Watashi No Ai
CHAPTER 40
When Yeji finished putting light make up on her face, we shared gaze towards each other as we're seeing both of our reflection on the mirror she's facing. I made a fist bump sign, showing her what's tattooed under my knuckles.
"Ye...Yeji?" she mumbled while reading what's written on my fingers. She soon turned to face me with a shock expression on her face. "How can a 17 year old girl like you get that tattoos huh???" she held my hand, looking so amazed.
"I can get some cigarettes and liquor, go in a bar together with my friends and you're asking about my first tattoo?" I sarcastically asked. Yeji stood up and circled her arms around my nape.
"I just wanna say that it's ugly, there's a lot of things you can put on your skin and you put my name? Are you afraid to forget me?" Yeji smirks that's why I lifted her up the table.
"I've always been afraid, darling..." I leaned my forehead to hers, sharing breath with her. "I can't lose you, up until now I'd say that I can't lose you..." Yeji was about to put her lips on mine but a clever smile escaped my mouth as I kissed the tip of her nose.
"I respect you so much that I wanted you to kiss me if we're both 18 already." I said that's why Yeji chuckles.
"For sure you're kissing someone else in the bar that's why you can still hold yourself..." she said while removing her circling arms on my nape.
"I'm too in love with you that even Ariana Grande comes in line I wouldn't dare to lay my hand on her...because these hands are just for holding and touching my darling. And this forbidden lips is just for my girl..." I closed my eyes after placing my lips on her forehead.
I may seem arrogant and I'm well aware because this kind of attitude is just for Yeji. Yeji's the only one who deserves to see me like this...and nonetheless, Yeji deserved it.
"Darlinggggg!" Yeji shouted my name while running towards me.
"Why?" I casually asked, looking at her with my puckered lips.
"Why did you leave me in your room alone? I almost thought that we're not gonna go out at all." Yeji's pout got me blushing.
I welcomed her with a warm hug while patting her head, "my baby thought that Ryuddaeng left her? Ryuddaeng is bad. How dare she made you feel that she's not gonna date you at all?" when I pulled apart from her, I imitated her face that's fake crying while pouting right now. "Aw my darling is crying...I'll go and beat up that Ryuddaeng for you." I said. Yeji suddenly punches my shoulder that made me laugh.
"Stop mocking me!" she said with a giggle.
I held Yeji's hand, just enough to feel her warmth. "I started the prologue of our story and I titled it Watashi No Ai, it means my love in japanese." I stated, "I'm planning to get a tattoo of it here on the back of my hand so when it's read, it would be 'my love, yeji'."
"That's cute, Ryuddaeng...I'd love it." Yeji mumbled.
"Didn't you notice something?" I asked as I look at her.
"You're wearing the sweater I gave when you turned 15." Yeji said, snuggling from behind. It was a large size so it didn't had a hard time adjusting with my size as I grow up.
"I'd like to lay on the grass with you today but I'm wearing this so...maybe next time?"
We're walking on a sidewalk without knowing our destination. I guess this became a habit for us. But it's fun. Sometimes we're ending up in a beach, riverside, mall, nightmarket, the old playground— and sometimes we're just roaming around the area, buying foods in different stalls.
"Thank you!" Yeji lifted her left hand to receive the cucumber lemonade that we bought here on the roadside— but I noticed the bruises on her arms the moment that the sleeves of her sweater fall down.
I quickly grabbed her other hand which surprises her. But not knowing what's in my head, it was too late for her to take back her hand when I pulled up her sleeves. "What's this?" my expression changed from what I've had earlier. I don't know what to feel. I feel mad because she didn't tell me about this. I feel mad because I don't know who did this or what really happened. "Who did this, Yeddeong-ah?" I asked with my eyebrows arching.
"Just an accident..." she took her hand away from me and started walking.
Accident? Those bruises? I'd believe her if only there's one bruise but there's a lot in both of her arms. It was huge bruises.
"I'm not a kid anymore. Your father did that?" I asked while following her steps.
"Dad can't hurt me." Yeji said that's why I gritted my teeth.
"Then what happened? Do you have any diseases?" I grasped her arm to stop her, "I'm sorry if it hurts...but please tell me? Yeji, why?" suddenly, I was filled with mixed emotions. I can't stand seeing those bruises on her arms...
"Me and dad had an argument and it kinda lead to this...don't worry, you're not included in that argument." she answered but I can't bring myself to believe her.
"Dude, you ain't talking to a 6 year old kid."
"Dude, if you don't want to believe me then don't." Yeji stated, "let go— let's see each other tomorrow. I lost my mood." she said so I slowly let go of her arm eventhough I don't really want to. I just easily get soft with her...
"Yeddeong-ah...I love you, okay?" I mumbled while following her from behind. She's really going back home because she changes direction.
She's not mumbling something but it's fine...as long as I can watch over her and assure that she's all fine.
"Put your hand in mine
you know that I want to be with you all the time🎶" I sang, still following my sulking darling. It's not new to me..sometimes when I ask her some questions that she doesn't want to answer, she'll walk away so I'd end up following her till she reaches home.
But her bruises is bothering me...when she was 16, she started wearing long sleeves that I didn't even mind asking. She told me before she gets easily cold so I thought, that's just because of that but then— seeing those bruises makes me think...what if she had those all along? What if that wasn't her first bruises but just a new bruises colliding with the old ones?
"Someday...if you can, tell me, okay?" I said, "I think I can never love anyone at all...because my darling casts a spell on me."
"I love my darling she's my darling~ where's my darling? Is she that someone walking alone ahead of me while sipping her cucumber lemonade?"
———
I stopped right here in front of the gate, watching the snow falling to my palm. My heart beats faster than ever when my eyes shifted at the front door of Yeji's house. I can clearly see her through their open gate.
Just like when I tripped and got up...just like when I turned around and saw someone who was timidly looking at me while holding her teddy bear.
"Yejiddeong? Yejiddeong!"
I smiled while slowly walking towards her direction. I can't lose this girl and I'll never want to lose her.
"Yeddeong-ah!" I shouted with a wide smile plastered on my face.
Yeji smiled at me before turning her back.
"Let's go?" I asked but instead of answering me, she went inside their house. I followed her as usual. She probably left something inside.
"You're mine, you're just mine, Yeji."
My hand that's holding onto the frame of their door fell, hitting my hip so hard that created a sound. I saw her dad gripping her arms that's why I clenched my fist.
"Yeji—" I was about to reach for her but with one blink, everything around me turned dark. I couldn't see anything. It was pure darkness.
"YEJI?! YEJI?!" I screamed, running in this dark place I thought I've escaped already.
"YEJI!"
"Ma'am, ma'am— calm down..." a hand patted my back and the second time I opened my eyes— I found a woman in front of me but it's not Yeji. I was in a place...where all I can see was nothing but white color.
"The therapist want to talk with you—" I quickly hit her arm away from me and ran to the bathroom.
Yeji...Yeji...
Why?! Why did that end too fast? 12 hours passed already? Why did it end too fast...I haven't even completed it. My imagination...I was already in the part where we're going to date on the midst of snow. I was already in that part where the first snow has started.
"Yeji..." I twitches the faucet before soaking my face on the running water.
When I ran out of breath, I quickly lifted my face up and look at myself on the mirror.
You look pretty horrible, Ryujin...
"AHHH!!!! DAMNIT!" the sound of breaking glass echoed in this room together with my bleeding knuckles.
My blood runs down...covering the name I once tattooed on each of my finger...
—🍃
i'm sorry, babies...be brave and stop right here if y'know you'd feel traumatize.