Like the summer wind, you came to ease my hurting soul. Like the fleeting sense of harmony; that touches and leaves but always held in memory.
Somewhere in Japan, 1989
April
"Please make yourself comfortable with your fellow pupils, you will be living with them for the rest of the year. At the very least. And please do not make any unnecessary violence. Also, happy summer." The director said as we all clapped in unison.
Today is the first day at my new high school which is both thrilling and terrific at the same time. I do not know anyone here; it eases me because I do not want to be recognized and specifically- I do not want anyone from my past. I am happy and I want to be happy. Please.
"A new school, new people, new beginning, and a brand new me," I mumbled to myself, taking a deep breath. It is an all-boys school, so definitely wherever I see, it is only boys. Moral of the story- all bananas and peaches, no boobs and whatevers.
Taking my duffle bag, I went to find my assigned dormitory where I would be leaving in. The corridor was cheery, but my introverted self was not at all needed in this. Wonder who would be my roommate now.
With a click, I cracked the door open of the room in which I will be staying from now on. It has a glass window in the middle of two single beds, at the end of the two beds there are two study desks, one wardrobe a bit of a wall at both sides- that is it. Simple hermit-like cottage. I like it.
The smell of new paints on the wooden walls kind of enticed me making me remember the days when my father used to paint our house with us- me, my little brother, and my parents. We were happy. Until my father died in the war. Mother went lunatic, and little brother lost in the crowd. Leaving me alone. Pained. Swollen. Numb.
As if it were just yesterday, 'Do- re- mi -fa- sol- la -ti -do', I could hear the way my brother sang notes cutely since we didn't know any song that time. My mom's homecooked ramen could be smelled from our little courtyard. We would have run a bit, the mud would make us fall hard on the ground resulting in our loud laughter. While we became busy in washing our feet, a little sound of clicking the doorknob will sincerely reach our ears. Father came home. And like some unknown magic, we would enjoy the ramen altogether like there's no tomorrow.
But who would have thought, that there would come a day when seriously there will not be any tomorrow. How uncanny! That 'no-tomorrow' day happened to be my birthday. I still question myself, what would have happened if we didn't happen to go out that day? Would my brother still be here? Growing up with me, with mom, with dad... who knows maybe then there still would exist an 'us' in my life until now?
If he hadn't let go of my hand to see a paper plane if only mom wouldn't have suicided after his disappearance, and if only a month later the news of Father's death would come by a letter in a pale white envelope if only the neighbours wouldn't have started to pity my situation and question the dark circles under my eye bags if only I would have jumped from the bridge and jumped to the dreary river I have always wished to explore if only I would have died and lost with all of them- would I still have been here? Left to suffer alone? Would I?
I didn't know I was reminiscing all these as my train of thoughts was suddenly dismissed when a loud bang reached my ear, making me flinch. My heart was beating erratically- by the sudden noise. Calming it a bit, I diverted my gaze to find the source of it, but before I do that suddenly two hands grabbed my shoulder out of nowhere. His face was so close to me, that it me took some time to see his face. It was white like butter, with nicely shaped phoenix eyes and tall nose bridge and lip and with a mole underneath.
"Hey there fellow roommate, it is so, so nice to meet you. I am Wang Zhan, want to be friends with me?"
And that was how it all began; a part of my life from when I stopped asking any more 'what ifs' and started smiling more, loving myself, living myself, and... living HIM.