"I'm sorry for everything," I added, turning to each of my friends.
"We're sorry too," Jer said, smiling at me.
"For what?"
"For not believing that you were badass enough to control the dark magic," Joel added.
"How's your dad?" I asked, turning my attention to Jeremy with a smirk on my face that made him pale.
"Saron, I'm so fucking sorry. I had no ide-"
"It's fine Jer, I'm just messing with you. He did it to protect you. I can't blame him for that."
"Those burgers were so good though," Joel joked, causing us all to laugh. It felt good. Being here with my friends and laughing together at some silly joke. But still, it didn't feel right. Not with Zion sitting there in the chair, drowning in his unresolved emotions.
"Zion, can we talk?"
"What about?"
"Please," I said, standing up and gesturing towards the door.
He rose up, flitting past me and I quickly followed. We found ourselves in one of the Greenhouses, secluded and filled with all sorts of plants. I was careful not to touch any, knowing the effect I had on the Earth now.
"Zion, talk to me."
"What's there to talk about? You left and now you're back."
"Zion, I know that's not really how you feel. I hate seeing you hurt like this. Tell me how horrible I've been, how much I've hurt you, yell at me, anything. Anything but this."
"Why?"
"Because I want you to tell-"
"No. I'm asking you why."
"Why what?" I asked, getting confused.
"Why would you do that to me? Your excuse could work with everyone else but I'm your mate. I'm your fucking mate and you left and forgot about me for a year."
"I know, I'm sorry. You're righ-"
"No Saron, you FUCKING LEFT. It was better when I thought you were consumed by magic. But no, you've been in control this whole fucking time. You chose to stay away. You didn't give a damn about me when you made that decision."
I swallowed back tears that were threatening to rise up as his words piled utop me like bricks. It hurt but it was nothing compared to how much he was hurting. I could see it in his eyes. I was shattering his heart and he was right. Every single word he said. And there was nothing I could say. Nothing that could makeup for the year I'd chosen to stay away. The year I'd spent without him. The year I'd been comforted by the dark magic while he searched tirelessly for me.
"How can I make it right?" I asked, wincing at how sad I sounded. I had no right to be sad, not after what I'd done to him.
"You can't. You can't change who you are Saron. And I'm done trying to change you."
"What does that mean?"
"I don't know."
We stood there in silence, staring at one another. There was nothing that needed to be said. Everything was out now. Mate bonds are eternal which made this even worse. If Zion had reached his breaking point, there was nothing I could do about it. Being this close to him and not being able to touch him, hold him, kiss him...it was hell. It felt unnatural. The very universe had placed us together and I had driven him to the point where he had to betray his own instincts. I'd go through the pain and torture I'd endured my life all over again if it meant not seeing the pain reflected in Zion's eyes. Pain I'd caused. Pain I couldn't take back or fix.
"I need time."
I opened my mouth but it was no use. He was already gone, flitting back to the room where our friends were still huddled, chattering as if nothing was wrong. I followed his trail slowly, not wanting to anger him further by following him too closely before I walked into the room.
"I should go-" I started, causing everyone to stop talking and whip their head around to stare at me.
"What?" Jeremy asked, standing up.
"What do you mean?" Tom asked.
"Where are you going now?" Star groaned.
"It's late," I pointed out, gesturing at the darkness seeping through the window.
"Right! So we're going to the Wing," Star said, hopping up to join me.
"No. I'm not going to the Wing."
"Why?" She asked, looking even more confused.
"I didn't survive a year on my own to get strangled in my sleep."
"Oh shit," Jer said, his eyes widening in realization.
"So where are we going?"
"You aren't going anywhere. I'll find Edward and Oreres. They'll find somewhere for me to stay."
"No, I want to come with you," Star insisted.
"Tomorrow, I promise. Tonight, I need to be alone. I'll see you all tomorrow," I said, turning before they could protest.
"I'll walk her."
I turned around, making sure my mind wasn't playing tricks on me. It wasn't. Despite the fact that I'd broken him into more pieces than could be counted and crushed his resolve countless times over this year, he still offered to walk me. It was in that moment that I truly believed maybe I deserved everything I'd gone through and everything that was to come. If I could hurt a boy this perfect, this selfless I didn't deserve happiness. Zion was the type of boy who would fix someone else's oxygen mask as he was suffocating. That was just him. A gentleman to the very end.
"Are you sure?" I asked softly, looking him in the eyes.
"Yes, I'll see you guys tomorrow," he said, turning to the others with a warm smile.
As we walked out, I expected him to start darting immediately but he simply walked. I matched him stride for stride, staying silent incase he wanted to say something. After a few minutes of silence, I spoke up.
"Zion, can you just let me do one thing for you."
"What?"
"Just say yes."
"Saron-"
I grabbed his hand before he could protest, channeling the magic inside of me. MY magic. Not the dark magic. I rushed a burst of magic into him, causing him to gasp in surprise. Slowly, I saw his skin darken until it reverted to its normal shade. His sunken eyes and black circles faded and his body returned to how it was before, no longer a sickly pale color. I let go, stepping back to give him space as he looked down at his hands, no longer as bony as they were before.
"How did you do that?"
"It was just an idea. I didn't think it'd work," I admitted.
After a long silence, he said, "thank you."
"You know, you don't have to go to Edward. You can stay in my room."
"What?!"
He shrugged nonchalantly as if it didn't matter to him.
"No, it's fine. You said you needed time and I have to respect that."
"It's really nothing Saron."
"It's not nothing. Not to me. And I know it's not nothing to you. I'll be fine Zion, you don't have to worry about me. You've done enough worrying as it is."
He nodded reluctantly, speeding up his pace as if he was suddenly in a rush to be rid of me. A few minutes later, we'd arrived at the room where I'd located Edward using my powers. We walked in to find Oreres and Edward huddled over a piece of paper in deep discussion. They both looked up at our arrival.
"Saron," Edward said, rising up in surprise.
"Thanks. For walking me," I said, looking at Zion. He nodded before taking off.
"He needs time. He'll come around," Oreres assured me, noticing the look on my face as I looked out the door where Zion had disappeared.
"I won't blame him if he doesn't."
"Shouldn't you be in your Wing with the others?"
"Already so tired of me you'd leave me in the hands of students who want nothing more than to kill me?"
"You walked into that one Edward," Oreres cackled, her eyes twinkling in amusement.
"I have a room prepared for Oreres in one of the tunnels. You can take one of them as well."
"Come child, we'll go together. I need my rest at my old age."
I followed her down the hall and through the door at the end of the hall. Inside the room was a latch on the floor, which I swung up and descended down following Oreres. We came to a hallway filled with rooms on both sides. Oreres bid me farewell and I ducked in the room across from hers. I went over to the closet, finding men's and women's close all in a size large. It was baggy on me, but it was clean. I peeled off my clothes, throwing it on before crawling into bed. I snuggled up within the covers, smiling at the clean scent of the covers. You never truly appreciate things until they're gone. Having slept in a clean bed in clean clothes had become a luxury for me. This was my second day in a warm bed and I couldn't ask for anything more. I closed my eyes, allowing myself to drift into sleep easily.