한지성 (Han Jisung)'s pov
The door slammed shut behind me as I let out a heavy sigh. The idea of looking back- maybe knocking and saying that I didn't wanna leave yet was indeed tempting.
But I didn't do it.
I didn't look back.
I shouldn't.
It was yet still too early for me to head home. My dad won't even be home until midnight, my older brother and mom went somewhere else. There's no one to wait for me at home so why did I leave?
What are you doing Han Jisung? You said you'd try to get her but why aren't you selfish enough?
Maybe it is better now that I'm leaving Korea.
I need to move on.
I have to.
We've made stupid fantasies together and I believed that we'd have a happy ending— not as friends- but more.
I've deceived myself with that thought to the point that I've forgotten that I was just the side character— the support.
I was too immersed in the idea of a happy ending that I've forgotten to make it happen.
It's way too late now.
Her heart belongs to someone else and there's absolutely nothing I can do with that.
I just want the best for her.
So I left, even if my heart didn't want me to. Even though Seungmin told me to follow my heart— I left because my mind was noisier with its hesitation so I couldn't hear my heartbeats. The heartbeats that asked me to stay and try harder.
I left because I didn't want to be selfish.
And Hyunjin?
Hyunjin better do this right.
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"Seunghee?" Hyunjin tilted his head while holding onto the water bottle, waiting for the girl to notice him. She held onto the bench tightly with a sigh of relief and fear at the same time.
"Seunghee..?" Seunghee finally looked at her right with a bare smile, "oh- Hey, you-" She eyed the water bottle, which he was offering to her, before taking it. "Thank you, giant."
She carefully attempted to open the bottle cap, trying her best to open it— but eventually failed. Hyunjin quickly offered help, "I'll do it-."
Hyunjin took it and unscrewed the bottle cap to great success before handing it back to her, "here."
"Oh." She took the bottle, "thanks, again." She cleared her throat before chugging half of the water. Achieving to gulp all the water down her throat, she finally removes the water bottle's touch from her lips as Hyunjin quickly handed her the bottle cap.
Seunghee's lips drew a small smile as she took it, then proceeded to cover the bottle. She then placed the bottle between them, liberating a sigh. "I'm- Uhm, sorry." She said with no eye contact.
"For?"
"Earlier- and the days before-. I was being dramatic wasn't I? Disappearing for two days and now breaking down- in front of you." She gulped, "I'm really sorry."
"It's fine." He replied, "really."
"I mean- you're not a robot aren't you?" He restated what he was told before.
"Tsk.. yeah. But there was still no reason for me to be - like this." She shrugged and then shook her head, "ah enough about me, I don't wanna ruin the atmosphere haha."
"You're not."
"Hmmm, how's Minho?"
Hyunjin immediately looked at her by the mention of that name. "He's um alright. I mean- he's not, but hyung's a strong person so I'm sure he's gonna be okay."
Seunghee nodded in understanding before looking back at him, "it must've shattered him about Yejin huh?" She fidgeted her hands. "Love is difficult."
"Mhm." He scarcely nodded, "it really is."
"Hm."
[...]
Seunghee cleared her throat and then straightened her back right away. "So.. uh sorry if this is a little too personal but- was Yejin your first love?- I don't know actually I'm just uh- curious about it." She asked and then quickly added, "it's alright if you don't wanna answer that- don't worry haha."
She shyly scratched the back of her head as Hyunjin chuckled and shook his head. "Yejin isn't my first love."
"Wait-." She gasped, "really?" Her eyes wandered away and around the ground. "What?" He asked as she mumbled in response, "I actually thought she was-."
"Why?" He chuckled again.
"Because you were so into her- I mean not judging- but it just seemed that it was the first time you liked someone-."
"No offense taken. I was into her and I liked her a lot." He smiled, "but she really wasn't. I met someone before her."
"Like- a girlfriend?"
"What? No- no no- no I don't- I-." He paused and thought for a moment before shaking his head again. "I um- Met a girl when I was uh younger." Hyunjin rubbed the back of his neck, "I mean honestly I only saw her like once?- she was just a stranger-."
"Ahh okay." Seunghee nodded but then changed her expression as realization hits, "Oooohh little Hyunjin got love at first sight?" She chuckled as she gently nudged upon his shoulder before continuing, "so what's her name?"
"I don't know- actually." He gulped, "I seriously only saw her once- and never again. I used to be a very forgettable kid- I'd always forget to ask the person's name first- I didn't really know how to make friends."
Seunghee nodded, quietly listening as the boy nervously talked about his past. "But I mean- I do have a nickname for her-."
"Really?"
"Yep, it's daisy."
"Daisy?"
He looked away, "daisy." Hyunjin released a sigh while closing his eyes, "I know it's weird or - cringe- but I called her that for a reason."
"Hey." Seunghee snickered, "no judgment. It's cute" she smiled at him. "I'm listening, don't worry."
Hyunjin nodded. "So.. when I was a kid- remember when I said that we'd always go to an orphanage to donate some things to the kids and all?" He looked at her as she nodded attentively, "my mom bought me this Rubik's cube- it was new at that time and it was my favorite toy ever since. I really liked that toy that even though I've solved it already, I brought it all the time when we'd go visit some orphanages— especially Minho's."
"Then- suddenly, my dad called me to help him out so I placed it down for a while. When I uh came back, there was a girl, maybe my age?" — "This girl was- I don't know- quite pretty for my young eyes— haha-. Uh she had straight hair- her eyebrows conjoined together when she focused and I think she was wearing a purple dress- I don't really remember." He chuckled, "it's like a blur."
"Actually I was seriously love-struck at that time- but then when I noticed her playing around with my cube which I just solved not so long ago- my sensitive self grabbed it and scolded her about it. She even poked a hole on the blue side so I got even angrier."
Seunghee shook his head, "poor girl got scolded by the little grumpy Hyunjin." She chuckled with a hint of nervousness. "Hey, I was I don't know, twelve? Eleven?" He shrugged.
"I'm joking haha, sorry giant."
"Oh no it's fine I just- feel embarrassed whenever I talk about it-." He laughed and then shook his head, "it's honestly a long story- I barely even told Minho hyung this much-."
"Ahh it's fine Hyunjin, don't worry. I'm all ears and like I said, no judgments."
"I know." He smiled softly and after getting a certain reassurance, he continued his story. "Actually- she didn't get scared when I got mad- she just fought back telling me if I needed to be all grumpy and stuff. We argued until she took these daisy stickers out of her pocket and placed it above the hole?"
"My furiousness finally calmed down after that and she promised to fix it and return it the next day so I agreed since my dad always told me to give second chances so-."
"I don't really know why I remember so much about this. It's always at the back of my head- I mean- maybe it's because of that toy— or her? I don't know. Pfft.." he looked down on the ground, slipping his hands into his uniform's pockets, "the world's too big so it's useless anyway."
"The world's actually smaller than you thought." She murmured as he quickly looked at her, "hm?"
"Nothing." She smiled, "I just feel tired."
"Alright, I'll walk you home so you can rest."
"Oh- yeah okay, thank you."
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"Who are you still looking for?" Minho tilted his head at his friend who was sitting beside him as he drank his milk. Hyunjin, whose eyes have nervously and excitedly looked every direction of the garden, finally stopped looking with a small pout.
"She said she would be here... It's been a week."
"Who?"
"Daisy."
"Daisy...?" Minho raised an eyebrow, "you mean the flower?"
"Yeah, the flower but- a person-."
"Eh?"
Hyunjin looked at his friend before shaking his head annoyingly, "ah never mind." He took a sip of his milk as Minho whined and shook his shoulder to get his attention, "who's daisssyyy???"
"Ah, Hyung! I'm drinking!" His voice was muffled from the straw he was biting on as he complained.
Minho stopped and laughed at Hyunjin's annoyed face. "Sorrryyy~~." Minho then continued to empty his milk box.
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Seunghee immediately ran into her desk, placing the water bottle down on top of the table, and then proceeded to lift the box— placing it on the table as well.
Her mind was filled with deniable thoughts, her heart raced and she felt her blood rush all over her body as she searched for something inside the box. Finally, after rapidly searching, she landed her hands on a Rubik's cube.
With no second thoughts, she pushed the box aside and looked around the cube. She examined the almost completed cube and stopped by the blue side whereas a broken and a rather old daisy sticker was placed on the middle block.
The girl quickly placed it down on the table with complete disbelief, "no shit.." she gasped under her breath before covering her mouth with the sudden curse and then sat on the edge of her bed. "It really was Hwang Hyunjin?"
"Wait I thought the orphanage where we met my uncle was in Busan- wait no I passed out in the bus right?" Seunghee ran her fingers into her hair, pushing it back as she thoroughly thought about her memories.
"That explains seeing my uncle here.. He's from here. Shit all this time I thought it was in Busan, why didn't I clarify it earlier?" She took another glance at the cube placed on the table before laying down on the bed in confused frustration. "Ahh, this is nuts. Why is the world so small? Why did it have to be Hwang Hyunjin? This is embarrassing."
She rolled over her bed, landing her face onto her blankets, and then lifted her head again. "Wait? I'm his first love?" Her stomach suddenly felt nauseous with the sudden attack of the butterflies as her heart softened.
The sudden daydreaming started as her mind replayed his shy smiles — and the little boy she met before, finally seeing a resemblance between both of them. "He's been adorable since day one, dang." She smiled like an idiot and then immediately slapped her face back to reality, shaking her head, and sat up. "No-no-no. Stop it, Seunghee."
"You said you won't like him anym-." Her door's lock started beeping, causing her attention to divert towards her door. Alerted, Seunghee quickly looked around her, taking the thick and sturdy calculus textbook from her backpack as a defense weapon.
She gulped while waiting for the intruder to come into the room, her mind blanks about what else to do.
The door opened and revealed a manly figure. With no hesitation, Seunghee threw her textbook only managing to hit the person's feet.
Talk about the right calculations and timing.
"Seun- aH-." The boy quickly jumped and held onto his feet as his slippers flew away.
The girl gasped, "oh shit- Sunwoo!" Seunghee quickly stood up and helped the poor boy head inside as Sunwoo suffered in agony, quickly taking a seat on the floor. "Why me?" He whined as she held in her laughter, collecting his slippers and then placed it aside, "I'm-. I'm sorry sunshine." She immediately turned on the lights, placed the textbook on the table, and then sat beside him, "why didn't you just ring the doorbell?"
"I've been doing that and even knocking! I figured you could be asleep but you'd be up right away if you heard the doorbell." He said very quickly that the 'rapper' title suited him indeed. Finally, he took a deep breath before continuing his 'irritated verse', "I also called out your name but you still didn't open it so I got worr-. Ah shi- why did it have to be our math textbook?" Sunwoo rubbed his red toes.
"Aahhh I'm so sorry sunshine, I got scared. I mean- at least it wasn't a pan..but still..." she looked at his toes with complete guilt, "do you want some ice?"
"No, I'm fine-." He gulped, "it'll- go away soon- the pain. Ah." He took a deep breath as Seunghee quickly fanned him. "Sorry I didn't hear it at all." She replied as she stood up to get an ice pack despite his refusal.
"What were you up to if you weren't sleeping?"
"Nothing! Pffffftt.. nothing." She shut the freezer close, holding onto the ice pack before sitting down next to him once again. "Sure sure." He replied in a huff.
"Hey, I heard Yejin was the one who-." Seunghee slowly wrapped a small white towel around the pack and then placed it on his feet. "I know." She sighed as Sunwoo took the ice pack, pressing it down on his feet gently,
"Thanks." He looked up at her, "you okay though?"
"Yeah." Seunghee looked at him with a small smile, "I'm better now. Hey, Jeongin doesn't know right? That Yejin did it?"
"He does.. he actually reacted very quickly to it."
"Ah." Seunghee rubbed her forehead with the palm of her hand, "how bad?"
"Almost- almost very bad. He slammed a locker at Yejin."
"Ahh, he didn't get in trouble, right? Yejin didn't get hurt?"
"Nope, luckily the teachers called him to meet his parents at the right time but." Sunwoo removed the ice pack from his feet and placed it on the floor, "the school is really stupid. The loud bang was not just a stupid kinda play- it was obvious that something was up- ah I've been so frustrated about it the whole day."
"This is why many bullies are in our schools." He shook his head before leaning his back against the bed. "You guys and Hana are the only reason why I'm not leaving yet."
A smile crept into Seunghee's face. "Ah, sunshine's totally a grown-up now. Even including Hana~." She teasingly said with a smile before exhaling a sigh, changing her expressions again, "I mean- we just need to endure one more year and we'll be free."
"Mhm! Then we'll be in college, sadly." Sunwoo stretched his arms and then quickly sat back up. "Right!! You! How could you just go to Busan by yourself? Huh? I was so worried, we were so worried."
"You could've just left a message at least. I had to break into your apartment to check if you packed up or not and luckily you didn't. I thought I was gonna lose you." He sighed, "it's a relief that you just visited your parents!" He then lowly mumbled, "may they rest peacefully."
"Oh, that-." She scratched her head, recalling her foolish act and how much she needed to explain.
"I'm really, really sorry, Sunwoo. I know you always looked out for me and I really appreciate it. I just couldn't help but stay quiet every time I felt- I don't know." — "you've been through worse, you're smiling more now and sometimes you still have your own episodes. I befriended you and swore that I'd be there for you no matter what, not the other way around."
"I felt scared to be a burden to you and- I'm not sure, I just felt that you're at ease and I didn't wanna bring you down like that-."
Sunwoo furrowed his eyebrows with a small huff. "Fine, I'll forgive you. What can I do anyway? It's your choice whether or not to tell me anything, but I did wish you'd talk to me at least." He sighed, "I know it's hard but ahh please don't lie anymore. Please. Like you told me before, we'll be pathetic together. So obviously, I couldn't care less if you think your problems are pathetic, they're still valid and I'm here to sort them out with you."
"Also, Idiot. Friends look out for each other, not only one person- but both. What's the use of calling each other friends if you can't rely on each other? I may be hyper at times but I will always settle down to hear a friend out! So don't worry, okay?"
"Okay, I promise I will— if I think it's necessary. I'll do better as a friend. Thank you." Seunghee looks over at him again, "I'm glad to have you as my friend."
"Pft, I know." He flipped his non-existing long hair with a chuckle. "You better keep that promise! Or else next time it'll be MORE than a math book for you."
"Tsk I will. I don't break my promises, remember? But like you don't gotta look out for me anymore. I think I can handle myself haha- I mean obviously, no secrets like I promised but- I'm gonna end this- cycle. I'm tired of being depressed and stuff... I think my mom would want me to live, that's probably a reason why I survived right? I'll live for them even when it's tough."
"And for yourself, right?"
"Right."
"You better." Sunwoo huffed a bit. "Or else I'll use my mom's slipper."
"Tsk as if she'll let you. How's things with Hana?"
"It's uh- going."
"Going?"
"Going..." he smiled awkwardly, "I'm scared of asking her out— I've been wanting to but aahhh."
"Just go for it." She chuckled.
Sunwoo nodded, "I should." — "now or never." He looks at me with a sigh, "maybe after uh- the exams. Like I said-."
"You sure?"
"Yeah.. I'll figure it out."
"Okay then. Shouldn't you sleep?"
"Wait what time is it?" He quickly stood up as Seunghee checked her phone, "eight fifty-four."
"Shit my mom's home soon, I gotta go Seungseung."
"Yes, you do." She chuckled as she stood up, "goodnight, sleep well."
"If I do-." ..... "Just kidding, I'll sleep, I'm tired from all the drama today." He laughed.
"Ah me too." She chuckled awkwardly before sighing as Sunwoo smiled, "heyy wait for me tomorrow morning alright? Let's go to school together, it's been a while." He firmly said while holding onto the door knob.
Seunghee nodded, "sure. What time?"
"We gotta be there by five thirty so- five?"
"Alright."
Sunwoo opened the door, still facing her. "Goodnight! Dream of me." He laughed jokingly as Seunghee shook her head, "nah then I won't be sleeping."
"Oii." He chuckled as Seunghee did the same— finally heading out of the apartment. "Night sunshine!" Seunghee said with a smile— closing the door after.
Seunghee's dreamland |
She slowly opened her eyes, looking around as everything blurred. The little girl was unbuckled from her seatbelt and she looked on her right— seeing a lady— her head filled with blood as she scarcely carried her out.
"Back up. We got two conscious mother and child and one unconscious— the vehicle seems like it's exploding soon— please grab the driver on the truck quickly."
Muffled voices aroused and vibrated through her ears. "Please just take her.. just- just-." Her mom made her go through the window as a police quickly took the little girl and hand her over to another one. Meanwhile, the police tried to help the lady go out— but she quickly looked back at the man on the driver's seat.
"Wait- my.. my husband." She barely said. "Ma'am please he's gone."
"No. He can.. he should- he-."
"The vehicle will explode in ten minutes, hurry up." The little girl reached her hands out to the vehicle— letting out soft whines. "Ma'am please let's-."
"Get out of there quick!" The police tried to reach the lady's hand but was immediately pulled away— the car exploding ten seconds later.
A ringing sound came. "No.." she mumbled. "No."
[...]
Seunghee quickly sat up out of fear with tears constantly falling. She looked around her apartment, trying to calm herself down as she shook her head in denial, mumbling "no.."
Suddenly— a warm hand brushed against hers, causing her to quickly look up. There, she saw her mother. She was wearing the same dress but she looked fine, no injuries. Clearly, it was a dream. But the gentle smile caused her heart to warm up.
She flinched slightly as the woman shushed softly. "Mom?" Her eyes watered further as the lady smiled with no reply. Seunghee's watery eyes then found itself upon her father, causing tears to fall like waterfalls. "Dad."
Her parents smiled gently but didn't speak. They only mouthed the words, "thank you", which she read quickly before they tried to leave.
"Wait. Wait no please don't go."
"Mom, dad.. I miss you." She tried to grab her mother's hands but it goes through her hands. "No. Please." She sniffled. "I'm sorry. I'm-."
3:56 am
Seunghee once again woke up. However, this time, her heart ached the most and her cheeks was moist with her tears. The girl quickly sat up and looked to her right. "No.. please I-." She held onto her chest, not baring to hold the tears any more.
She quickly stood up and took the bottled of water beside her— chugging it down to calm her panic attack.
With the grasp of image imprinted on her head, she couldn't bare to lose it now.
Almost immediately, she grabbed her small sketchbook and pencil. Seunghee wiped her tears off, shaking her head. I can't forget you again.
The girl began to sketch out her parents, "long- w-wavy hair, a-almond eyes.." she muttered and hiccuped about. "Crescent eye smile.. " she inhaled, "gentle— cushion like-smile.. straight short hair, well defined eyes... small nose..?" She tilted her head. "Big ears."
All of these details came to her all at once. The sudden visitation of her parents seemed like they were listening to her on that day when she asked to remember them. She slowly bit her bottom lips, trying to contain her attack and concentrate.
Seunghee quickly held up the small sketch of her parents and then laid it down again, "a mole on her nose." She gasped lightly, wiping her tears again. "I got it."
"I remember you."
"I remember you guys."
She smiled a bit, tears still flowing down. "Oh gosh I can't believe it. Thank you mom and dad. Thank you." She sniffled, "I love you, so much. I always will. I'm sorry." She mumbled softly, "Rest.. well."
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