(Uploaded to Tumblr on 4/1/21)
Natasha Romanoff x Reader
Words: 1,755
Warnings: Family bullshit (again), the reader being kinda an idiot.
Summary: You talk to Natasha about your newly sprouted feelings.
A/N: It's finally here! And I really don't like it. But it's something, at least! Also, it is inspired by the song 'Would You Love Me Less' by MAX, it's a p good song, you guys should check it out.
18+ ONLY.
***
It had been a good three or four weeks since the recognition of your feelings. You hadn't really kept track of the days, thanks to the panic flowing through you.
You had been seeing Natasha less and less throughout that time. And it was during that time, that you realized how little time you were spending with other girls, compared to Natasha. Almost as if being in her life, and fucking her brains out, had slowly blocked out any other woman. But still, you kept blowing her off and making excuses, out of fear that your feelings would only grow.
She didn't understand why, of course, which is what lead to this moment.
And if you were being honest with yourself. It was a long time coming.
"Speak."
"Woof," you replied instantly, only irritating Natasha further.
"You know what I mean," she said, folding her arms over her chest, face hard as stone. But her emerald green eyes held insecurity and a slight hint of fear and heartbreak, "Why have you been avoiding me? Is it something I've done? Do you want to end this? Because, I never pegged you for one to string someone along, not having the guts to tell them that you're no longer interested."
"Wow, now that's a lot," you breathed, leaning back into the pleated, leather couch in Natasha's office, thinking of how you should reply to her.
"Well, are you actually going to answer me, or not-?"
"I'm not "stringing you along"," you interrupted her, "You're right. I'm not scared of telling someone that I'm not interested in them, however, much of a dick that makes me seem. I... I don't want to end this, Natasha. It's just-" You took a breath. "It's complicated, okay?"
""Complicated" how?" she asked wanting clarification.
"I..." You let out a sigh. "I'm not the best person, Natasha."
"None of us are. We've all made mistakes."
"No, you don't get it!" She jumped at your sudden raised voice, with you suddenly on your feet. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you. I'm the one I'm angry with, not you."
"Why are you angry with yourself?"
Natasha was concerned about you. It was glaringly obvious, with that look on her face, her perfectly sculpted eyebrows in a slight frown. Hands coming up to rest on the sides of your shoulders, thumbs gently rubbing against the clothed skin underneath.
"I wish you didn't have to see me like this," you muttered, unable to face her. Instead, choosing to gaze down at the floor.
"Like what?"
"So fucking confused," came out in a whisper.
She was smart -of fucking course she was- so she remained silent. Knowing you were far from done. You were finally going to let her see a deeper part of you. Something she had hoped for, for a long time now.
"And I don't want you to judge me."
"Why would I ever judge you?"
"You heard about my reputation, right? How I fuck girls, like how most people eat TicTac's," you spat at yourself.
"Of course I have."
"And when we first started... this. Whatever this is, between us-"
"You were sleeping with other women." Natasha smiled warmly at you. "Yeah, I kinda guessed."
She didn't care.
"Do you know how many girls I've slept with? Seriously? Because I don't."
"That doesn't matter to me, Y/N," she said. Hand's moving up to cup your cheeks.
"Why not?" you ask, confused, "It's not fair, is it? That I'm off sleeping with a fuck tone of other girls, and you're only sleeping with me... unless. Are-? Am I the only one you're sleeping with?"
Natasha's soft hair bounces as she nods, "You are. I'm not the kind for fucking around, with multiple people. Bruce and I did have a thing a few months before we started whatever this is between us, But that ended as soon as it started," she finished, with a small, light-hearted smile.
"Then how are- Wait. Hold up. Bruce? You mean, Dr Banner. The science teacher?"
"You really wanna talk about that now?" she asked, with a raised eyebrow.
"I... no. No, I don't. But..." you started, scratching the back of your neck, as you awkwardly tried to get bat to what you were previously saying."
""But..."?" Natasha pressed you.
"How. How are you so relaxed with me sleeping around?"
She let out a scoffed chuckler, shaking her head.
"I can't control you, Y/N. I don't own you. You can do whatever you want, fuck whoever you want. I mean, it's not like we're dating or anything. So, you're not cheating on me, if that's what you're thinking."
"Then why does it feel that way?"
"I don't know what goes on in your mind, honey," she told you sincerely, "But I'm here if you need to talk."
Now, why did she have to go and say that?
With her words- And not to mention the way she was looking at you. With her eyes so soft and caring. The way they absolutely melted you.
"I- I stopped," you blurted out.
A confused look crosses Natasha's face.
"Stopped what?"
"Seeing- Fucking those other girls, a few weeks ago. Right after-" Your lips smacked together, stopping yourself before you could say anymore. Causing Natasha to cock her head to the side, out of curiosity.
Taking a deep breath, you started to "come clean".
"I never believed in love, not really. My parents, they didn't have it. Hell, they showed it to us. Probably why I act out so much with them." You shrugged, swallowing against the slight burn in the back of your throat. "I started smoking when I was thirteen. My brother gave me a puff of his cigarette, and then I was gone. And that was because ever since I could remember, all my parents used to do was fight, fight, and fight. On the inside of the house. But on the outside? We had to be the perfect family. I can't remember a time they ever told me that they loved me. I have three older siblings, and I don't think they can, either."
"Oh, honey." She rubbed your arms. "I'm so sorry. That's truly awful."
"They always had a loveless marriage. Dad had a good job, mom wanted the stability, while she was good looking and he wanted a "pretty little thing" to hang off of his arm. But that wasn't enough. They needed to have kids, to fulfil their "perfect family picture"."
You pumped your fist sarcastically, before letting out a disheartened sigh, "The only love I ever felt was from my siblings. We basically ganged up together. Had each other's back's, so that our parents wouldn't mould us into the people they wanted us to be. And they're still doing it."
"Honey, what are you trying to say?"
"Basically. This is my roundabout way of telling you that I never believed in love- Well, only sibling love. Which, I think is why it was surprising when I started to feel for... someone..." you finished cryptically. Hoping not to give it away that you were feeling some way, about your red-headed Professor.
"Well... whoever this someone is, is a very lucky woman. And I'm not going to lie, with the way you've been acting recently, I'm a little jealous that you won't be able to fuck me the way you do anymore."
"Is that all you're jealous of?"
She was silent for a moment. Jaw ticking as her eyes glanced to the side, before returning to gaze deeply into yours.
"It has to be."
"Then... then what would you say if this woman I caught feelings for was you?"
"You can't do that, Y/N," she said, releasing your arms, and moving away from you.
Reaching forward, you grabbed onto her wrists. Your hands gliding down to hers, as you spoke, "Do what?"
"Say that to me, because you feel guilty because of what I just said."
"I'm not." You look at her with soft eyes, which almost make her melt. "It was you I was talking about."
"Don't lie to me."
"I'm not ly-"
"You are!" she said forcefully.
"God damn it, Natasha! I have feelings for you. Why won't-? Please. Please believe me," you begged, tears starting to burn behind your eyes.
"This is stupid." You could tell she was on the verge of tears herself. The sound of them welling up in her voice. "Us just having sex is one thing. But feelings? I'm your Professor, this could never work out."
"You're right," you admitted, "You're absolutely right. But you can't deny you don't have feelings for me, too."
"I-"
"Don't lie to me."
"It won't last." Natasha shook her head, which you shrugged your shoulder's at.
"Then why don't we just enjoy this for as long as it lasts?"
She didn't answer you. Instead, she chose to ask you a question of her own, as you slowly managed to pull her towards you.
"This is wrong, Y/N," she uttered, wriggling in your hold, not actually trying to escape your arms. If she absolutely wanted to be away from you, she would be, "This is a big mistake."
"We all make mistakes, Nat," you mimic her past words back to the emerald-eyed beauty in your arms. The one now pressed against your chest, no longer "struggling" against your hold.
Leaning down slowly, you licked your dry lips, before brushing them against Natasha's full ones. Her eye's never left yours, but still, they fluttered. Up until the last second before they snapped shut when your mouth pressed against hers.
You were addictive, Natasha would never admit that. But she knew she would never have too. You could feel it flowing from her, in giant waves.
Oh.
This was going to be the biggest, happiest mistake she was ever gonna make.
That could be said about both of you.
"So, what are we now?" she whispered against you.
You hummed, pulling her closer to your body.
"We're together. How's that sound?"
'Together'?
Yeah.
Natasha liked that.
"It sounds perfect."
This wasn't how you expected this conversation to go. You were anticipating for her to kick you out of her office, at the very least yell at you.
But no.
She surprised you in a way you never thought would happen. That you never thought possible.
She returned your feelings.
And so, with one more kiss to her plump lips, you filled it with all of the thanks and emotions you could never convey with your words.