head bowed nearly to my chest. "I'm so sorry, Lili."
My wolf is starting to wake up. Fuck. I can feel his disgust, his hatred for me. The alien feeling of another presence in my mind makes me want to curl up into a ball and sleep forever. I struggle to my feet and stare at my hands. I remember Conner's hands after the cunt rejected him. He had claws poking from his fingertips more often than not for the first couple weeks. His fingers would bleed, leaving spots of blood behind on his clothes, in his truck, his sheets.
Under the dirt and grime, my hands are as smooth as a human's. Human, like Mom. Like Conner's luna, Bailey.
Like me.
Memories wash over me. Harsh ones. Ones that I shrug off, but are still there, deep in my fucked-up brain.
Stupid human. Runt. Go back to the city with your whore mother.
Those pups learned their lesson, I guess. Davey, Mikko, Kearia, the others, wolves who were ranked low but were still pure-blooded; they were all lectured to tears by my dad, then the Beta, and finally the Alpha. The bullying never really stopped, but it wasn't every day. It wasn't consistent. Those were the words thrown at me whenever I did anything too poorly. It was worse when I did well. Those slurs were the fallback against the hybrid pup if he outgrew his britches.
Dad was always worried. He put up a good front, but I could see his eyes swimming with concern that I would never shift. My parent's only child could end up human, just like Mom. It was possible. My fifteenth birthday was miserable. I didn't have a wolf. I never had any signs of a wolf at all. My sixteenth birthday was shaping up to be worse. Nothing. Human. Not even an itch at my spine to let me know that he was there, waiting to mature before our first shift.
Then, Conner shifted. He's a year younger, but he shifted a little early, at fifteen, the way a powerful male will often do. He shifted and I felt my wolf for the first time, howling in happiness for his friend.
The bullying stopped after my first shift, but the words ringing in my brain didn't. They never do. Conner named me his next Beta after Braxton lost Caroline and I... I couldn't believe it. The title was always uncomfortable, like wearing your dad's coat when you're too young to fit into it, but I still wanted it. I wanted to belong.
I don't deserve it and I never did. I don't deserve to be Beta. I don't deserve to have a pure she-wolf, a wolf from a proud bloodline, as my mate. I was never going to be good enough for Lili, and now I've proven it.
Georgina always knew what it was like. Adopted by her aunt's family, she understood how a wolf can feel isolated even while surrounded by pack. No one really knew who her father was. Her mother abandoned her with Jackie and that was that. Speculation was that her real father was human. Her mom is close-lipped about it. Not that Georgina could ever ask her birth mom, the bitch is never around.
Is it better to have fucked your mate's cousin instead of her sister?
"Nobody likes me, everybody hates me," I laugh and laugh. Pathetic. Undeserving. Unworthy.
I stumble forward, forcing myself to return home. The world is blurry and my limbs are shaking. The soles of my feet are bleeding by the time I make it home. Mom and Dad are both at work. I pull on Dad's flipflops that he always leaves by the backdoor so that I don't track inside the house when I ease inside.
It will break my mom's heart when she finds out what I've done. After what she and Dad went through, her son turning out to be an asshole is like spitting in her face. I adore my mom. Even when my wolf is a dick to her, she still loves me and supports me.
Weeping, I step into the shower, watching the water turn brown as the dirt sluices off of my body and flows down the drain. I wish that cleaning all of my filth was as easy.
I get dressed in a daze, my headache growing worse. The thought in the back of my head is getting louder and louder. Run. Leave the pack. Give it all up so that Lili doesn't have to see my face again.
My wolf stirs, rousing only at the thought that we would leave Iliana behind forever. He won't do it. He hates me, hates us, but he doesn't have the balls to disappear. I'll still do it. I'll force him to quit the pack. Maybe it is for the best?
My phone rings. Only the years of training keep my leap of fear inside from showing.
"Conner," I greet my alphason.
"We have another fucking body," Conner snarls through the phone. "Get to the warehouse. Fuck this shit." He hangs up without another word.
Ice floods me as realization sinks in. Whoever is targeting she-wolves has been focusing on the ones living at the edges of packs, or packless. Mateless, rejected females are easy targets for kidnapping and torture.
I have to stay, if only to make sure that Iliana is safe. At least I can do that for her. Going to the back of my closet, I pull out the small safe and open it. I swallow the two pills, one a pure caffeine to wake me up so that I can do my job, and the other one to suppress the feral monster lurking in the back of my head.
"Sorry, Lili. I'll do better. I won't let anyone hurt you anymore and I'll protect Bailey, 'cause she's human like my mom, right? I'm sorry, Lili," I mutter, rocking back and forth until the drugs take effect and I can stand up without collapsing.
Bookclub ----->
A/N - Do we still like bookclub?