"A-Ling, wine?"
Wei WuXian asked Jin Ling as soon as he sat on the bed. Lan Sizhui went to pour some water while Lan Jingyi and Ouyang Zizhen tried to remove Wei WuXian's shoes.
Wei WuXian looked at Jin Ling with furrowed eyebrows when he did not get a reply. Dejected he sat on the bed obediently while the boys fussed over his shoes and outer robes. Jin Ling looked at his uncle, who was looking at him just like a small child asking for his lost toy. He looked away from Wei WuXian and did not answer.
"A-Ling?"
Wei WuXian called his nephew, slowly tugging on his sleeve with both hands looking like he was about to cry. Jin Ling panicked and quickly sat down next to Wei WuXian.
"Wine will come soon."
"Promise?"
Wei WuXian asked Jin Ling with scrunched up face. He held Jin Ling's sleeve tightly not wanting him to leave because his family always left him behind. He did not want another person to leave, so many had already left without him, leaving him alone here. Jin Ling rolled his eyes without knowing what his uncle was thinking.
"Yes yes promise."
Lan Sizhui came back with water for Wei WuXian. Wei WuXian was just staring down at his own lap while he held tightly onto Jin Ling not wanting to leave him out of sight. Lan Sizhui called him and tried to give Wei WuXian the cup but he was not responding. Jin Ling took the cup from Lan Sizhui.
"Drink this."
Jin Ling forcefully shoved the cup into Wei WuXian's hand. Wei WuXian took the cup from Jin Ling and smiled at him. The four boys frowned seeing that smile and Ouyang Zizhen was already crying on the floor. Wei WuXian drank the water in one gulp, then he whined pulling on Jin Ling's robes.
"It's not wiiinneee A-Ling!!!"
Jin Ling was going to make up some more lies when he saw tears running down Wei WuXian's cheeks. His eyes went wide as he stared at his uncle in shock. Ouyang Zizhen shot up from the floor hearing the sniffles while Lan Jingyi called loudly.
"Wei-Qianbei!!"
"What the hell?"
Jin Ling exclaimed when Wei WuXian started sobbing uncontrolled, clutching onto Jin Ling like his life depended on him. The four boys panicked seeing Wei WuXian cry, real crying. Jin Ling tried to pat his uncle's shoulders awkwardly. He looked for help but all the others were too shocked to move.
"He's crying. What do we do?"
Ouyang Zizhen asked shaking Lan Sizhui out of his daze. Lan Sizhui sat on the bed, to Wei WuXian's right. He rubbed Wei WuXian's back and asked softly.
"Wei-Qianbei, what is it? Are you hurt?"
Wei WuXian looked up to meet Lan Sizhui's eyes. He let go of Jin Ling and wiped his tears with his sleeves but new ones kept on falling. Wei WuXian clutched his chest with both hands and sobbed.
" Hurt. 'urt .
So much hurt hereeee~"
"His heart?"
Lan Jingyi asked sitting down by Wei WuXian's legs on the floor after his initial shock was over. Wei WuXian nodded at Lan Jingyi and cried more. Lan Sizhui hugged him from the side to comfort him but Wei WuXian continued to cry onto his shoulders. Ouyang Zizhen was now a crying mess sitting on the floor while Lan Jingyi had started crying with him.
"Ca-can't celebrate with 'an Zhan 'cause of the 'uleeessss."
Wei WuXian said between broken sobs. Jin Ling looked confused at Wei WuXian's words. He turned to Lan Sizhui. Lan Sizhui wiped his own tears with his handkerchief and said.
"The ru-rules"
"Lan-Lan Zhan. I waan- Lan Zhan."
Wei WuXian was breaking down and he was having trouble breathing. His breathing became laboured as he clutched his own body and cried openly. His head was spinning and he was loosing his mind.
Wei WuXian could see the Lotus Pier burning in front of his eyes and he could not do anything. Jin Zixuan's lifeless body was lying in front of him, his Shijie being pierced by the sword right in front of his eyes, everything in front of him once again. The Wens, Granny Wen,Uncle Four dying for him twice right in front of him. Everything kept on happening over and over again as he watched helplessly.
Wei WuXian wanted his husband now. Lan Wangji knew how to make the nightmares go away but he was not here. Wei WuXian was trembling, guilt and fear breaking him from the inside. His past was haunting him and he was terrified.
"Wei-Qianbei! Wei-Qianbei!"
"Wei-Qianbei"
"Wei WuXian! Wei WuXian?"
The boys called again and again but Wei WuXian was not responding. Wei WuXian was shaking so much in Jin Ling's hold, thrashing his arms and legs. Ouyang Zizhen tried to called Wei WuXian's name continuously to bring him back but it was not working. Lan Sizhui took out his Guqin and started playing the Song of Clarity while sobbing.
Wei WuXian was deep in his own world of guilt, he wanted to apologize to so many people. There were people he wished to kowtow and apologize over and over but all of them were already dead. They were dead because of him, he killed them. They were dead while he was given a second chance.
Wei WuXian heard the familiar music, he clenched his hands and took deep breaths following the music trying to calm himself. He felt calmer listening to the music and his breathing evened out.
After what felt like eternity for the four boys, Wei WuXian slowly blinked and looked at them. Lan Sizhui put out away his Guqin and held Wei WuXian's hands. He sobbed, crying onto Wei WuXian's lap.
The other three waited for Wei WuXian to say something, anything. Ouyang Zizhen and Lan Jingyi wiped their tears away and smiled at Wei WuXian to encourage him. Jin Ling was passing Wei WuXian spiritual energy.
Wei WuXian frowned at the boys. He tightly held onto Lan Sizhui and said.
"Can't 'ele- elebrate outside of Jingshi!!! No! No!
Should keep every- everything inside.
It's- it's it's not faaiirrr~."
The boys sighed in relief when they heard Wei WuXian's voice once again. Wei WuXian had stopped shaking and was not looking like he was going to pass out.
Lan Jingyi stood from the floor and threw himself in Wei WuXian's arms. He hugged Wei WuXian tightly and he let go of Wei WuXian then glared at Jin Ling daring him to make any comments. But Jin Ling was not in any state of mind to start his banter with Lan Jingyi so he too just hugged Wei WuXian.
"We understand Wei-Qianbei."
Ouyang Zizhen said hugging Wei WuXian. He did not let go instantly like the other two. He hugged him tightly until Wei WuXian relaxed and slumped onto his shoulders. When he finally let go, Wei WuXian leaned back in Lan Sizhui's arms like a child. He sniffled and asked the boys, tears rolling down his cheeks once again.
" 'an Zhan not happy with meeee?"
"Hey!! That's not true!!!
He is very happy with you."
Jin Ling yelled at Wei WuXian with tears on his eyes and a bright red nose. He was angry at Wei WuXian, he was angry at Lan Wangji for leaving Wei WuXian alone, he was angry at everyone. Wei WuXian looked at Jin Ling and said silently.
"Old Maa- and other old maanss said no."
"Other old mans?"
Ouyang Zizhen asked. Lan Jingyi, who was really furious after hearing Wei WuXian's words turned to his friend and said through gritted teeth.
"The Lan Elders!"
"The-they scold me 'cause I made Lan Zhan baaad."
Wei WuXian said to Lan Jingyi when he heard him speaking about the Lan Elders. They always told him that he was the stain in Lan Wangji's perfect life. Lan Wangji was a perfect model Lan cultivator before meeting him. They made sure to remind him everyday that he destroyed Lan Wangji's life.
"The Lan Elders scold Wei-Qianbei without HanGuang-Jun's knowledge."
Lan Jingyi spat out angrily, seeing the confusion on Ouyang Zizhen and Jin Ling's face. Lan Sizhui sat next to Wei WuXian without saying anything as he wiped Wei WuXian's tears away with his sleeves.
"What the hell is wrong with your Sect?"
Jin Ling whisper yelled looking between Lan Sizhui and Lan Jingyi. Lan Sizhui did not know the answer to that question so kept on wiping away Wei WuXian's tears while his on eyes we're tearing up nonstop. Lan Jingyi looked down not knowing what to say. Ouyang Zizhen who was massaging Wei WuXian's shoulders asked in a hoarse voice.
"Wh-why don't you help hi-him?"
"What are you both doing in Cloud Recesses?"
Jin Ling was red from anger. He looked at his uncle who was crying on Lan Sizhui's shoulders. How much had he bottled up inside for him to finally breakdown like this in front of them. This could not carry on, this man in front of them had endured enough pain for two lifetimes already.
"W-we can't be of much help in front of Lan El-Elders."
Lan Jingyi said staring at Jin Ling with tears streaked face and sobbing loudly. Jin Ling nodded and sat there silently understanding that they never had the power to question the elders of their Sect. Wei WuXian continued cry silently without even making a single sound. Ouyang Zizhen mumbled but the other three boys heard him.
"I don't want to see him cry like this."
All of them nodded as they cried with Wei WuXian. The room was silent for sometime as Wei WuXian cried his heart out. The boys tried their best to comfort him with red puffy eyes. Lan Jingyi said suddenly.
"He- he was so happy an hour ago, I still can't believe that he was fa-faking it. This entire time! "
Wei WuXian hiccuped and then suddenly looked at his own hands. He looked at them with disgust and the boys were scared thinking it was going to be another breakdown. Wei WuXian wiped his hands on his robes but the blood was still there. He sighed and said between sobs.
"I'm baaad~ I'm baaad"
The boys looked at him with worry. Lan Sizhui hugged Wei WuXian tightly letting him cry on his shoulders. Wei WuXian mumbled.
"Lan Zhan goood~ So so sooo goood~"
"Wei-Qianbei y-you are good too. You are very go-good. "
Lan Sizhui said crying fresh tears hugging Wei WuXian close. The three boys nodded not opening their mouths fearing that they would start sobbing too. Wei WuXian shook his head slowly and said.
"Noooo~ I hurt 'an Zhan so much.
Can't anymoooorre~.
I shou-not hurt him mooore~
I smile. Like this!!!
See?"
Wei WuXian smiled at the boys. He turned and smiled at each one of them. His smile was bright, showing all his bunny teeth. But his red face and tear streaked cheeks were making the sight too much for the boys to handle. Ouyang Zizhen cried covering his face with his hands and shaking. Lan Jingyi wiped his tears and said.
"Yo-you are smiling even though Master Lan and the elders scold you."
"Mmmmhhhmmmm"
Wei WuXian agreed. He knew the Elders all hated him for his past misdeeds and Demonic Cultivation. He knew they were right, he deserved every bit of their scolding but it still hurt. Wei WuXian was the best at smiling through his pain so he smiled at everyone. He smiled at the boys once again to reassure them that he was alright but he was only making the boys more heartbroken.
"To make HanGuang-Jun happy?"
Ouyang Zizhen asked biting back his tears. He rest his head on Wei WuXian's lap and cried hiding his tears away from Wei WuXian. Wei WuXian smiled although tears rolled down his cheeks. He said.
"Yes.
Old man alwaaayss~ yelling when 'an Zhan not hereeeee~
I'm scared. "
Lan Sizhui hugged Wei WuXian tightly. He had once heard a Lan elder scolding Wei WuXian. But Wei WuXian had waved his hands and said that it was nothing. Lan Sizhui sobbed onto Wei WuXian's shoulders for being so ignorant. He did this to Wei WuXian because he did not see his pain, he did nothing to help him.
"How can you be scared? You are the terrifying Yiling Laozu."
Jin Ling wiped his tears and asked loudly desperately trying to change the topic. Wei WuXian looked at his nephew and snapped back.
"I'm scareeed A-Ling!!!"
Wei WuXian then looked at Jin Ling's eyes which were the same eyes of Jiang Yanli. Wei WuXain squinted his eyes and stared at Jin Ling's face, he looked so much like Jiang Cheng. Wei WuXian let go of Lan Sizhui and hugged his nephew and cried.
"Ah? Ok you're scared."
Jin Ling said surprised. Wei WuXian shook his head and cried in Jin Ling's chest hugging the boy as tightly as he can. He had killed both his parents, made him an orphan, left Jiang Cheng to raise him alone. Wei WuXian sobbed and started shaking once again.
"Don't be scared anymore."
Jin Ling said slowly hugging his uncle back and crying. Lan Jingyi and Ouyang Zizhen cried clinging to each other. Lan Sizhui played the Song of Clarity once again to clear Wei WuXian's mind. Wei WuXian turned to Lan Jingyi and Ouyang Zizhen who were both resting their heads on Wei WuXian's lap.
"I break ruuuleee and 'an Zhan sad? "
Wei WuXian asked the boys, they just shook thier head 'no' while crying. Lan Sizhui took Wei WuXian's hands and said softly.
"Wei-Qianbei it's alright. HanGuang-Jun will understand."
"No no no~~~
Don't tell 'an Zhan.
He will argue with 'is uncle.
That's not good."
Wei WuXian wailed. Lan Sizhui nodded and Wei WuXian smiled at him. Wei WuXian looked at Lan Jingyi and Ouyang Zizhen for their response and they also nodded. He then finally turned to Jin Ling. Jin Ling was planning to go and confront Lan Wangji even though he was scared of the said cultivator.
"Not good A-Ling!!!"
Seeing his nephew lost in thought Wei WuXian guessed that he was planning to go tell on him to Lan Wangji. Jin Ling looked at Wei WuXian and nodded his head and agreed.
"Ok ok. Not good.
I won't tell Lan Wangji."
Wei WuXian nodded at his nephew, pleased with the answer. He then pointed his finger at the boys and said like he was teaching them.
" 'an Zhan not argue with fa- fam- mily 'cause of meeee.
No no.
NO! "
Wei WuXian yelled "no" and started shaking once again. Ouyang Zizhen and Lan Jingyi held him down and pleaded.
"Wei-Qianbei it's alright."
"Alright calm down. It's alright."
"Not al-alrigh-ht"
Wei WuXian yelled back at the boys. He shook his head and mumbled incoherent words. Ouyang Zizhen wiped his tears and put on a smile. He raised Wei WuXian's head to look at him and asked.
"Wei-Qianbei what can we do to help?"
"Mm? Help? Help me?"
Wei WuXian stopped shaking, he asked with furrowed eyebrows. Lan Jingyi nodded and said.
"Yes. Help you. "
"Why? Why help me?
Nobody helps me! Nobody."
Wei WuXian said plainly. He never had people help him, nobody asked him whether he needed help. They only wanted his help every time then after everything was over they threw him away. He shook his head to clear his mind and said to Ouyang Zizhen.
"Nobody help me. Not in the paaast, no- not now. Never.
Only 'an Zhan."
"Only Lan Wangji helps you?"
Jin Ling asked with a frown. Wei WuXian nodded his head seriously. The boys frowned at the new knowledge. Wei WuXian pulled out Chengqing from his belt and held it out for the boys to see.
"Yes. Only 'an Zhan. Only Lan Zhan.
Everyone wants my- my power. Yes!
'upid power."
Wei WuXian threw away Chengqing and glared at where it had landed. Lan Jingyi picked it up from the floor and placed it on the table. Wei WuXian leaned over to pick Chengqing again and threw it harshly to the opposite wall.
"What?"
Jin Ling asked holding Wei WuXian's hands who was trying to throw away the cups. Wei WuXian continued to glare daggers at Chengqing, struggling in Jin Ling's hold. He turned to look at his nephew and said.
"Wa-want my power then kill meeee.
Only want 'tupid power.
But 'an Zhan want meee~"
Wei WuXian started crying once again remembering how he had pushed away the only person who had cared about him. The only person who loved him for who he was. He had hurt Lan Wangji over and over again with his words in the previous life. He sobbed clutching his head.
"Sizhui do something!!!"
Jin Ling exclaimed seeing his uncle going back to crying. Lan Sizhui held Wei WuXian while Jin Ling pulled the bedsheets down. Lan Sizhui said softly.
"Wei-Qianbei let's lie down. Shall we?"
"Mmmm."
Wei WuXian hummed and let himself be tucked in. Ouyang Zizhen and Lan Jingyi pulled the covers over him. Wei WuXian looked at the boys and asked.
"Do you know? He loves me so much."
"We know Wei-Qianbei."
Lan Sizhui replied sitting beside Wei WuXian. Jin Ling, Lan Jingyi and Ouyang Zizhen also sat on the bed around Wei WuXian. They all nodded to Wei WuXian. Wei WuXian smiled at the ceiling and said.
"He 'oooveees me and n-noot kill me.
He save me."
Wei WuXian pulled back his sleeves and showed them the white Forehead ribbon tied around his arm. The boys took the sight in and smiled remembering last time they saw Wei WuXian tied up by Lan Wangji's Forehead ribbon.
"Yes, he loves you."
Lan Sizhui said once again determined to answer all the questions. Wei WuXian yawned and rubbed his eyes. He said.
"I love him too.
So much. So so much.
Bu-but I'm an idiot!!!"
"Everything's alright now."
Lan Jingyi said seeing that Wei WuXian was getting worked up again.
Wei WuXian looked at Lan Jingyi and said.
"I didn't, did n-oot knowwww.
I did not know. I did not see him. He was always there. He was always there for me. But I never saw that.
Stupid! I did not -"
Lan Sizhui held Wei WuXian's hands tightly and said.
"It's all good now."
"Really? But 'an Zhan got scars because of meee. This many!!!"
Wei WuXian said releasing his hands from Lan Sizhui. He held three fingers on both hands and showed it to the boys. He was the reason behind Lan Wangji suffering such a painful punishment. Lan Wangji got thirty three strikes for protecting him.
"I'm so baaad. I hurt 'im so much."
"HanGuang-Jun doesn't care about the scares. So it's alright."
Lan Sizhui said putting Wei WuXian's hands back under the covers once again. Wei WuXian looked at Lan Sizhui and asked.
"Really? But- but but I want him happy. I wanna 'elebrate. For him. He'll be happy.
Can I? "
"Yes you can."
Jin Ling said. Ouyang Zizhen had blown off all the lamps except the one near the bed. Wei WuXian nodded his head at his nephew and yawned. He turned to Lan Sizhui who was running his hands through Wei WuXian's hair. He asked.
"Th-then, I sleep now?? "
"Yes. Sleep now."