Take me to the infinity, to the deepest part of your core; to the uncanny road of the world of honey, to eat peaches and shower in love. From the unbearable pain and sorrow that never came to ease, let me be your monsoon in the hurting summer.
June
"Xiao Yibo... Yibo-ah, wait for me... ugh Yibo- ah. Stop being so fast, you know my fragile body cannot take it." Hearing his yelled comment, I couldn't help but stop running. It is eleven in the morning and all of us are supposed to go to the nearest river for a swim and obviously for a bath as well. And we are late.
"Finally caught you." He said panting heavily with a hand on his chest, sweat gliding over his veiny hands.
"I told you once, to leave me alone when you cannot catch up to me," I said with concern, but instead that came out in a bit harsh tone.
"Ouch, that hurt. You know-"
"you are sick. I know. And that is exactly the reason I want you to stop persuading me." I said rubbing the bridge of my nose. I know it sounds so harsh and arrogant, but I have to do it.
"I-I- can't help being sick. But I like your company." He said, tears brewing in his eyes. I can see how tightly he was holding onto his shirt in an attempt to hold back his tears, but that causes his veins to protrude more.
"Don't tighten your grip, it will cause more pain." I said while taking his hand on mine.
"Why bother? Not like you care." He said pouting. Oh Zhan, only if you knew.
"I- come here." I said caressing his cheeks. With my sudden touch, he flinched but it made him more vulnerable as I could see how the strength, he was applying on biting lips, now are stronger.
"And stop biting your lips. It will bleed." I spoke. I started walking with him, to sit somewhere. But seeing him limping, pained my heart.
"You only see my lips bleeding, what about my heart?" he said, limping and sharing half of his weight on my arm. That was a good indication he already forgave me. Zhan, please.
"Ooff, cheesy." I grimaced, and he started giggling. His tear-stained face, with gleaming eyes and bunny teeth with giggling stutters- is enough to forget everything for a moment. His mere presence, the scent of summer, and petrichor lingered in his body makes me dizzy to the point I cannot hold back. It makes me forget why I am here for, what I will do hereafter everything... the only thing I wish for is to be with you, to have you in my embrace, I want to beg you to hold me, to soothe me, to love me.
"I am sorry." His voice broke my reverie. Seeing my questioning look, he sighed and put his head on my shoulder. I don't know- but I think he is able to hear my stupid heartbeats which is currently on fire...
"Why?" I said, clearing my throat. Instead of going to have a bath with others, we decided to sit under this Sakura tree, the cold breeze reminding us of their consent. And it's just us. With us.
"I am sick, and I trouble you." His inaudible voice is tainted with guilt as if he has done some terrible wrongdoing and getting unpunished. Zhan, please don't.
"You don't trouble me, and it's okay to be sick when you can't help..." I sighed, "But all I want to tell you is to take care of yourself. That's it. Is that too much to ask for?"
"I know but it's also not in my hand you know that." He said looking at the sky, fidgeting with my fingers. Then continued, "Actually on my hand, my legs, my shoulders..." and giggled when I stopped him.
"Stop it." I sighed; it pained my heart that I can never help him with his pain. He is also my roommate and those days when he groans in pain and at the extreme cries... I could only give him a hug and kisses. I cannot touch him, because it seems like if I touch, he may break. And those days are the hardest for him physically and for me mentally. And this happens every day.
"Aiya, look at me I don't mind it, then why are you so worked up? Even my parents don't mind either."
"Isn't that a very concerning thing? It was their fault at the first place, not taking care of you properly, not giving you healthy food-"
"I was the one who didn't like healthy food. So cut off, I am tired. Let's go sleep."
Another feature. He gets tired so easily and gracefully. After all this pain he goes through, he ends up sleeping so soundly like he hasn't slept for so long.