"She's a mess of gorgeous chaos, and you can see it in her eyes." -Vicky Pérez
Fear. It's the scariest emotion a person can face. It makes us paralyzed. Unable to move, unable to feel anything else beside the feeling itself. It's consuming, and vicious.
I've felt fear more times than I've felt happiness in my life. Fear of losing the people I love. Fear of losing myself. Fear of everything around me going away with the blink of an eye.
The only thing I felt staring at my mother being held at gunpoint for a second time in her life, was fear. Fear of her dying and leaving me alone. Fear of watching her die. And the fear of never getting to apologize.
What can you do in a situation like this? Run? Hide? Be a hero? I can't do any of that when I can't move my feet. I'm stunned, unable to move at my own will. And I don't know how to break free.
The casino was dark. The only light being the LED's from when there were actually people in here. The music was quietly playing through the loudspeaker as you could see all the employees still walking around.
The place was mixed with Sucker workers and Alea workers. The waitresses were gathered by the bar while being forced to hide by a few men in all black with a weird pair of lips on the back of their jackets.
"Kennedy! Run!" My mother yelled again, breaking my trance on the petrified workers.
I changed my eye direction back to her. Her hair was a disheveled mess as she was chained to a seat. A black pistol was held to her temple. She was crying, her eyes were blood red.
I was still unable to move. The gun on my back felt heavier than ever. I couldn't carry the weight since it felt like a 1000 pounds was strapped to my back. Was I breathing?
I took a quick breath through my nose, realizing that the weight wasn't from the gun. The weight was me telling myself I needed to breathe. I would of passed out if I didn't.
A pair of hands gripped my waist, still I was unable to move anything but my eyes. A person stepped in front of me, and it was the person I wanted to see least right now.
"Kennedy." Harry whispered between us, locking his eyes on mine. I closed mine so I couldn't see him.
"Get your fucking hands off of me right now." I demanded, finally gaining feeling in my brittle bones and using all my strength to push his hands off of me.
"Kennedy." Harry took a step towards me, forcing me to take a step back. I don't want to see him right now.
"Take the hint, get away." I pushed past him, stepping to the side and locking eyes with my mother.
White gloves appeared on my mothers shoulders, and a face beside hers. Leonardo gripped my mothers shoulders and squeezed them, causing my mother to shriek in pain.
"Get your rapist hands off of my mother!" I shouted, pulling my hands to the back of my shirt and gripping the gun tucked into my waist line.
I won't fucking hesitate
"Kennedy. My dear. That's no way to talk to me, is that?" Leonardo chuckled while patting my mothers shoulders gently.
"I don't fucking care how you want to be talked to. Let my mother go, you sagging piece of shit." I hissed, taking a step forward. His men stepped forward instantly, protecting him from me.
The little bitch is scared
"Now, Kennedy. I just want to talk. Can we talk?" Leonardo shooed his men off and let go of my mother.
Leonardo slowly walked around his group of people, revealing himself. He was still wearing his funeral clothes, making me realize that he had this planned the whole time.
"Do I have a choice?" I growled, clutching my gun as tightly as I could. I didn't even care that Harry could see me holding the gun.
"Smart girl." Leonardo smiled before stopping a few feet in front of me. I looked up at him with a blank expression.
"Kennedy. Sweet, sweet Kennedy. I can't help but blame myself for what you've become. A ruthless monster." Leonardo started to circle me, forcing me to turn whenever he turned.
"If anyone's a monster here, it's you." I spoke through my teeth while briefly glancing at Harry while I turned.
He was watching the whole exchange. Except, he wasn't alone now. Everyone and I mean all of the groups were there. Niall, Natalie, Zayn, Louis, and Liam. They were all standing behind him, watching us.
"Kennedy. I know what you did. And who you did it for. What do you see in him? He's an orphan boy who doesn't know right from wrong." Leonardo looked up, immediately telling me he was talking about Harry.
Also telling me this was Ryleigh's doing for what he's saying right now
"He's more of a person then you will ever be." I tightened my jaw, fighting back every instinct I have.
"That's where you're wrong. You see, he and I are much alike. We're both killers, and we've both done things we heavily regret. And we both have a place in your heart." Leonardo chuckled.
"That's where you're wrong. You guys are nothing but opposites. He has decency, and yea he might be a killer and a secret keeper. But so am I. And only one of you means anything to me, and it's sure as hell not you." I looked back at Harry whose head was now down.
"That hurts Kennedy. You once loved me, remember?" Leonardo fake pouted while speaking in a fake cry.
"Cry me a fucking river. I don't care." I took a deep breath, refraining from saying more.
Leonardo walked back over to my mother and bent down beside her.
"Kathrine, this is your daughter. The girl who you and your husband raised. Are you proud? Are you proud that this is what she's become? Who she has sided with?" Leonardo pointed to me and the guys behind me.
My mother just sat there, crying. She didn't respond, because she was too ashamed to. My mother shouldn't be involved in this. This isn't her fight to fight in. It's mine,
"SAY IT!" Leonardo screamed, making my mother yelp and release even more tears. She was so scared.
"No! No, I'm not proud!" My mother cried out, looking down to her feet without looking at me.
My heart broke as the words left her broken mouth. I couldn't tell if she meant it or not. She's always said she's proud of me and everything I do. That was my only way to cope with everything that has ever happened to me. Knowing my mother always supported me.
But was it all a lie?
"Mom?" I bit down on my lip, containing every single tear that wanted to escape from behind my eyes.
"You're siding with him, Kennedy! Harry fucking Styles! He's caused nothing but pain to this family!" My mother wept, unable to look at me. She was truly ashamed of me.
"What family?!" I shouted back, unable to keep my cool anymore. Her words are cutting my heart like a knife.
"Me, you, Leonardo! That family! The one that you've always had!" My mother peered up, showing me her glossy eyes from behind her disheveled hair.
"We were never a family! Family is there for each other! Family doesn't shoot each other and tell them their sick in the fucking head! If you call that family, maybe you're the fucked up one." I couldn't deal with this anymore. He's brainwashed her to think he's anything more than a piece of dust on our shoulders.
My mother collapsed her head again and turned it to the side. Leonardo pressed a kiss to the top of her head before making his way back over to me. He started to pout as he approached me.
I want to vomit
"There's a way you can fix this, Kennedy." Leonardo whispered, barely audible for me to hear.
"I don't want to fix this. Not if it includes you." I stepped back, feeling my back press against a hard surface. Immediately, I knew it was Harry.
I didn't realize they were that close
"Kennedy, stop fighting it. Come and join the Suckers. Be with your family. Or else your mother will die a very painful death." Leonardo looked back at my weak mother with a smirk.
My first instinct was to slap him across the face and grab my mother. But then I realized, this is the oldest trick in the book. Manipulation and black mail. I think he forgot that he trained me.
"Oh, Leo." I sighed, completely changing my mood to condescending and evil. Leonardo stopped moving towards me.
"I'm a daddy's girl, as you may know. He taught me everything he knew. And one of those things was to save yourself, before saving others." I pushed off of Harry's abdomen and turned my back to him.
"What?" Leonardo shouted. I could hear the cold blooded anger deep in his voice. He was fuming.
"Give my mother my best Leo, and don't make her death too long. It won't be fun anymore." I turned my head slightly to catch a glimpse of Leonardo's blood red face. He started to breathe heavily.
"So you're just leaving your mother for dead?" Leonardo chuckled, trying to cover up his true reaction.
"No, I'm putting her out of her misery. Misery of living the rest of her life serving you." I turned around and leaned my back against the cold glass of the front doors. A fake smile creeped onto my face.
On the inside, I'm so fucking scared she's actually going to die but I can't show it.
"You're bluffing." Leonardo scoffed, walking closer to me but stopping as soon as Harry stepped beside me.
"Am I? Come on guys, let's get out of here." I waved mockingly towards Leonardo before pushing against the door.
I hope you're proud daddy
My back hit the cold wind from the late summer night. It was quiet outside. All you could hear were the sounds of car horns and wheels driving on the smooth pavement.
I started my slow walk to the convertible I drove here which I had parked outside the front of the casino. I walked to the driver's side, grabbing the key in my bra and placing it in the front seat.
I looked into the casino to see Leonardo raging. His face was red as he screamed and punched things. He wasn't ruining any of the machines, he was more so punching people.
Once I knew he wasn't looking, I dropped my whole act. I crippled to the cold cement, bringing my knees into my chest and releasing all of the held back tears. I couldn't stay strong anymore.
I'm terrified she's actually going to die, and it'd be my fault
"We'll meet you at the bar, here are my keys." I heard Harry whisper in front of me and the dangling of keys.
Footsteps dragged off and a car started. Then, there was silence once the car drove away. I felt a body beside me, but I couldn't bring myself to look up. I knew who it was, and that just made it worse.
"He's not going to kill her." Harry whispered close to my ear, his hand on my shoulder for support.
"He doesn't kill his workers. And I can confirm that your mother has been a part of the Suckers ever since your father passed away." Harry cleared his throat while starting to gently squeeze my shoulder.
"What?" I looked up slightly to see Harry looking to the casino to make sure we were safe.
"Your mum. She signed herself to him since it was supposed to be you." Harry looked back down at me with pity in his eyes.
"And when were you planning on telling me this?" I snapped back, unable to be nice right now.
"Never. Just like I wasn't ever planning on telling you about Alea or anything else I've ever told you. But somehow you just tore it out of me." Harry shrugged, removing his hand and placing it on his knee.
"Next time there is something wrong, anything to do with you or Alea or the guys, you will not leave me behind. I can take care of myself." I locked eyes with him, letting him know I'm completely serious.
"Okay." Harry responded, losing eye contact and looking back at Alea. I nodded in agreement.
I was never going to get a sorry, but I was okay with that. He was just trying to protect me but how many times do I have to tell him that I don't need him too. I'm more than capable of handling myself without a man. I did it for twenty-one years before and I'm not starting now.
Harry came back to his position next to me, letting silence linger between us. I could hear his breathing patterns, they were slow and steady. He wasn't nervous through that whole thing, he was calm.
Lucky duck
I wish I could say the same for myself. All I wanted was to take out my gun and shoot Leonardo and his gang of hooligans right then and there. That was never me, I never wanted to kill anyone.
I can't tell if this is just the part of me that I've been pushing away or the part of me that I don't want to be. I don't even know yet if there's such a thing as a balance between a monster and a decent human.
I'm hoping there is though
"Ryleigh said this would happen." Harry cleared his throat and stared off into the night sky.
"She what?" I turned my head towards him, watching his breathing pick up at lightning speed.
"She also said that the only way to save you from all of this was to bind you to Alea, for life." Harry spit out aimlessly, keeping a numb expression on the stars. I felt my heart stop.
She wanted to make me an Alea member?
"I said she was crazy. I would never do that to you because look what happens. It kills us, literally. But I'm afraid she might be right." Harry collapsed his chin to his chest and stared down at his feet.
I don't know exactly how to feel about this. On one hand, my head it saying no fucking way. I can't because that would bring me and every child after me a life of misery.
But then, my heart skipped a beat. A happy skip. Like I've been waiting to be asked this question and it was the most exciting thing I've ever heard. But why? A murderer is a life that my fucked up heart is appealing too.
"She's not crazy." I responded quietly, making his head turn to look at me. I lowered my eyes down to his hand laying on the ground.
"Huh? You agree?" Harry didn't sound excited, more worried. Worried that I wasn't totally freaking out over this.
"I don't know, exactly. She's not wrong though, it would put an end to all our Leonardo problems." I picked up his hand with my hands and placed it in between them.
"But it would also make me who my father trained me to be, a monster. Not that I'm not one already." I shrugged as I started to trace circles around the top of his hand. In total honesty, I'm surprised he's letting me do this.
"You're no monster Kennedy. If anything, the life you have has made you one. But you, and your soul, and your heart are no monsters." Harry was quick to correct me and my opinion.
"Is that my only option? Joining Alea permanently?" I question, glancing back up at Harry who was watching me trace his hand.
"I don't know." Harry looked up too;
our eyes locking on each other like they always do.
Perfectly intertwined
I didn't know what to do, how to act, what to say. It's like his eyes alone would wipe every single one of my senses out of my body and into someone else's. He was so tantalizing. He was like fear, but in the best way possible.
I also didn't know what to do about the offer. I don't think I'll ever know.
"Wanna go get shit face drunk or pick up where we left off before we were interrupted?" Harry spoke without breaking eye contact. I was so focused on his iris that I didn't even see his lips move.
"Is both an option?" I questioned, smiling slightly. He smirked back before moving closer to my face.
"Both is always an option baby." Harry chuckled before pulling away and pulling himself up to his feet.
Harry held his hand out for me to take, which I willfully did. He pulled me up beside him before reaching into the car and grabbing the keys I dropped onto the seat.
I walked over to the passenger side of the car and hopped over the door. I sat down in the seat and watched as Harry got into the car like a normal person by opening the door.
We both put our seatbelts on and were quickly off and on our way. He and I both wanted a break from Alea drama for at least a night. Although, that seems like a nearly impossible task.
"I don't appreciate the grand theft auto by the way." Harry glanced over at me through the rear view mirror.
"Not my fault you left me no choice." I chuckled, biting my lip while looking out the side of the car.
"I also know that my gun is in the back of your pants." Harry looked at the noticeable outline on my back.
"Yea I'm so-"
"Keep it. I have a lot and you need one. So, just keep it." Harry cut me off with a head nod.
"Really?" I couldn't help but smile. I liked the feeling of his gun in my hand, even though it's his gun.
And the fact that its a fucking gun
"Yea, sure. And hey, maybe we can get you some bullets with your initials engraved in 'em like I have." Harry chuckled while running his fingers through the front of his hair.
"So your going to get K.M. which also happen to be the initials of kill myself on bullets?" I let out a loud laugh since that would look really funny on bullets that are meant to kill someone.
I caught Harry at an off moment because even he started to laugh with me. A genuine smile appeared on his face, flashing me his dimples and cute eye crinkles. He looked pleased.
"See! It works out perfectly." Harry calmed down, and sighed while pulling into an abandoned parking lot.
I looked out to the building to which he pulled into. It was a big old wooden bar with a broken open sign in the front window. There was one other car here, and it was his black Lamborghini.
The place looked totally abandoned, like no one owned this place. Harry got out first, turning the car off and running over to the passenger side. He opened my door and gestured to the bar.
"For a casino owner, this looks very out of your element." I chuckled while climbing out of the car.
"For a poor college girl, this looks perfect." Harry barked back, making me laugh at his remark.
"Very funny old man." I nudged him as he led us to the front doors of the bar. He grabbed the handle and opened it.
The door was creaky, but it led to a not so creaky place. Inside the rundown bar was a newly renovated bar. No one was in there but the guys and Natalie, plus a bartender.
There was a DJ booth, a few tables, a dance floor, and a fully stocked bar. It looked so not like it did from the outside. The lights were dim, but there were red lights lining the hardwood floor.
"This really advocates for the saying don't judge a book by it's cover." I stepped into the bar first with googly eyes.
"Ryleigh loved this place. So, we thought what better place to celebrate her than her favorite bar." Harry nodded towards Natalie who was dancing beside Zayn and Louis on the dance floor.
"That's so sweet." I smiled, looking at everyone taking shots and drinking until their heart's content.
"She always liked the element of surprise. Also being alone to which this place was often empty because of the outside." Harry chuckled while leaning against the bar and ordering two tequila shots.
The bartender quickly poured the two shots before handing one to each of us. God, I can't remember the last time I took a hard tequila shot. Don't get me wrong, I always loved a good drink. But I hate tequila.
"To Ryleigh, and her bitchy self!" Harry toasted, raising his glass and quickly shooting it down.
"To Ryleigh!" I shouted back, sucking it up and throwing the alcohol down my throat. The initial burning hit me like a ton of bricks.
Immediately I searched for a chaser or a lime, anything to mask the roughness. But I didn't find anything so I just rode out the pain because I knew it wasn't everlasting.
"Light weight." Harry teased, nudging me while he shot down another shot like it was water.
"Not true! I just haven't had a shot in a while." I try to defend myself but it's no use, I am kind of a light weight.
"Whatever. Go, enjoy yourself. It's what Ryleigh would have wanted." Harry nodded before looking at everyone on the dance floor.
"Should I even ask you to come?" I turn towards him before I even think about going to the dance floor.
"No, you shouldn't." Harry responds quickly, taking another water shot and sighing out of satisfaction.
"One day, I'm gonna get you to dance. I swear." I narrowed my eyes at him and flashed a playful smile.
"Good luck with that love." Harry chuckled sarcastically while sitting down on a bar stool.
"Mark my words Harry Styles!" I yelled as I slowly moved towards the dance floor, trying to get the last laugh.
"Leave, go!" He shouted with a smile, not even trying to mask it right now. He didn't feel the need to.
I met up with everyone on the dance floor, dancing mostly with Natalie since I haven't really talked to her lately. I would casually look at Harry, noticing him watching all of us with a grin.
I'll make you dance with me one day Harry Styles, just you wait.
As I danced with everyone, I still had one thing on my mind. Binding myself to Alea. I mean, what he said wasn't the worst thing in the world. If anything, it had more pros than cons.
I would have protection, I'd have a family, and I'd have a job. Downside is if I ever have children, they will have to join it once I die. Unless I outlive them which is kind of the loophole to that.
Ryleigh was right though. It's probably the only way to keep me safe from Leonardo's grasp. And maybe it would also keep the guys safe. He'd have to kill me too in order to get rid of Alea for good, and I don't think he could ever do that.
He can torture me, torture me family. But one thing he cannot do is kill me. Kill his god daughter, his niece. Kill his best friend's daughter. Kill the little girl he trained.
I'm the closest thing that awful man has to a daughter. How could he kill his daughter? I don't see him as anything more than a dead man but he sees me as an heir.
But, what about what my job would entail? Murdering, kidnapping, stealing, bloodshed. Is that what I really want to be doing with my life? Let alone my kids and their kids after them?
Do I want to go to work everyday, fearing for my life? I have protection but not when I'm alone. If I die, I die. There's no saving me or coming back, there's only death.
I don't know. But I have a feeling my answer lies within the dice.
-
a/n: Well that escalated quickly. And can we just have a round of applause for character development? Also, Kennedy joining Alea???? Idk how that makes me feel. ig it's up to the dice:) p.s. dw smut is coming very soon.
^^Kennedy walking away from Leonardo for the 100th time^^