"Okay, Mr. Castle, let's try it again" It was 10 in the morning and Castle was already in full swing, he and Dr. Mendiaz doing brain extrecise which should help with his recovery and make it faster. Spanish doctor was the one asking various questions and Rick was the one trying to answer all of them correctly... Every time his answer matched the one Dr. Mendiaz was seeking for, Castle would get a content nod in return.
"Now try to concentrate some more and let's try this" After getting the answers he wanted to hear, Dr. Mendiaz decide to go a step further
Rick tryed to prepare as best as he could, but before he managed to do so Dr. Mendiaz struck him the question
"What's your wife's name?" First it took him a second to get used to the term Dr. Mendiaz was using...marriage, wife...but he habituated and shortly after his mind started racing with all possible names for brown-haired woman for who everyone claimed to be exactly his wife...
"It's K...." His voice started insecure
"Go ahead..." Dr. Mendiaz encouraging him
"It's Kate" He did, he said the right name but he wasn't the least happy or proud of himself because he did know that he didn't really fully remembered it on his own, he just recalled how he heard the rest of his family call her
"That's great, Mr. Castle!" Dr. Mendiaz giving him credit Rick knew he didn't deserve at all... What's great in relearning what's your wife's name?! Where's great in that?! He questioned himself now taken away in deep thoughts of his own. And why all this people keep telling him he's doing great when miserable is the only thing he can feel... Why is everyone lying to him, telling him it's good, when he himself know it's far from good.
"Now you can suprise her, she's be happy to hear you saying it" Dr. Mendiaz was refering to Kate, of course
"Ya, what a suprise, I bet she's be speechless when she hears it!" Castle a bit of arogantly-sarcastic voice took it's turn after Dr. Mendiaz words
"Give yourself time, Mr. Castle" Dr. Mendiaz again for unpeth time these days tryed to point out there's no need of having this kind of rage towards himself
"And what is she's tired of giving me time, tell me, what then??!" He let all his fears to be seen, to be heard
"I want to remember her, I want to remember my wife, I want to remember about all the love we shared, I want to remember the woman I'm in love with, more than anything I want that" Rick completely opened up, letting his emotions overtake best part of him
"But, I can't, doc, I can't do it, why can't I?? Why?!" Again Castle slowly began to lose his cool and his tone was rising again
"Mr. Castle, we'll get there, you'll heal, I promise you that" To his statement Dr. Mendiaz added one comforting smile to try to lighten up Rick's mood a bit
"Doctor, I am not asking you to promise me, I am begging you to fix me, to give me back my old life" Castle let his voice to trembe with vivid despair, not even Dr. Mendiaz expected from a grown man to gaze at him such a way, no, Castle wasn't asking anymore, he pleaded, he pleaded like a little boy
"You have my word, Mr. Castle, my job here isn't done, unil you remember even the slightless details, I am a man of my words and I'll do my job to the end" That was one firm promise from Dr. Mendiaz and both he Rick clinged to it
"Thank you" In exactly at moments like this, this Spanish surgeon knew exactly why he's doing this job, people say this is not a job but a calling, and they're no wrong, it is a call, you gave yourself in, you sacrifice a lot, you need your family to understad that you need to be here 24/7 for your patients, you're having people lifes in your hands, they depent on you, it's stresfull, it's hard, it's a lot of responsibility, but at the end of day it's all worth it, hearing his patients saying thank you to him is his greatest reward, the moment he sees his patients smiling, hoping, trying, getting better, he, in instant forget all the long hours, all hard operations and tommorow he's ready to do it all over again.
"Now you could..." He was going to suggest Rick to rest a bit, but light knocking interupted him.
"Kate..." Rick's mumble of hope broke the moment redheaded woman peered through the door of his room
"Oh, it's me kiddo..." His mother's voice was now filling the room and his still visible little smile of hope leisurely faded
"I thought it was her..." He admitted in low voice, putting his head back on the pillow and returning to idle lying down on his hospital bed
"I..." When Dr. Mendiaz excussed himself and gave them some privacy, Rick tryed to spoke, but he just trailed off
"Oh, Richard..." Martha came closer to his bed, and cupped his son's hands with hers, letting him to continue, but secretly, just like any mother, she fell apart at the sight, watching her son so helpless...he was a writer who can't compose a sentence, yes that's what Richard Castle is now
"I don't wanna lose her, mom!" "mom" That was something she didn't heard for a long time, it was always "mother" But now he was calling her like he did when he was little boy, because now his eyes shine with a need of mom
"You're not gonna lose her, because she's not giving up on you like neither do the rest of us" It took Martha's best to stop her voice from chocking in sobs that were trapped in her throat
"The two of them needs you, just like you need them" Martha, consciously or unconsciously, brought up the topic of their family expansion, but Rick didn't exactly got it the way she hoped, he most likely didn't notice at all her choice of words. Or maybe he thought she was talking about Kate and Alexis?
"I...I just...I want her to be here now but when she's here I feel somewhat strange, I..." Nope it didn't sink in to her son that's he going to be a father again, probably he didn't even heard because even Martha could see he was distant in his own world, thinking God knows what so Martha gave up on that, they'll tell him when the times comes, she thought.
And just went she wanted to say him a few gentle words of comfort, his mouth opened again, this time letting a whispering voice out
"Tell me about her, mother, tell me about us, me and her" And really Martha started story telling, she was narrating her son about a woman of his life, about a woman who made her son happier than she had ever seen him before, about a woman he loved with his whole heart but now couldn’t remember her...and Castle's ears drowned at the sound of her name, Martha was making story out of it, and Rick was pinning his ears to hear every word of that story, story about him and Kate...
/Meanwhile at the precinct/
Their shifts at 12th were done for today. Kevin Ryan, Javier Esposito and Lanie Parish giving their best to try to comfort their friend as they all together rode down the elevator. But it doesn't work the way the hoped it would...No one can reach to her, yes she's here with them, in the same elevator, but her mind is racing everywhere else, not noticing any of them at all, as if she was locked in her own little world, distant for everything and everyone, far, far away from this not a bit bright reality.
"Kate, we're going with you" The silence of the elevator was broken by Lanie's voice.
"Lanie, thanks, but-"
"That wasn’t a suggestion, we’re going, too" Lanie clarified, though by her previous tone it could be noticed that she was indeed demanding it.
"Guys, really there's no-"
"And we don't take no for an answer"
Espo and Ryan backed Lanie up so Kate just let it go, one against three, what's the odds anyway? Maybe she would have fired back if the times were different, but now she didn't even try to fight back, she let it go, just like she's doing these past few days, she's just letting things go. Did Kate Beckett really surrendered? Did she really just let it all go? Did she really backed down? It seems like she did...
Most people came up against the wall, they give up, not you, you don't let go, you don't back down, it's what makes you extraordinary At first annoying writer, shadowing her around, but now the man she can't imagine her life without, he always had words of comfort for her when she was going through something or was at her lowest, but now when she needs him the most, he's not here...
They were at the parking garage, Kate doing the work of covering tears that took over her hazels, by innumerable time this day
"Damn it, Castle, she needs you" Ryan crossed over in judging the volume of his voice in opposition to
the silence that prevailed in the underground garage
"Yes, yes I do, Kevin, I need him more than ever" A broken whisper of her low voice came as an answer to Ryan's muttering
And Ryan regret it in an instant, he knew he only made situation worse with his whispering around, but now he couldn't take it back, and neither if he tryed he couldn't make Kate mood to go up, none of them could...
So they spent the ride from precinct to hospital in silence, only movments were Lanie glancing at Kate and then over the boys, as nagging them to do something, but they were clueless just like her, whatever they try it will do no good, so the three of them, unoticed by Kate, hummed in agremnt to wait to reach the hospital and there they'll see how the things will go, and so take some actions judging current situation between Kate and Rick.
"Always" Martha finished in low-piched voice a story she started almost a hour and half ago, her son's breathing was turning in slow version indicating he's asleep now
She quietly got up from her chair, intending to leave, but when she reached the doorknob she almost bumped into a woman she had been talking about for the past hour and a half...