CHAPTER THIRTY TWO:
MARK MY WORDS.
EL'S POV.
"would you like me to help you, sweet?" the raven haired boy inquired, his tone laced with a drawn out teasing expression as the brunette continued to struggle with the stove in front of her.
he was smiling, she could tell that factor even with her back facing toward him at the moment. there was no denying that he was finding this predicament too amusing, maybe even laughable that his own girlfriend had absolutely zero experience with this simple kitchen appliance after being alive for more than two decades.
and under any normal circumstance, the artist would have played into it, possibly tease him back or make a dramatic scene about how mean he was being just to get a few extra kisses.
but to say the least, it had been a long day. a really fucking long day at that actually. and unfortunately for el, her day in question was winding down to headache with the name maxine mayfield written all over it.
it was stupid really, to be so upset with someone who was truly only trying to figure out what was best for her.
yet, her favorite red headed human had quite the knack at being possibly a little too honest with her. especially in moments when she was actually intentionally trying to ignore the weight of her current situation.
the situation that regarded her feelings and the logistics of well... a stable life choice.
it was conflicting, confusing in el's mind to the point where she felt like she was going to spin herself insane. the idea of moving to a place she would have sworn months ago that she had no intention of staying even a day after her museum debut.
but the look on her writer boy's face this morning, with his pretty dark eyes and messy curls. how his voice tugged, disappeared into a lifeless void at just the thought of being separated.
it sparked something, stabbed even at the realization that her heart didn't feel like it had a physical place to call home anymore.
he was her home.
and honestly, she should have expected the conversation to come up at least once when her best friend was here. maybe she should have made an effort to address it sooner... maybe she should have told her when mike asked her to stay the night she showed him her painting.
but instead it stayed a lingering silent little thought between them, patiently waiting to be exposed until that perfect moment when max asked if she wanted to book a round trip back to new york instead of a one way straight to indianapolis.
it turned into an argument after that. not a huge one of course, there was no screaming. though, the words that were said between them still stung, as if they were slashed so gently it allowed the knife to go deeper than intended.
and what hurt the most was the fact that el couldn't deny the fact max was right.
she was always right.
so instead of being annoyed by her innocent boyfriend's mocking words, she only allowed her brows to furrow slightly, pure confusion and concern exposing itself in her voice as she twisted one of the burner handles a few more times, "i'm just not exactly sure what i'm doing wrong."
"here," the writer rested one of his hands on the top of her hip, his tall frame brushing up against her back as he carefully pushed in the knob and turned it, illuminating the stove top with an iridescent red glow.
el leaned into his touch, her head rolling into his chest as she let herself sigh contently. this is where she could stay for the rest of her life and she would never complain. just him, his warmth and sugary touches.
she would never get tired of this.
"somethings bothering you." his words were careful, urgent but not pushy. the hand that wasn't on her hip made it's way up to the side of her head, his fingertips dancing along the shell of her ear before tucking a piece of hair behind it, "what's wrong, sweet?"
"nothing... just conflicted thats all." it wasn't a lie, really in the retrospect of things. she wasn't angry. she was just simply processing emotions, "i'll be okay."
"conflicted about what?" his jasmine scent filled her nostrils, suddenly intoxicating her brain so much that any thought of being upset with max completely disappeared.
though, it didn't last long. no definitely not when those delicate fingers resting on her hip drifted under the hem of her shirt, pinching the soft skin along her stomach. the brunette attempted to swat him away, though failed once she realized her reaction only caused him to chuckle and pull her closer.
god... her stupid, cute writer boy.
el groaned, allowing his hands to explore the fabric encapsulating her. he was so gentle, pulling on the puffs along her wrists of her cream colored long sleeve while she mumbled, "max wants me to book a round trip..."
"back to new york?", the raven haired boy instantly interrupted, his hands stopping at the words before attempting to cautiously continue, as if he was ignoring the fact that his body and considerably his month had such a reaction to an idea like that,"uh. i mean - and you don't want to?"
cute.
he was so fucking cute.
"it's not that i don't want to. i do, i really really do." this again, wasn't a lie. she wanted to spend forever here, particularly in this moment wrapped in his arms with his hands giving her his undivided attention...
"... but?"
"but... max will only book a one way." the tiny artist twisted in his arms, meeting the unreadable stare that swirled in her boyfriend's eyes. though, she couldn't help but to let the words tumble out of her mouth, that calculating stare of his causing her to attempt to explain herself, "it's stupid, right? because i know she's not wrong and the choice is easy really if it comes down to it. i wanna be here with you. but i guess... i guess i can only have so many ice cream nights with lucas until i start to wish i was having them with max instead."
it sounded so pathetic out loud, so painfully ridiculous that she was sure he was going to laugh in her face. yet, instead the look on the his face stayed the same, still turning and observing her like she was unreal before him.
"you can't convince her?" his dark eyes searched hers for a second before scrunching at the thought, "stupid question, i'm sorry. she's stubborn as fuck, i know."
and just like that, after one attempt, the raven haired boy fell quiet again. their breathing filling the air as she watched him fall fully into that circulating thought. he was still, like he was searching for something behind that pretty face of his. and truth be told, after some time the only reason she knew he was still paying any sort of attention to the reality around them was the fact that he reached behind her to turn off the stove, supposedly figuring they were too lost in conversation to worry about cooking.
smart boy.
el cleared her throat, placing a hand of his chest before pushing him back bit. she was trying to stay light hearted, focused even. yet, that look behind his ink colored orbs made her question, "what's going on in that head of yours, love?"
every time the artist looked at the writer, she couldn't help but to see how perfect every detail was about him. how his eyes showed the words that he was about to say, how his lips pouted at at any thought no matter the weight of it.
it was hard to think of him ever doubting himself, ever feeling like he wasn't sure of his next move.
though with the way his voice trembled a bit at the start of his next sentence, she knew that was exactly what he was doing right now. doubting something he was about to tell her, suggest to her like she could possibly say no to him, "are you booking a round trip?"
the brunette raised her brows, squinting her honey eyes before titling her chin up playfully in attempt to release the tension in the room, "why?"
even so, her teasing attitude didn't change that dreadful tone that laced itself through his raspy voice, his thumbs hooking into the belt hoops of her jeans on either side of her hips, "because i've been thinking of some things..."
"some things like?"
"some things that i'll tell you about - " mike paused, noticeably bitting the inside of his cheek before falling a step backward, dragging the tiny artist along with him, "once you go back to indianapolis, pack up all your stuff and come back home to me."
insane.
her writer boy was insane.
"you're crazy!" el couldn't help but to laugh, that intoxicating sound causing her boyfriend to pull her closer, twisting them around midst her outburst so his back was now towards the stove. she wiggled in this arms, forcing herself to catch her breath in order to press further, "what do you have planned?"
the writer was smiling now, that serious look behind his eyes now completely gone. his tone was lighthearted when he spoke again, those pretty curls falling across his forehead as shook his head in disapproval, "i can't tell you."
it was hard not to roll her eyes at him, her hands drifting up his chest to interlock around his neck, "until after i drop my life over there and come back here?"
"exactly what i said, sweet. spelled it right out for ya." the raven haired boy teased, his brows furrowing mockingly as he leaned in to press a kiss to the top of her cupids bow. of course, only to be met with the brunette's jaw, the tiny artist smiling suspiciously as she mindlessly tried to dismiss the fact that she definitely just purposely dogged him, "oh you cruel, beautiful little love. you're gonna pay for that."
el giggled underneath him, biting her lip before addressing that still healing wound across her heart, "... and what about max?"
her boyfriend simply shrugged his shoulders at the idea, his tone a bit overly confident when claiming, "i'll figure something out."
"sorry to break it to you, writer boy. but i don't think she'll be very convinced by you." the artist couldn't help the words that had fallen out of her mouth, earning her a very unamused but loving stare from the writer.
that look, the look that could make her turn into a puddle of absolutely no shame is what made her mind want to do nothing more than put her attention towards him. to talk about him, to relish in the fact that he was so kind... and unbelievably irresistible.
and to her, it was obvious he could tell her mind was drifting from the topic just by looking at him, his lips taking advantage of the concept by pressing the slightest kiss to the corner of her mouth, "not by me, but maybe other people."
el raised her brows at him, her eyes widening in a suspicious manner. it was obvious he was hinting at lucas, she would be lying to herself if she said that idea didn't already cross her mind.
but putting her trust in lucas to pull something off like convincing maxine mayfield to move states, that in itself made her laugh, "who's the cruel one now?"
"please, el. let me do this for you, for us. i just got you and i can't deal with even trying to be separated." his tone was lively, yet serious as his hands found themselves placed firmly on the sides of her stomach, his eyes telling her everything she didn't need him to say, "trust me."
and it was that look again, that was all it took for her to nod her head, her lips finding his as she let all the world around them vanish. she was mending herself into him, intertwining their thoughts, fears and telling that story through their kisses, completely yielding herself to him.
because that is where she felt safe.
he was all she needed.
el giggled as he lifted her onto the counter, that angelic sound echoing throughout her writer boy's brownstone apartment without a trace of doubt laced through it. he was so dreamy, so pretty. everything about him made her dissipate into a newfound river of pure boiling liquid that fueled her heart until it's content.
and the idea that he was all hers?
that in itself made her hook her legs around his waist, pulling him against her in a heap of the bubbliest intoxication that was his lips. how they traced down the thin curvature of her jawline, planting flowers of love into her skin like there was no tomorrow or the day after that.
it was those blissful and indescribable feelings, that thing in her chest that felt heavy but so light at the same time. with his hands skimming down to the rest in the dips on the sides of her stomach, toying with the hem of lacy shirt again, there was nothing that crossed her mind but him.
him.
and it was when his teeth came down just hard enough on her collarbone that she let a whimper escape past her plush lips. the sound was clearly not in any way a reaction to pain. no, not with the way her legs were starting to shake slightly as an unfamiliar warm feeling traveled down the pit in her stomach.
"you okay?" his words came out in a whisper right against the shell of her ear, his tone completely drunk on vague amount of kisses they have shared in the past few minutes.
his question was taunting, completely ridiculous to ask in the predicament they were in. of course she wasn't okay. it was quiet frankly impossibly to be okay when her mind felt like it was falling from her grasp, tipping over the edge of sanity as he nipped at her earlobe.
"fine..." the brunette sucked in a breath, trying to find an anchor in the world around her, "i'm... fine."
she knew what game he was playing and clearly, to her at least, he knew how to play it well. so the raven haired boy had no other reaction to her other than to chuckle slightly, those breathless sounds sending every logical thought in her head straight out the window, "do you need help, baby love?"
this was the part where she was supposed to feel embarrassed, to feel smaller than him because of how inexperienced she was compared to him when it came to the world of intimacy.
yet, with the way his words fell so gently around her, it seemed that this was a request that would be his honor to fulfill. as if he would want nothing more than to be leading her, ensuring she was pleased in the way she deserved to be.
his way of worshiping her.
it was that idea that made her follow the movement of his fingertips that were still playing with the edge of her shirt, her arms unwrapping from their placement around his neck to pull the fabric over her head shyly.
and even with their encounter this morning, the fact that he had already seen her with less clothes on then right this second, the look in his eyes didn't falter from anything less than mesmerized.
in almost an instant, his lips were back on hers, practically devouring every inch of her face until she couldn't breath properly.
greedy.
"writer boy." her voice was supposed to sound stronger, more forceful like a warning. yet, with the way his hands were drifting towards her backside, his chest pressing towards her so she leaned back enough to lay flat on the counter, the sound that elicited from her was more of a plea than anything else.
"yes?" he was teasing now, she was fully aware of that. and in complete honesty, if she didn't want him to do whatever he was planning on doing right now, she naturally would have kicked him just in spite of his tone.
but that tone is exactly what made her next words bubble up in the back of her throat, "i need you."
to el, it seemed like those words were all mike needed to continue where his intentions rested. especially as his fingertips twisted at the buttons of her jeans, his eyes drifting up to meet hers to make sure what he was doing was okay.
everything was more than okay.
and when his lips started to descend to trace that invisible line between her collarbones down to her bellybutton, her body started to feel like liquid underneath his subtle touches. as if she was going to fuse into him because truly she felt like he wasn't close enough, wasn't pressing against her enough as he pulled at fabric covering her legs before disregarding everything on the floor and kneeling.
there seemed to be nothing more beautiful then the painting they had sketched out before the world right now, with her perched on that exquisite countertop, her legs draped around his shoulders as he ducked his head between her thighs to drive out the most exquisite sounds from her.
it was enticing, intense and gentle in the best way possible. that feeling he elicited from her, driving from a place so deep inside she didn't understand how it was even attainable to feel like she couldn't have enough of someone.
she was his, like the stars to the sky and words to a piece of paper, they belonged to the other. there was nothing, nothing that could compare to him.
to them.
and as her hands drove down into those beautiful messy curls of his, her fingertips lacing in between each ringlet while her spine bowed off that cool grey marble, she could feel him mumbling against that soft spot between her legs.
"i love you." it was those words, like he was trying to engrave them into her with his tongue, "i love you. i love you so fucking much i don't think there's even the right words for how i feel about you."
something in her chest, her hips and ribs felt like it was going to snap. as if her body couldn't handle that combination of letters and what they meant and how they were being said to her for the first time in such a vulnerable way.
yet as her legs started to lose more control, her knees pressing into his head as she leaned into that swirling feeling in the bottom of her stomach, she couldn't help but to repeat his words back to him,"i love you. it's not enough, but i love you, i love you."
his fingertips dug into her hips at the sound of her pleas, his nails piercing into her soft skin as he continued marking his words, their promises permanently into her as she crumbled and rebuilt herself underneath his touches.
those words replaying in each of their minds over and over and over again.
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a/n: long time no see, i'm trying lol. this book is done in my head cause i've known the ending for so long, so bare with me as i struggle through transferring it to y'all. but i hope y'all enjoyed!