Jaime,
I hope you are well. I know we left things off a little.... cold. I understand. I do. I don't know why I expected anything else. I mean you and her have been together for so long. Since the very beginning. I shouldn't expect you to return my feelings as well. I forgive you. Besides, we were never meant to be. A wolf and a lion don't mix. I wish you good fortune in everything that is to come.
With Love, your Lilibet.
I hoped the letter would be well received when Lord Baelish gives it to Jaime. I needed some kind of closure with him. I knew I would never be able to see him again. It hurt, but I needed to let go.
But I knew I would never be able to let go of the Jaime Lannister.
The Golden Lion.
He was too desirable and memorable to ever let go of.
I still felt his hot lips against my ear, his fingers against my skin. I would never forget it.
I was ripped out of my mind when Lady Arryn approached me with a platter of sweet bakery. She offered me it and I took a Butter Cake.
"Thank you", I said as I took a bite.
"Your mother always had a sweet tooth, you know", she began and I flinched inwardly of her mention. I still felt guilt, since we were fighting before her death. I never got to say sorry.
"Really?", I asked, faking a smile.
"Yes, supper time she would go straight for honey cakes, candied almonds, custard...", trailed of Lady Arryn. "Anything sweet, eventually your grandfather had to assign a Scepter to watch her at meals. Cat was the firstborn daughter after all. It's important that she remained desirable so father could arrange a good match for her, and she was starting to get fat".
"My mother, fat?", I repeated a little taken aback. My mother always watched what she ate.
She let Sansa and Arya eat theri dessert after dinners, but I only got one dessert per week. If I was lucky. She always said that I was the eldest, and I had to inspire my sisters to lead a good lifestyle by getting a good, handsome, rich match. And she would always say that I could never get fat, it was good that I was small and tiny, men liked that.
"She never let me have dessert", I added.
"That was her before she married your father and moved to the North", replied Lady Arryn. "Your father's austerity had become hers. Marriage changes people".
I smiled and finished my small cake, folding my hands in front of myself.
"You are very lucky Petyr's guards found you out there. Think where you would be now. Raped or worse, dead", continued Lady Arryn and I nodded, subconsciously putting my hand on my healing arm.
"He feels very responsible for you", she continued.
"Yes, I know he does", I reply.
"When he returns from King's Landing, and everything calms down a little. Perhaps we could discuss your future", said Lady Arryn and I force a smile.
"I would like that, my lady", I reply.
"Why?", she asked suddenly and I turned to her with a questioning gaze. "Why does he feel responsible for you?".
"Well... I am half Tully, and he loved-.. your family so much-", I begin.
"Your mother", she corrected.
"No", I argue.
"That's what you wanted to say", she argued.
"He loves you, Aunt Lysa. He is married to you", I argue once again.
"Your mother never loved him, never. Cat always went straight for the sweetest thing, the most obvious thing, your Uncle Brandon", she began and I knew the story. Mother was first betrothed to my uncle, but when he died, she was betrothed to my father.
"Your handsome, arrogant, cruel Uncle Brandon", she continued. "He almost killed Petyr once. And your mother loved him anyway. And now Petyr is risking his life to save you, and your sister. The daughters of a woman who didn't love him, no more than those whores in his brothels. Has he told you about them? No he didn't tell you about the vile things they do with their bodies, and the vile things they let him do to their bodies-", she trailed off, raising her voice with every word. Her hands clasped mine tightly and I looked at her, afraid.
Afraid of what she might do. Did she see the kiss Petyr and I shared? She must have if she was behaving this way. I had heard from mother and my uncle Brynden that my aunt Lysa was not always in the right headspace, but I never really listened.
"You're pregnant", she announced and I looked at her through the tears that were coming up.
"What? No", I replied.
"What did you let Petyr do with your body?", she asked.
"Aunt Lysa no!", I raised my voice slightly.
"Why not? You are one of the prettiest women in all of the Kingdoms, you are young, small and tight. And you look a lot like Cat. Just a better, younger, smarter version of her", she continued.
"No, Aunt Lysa I have never been with Lord Baelish!", I argued.
"Don't lie to me!", she yelled. Her grasp on my hands was becoming unbearable.
"You are hurting me", I whisper
"I'll know if you are lying", she threatened.
"He loves you Aunt Lysa. I have never been with him. I swear on my life", I say, trying not to scream as Lady Arryn gripped my healing wound.
"All he said to me was that I was a stupid girl with stupid dreams who never learns. And that I am a terrible liar and that I should always tell the truth, so I swear to you he has never touched me!", I say through tears. She let go of me, walked over and tried to comfort me.
I lied to her. Lord Baelish never told me that. Quite the contrary, he said that I was a good liar. I guess he was right.
"It's alright. It's alright. When Petyr returns with your sister, she will be a widow, and she will be free to marry Robin. And you will be free to marry anyone you wish. Perhaps Ramsay Bolton, you would return home, be the Lady of Winterfell. Lady Stark.", she said and I looked up.
I would not marry a Bolton. I would not marry anyone out of pure political reasons. I refused.
Later that night, I was on a walk outside with Greywind as he refused to leave my side for too long, and he needed fresh air. He was suffering out here, it was not cold, and he was confined most of the time. He needed to get out of here before he would get sick.
"Audelia?", asked a voice not far from me and I turned around. I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw who it was.
"Sansa?", I whispered and ran to her, she met me halfway and we engulfed in a deep hug.
"Gods I have missed you", she whispered into my hair. I pulled away to look her over.
"I am so sorry Sansa.", I began. "For leaving out of nowhere, I left you alone in a lions den-".
"It's alright. I am safe and alive. We are together again", she argued. I examined her further.
"You're grown a lot. You're not a little wolf anymore", I said and she smiled sweetly. Gods I have missed that smile.
"You too. You seem different.", she replied.
"I am different. I've seen too many things", I replied. "How are you-".
"It was hard but we were able to escape", said another voice from behind Sansa.
"Lord Baelish", I greet him. "Thank you for returning my sister to me".
"Joffrey was poisoned", said Sansa as she looked back at me and my smile faded.
"Who?", I ask and we both look at Baelish. Realization hit me.
"The little twat got what he deserved", I said, rubbing Sansa's shoulder.
"Indeed so.", agreed Petyr.
"But Tyrion is on trial. He won't win, not while Cercei and Lord Tywin are in charge. They will kill him", argued Sansa. "He didn't do it".
"It is no longer our concern what happens there. For now we need to wait for things to calm down", continued Petyr.
Gods no. Tyrion was innocent. I barely knew him but I did know this, he would never poison or murder anyone. Not his nephew at least. Everybody hated him, me above all, but Tyrion would never.
"But-", tried to argue Sansa but Petyr shushed her.
"You are tired, child. You should go to sleep. We will talk in the morning", said Petyr and Sansa looked at me unsure. I looked at Baelish and he seemed like he wanted to tell me something personally so I smiled at Sansa.
"I'll come by soon so we can catch up", I assure her and she nods slowly, looking between us. Greywind's tail was wagging furiously as he watched Sansa walk away but as soon as she was out of sight he calmed down and growled at Petyr.
"I hope the letter reached it's receiver?", I ask and he gets closer to me, taking my face into his hands and kissing me roughly on the lips. I wanted to pull away or do something but I let it happen.
He saved Sansa, and he saved me. I could not deny him in anything right now.
I heard Greywind's growl increase and Petyr pulled away, eyeing the direwolf suspiciously.
"I do hope he hasn't caused any trouble", he began.
"No, he hasn't", I assure him and look at him once again. "You haven't answered my question".
"Yes it has, I gave it to him", he assured me but something told me he didn't. He was too dismissive.
"Thank you, Lord Baelish".
"I told you to call me Petyr", he replied, rubbing his thumb on my cheek.
"Gods you are beautiful. You remind me of her everyday", he whispered. I knew what he wanted, he wanted to get me into his bed. But I had to stop that before it happened.
"Sansa is probably wondering where I am. I should go to her. Make sure she is all settled in", I say, pulling away slightly. I smiled softly at him, hopefully selling the act, and walked away quickly to my sister.
"Sansa?", I ask as the servant led me to her room and left us.
"Here", she called out and I walked to her.
"Oh Greywind", she whispered as she saw the direwolf in full light. "I had assumed the worst when I heard about... you know".
"No, I was able to save him", I reply.
Greywind sniffed Sansa's hand and licked it sweetly.
"So tell me, how is King's Landing. What did they do? Who do I need to add to my list of people who have to pay?", I ask and her smile somewhat faded.
"After you left, nothing really happened. I was left alone for most of the time. Although I had guards following me everywhere to make sure I didn't run. And when Margaery arrived, she was betrothed to Joffrey. Then I got married to Tyrion and everything was fine", she replied quickly.
"Well I am glad to hear that you weren't hurt", I said, sitting down beside her on the bed.
"You want to tell me about you and a certain someone?", she asked playfully.
"Who?", I asked confused.
"Come on, I know about you and him", she continued and I raised my eyebrow. Who did she mean?
"A certain King's Guard...?", she continued and I smiled a little just thinking about him.
"What about him?", I ask, feeling my heart break a little just at the memory of him. I still loved him, I always would.
"Well tell me why he was so broken when he returned", she urged and I looked at her confused.
"What do you mean?", I asked.
"He was an utterly broken man. He looked like a walking corpse, half drunk all the time. Even Tyrion told me that he was concerned for him. Ser Jaime was so cold towards Queen Cercei, which was a surprise. You should have seen how livid she was when he told her off", she continued. Sansa noticed the surprise on my face and looked confused herself.
"He told me that he loved Cercei, not me", I explained and she looked even more confused.
"Then he must have lied", she said.
"No, why would he?", I ask, completely not believing it.
"You have to be blind not to notice how he was just a broken shell of a man he once was. And I don't think losing his hand broke him. Tyrion told me that Jaime thought about jumping out of the window during their shared lunch. We never really talked much about anything. Me and Tyrion but we were able to somewhat bond, talking about our siblings", she continued and I looked at her in shock.
That must be a lie.
Why would he lie?
"But why?", I asked.
"Perhaps he was trying to protect you. He strikes me as someone who would do anything to do that", she replied.
The letter I send with Petyr would certainly only break Jaime more.
No I could not let that happen.
If what Sansa was saying was true, and I had a feeling it was. Then I was wrong this entire time. He did love me. He was just trying to protect me.
It makes sense now. He was trying to talk me out of coming with him to King's Landing. He must have wanted to protect me.
What he didn't realize was that it did quite the opposite.