Sarah was preparing our breakfast while I just finished dressing up for my photoshoot today.
I met her in the kitchen when she was just about to serve our food in the table.
"You're going to need a lot of energy today." She said sweetly.
"That looks and smells delicious.." I said while getting a good smell on it.
"Of course, it's made with lots of love babe.." she said affectionately.
"Babe?" I furrow my eyebrows slightly.
The first time I heard that in a long time.
"Can I not call you babe?" She asked a bit cautious.
"I think I like the sound of girlfriend better.." I replied smiling.
"Really? I think babe is also cute.." she said.
Yeah we did call each other babe before..
"I'll call you baby.." I said while spreading my arms to give her a hug.
"Baby? Let's just stick with the girlfriend.." she said while giving me a quick peck on the lips.
We both heard my doorbell ringing.
"That must be Tyler.." I said casually.
"Isn't too early? I thought he will be here in the afternoon." She mentioned.
I pull away from the hug and walk over to open my front door.
"Good morning love!" Ivan greeted me cheerfully.
I frown after seeing him.
"What are you doing here?" I said whispering.
"You haven't answer any of my messages or calls. We should ride together to our photoshoot location." He said smiling.
He open the door widely and walk inside my house without my permission.
"Ivan!" I tried to grab his arm to pull him back but he and Sarah already notice each other.
"Oh hey Sarah.." he said with a cold yet calm voice.
"Hi.. Ivan you're here." Sarah greeted him back.
"You guys are having breakfast I see.." Ivan said while looking at me.
"I didn't know you are here in New york. How's your hotel Sarah?" He continued to have some small talk.
"It's great. I just came to visit Via. You guys riding together today?" I can sense the awkwardness from Sarah.
I can't blame her.
"Yes, you heard about our movie right?" He replied smiling.
Sarah nodded.
"Join us for breakfast?" She offered.
"Ivan we don't need to ride together. I can bring my own car." I pointed out.
"What do you think Sarah?" Ivan asked her instead.
"Huh?.. yes, I guess.." she didn't finish because I interrupted them.
"Fine Ivan.. I'll ride with you." I replied.
Sarah stood up and get another set of extra plate for him.
I shook my head in disapproval.
"Why the heck are you here?" I hissed at him.
"Just like not telling me why she's here?" He countered.
I turn my head just to see if Sarah was paying attention to us.
"I could tell that she doesn't know that I know about you two." He said smirking.
I glare at him.
"Keep it that way love.." he said while rubbing my back.
I move away from him.
"Stop calling me love." I said sharply.
I stood up from my seat to follow Sarah.
I stood next to her while Ivan was busy getting comfortable inside my dining area.
"I'm sorry.. I didn't know he was coming." I said to her.
"Does he still visit you this often?" She asked a little bit upset.
"It's just for our photoshoot." I replied.
"This is too awkward.." she mentioned.
"I know.. I'm really sorry about this. I'll tell him to go." I replied reassuringly.
She shook her head.
"It's fine. Let's just have breakfast." She replied walking over to my dining table.
We ate in awkward silence.
I told Ivan to just wait outside for me after he finished.
Sarah and I talk inside my bedroom.
"I'm gonna have to go now. See you later okay?" I said kissing her cheek.
"Yeah, good luck with your photoshoot." She said giving me a parting hug.
I proceed to walk..
"Via wait.." she call out for me again.
"Yes?" I asked while turning my attention back to her.
"About Ivan.." she fidget her hands feeling anxious.
"Don't worry.. it's just work." I replied smiling.
"I think he should at least know about us?" She suggested while she shut her eyes close.
He already knows.. Ugh, if only I could get myself out if this situation.
"After the movie.. I'll clear everything to him. Things are just a bit complicated right now." I replied softly.
"Yes.. I understand." She replied smiling weakly at me as she met my gaze.
I left the house and ride with Ivan.
---
"What are you guys doing? Playing house??" He said mockingly.
"Can you not start right now?" I said irritably.
"She doesn't belong here. Do you honestly think it can work. You and her??" He asked unpleasantly.
"I don't need to talk to you about my relationship with her." I mentioned.
He grip the wheel tightly.
"Relationship?? You got to be kidding me!" He said it while laughing ridiculously.
"I know you don't get it and I don't care. You can just keep your mouth shut and leave me alone."
I cover my ears.
I can't believe this is the same guy I fell in love with right now.
"You two have been going out for like what? A month? A week? You can't easily compare that for what we have. Two years of our relationship is stronger than any of these things you have with her. So No! I'm not leaving you alone. Not until you wake up from this terrible dream and realize that I'm the only guy for you!" He yelled.
I seriously think he is having anger issues.
He always ends up shouting and I feel so uncomfortable with this.
Maybe because we never really have this kind of fights before. He's usually calm and mature but this guy I'm sitting with right now is unrecognizable.
I didn't even bother arguing.
"Nothing to say?!" He pressed annoyingly.
"What's the point. You only listen to yourself." I pointed out.
"Don't be ridiculous Via. You know I'm right. Just admit it and break things off with her. We still have a chance to fix everything." He said as a matter-of-factly.
"The only thing we have to be doing right now is moving on!" I said a little louder than I should have.
He turn the wheel and park abruptly.
I held on to my handle tightly.
"What the hell Ivan! Do you want to kill us both?!" I yelled much louder.
"Who are you?! This is not the Via that I fell in love with." He said while looking disgusted.
"I can say the same for you." I replied as I get out of his car.
He followed me as I walk.
"Forget it.. let's just deal with this whole photoshoot thing. We still have to convince everyone that we're dating." He reminded me.
"Whatever.." I said irritably.
"Sorry.. look, I know I've been a little off lately. This whole situation is making me angry. I just can't okay.." he said more calmly.
"You can't what?" I asked.
"I can't stand seeing you with her. Why did you have to bring her to your house??" He finished.
"She's my girlfriend Ivan." I reminded him.
He shook his head.
"You're making a big mistake." He said while frowning at me.
I can't reason with him. He would rather be the stubborn guy.
We got inside the studio and everyone was already there.
I tried to distance myself from him but he keeps following me everywhere I go. He even boast about our relationship. Getting all touchy and affectionate in front of everyone.
It's bad enough that I have to pose sexual and partly almost naked shots with him.
I think he was enjoying eveything that was going on.
We were covered with blanket while we were wrap together. He lean so close to me while I stood frozen. I couldn't push him.
"I miss you.." he whisper while staring at my lips.
I suddenly felt his thing touching my thighs.
"Ivan!" I hiss his name.
I can't believe he's getting big right now.
I move uncomfortably.
"Your thing is hitting me. Get it off." I warned him.
He chuckle softly.
"I have no control of it. Just bear with it. You standing so close to me like this. Of course I won't be able to control my thing down there. Any sane guy won't be able to." He reasoned.
"Unbelievable.." I said rolling my eyes at him.
After a few minutes I was given another set of blanket.
I immediately move away from him.
I rush to my dressing room.
This whole situation sucks.
I decided to change my clothes to a button up shirt and jeans.
I just wanted to get home as soon as I can.
When I open the door, he was already waiting for me outside of my room.
"Sorry about earlier." He said casually.
"You don't really sound sorry at all." I mentioned.
"Let's go.." he said while taking my hand.
"You don't need to give me a ride. I'll go on my own. You made it perfectly clear that you can't handle seeing me with Sarah." I replied.
His whole vibe changed. He became more pushy.
He held my wrist tightly.
"Stop being such a little brat Via." He said unpleasantly then he drag me with him.
I had no choice but to follow him. I didn't want to make a scene.
He drive in the opposite direction.
"This is not the way to my house." I complained.
"I just need to talk to you for a minute. Look, I can't stand this either. Not us fighting." He said while he brought me to his home.
"Sarah's waiting for me. I can't stay long." I said.
He open the door for me.
I hesitantly walk inside.
"I don't know what else to say to you. I've try but you don't want to listen to me. I don't want to fight either." I replied gently.
"I still love you very much Via.." he said softly.
"That's the thing.. I don't feel the same way you do anymore. I want to remain professional at work but you're not making it easy for us. What should I do for you to understand? I am not trying to hurt you on purpose. Believe me if only I can choose the way I feel.. I would do it. But I can't.." I replied trying to reason with him again.
He stood in front of me then he embrace me tightly.
I let him do it.
Maybe we can finally get some closure after this.
"I want you to be happy too Ivan." I said softly.
He pulled away and start kissing my neck.
I was stun for a second.
I tried to push him away after I regain my composure but he held me tighter.
"Ivan No!" I said but he push me down to his couch.
"Please stop this!" I said while I struggle to get up.
I can't believe this is happening.
My tears starts to well on my face while I slap his chest to get him to stop.
"I love you so much!" He yelled while forcefully pin me down.
I bit his lip when he tried to kiss me on my lips.
"Ow!" He complained.
He kiss my neck again.
He forcefully unbuttoned my shirt which he almost rip down impatiently.
Horrible flashes from my past starts to appear on my mind when I felt his hands on my body.
I cried out and slap him hard on the face.
That seem to snap him back to reality.
"I.. I'- I'm sorry." He said in realization of how horrible he was getting.
"How could you?!" I yelled while I try to cover myself with my hands.
"I didn't mean to.." he felt ashamed with his action.
I could feel it.
"Out of all the people I know.. I didn't think you could do this to me. I expect so much from you Ivan! You know how I feel about this! You know my history. It took me a long time to open myself again.. to open my heart and body to someone. It was years of therapy!! You were the first person I ever trusted so how could you bring me back to that horrible situation again?!" I yelled loudly.
I told him about Stella.. how someone tried to take advange of me and how hard it was for me to trust someone with my body after that horrible trauma that I had years ago.
I can't believe he will try to do something like that.
"I know.. I'm really sorry. I don't know what got into me." He said while taking a step back.
I wipe the tears off of my face.
I struggle to button my shirt. My hands are still trembling and my upper buttons were completely rip off.
He place a jacket near my reach.
I was still shaking in fear.
"Via.. I didn't mean to hurt or scare you. I'm really sorry about this." He said softly.
"Don't.. just don't." I said when he tried to walk closer.
I didn't want him anywhere near me.
He stroke his hair frustratingly.
"How did we end up like this Via? Help me understand? We had two years of relationship. I'm already planning to propose to you so why?" He asked seriously.
I close my eyes while trying to normalize my breathing.
After getting flashes of my old trauma.. it's hard to remain calm right this instance.
"Ivan please.." I begged.
"You said she's all you ever wanted. What the hell does that even mean?" He asked.
I have no strength anymore and I couldn't risk provoking him because he might try to do something again and act crazy on his feelings.
"I just want to go home." I said weakly.
"Okay.. I'm really sorry." He said again.
He drive me back home silently.
I had to cover myself with his jacket.
"We're still okay right?" He asked reluctantly.
I sighed.
"Just don't do that again. I guess we should call it even now. For breaking your heart and hurting you." I said weakly.
"Via I wasn't trying to.." I just look at him tiredly. "It doesn't matter I guess.." he mumbled.
I am too exhausted mentally and physically.
Sarah and Tyler went out for a bit so I was alone when I got back inside house.
I took a bath immediately.
I can still feel his forceful hands on me.
I close my eyes and let my whole body rest on my tub.
I wanted to clear my mind of everything. I sink myself down below the water and felt more relax while doing so.
I don't know how long I was holding my breath under the water when I heard Sarah's voice calling me. She immediately lift me up above the water.
"Via what the heck are you doing?!" She asked worriedly.
Panic is written all over her face and voice.
"Oh.. I was really tired today and I was enjoying my bath a little too much I guess." I replied awkwardly laughing.
She took the towel and wrap me with it.
"Are you okay? Did something happen?" She asked worriedly.
I took the towel on her hands.
"Yes.. I feel much better now. Thanks." I replied smiling as I walk out of my tub.
"Tyler and I just watch a movie outside. How was your photoshoot?" She tried to converse with me.
I nodded smiling. "It was fine... We just have to get ready for our shooting." I replied while wearing my robe.
"Are you hungry?" She asked softly.
"Not really.. but I can accompany you." I offered.
After what happen earlier. I don't have much appetite to eat.
She start cooking in my kitchen.
"You sure you don't want to eat? I'm cooking your favorite pasta." She tried to tempt me with food.
I chuckled softly.
"I should start with my diet. I have to maintain my body figure for this new movie that I'm doing." I mentioned.
"Ugh, I wish you didn't take that project." She pouted.
I couldn't help but smile at her.
"Sure.. maybe I shouldn't have." I replied while drinking a glass of water.
"Your body is only for me to see.. Not anyone else." She said while poking my cheeks.
"Ohh.." I said.
"Yes, now everyone with get all sorts of fantasy and probably watch that film for their own porn like enjoyment." She whined.
I start laughing uncontrollably.
"Hey! I'm serious.." she said frowning.
"Only they can see but not touch.." I said winking.
She bit her lip seductively while nodding in approval.
"Yes girlfriend, because only I can get to do that.." she said while walking closer to me.
She lean in to give me a kiss but I jolted back when I suddenly remembered what Ivan tried to do to me earlier.
"What's wrong?" She asked confused.
"Oh.. I just remember something bad." I replied frowning at myself.
"Okay.." she said while bringing the plate on our table.
"What did you remember? How bad is it?" She asked curiously.
I shook my head and dismiss the topic. "Oh just some stupid thing. Nothing important."
She sat next to me.
"Tyler was very fun to hang out with. I could see why you two remain friends for so long." She said smiling.
"Yes, it only took you so many years to realize that." I said laughing.
"Okay.. I get it. He also said that to me many times. I honestly don't know how I was before but I'm different now okay." She said pinching my nose playfully.
I slap her hand and stole a quick kiss on her lips.
"You're not too different.. you're still cute like you've always been."
"Yeah? You already have a crush on me before?" She asked amused.
I chuckled.
"Or maybe it was the other way around?" I countered playfully.
"Maybe.." she said smiling while taking a bite.
"Are you done with your period now?" She asked curiously.
I coughed slightly.
She giggle and stare at me while she wait patiently for my answer.
I look guilty and shook my head slightly.
"Sorry.. am not yet ready for tonight." I said.
She nodded in understanding.
"It's okay.. I'm not rushing." She said while taking my hand.
She kiss my hand gently.
"Maybe I'll be lucky tomorrow." She said winking.
---
We lay down on my bed to relax after some time.
I close my eyes.
I am really too tired today.
Sarah was hugging me while I tried to sleep.
I feel so comfortable with our position.
She press her body much closer.
I kiss her head and sleep soundly next to her.
I was woken up in the middle of the night when I heard Sarah screaming on her sleep.
"No!!! Please don't say that!!!" She said as she sat up and her hands hit me accidentally.
"Hey... What's wrong? You're just dreaming.." I said softly while trying to comfort her.
She embrace me tightly.
"Via! Oh gosh, I thought it was real.." she said while sniffling.
I rub her back comforting her.
"What about?" I asked curiously.
"You were so mad at me. You were saying some stuff." She said while tightening her hold on me.
"It's just a bad dream." I said softly.
"But it felt so real.. I don't want that to happen ever." She said while clinging to my shirt.
"Why what did you dream about?" I asked curiously.
"You said you never wanted to see me or that you don't want me in your life.." she said while crying.
I remember saying that to her when I got so mad after our break up in the past.
I pull away to look at her.
I wipe the tears on her face.
"Ssh.. stop crying. It's just a dream babe." I said softly.
She look me in the eyes.
"Let's go back to sleep." I said before I kiss her forehead.
"I love you Via.." she said while resting her forehead against mine.
"I know.." I held her closer.
"Don't cry now. I'm here. Forget about that dream." I said giving her one last good night kiss.
I pulled away and close my eyes but she lean again and kiss me deeper.
She pulled away after a few seconds.
"Good night babe.." she said smiling completely satisfied now.
---
I woke up the next morning with Sarah's arms wrap around me.
I quietly and gently lift her arms so I can move from the bed.
I check on my phone to see if there were any important announcements or messages regarding my work.
I receive a message from Ivan.
He is trying to apologize again for the way he acted yesterday.
"Via, I'm really sorry for what I did yesterday. I feel really awful and disgusted with myself. I know you probably don't believe me but I'm really very sorry. I hope I can make it up to you. Please spare me some time. I would like to properly apologize for my behavior. I promise it won't happen again. I just want to talk. I also want to be able to work professionally with you."
I sigh and close his message.
I tried to erase that memory in my mind.
I know Ivan is not usually this hot tempered and forceful.
I've known him for three years and not even once had he ever been disrespectful of me or anyone. Maybe our break up just trigger this whole messy and bad behavior from him.
I got a missed call from Tyler.
So I decided to call him back.
"Hey Ty, good morning. Thank you for hanging out with Sarah yesterday. I heard you guys watch a movie." I greeted him cheerfully.
"Oh it's okay.. Sarah is cool and sweet. Very fun to hang with." He said casually.
"She said the same thing about you." I mentioned.
"Oh did she? That's nice. Anyway I tried calling you ealier because I forgot to mention about your magazine interview plus cover for Vogue. Remember when you and Ivan finally announced your relationship in public? I had set this schedule months ago so it will be kind of weird if you suddenly cancelled."
"What did Ivan say about this?" I asked.
"He said if you want to cancel it's fine. He is just waiting for your decision." He replied.
"Maybe we should just do it. It won't be fair for Vogue to cancel last minute." I replied a bit unsure.
"That will be today." He reminded me.
"Yes.. I'm sure it won't take that long." I replied.
I heard Sarah waking up.
"Morning girlfriend.." I said sweetly.
She smile adorably.
"Yes great morning.." I said kissing her forehead and nose.
"Who were you talking to?" She asked curiously.
"Tyler.. he just wants to confirm my schedule." I replied.
"Oh, another work today?" She asked.
"Yes.. but it will only take a few hours though." I replied.
"Okay, I'll be waiting then. What do you want for breakfast?" She stood up and stretch her arms.
"Will it count if I said you?" I asked while placing my hands on her waist.
That caught her off guard.
I smile playfully and gently push her back on the bed.
"Your period?" She asked while biting her lip.
I stare deeply into her eyes.
"Almost done.." I said while nuzzling my nose to hers.
"That means we can finally do it again?" She asked while push me a little bit to face me.
I nodded my head.
"Yep.. we can do it all night." I whisper on her ear.
"Tonight?" She breathe out the word.
I seductively bit her ear which cause her to moan.
I chuckled softly.
She push me a little harder and switch our position.
I gulp once.
"Don't turn me on.. not until tonight." She said while grabbing the collar of my shirt.
She kiss my cheek then continue to get off my bed.
"But I still want to do other stuff right now." I tease while hugging her from behind. I trailed kisses on her shoulder up to her neck.
"Viaa.. ahh!" She tried to supress her moan.
She turn around to face me.
We both giggle and couldn't keep a straight face.
I finally release her from my embrace.
"How do you expect me to restraint myself from you right now hmp?" She said blushing.
"You could take a shower?" I suggest casually while pointing at my bathroom.
She rolled her eyes and kept walking.
Her phone starts ringing.
She took it out and sighed deeply.
"What's wrong?" I asked worriedly.
"Just my mom. She wants to meet." She replied.
"That's a good news right? She's been very busy at work so now you two can finally catch up or something." I replied smiling and being happy for her.
"I don't know.. We don't really have that much of a relationship. She doesn't talk about anything unless it's about work." She replied more casually than intended.
"Sarah.. you don't need to lie if this stuff with your mom upsets you. I know divorce can be really tough and you don't have to pretend with me. If you want to vent or say anything.. You don't have to bottle your feelings inside." I replied.
"Honestly, I have no idea how my relationship was with my parents before my amnesia. Maybe we never really had that close bond at all. I'm not upset anymore Via. I've already accepted things the way they are. My parents divorce happen three years ago. I was busy in Europe doing my best to recover from my accident. It was barely on my mind. I guess the only thing that really upset me is my dad's betrayal on my mom." She replied.
We reach my kitchen.
"So you're going to meet her right?" I asked.
"Actually, I'll rather stay here.." she said quietly.
"When is she planning to meet you?" I asked curiously.
"Any day within this week. But I'm not sure if I'll see her yet." She replied.
"It's okay.. I think you should meet her." I mention softly.
"Okay, I'll think about it." She replied while looking over my fridge.
"By the way, It's not true. Your relationship with your parents was good. They might have been busy but they weren't that bad. I still remember the good old days. Both of your parents are chill and caring." I mentioned.
"Sure, I'll take your word for it." She replied softly.
"Let's just eat breakfast outside. I know a good place." I said.
So we ordered some quick breakfast on drive-in and I brought her to a park.
"A picnic date.. very nice." She said before she gave me a kiss on my cheek.
We interlock our fingers together as we walked.
I lay my blanket down and we sat comfortably on it.
"Do you always go here? The scenery is warm and beautiful." She said while sitting closer next to me.
"I do. I usually work out and run every morning in this park." I replied smiling.
"Really, maybe I can join you next time." She said softly.
I start unpacking our food.
We enjoy eating and getting cozy with each other.
She lay her head on my lap.
"I'm curious about something.. You mention that we had some stupid college deal. I don't understand why you would agree to pretend of being Oli. What was that about?" She asked.
"Really? You want to talk about that?" I asked rolling my eyes playfully.
"Well it's weird." She said giggling.
"You are a very weird person Sarah. Anyone who knows you well would agree with me." I said laughing.
"A good weird right?" She clarified.
I nodded and stroke her hair gently.
"You want to get a good impression on your college sorority back then and you suddenly kiss me and you told everyone that I was your boyfriend. I used to have a really short hair and my outfit was not feminine enough so everyone just assume that I was a guy. Crazy right?" I explained.
She shook her head not believing me at all.
"You can't be serious.."
"Oh yes I am.. I thought you were having a mental breakdown." I replied laughing.
"And you just agreed to it?" She continued asking.
"I was totally broke and you offered me money. It wasn't so bad. I got to experience what's like to be in college and also made some friends on your sorority circle." I replied.
"Please Tori is barely platonic on you. The way she looks and adores you is different from the way a normal friend supposedly do." She mentioned.
I chuckle much to her dislike.
She sat up and look at me with slight hint of annoyance.
"I'm serious.." she argued.
I pinch her cheeks.
"How do you manage to look so cute even when you're jealous." I said while pecking her lips.
"I'm not! I'm just merely pointing out the truth." She said defensively.
"Sure.. anyway, that was years ago. Tori may have had a little crush on me then but not anymore." I replied.
I was about to lean in for another kiss but she held my forehead and push me a bit away.
"But you two were in a romantic relationship before." She mentioned.
"And so were you and my brother. I'm not seeing your point here." I replied smiling.
She looked away for a second.
"True.. okay you're right. There's no point here. You're already mine now." She replied just enough for me to hear.
My face blush at the way she claimed me.
"Sarahh!" I tackle her down playfully.
"Hey!!" She said loudly while clinging to me.
Her hands are on each side of the edge of my shirt.
I look down at her.
"I get butterflies inside my stomach every time you say that." I confess.
"Yeah? If so, then I'm going to keep saying it.." she pull herself up and I watch her staring at my lips.
"I am yours, Sarah." I whisper closely.
"Mine.." she spoke seductively.
She move her one hand to my hair, gently stroking it with her fingers then she pulled me closer for a kiss.
She lean back and lie down on my blanket as we continued sharing a passionate kiss. Both of her hands stroking my hair while we were enjoying the kiss.
I pulled back after a few seconds.
"Wow.." I breathe out still catching for some air.
I lie down next to her.
She move closer and held my hand.
"I'm so happy right now.." she said softly. She turn her head to look at me. "So happy that I'm with you Via." She finished giving my hand a slight squeeze.
---
Later afternoon,
I met Ivan inside the building for our Vogue interview.
I tried my best to forget about what he did yesterday.
He tried to apologize again for the way he acted and he promise me that he will never do it again.
"Via I'm glad that you're here. I thought you will cancel this interview. I understand if you're still mad at me and I know I cross the line yesterday. I am really sorry Via. That was really wrong and I should have never done.."
I wave my hand dismissively.
"I just want to forget about it."
"It won't happen again.." he tried to reassure me.
"Just leave me alone Ivan. I don't think we can ever be friends again. After we finish our movie.. let's just go our separate ways." I said lastly before walking away.
He didn't try to follow me this time.
We both acted like we were still a couple in front of the camera and crew. Ivan was more distant and not as pushy as before. We tried to keep our answers short and finish the interview early.
I walk towards my car after we wrap up the photoshoot and I found Ivan leaning his back on my car waiting for me.
I sighed as I walk closer.
"Ivan I thought we've already discuss this?" He move a bit to face me.
"I know, I understand.. I just want to talk. Just for the last time. Can we grab some coffee?" He asked softly pleading. "Please Via.. just a few minutes of your time." He continued.
I thought about it for a few seconds.
"Fine, just a few minutes okay but Ivan.. if you try something again. I won't tolerate it. Do you understand?" I replied seriously.
He nodded and smile.
"Thanks Via. I promise just coffee." He replied.
I followed him to our usual coffee place.
"Remember our first date here?" He asked enthusiastically.
I looked away and cleared my throat.
"Ivan no.. don't." I tried to cut him off.
"Sorry, I just want to start a conversation and not make things awkward." He explained.
"Just cut to the chase and talk." I said while looking at my watch.
"Why her?" He asked switching his tone. "I know you don't have to tell me anything but I really want to know why. What is it about Sarah? Via I'm willing to forget whatever you did with her as long as you take me back. I want you still and I don't understand why you're choosing her? Why did you tell me that she's all you ever wanted?" Ivan asked while gazing at me intently.
I place my hands on my lap.
"Sorry Ivan.." I said while I look down.
"You said to cut to the chase.. Just look at me and tell me the truth Via. I want to know your reason." He spoke again.
I force myself to face him again.
His eyes remains on me.
I inhale a long amount of air and finally found the courage to speak of the truth.
"Do you remember when I told you about the person who broke my heart in the past? The person I was madly in love with.. my ex who I loved so much. That person is Sarah." I confess to him.
He frowned and looked away for a second then he look back at me feeling betrayed and hurt.
"Your ex is Sarah all along? You didn't bother telling me about this??" He was shaking his head in disappointment.
"I'm sorry.. I didn't think it will matter." I replied.
He place his hand on the table and I could see that he was trying his best to remain calm.
"If I knew about it. I would have never agree to staying in one of her hotels. So you what? Just fell for her again??" His voice is starting to get a little louder.
I look around us and thankfully, not a lot of people are around at this time of the day.
"Maybe this was a bad idea. I should go before people start noticing something." I grab my bag and stood up to leave.
I continue walking until I reach my car.
"Via wait!" Ivan was running to me.
I open my car door.
He stood in front of my car to block me.
"Ivan we are done talking. Just let me leave." I replied.
He shook his head.
"Did you ever love me? Am I just your beard? Are you just covering the fact that you're gay?" He accused me.
I place my hand on my forehead and shook my head frustratingly.
"We've already talk about this Ivan. I told you that I have loved you before and you were never a beard to me. Why don't you understand that I can love both a man and a woman the same way." I explained.
"Okay fine.. so you're bisexual. Then if you love me the same as Sarah then why aren't you choosing me instead?" He asked while trying to get a hold on my hand.
I take in a sharp breath.
"If only it was that easy.." I mumbled.
He held my hands firmly.
"We can start over again. I will make you love me again. She already hurt you once. What makes you think she won't do it again." He tried to convince me.
I gulp once. That was always my greatest fear. Sarah has the ability to hurt me in ways that can make me feel so vulnerable and weak to the point I lose myself.
"I am still here.. still waiting for you. I think we both know that it's possible. Sarah might just hurt you all over again." He lean closer.
I had another flashback of the time Sarah broke up with me on her car.
How easily she changed her mind and told me she didn't love me anymore.
While I was under my thoughts, Ivan took the chance to kiss me.
I immediately push him away when I felt his lips on mine.
"Ivan!" I yelled in anger.
"I'm sorry. I was just.." I interrupted him.
"Just what Ivan?" I asked glaring at him.
"Nothing.. it's a mistake. I just really miss you Via. I can't help myself." He replied sadly.
I soften when I saw him feeling sad and broken.
"Please Ivan let's not make this any harder than it is. I don't want to see you like this. I want you to be happy too." I replied.
He tried his best not to show me that he was already in the verge of tears.
"I also want the same thing for you Via.. but I know that giving you up for her, for Sarah isn't for the best. She's going to hurt you again." He repeated.
"That's my own decision to make." I replied.
"I know.. but I just want you to know that I'm still here. I won't give up on you. I'll be waiting." He replied with determination and courage.
I shook my head.
"I don't want to give you any false hope Ivan. I'm happy with Sarah. We are in a serious relationship and waiting for me is just a waste of time. I'll rather want to see you be happy than waiting in vain for me." I said sincerely.
"Via.. I don't care. I love you so much." He said.
I sighed sadly and walk to my car.
"I have nothing more to say. I hope we clear things up now. Goodbye Ivan." I replied lastly before driving away.
---
A few hours later,
I'm still in my car and driving nowhere. I told Sarah that I'll be going home a little late tonight.
I would be lying if I said that what Ivan said earlier didn't cross my mind multiple times. I am still worried and scared of the thought of Sarah having the ability of breaking my heart again.
As much as happy that I am now, those things are still on my mind and maybe because there's a little part of me that don't trust my own decision when it comes to her.
I don't know how long I was driving until I finally decided to stop overthinking things and just try to forget what Ivan was trying to warn me about.
I text Sarah and inform her that I was already on my way home.
The lights were already off when I got home.
I look at my watch and notoce that it was already eleven in the evening.
Maybe Sarah is already asleep.
I open the door quietly.
There were some candles lighted in my bedroom. Sarah was lying on my bed with a sultry smile.
"Hi.. I'm home." I replied a bit nervous.
She was wearing a very sexy lingerie.
I place my bag on my desk without breaking eye contact from Sarah.
"Wow, you look so hot." I said while walking closer.
"I've been waiting long enough.." she said while she rest her palm on the side of her face. She flaunt her long beautiful legs on me as she shift her body.
"Come closer.." she voice out seductively as she extended her hand to me.
I bit my lower lip and slowly took her hand.
She pull me gently.
I was silently staring at her as she move on my bed.
She sat on her knees while placing a gentle touch on my neck.
"Via, do you have any idea how I feel right now?" She asked while leaning closer.
Her whole presence is making me feel weak. I'm sweating and my heart is beating so fast.
The candle lights completely warming and heating my room in a very alluring and sensual way.
I swallow down just before I find my voice to speak.
"How do you feel?" I asked while I held her hand which is still on my neck.
"A lot.." she whispered on my lips.
She gently kiss my lips.
"Excited mostly.." she smiled as she tilt her head and I respond to her kiss.
She pulled away for a second to look into my eyes.
"I want you Via.." she said seductively.
I nodded in understanding. My hands drop to my side and she continue roaming her hands from my neck to the hem of my shirt.
"Teach me everything.." she said while nimbling on my ear.
I could feel my body getting hotter.
She slowly lift my shirt up. I move my hands above my head and help her while she undress me.
She toss my shirt down on the floor after her successful attempt.
She lower her gaze to my pants.
"This too.." she said while her hands unbuttoned my jeans. She was kissing my neck while unzipping me.
"Remove it for me beautiful.." she said while pressing herself even more on me.
I pull my pants down and do as she said. I wiggle out and toss my pants across the room leaving me on my underwear.
She held my hand again and pull me down on the bed with her.
She wrap her arms around my neck and kiss me deeper.
I place my hands on her waist and close my eyes while enjoying our kiss.
"Via, I want to be on top.." she announced.
I pulled away and look at her.
We stare at each other with full of unspoken desire and passion.
Without saying another word, I roll on my side and let her position on top of me.
"I'm not really sure on how to do it but I want to do my best to pleasure you." She said while staring at my eyes deeply.
I can feel my whole face and ears heating up.
"It's okay.. Just do whatever feels right. Don't think too much of it. Touch me anywhere you want." I replied before grabbing her for another kiss.
She smile and held my back and unhook my bra.
She sat up on my leg and waited for me to remove my bra completely.
"Your breast are soft.." she said while slightly pressing her hands on me.
I moaned softly from her touch.
She lean down again to kiss my neck.
She start playing with my nipples as they start getting harder from my own arousal.
I can feel my center getting wet from her mere touch.
"Does it feel good?" She asked while biting my lip softly.
"Uhmm.." I was too engrossed on the sensation I was feeling from her.
She start lowering her kisses from my lips down to my body.
"Am I doing alright?" She asked while kissing in between my breast.
I nodded and held my pillow above my head when she start sucking on my now very sensitive breast.
"Ahh.." I moaned when I felt her tongue licking my nipple.
"Sarah ahh.." I call her name as I moaned.
"Yeah?" She asked while looking up to face me.
"Down there.." I said shyly in a low voice.
"Say it.." she dare me as she brought her attention back to my face and start licking my earlobe.
"Wh-what?" I asked stuttering.
"You're suppose to teach me Via.." she said while sucking on my earlobe causing me to feel more desperate and needy.
"Fine, be a good student then you little tease." I said moving my one hand to her waist while the other reaching for her thighs.
I gently rub her thighs as I move my touch upward slightly poking her center.
She flinch a little bit and held my shoulder firmly.
"H-hey!" She said a bit louder.
"I thought you want me to teach you? Now give it a try and follow my lead. Actions are so much better than words." I said before kissing and licking her neck.
"Seriously?" She asked frowning.
I slid her underwear to the side and touch her directly.
"Viaaa!" She moaned my name louder.
"Are you going to do it or not? Either way, I'm gonna enjoy doing this Sarah." I said while rubbing her center slowly.
She press her hands firmly on my shoulder.
"I- I can't focus.." she said while biting her lip to suppress a moaned.
"You can start by removing your hand from my shoulder then make it travel between my legs." I said close to her ear seductively.
She followed my instructions and did it.
I took out a deep breath when I felt her warm hand slid my underwear and start rubbing me the same way I do.
"How am I doing so far?" She asked in between our kisses.
"Can you feel my wetness on your hand?" I asked while burying my face on her neck.
She chuckled softly.
"Yes, my fingers are completely coated right now." She said proudly.
"You can insert it in.. I'll be doing the same to you okay?" I said softly.
"Okay." She said while she move her head down to kiss my lips.
Our tongue start playing on each other.
Our breathing had become unstable as we continue pumping and thrusting our finger on each others' most sensitive area.
She added another finger on me.
"Is this okay?" She asked a bit unsure.
I nodded and try to keep my breathing steady.
We were both enjoying the pleasure. The whole room is covered with our heavy breathing and sweat.
I pick up my pace and start moving faster when I felt her body trembling.
"I'm almost there too.. let's finish together." I said.
"Okay, Ah! F-ck.. this is too good Via!" She said while having a hard time balancing herself on top of me.
"Ah, yes! Sarah!!"
I start slowing down my stroke when I felt her tightening on my finger.
We both release the loudest moans when we reach our peak and orgasm at the same time.
She collapsed on top of me shortly after arching our bodies in too much pleasure.
We were both panting hard and could barely open our eyes after releasing so much from our stimulation.
She nuzzle her head on my chest after recovering.
"How was I? Did I do well?" She asked curiously.
I stroke her hair softly.
She lift her head a bit to look at me.
"It was okay.. not that bad." I said laughing.
She pinch my arm in protest.
"Ow! Of course you were amazing. Everything with you is better Sarah. Because it's you, I'm doing it with." I replied softly.
She blush after hearing my confession.
She kiss me again on my lips for a brief second.
"I love you Via.." she said while staring at me lovingly.
My heart skip a beat.
"I- I.." I struggle to form a word.
"It's okay Via.. you don't have to say it back if you're not ready yet. This is already enough." She said kissing my forehead gently.
I don't know why I'm scared to say it out loud.
She move and roll on my side.
The room had become completely dark now after the candle dies down.
I pull her into my arms and hug her tightly.
She interlock our fingers together.
I kiss her shoulder gently before I close my eyes and nuzzle my head on her back.
"Cuddling after sex is amazing.." she mentioned while leaning her back closer.
"Hmhmm.." I hummed in approval.
"Good night girlfriend.." she spoke softly.
"Great night.." I clarified smiling.
We both fell asleep shortly after.