"If you're here to lecture me, I really can't be bothered to listen."
Jackson raised his eyebrows in amusement, watching intently as Oliver walked away from him, leaving his door wide open. He hesitated, stepping into the room and shut the door behind him. "Lecture? About what?" He humored him, turning around to find his eyes already rolling, "You're doing amazing, sweetie."
"Fuck off," Oliver scoffed, leaning back against his desk, dropping his head down miserably, "Gwen just left, I'm sure you saw her."
"Yeah, what's that all about?" Jackson sighed, tensely spinning the rings around his fingers, "I really thought that was like a rebound thing that'd be over in a week-"
"What do you want, Jack?"
He looked up at him again, narrowing his eyes as he thought. "I think that I owe you a rather important conversation," He said slowly.
Oliver huffed, moving his hands back to brace himself against the edge of the desk. "Sure," He muttered, shaking his head.
His jaw clenched when Jackson came toward him, reaching past to pick up the book before mindlessly moving back to sit on his bed.
"When you really love something-"
He turned around, quickly replanting his palms on the edge of the desk and exhaled sharply. "I get it," He sighed, keeping his head between his shoulders.
Jackson bit his bottom lip, staring intently at the back of Oliver's head as he hesitated, holding the book open in his lap.
"You know, if she loved me so much why the hell did she leave me the way she did?" Oliver breathed out, causing Jackson to frown.
"You know, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to understand how her brain ticks," Jackson retorted, and Oliver turned to look at him, his eyebrows still furrowed in distress, "You were together for what? A couple weeks? But you spent months getting to know her— Why don't you get it?"
Oliver dropped his head again, leaning back on the desk once again as he crossed his arms over his chest and listened intently.
"She spent a lot of time with her family growing up— One of those small huddles of unconditional love that, I know some part of you can understand, at least a little bit," Jackson shrugged, leaning forward to put his elbows on his knees, "She wants that for everyone— I mean, fuck. I spent a week alone with her and now she's got me asking James if he'd tutor her in Anatomy."
"She can't force my relationship with my mother-"
"You think I don't that?" He scoffed, "I've known you longer than I've known her. But that's my whole point here, Ol— She did it because she loves you. She's trying to help you have what she can't anymore."
Oliver squeezed his eyes shut, bringing his hands up to his face. "Her mom," He mumbled, "Fuck. I always forget about her fucking mom-"
"It's not like she talks about it-"
"Dude, I told her I wanted her over wanting a relationship with Caroline— You know how soul crushing that probably was? Fuck-"
"Okay, calm down-"
"I fucked all of this up, Jack," He breathed out, shaking his head at himself, "I mean I— I-"
"No— I don't care about her! I don't need her like I need you!"
"I ruined it-"
"Dude, you need to relax," Jackson sighed, holding his hands out, "You're like spiraling— I'm— I-I'm watching you spin out right now-"
Oliver sighed in defeat, throwing his head back dramatically. "What do you want from me, Jack?" He groaned, "You want me to tell you that I'm glad she left? Th-that my relationship with Caroline is better since?"
Jackson pressed his lips into a thin line, stepping backwards in preparation of the rant he knew Oliver was about to go on.
"Because it isn't," He grumbled. "Believe it or not, when your mother calls you a disgrace and drives away your future, you don't really care about what she thinks anymore.
"Is this what you want?" He continued, "You want to stand here and watch me fall apart over her? Just as things were, right?"
Jackson frowned when he began to crumble, masking his trembling lip with an angry and malicious tone.
"I tried so fucking hard and you still have her eating out of the palm of your hand," Oliver cried out, trashing his arms around in frustration, "You hurt her in so many imaginable ways, but still, you know her better than I ever will."
Jackson sighed patiently, walking backwards to sit on the bed once again. "You're right," He said dryly, "I do have her eating out of my hand, don't I?" He pressed, egging on Oliver's urge to spill his feelings.
"I threw away my junior year— I was ready to throw away my family for her, Jack!" Oliver raised his voice, "I gave her everything in return for what? For her to leave me? Do you know how humiliating that is?"
"Are you done?" Jackson asked, casually leaning back on his palms.
Oliver's chest rose and fell faster than he could comprehend. His shallowed his breathing in an attempt to calm the rapid beating, leaving him woozy and light headed.
Jackson jumped up from the bed when he stumbled around, grabbing onto his elbow. "Woah, man," He chuckled nervously, "Let's sit down."
Oliver nearly collapsed into the chair behind him, gasping out for air as his chest tightened. "Wh-Why?" He panted, "Wh-Why doesn't she want me? What d-do you have th-that I don't?"
"Oliver, look at me," Jackson said sternly, pushing his shoulders back to open his chest.
He lifted his head lazily, gasping for air as he stared back at Jackson with a seemingly terrified reaction on his face.
"Elisa sees right through you— She looks past all these stupid walls you put up, and she sees how badly it hurts you that Caroline doesn't treat you the same as she does her other kids," Jackson told him, reaching up to cup his face in his hands, "She wants you to have the happiness you deserve."
"I-I need her, Jack," Oliver said miserably, slowing his intense breathing patterns, "She's the happiness that I want."
Jackson shook his head, frowning softly as their eyes met. "No," He mumbled, exhaling softly, "You can't be two halves of a whole in a relationship."
Oliver frowned, leaning into him slightly.
"You need to be two wholes together," Jackson suggested, and paused to swallow down the nerves that went to form an ache in the pit of his stomach, "That's why my last relationship ended— We weren't ready to be whole."
Oliver knitted his eyebrows together, instinctively moving his trembling hands up to cover Jacksons. "Elisa?"
Jackson sat up right when he realized, hesitantly shaking his head. "No," He said quietly, taking his hands back, "Someone else, that I was seeing over summer."
Oliver nodded his head, fortunately for Jackson, leaving the subject behind.
"Why are you doing this?" He asked genuinely, leaning back into his seat, "Why do you care so much what happens to us?"
"Believe it or not, Ol, I care about you— I-I care about both of you," Jackson retorted.
"You spent your junior year making us miserable."
He frowned at the thought, sinking back on his heels. "You know, a year and a half ago, you were my best friend— You were all I had and I knew it," He muttered, looking down in his lap, "I really couldn't tell you why I did everything, but I'll tell you right now that I'm going to do everything I can to help you forgive me, just like I did with Elisa."
"It wasn't very hard for her to forgive you," Oliver murmured, "She's very forgiving."
"That doesn't mean she trusts me," Jackson countered, "You know, she always makes sure we're never completely alone— She's careful. She's trying to take care of herself."
Oliver pressed his lips together, biting his tongue to resist from snapping back at him.
But he seemed to forget that Jackson knew him like the back of his hand.
"What?" He asked knowingly, rolling his eyes.
Oliver sighed, crossing his arms over his chest. "I find comfort in knowing that you're never alone with her," He muttered.
Jackson smirked. "I'm keeping my hands to myself, Ol," He snickered, "Don't worry."
Oliver smiled back at him warily, letting it fade as he slowly slouched further back into his chair. "I-I don't know how to be whole without her," He whispered, and Jackson frowned, moving to sit back as he looked up at him.
"I don't think she's going anywhere, Ol," He retorted, "She's learning to be whole too, you know? If you're meant to be together-"
"We'll find our way back," Oliver muttered, nodding, "Right."
Jackson knitted his eyebrows together, sitting up again as Oliver stared at him blankly. "Can I offer you some advice?" He asked hesitantly, calmly folding his hands into his lap.
Oliver nodded just as hesitantly, a worried expression on his face as he did.
"Get rid of Gwen-"
"Wh-"
"What the hell happened to you that you decided sex was casual?" Jackson scolded him, causing him to raise his eyebrows in surprise, "You're almost unrecognizable."
Oliver scoffed softly, rolling his eyes as he dropped his head down.
"I'm serious, Ol," Jackson spoke softer, "Elisa didn't fall in love with me because I slept around, you know? It doesn't impress her-"
"You really think my relationship with Gwen revolves around Elisa?"
"I think there's no other reason you could possibly want to get yourself involved with her— I know that you know what she's like," He shrugged, "And maybe, if not Elisa, you don't even know the foundation of-" He trailed off, contorting his face in disgust- "Of whatever the hell you got going on with Gwen."
He moved to his feet when Oliver didn't respond, taking note of the fact that what he had said was obviously true. "Just think about it," He suggested, shrugging his shoulders again, and held his hand out.
Oliver looked up at him in confusion, hesitantly taking the offer.
"And confide in blondie for once? I don't know what crawled up your ass that made you not want to spill all your shit on her but you have seriously got to sort out what she thinks happened between you and Elisa."
"Mary? What did she-" He trailed off and frowned as he stood up, awkwardly following as Jackson nonchalantly preformed a handshake, and left his hand out in confusion when he was finished.
"Let's just say I can't exactly make sure Elisa's doing okay if she's flying home for Thanksgiving," Jackson told him, raising his eyebrows suggestively, "Mary seems to think this is her business."
Oliver scoffed in annoyance, shaking his head as he rolled his eyes. "Of course she does," He muttered, crossing his arms over his chest.
"Good luck with that," Jackson snickered, tensely walking backward to the door.
He wrapped his hand around the knob and paused, staring at Oliver in hesitation. "You're okay, right?" He frowned, and Oliver did the same.
"Yeah, I'm good," Oliver retorted with a sure nod, and a smile that wasn't as reassuring. "I swear," He added, reaching his hand back to awkwardly scratch the back of his head.
Jackson sighed softly in relief, giving him a short nod before he turned to open the door.
Oliver bit his bottom lip, letting every possibly way the conversation could end run through his mind before he sighed at himself in defeat and called out, "Jackson?"
His heart skipped a beat— Leaving not even a second of time for his blood to rush up to his cheeks as he turned around. "Yeah?" He raised his eyebrows, maintaining a calm face as he usually did, redirecting the gut wrenching feeling into a tightening grip around the door handle.
"Thank you," Oliver smiled weakly, "For— For caring, I guess."
Jackson inhaled sharply, his jaw clenched as he forced a small smile. "I-I know you probably don't believe me but I never stopped caring, Ol," He retorted. "But uh— You're welcome, I guess."
-
"Is Sam here?"
Mary hummed as she shook her head, and stepped back into her room to open the door wider, inviting him in. "No— You know he has therapy on Tuesdays," She reminded him, sinking down into her bed, and immediately asked, "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I just wanted to talk to you," He shrugged, sitting in front of her.
She narrowed her eyes at him suspiciously, bringing her knees up to her chest and leaned back against her pillows. "Okay," She said slowly, "What about?"
Oliver snickered, rolling his eyes as he turned toward her. "Nothing bad," He reassured her, "I've just been thinking and I think I'm done playing this game."
"What game?"
"The one where I pretend I don't need you and try to solve all my problems by myself."
She cracked a soft smile, sitting up slightly to lean her chin down on her knees. "Okay," She said again, "What's up?"
He bit his bottom lip in thought, tensely folding his hands in his lap. "I need-" He trailed off, knitting his eyebrows together, "I-I need you to be patient with me."
Her smile faded, replaced with a guilty expression. "O-okay," She stammered that time, feeling her breathing shallow as her nerves spiked.
He took a deep breath, fluttering his eyes shut for a moment to reground himself, allowing his memories to resurface.
"I want you out of my house."
He exhaled sharply, reopening his eyes to look at the ground. "She wanted me to leave," He breathed out, fiddling with his own fingers.
"What?" Mary frowned at him in confusion, letting her legs fall into a crossed position.
"Caroline-"
Her eyebrows raised, and her eyes widened slightly in horror.
"-After Sam, she told me I wasn't welcome at the estate if I wanted to be with Elisa."
She opened her mouth to respond, but nothing came out, leaving her to stare at him blankly.
"I-I didn't care. I could've stayed here for the holidays and stayed somewhere else before moving into a dorm next year," He shrugged, "You know she— She's been so careless and so quick to blame me and to use every opportunity that came her way to kick me out of the family so I just-" He trailed off, knitting his eyebrows together, "I was more than happy to finally do it."
Mary pressed her lips together, instinctively reaching out to grab his hand when his voice broke. "So why did you-"
"Elisa," He blurted out, "She— She didn't see why I should pick her over family." He bit his bottom lip again, feeling her eyes on him, "So she made the decision for me, and— A-and left."
She took a slow breath, squeezing his fingers in her hand tightly. "Oliver," She whispered, knitting her eyebrows together.
"I-I know that I don't really know what Jack did to her, but I know that she isn't stupid enough to go back to him— Not in that way."
The heat rose to her cheeks knowingly— Knowing that her words were coming back for her. "Ol, I-"
"I know that I've avoided talking to you about all of this, and I know that that wasn't fair, but you can't do that, Mary," He said sternly, finally looking up at her, "I want to say that I get it, but I don't. There's a line where your life ends, and mine begins— And it isn't thin."
She sighed deeply, taking her hand away to cover her face. "I'm really sorry, Oliver," She mumbled, "I just— I guess I let what everyone was saying get to me."
"I want my best friend back, Mars," He retorted, "I don't want to be afraid of what you're going to say or do in response to my life. It's seriously overwhelming."
"I know. I'm sorry," She apologized again, knitting her eyebrows together, "I was just so tired of watching people hurt you-"
"I'm fine, Mar," He reassured her, "I can make my own decisions."
"I know," She huffed, leaning her face down to her hands.
He pursed his lips in contemplation, letting Jacksons words to seep into him. After a moment, he swallowed, sitting up slightly and leaned back into the footboard. "Gwen and I aren't together— We aren't— We aren't dating," He blurted out, crossing his arms over his chest.
She pressed her lips together, raising her eyebrows as she refrained from any pressing questions and instead dryly replied, "Oh."
"At the end of August, her boyfriend broke up with her," He started slowly, "She found out he cheated on her and I-I don't know I just— I-I guess I knew how she felt to be so-"
She frowned when he trailed off, sitting up as her awareness peaked.
"So b-broken, I guess," He breathed out, slowly but surely sinking further into himself.
His face was hot, and his heart pounded against his cage, all while he shrank his voice down in fear of it breaking.
"We just— We talked," He frowned at his words, feeling the vivid memories intrude his thoughts, "We understood what the other was feeling at the exact same time, and leaned on each other whenever we could manage it."
Mary shifted tensely, her intent listening leaving a silence between them, which she filled reluctantly when she mumbled, "I never really saw you interact when I wasn't with you— And I'm always with you or her-"
"You aren't though," He shrugged, "You spend quite a bit of time with Sam, you know?"
She sighed as she nodded, realizing he was right— Especially with Sam's recovery, she actually had spent more time with him than with anyone.
Oliver took a deep breath, folding his hands together. "That night, when we got home from the hospital-" He trailed off, letting his eyes fall shut in an attempt to keep himself together- "Elisa and I— W-we, you know," He paused, biting the inside of his cheek, "We slept together."
Mary nodded again, even though he couldn't see her, and kept her frown the same.
"After she left I-I didn't feel anything," He breathed out shakily, "I-I don't even remember feeling sad, I just felt empty and confused and-"
She reached her hand out to grab his again, less instinctively, though more frantically. She let out a soft breath when he turned his hand in hers, and even reached the other out to hold them both, and squeezed them both like his life depended on it.
"I wanted to feel something— I needed to feel something other than the excruciating emptiness inside of me."
She bit down hard on her bottom lip when a tear squeezed its way out of his closed eyes and shifted closer, until their knees touched.
"I don't— I-I don't even remember what happened," Oliver muttered, "I don't know what changed o-or where it all came from but eventually, Gwen and I confiding in each other about our feelings, turned into confiding in each other physically and feelings went out the window."
She hesitated, wanting to reach her hand up and rid his soft cheeks of the heinous tears that streamed down them, but kept her hands in his, knowing the grip he had on them was keeping him on Earth. "Y-you and Gwen just— You just sleep together?"
"I know it's pathetic," He scoffed at himself, slowly reopening his eyes to look at her, "I-I don't know, I just-"
"I need to feel. Can you make me feel?"
He knitted his eyebrows together when her voice scurried across his thoughts almost too quickly for him to comprehend before it was gone again. He shook his head at himself, finding Mary's bright eyes in his as a shining beacon, and stammered out, "I-I needed to feel something."
She frowned at him sadly, finally managing to pry her hands out of his and held his cheeks in her palms, calmly swiping her thumbs across them. After a moment, she sighed softly and moved her hands back to wrap her arms around his neck to pull him into a hug. "I'm sorry, Ol," She whispered, "I'm so sorry."