Title: What Should've Been
Pairing: Draco Malfoy x Muggle-born!reader
Summary: You and Draco fell in love but war got in the way of what should have been
Word Count: 2.7k
Yesterday
All my troubles seemed so far away
Now it looks as though they're here to stay
Oh, I believe in yesterday
Your relationship with Draco started unexpectedly. One evening you were in the library studying and you saw him, Draco Malfoy. He was different than when you usually saw him. Maybe it was because he was alone for once or maybe it was because he was in a part of the library so far back in the corner no one ever came to. Well, no one but you, it seemed.
He looked shocked at another person's presence and you were full of dread. You waited for him to call you a mudblood, but when he didn't you stayed. "Do you mind if I share your table? I usually study here. No one comes here typically–"
With a nod he interrupted you, "Yes, I know what you mean. I prefer the silence." You didn't know what surprised you, the lack of hatred in his voice and coldness in his eyes or the fact he had no problem carrying on a conversation with someone like you. You didn't care if purebloods looked down on you, but it was surprising that someone like him didn't mind talking to someone like you.
The silence went on for a while before you broke it. "You're quite different than you make yourself out to be. Either that or you're having a very good day."
He chuckled with a smile and you weren't sure which one it was that made you smile in return, but it did. "Some people are more than what meets the eye." He shrugged.
You spent the rest of the evening with him laughing quieting and talking. When you left the library, you found yourself studying with Draco every time you went to the library. It was a friendship that you cherished. You didn't tell anyone about this friendship and you certainly didn't tell anyone when it turned into something more.
You can't say when you officially were with Draco, but all that mattered was that you had him and he had you. You spent every moment with him that you could when no one would notice and it was peaceful. It seemed that you both had what the other desperately needed. Your fifth year was full of laughter, stolen kisses, shared chocolate frogs because you had Draco who made Hogwarts under Umbridge tolerable, if not dare you say, enjoyable.
*
Suddenly
I'm not half the man I used to be
There's a shadow hangin' over me
Oh, yesterday came suddenly
Your sixth year was doomed from the very start. You-know-who was back and there was a war looming in the distance. It was, in hindsight, a horrible time to fall in love. You and Draco made due with smiles in halls when no one could see and times together in the room of requirement. At the time, the stolen kisses and shared moments felt magical. You were so in love and enraptured with one another. It was the kind of love the made you feel dizzy. When you were with him all that mattered in the world was Draco and how he made you feel. It was a wondrous thing, to be so in love with someone in the time of a horrid war looming over you. It gave you a sense of hope, but doesn't love always do that to people? It makes you think you can climb mountains you really can't.
But war was an ugly creature who destroyed love and tore people apart without mercy. You knew something was changing in him. You could tell. His expressions, the constant looking over his shoulder, and how he was losing too much weight to be healthy and the way his skin turned a tinge of grey. He was scared.
A selfish part of you thought he was regretting being with you. After all, a son of pureblood death eater dating a muggle-born with a war coming was careless on both your parts. His family could disown him and his crazy aunt could kill you. It was dangerous as the war wasn't frightening enough.
But you found out it wasn't you that was changing Draco. It wasn't even his family it was himself. You can't explain how you knew, but when you heard Moaning Myrtle say that someone has been coming into her bathroom crying, you just knew it was your Draco.
One day you rushed into the bathroom, forgetting if anyone would see you and you saw him. He was standing in front of a mirror and shaking as he cried.
"Draco?" you asked him as quietly as you could, not wanting to startle him.
He looked terrified and he asked you with a hoarse sob, "What are you doing here?"
Ignoring his question all together, you said "What's wrong, Draco? You can tell me."
He was shaking even more if that was possible. "No," he whimpered as he shook his head profusely. "You'd hate me, Y/N."
"Nothing in this world could make me hate you," you assured him, praying he believed you. "Please tell me what's happened."
"They made me do it, Y/N. If I didn't they'd kill my family."
"Draco..." you trailed off, having an idea of what he was going to tell you. You had hoped it wouldn't happen, but when Lucius went to Azkaban you feared it would happened.
He rolled up his left sleeve and there it was. The Dark Mark. Your Draco was a death eater. You couldn't comprehend how he could be one of them but at the same time you weren't shocked. You knew who his family was, but more importantly, you knew he was nothing like his family.
You sat on the ground, not caring how dirty you robes got. "Listen to me," you grabbed his hands firmly, not wanting to let go. "I understand, you had to do it. This changes nothing for me Draco, nothing, you hear me? Nothing will ever make me hate you."
You didn't know how long you sat there. Minutes, hours, it all felt the same. Time was in a standstill as you held each other, knowing that everything was changing.
*
Why she had to go, I don't know, she wouldn't say
I said something wrong, now I long for yesterday
The only shared moments you and Draco had together were in the room of requirement away from prying eyes of gossiping classmates and ease dropping professors. On this evening, you were sitting with Draco on a soft leather couch as he laid on your chest and you combed your fingers through his hair. When you would run your finger nails over his skull he would let out content sighs, which filled you with adoration for him.
Although time had pass, you were unsure as to how much time had passed. This happened whenever you were with him; It was as if the time stopped ticking and you were stuck in eternity with him whenever you were in each other's presence. Not a word was uttered the whole time. There was no noise at all, just a smooth, peaceful silence. You both treasured these moments with each other; No one else, just one another as your presence calmed him and his made your heart swell with endearment.
You wanted to stay with him forever, but the difficult truth was impossible to ignore. Forever wouldn't be possible for the two of you. It just wasn't in the cards. At least not with his family and your blood status. You knew it and you think he did too. It was easier to ignore the future of your relationship in the muted lighting in the room of requirement that evening then it would be the next morning in the cold light of day.
When it came to it, you were the first one to speak. "Draco?" you whispered tenderly.
He turned his head to look at you as the tips of your noses grazed one another, even the slightest touch sending fire through your skin. "What is it, darling?" he spoke softly.
You drew your eyes away from his before saying quietly but strongly, "We can't keep on doing this."
He pushed himself off of you and looked at you with eyes full of concern. "What do you mean?" he asked frantically, searching your eyes like they held the answer to why you couldn't stay together.
Sadness engulfed your heart and appeared in your eyes. "Draco, you know why. Your family. They'd never allow you to be with someone like me."
He reached over and grabbed your hands. "I don't care about my family–"
"Yes, you do and one of the things I love about you is your loyalty to those you love but you know we can't keep this up. It's too dangerous."
"I don't care. Not being with you would be like not having air to breathe; I couldn't survive, darling."
You smiled with melancholy. "I know, but we can't be together anymore." He opened his mouth to speak again, but you gently put your finger up to his lips before continuing. "We're in the middle of a war Draco and-and you're a pureblood. Draco, you have the dark mark. And I-I'm just a mudblood."
"Don't call yourself that!" He said sternly.
"You used to call people that all the time."
"Not anymore. Not since I've known you. All I know is that I want to be with you, is that too much to ask?" The sadness matched his. He knew the answer to his question, you both did.
"Draco, think about it, what if your aunt found out? She'd torture and kill me for sport. Your parents? They'd wouldn't be able to stand the sight of you for associating yourself with the likes of me. What about you-know-who? He'd kill you and your family if he found out! Don't you understand? I love you too much to stay with you and risk them finding out and hurting you!"
A beat of silence passed before he spoke. "I love you" he said with all sincerity, adoration and desperation in the world. Those three simple words told you exactly what you both knew: that you loved each other completely and endlessly, but you couldn't be together because of a war that placed two people in love on opposite sides. "And I'll do anything to survive this war if it means we can be together again."
In that moment you wished time could stop and you could just stay here with Draco for a lifetime or two, but time was a pesky being who would continue to tick on despite the pleas of desperate souls begging it to stop just for a moment or two to enjoy little while longer.
*
Yesterday
Love was such an easy game to play
Now I need a place to hide away
Oh, I believe in yesterday
You weren't sure if it was the war or the fact you weren't with Draco anymore, but the world, or at least, your world seemed to grow darker. Your 7th year was brutal. You couldn't attend Hogwarts because of your blood-status and had to go on the run. You were with Dean Thomas, a Gryffindor in your year, and Ted Tonks, a wizard. Like you, they had to go on the run because of your blood status. Some days weren't as bad as other. You caught fish and talked about your families. But then again, some days were bad and by bad, you mean horrible. It was a day like any other, the three of you have made a routine by now, but what was unusual was being caught by snatchers. Dean escaped, thank merlin but you and Ted were caught. He resisted and was killed you it. You'll never forget that moment of seeing someone cast a killing curse. A second before he was fighting and then there he was, lifeless on the ground.
"Well, well, well, what do we have here?" One of the snatchers asked you. They asked for your name and you replied not wanting any trouble after seeing someone you've come to know very well being murdered without hesitation. You were already worried fearing what they'd do to you, but when they said they were going to bring you to Malfoy Manor under Bellatrix Lestrange's orders, you felt your blood rush cold.
As you walked through the gates of the manor and through the door, your anxiety turned into fear. Did Bellatrix know? Was she going to kill you? Was she going to hurt Draco?
"CAN'T YOU SEE I'M BUSY?" she screeched at the snatchers that had their hands gripped so firmly on you shoulder you were shaking in pain. Or was it fear?
As you looked up, trembling, you saw Bellatrix hovering over a girl who had blood trickling down her arm. But it wasn't just a girl, it was someone you knew. Hermione. She was in pain. Was this what was going to happen to you?
"AH!" you heard an unpleasant shriek that sent uncomfortable shivers down your spine. "What do we have here? A nice, fresh mudblood? Good!"
Your eyes widen with fear as you were shaking. On instinct you tried to walk backwards as she stepped closer to you, her eyes shining with glee at the expected pain that awaits you.
"Oh my! This one does look rather scared, doesn't she? Now..." she trailed off before spinning around. "Draco! Why don't you get in some practice with this one? Yes?"
For the first time in almost a year you looked in Draco's eyes. Your own eyes pleaded him to both to not let her hurt you and to not let her know about your past relationship. He looked scared and refused to make eye contact with Bellatrix, only shaking his head and swallowing the lump in his throat.
"Well, why not, Draco? Too soft for a bit of good old fashioned torturing, are you?" She pointed her wand accusingly at him. "Very well, I'll do it."
As Bellatrix lifted her wand she and you prepared for the worst pain imaginable you heard Draco shouted "No!"
"No?" Bellatrix scowled. "What do you mean no?"
"I-I" Draco stuttered, unsure of what to say. He had no reason to stop his aunt from torturing a mudblood he supposedly didn't know.
"Oh, I see." Bellatrix said as her scowl turned into devious expression. "Get yourself a little girlfriend at school, did you Draco? And you chose a mudblood of all things? Got your blood dirty? Well, let's show you what happens to people like your itty bitty dirty blooded girlfriend?"
With that you felt a pain so powerful you doubled over instantaneously as you felt a white hot, searing pain shoot through your body. You screamed out in agony begging for it to stop. But Bellatrix was teaching Draco a lesson and your pleading probably egged her on. She hit you with the torturing curse again and again and again. When she finally stopped, your body fell over and you had no strength left. No strength to fight. All was over, you were sure of it. Just as the pain had dulled in the slightest, she straddled you and used a knife to carve into your skin writing the word 'mudblood' with your very own blood. The pain wouldn't stop pulsing and throbbing. You stopped begging as your loud sobs took over your body.
You couldn't see Draco's brokenhearted expression or how he was lunging at his aunt while his father held him back. You didn't even hear him scream "No! I love her! Stop hurting her!" with hot tears pouring down his face at the woman he loved being tortured by his own blood.
"Well," Bellatrix said. "I think you're done, don't you?" You didn't need to see her to know that there was a wicked smile on her gaunt face.
"Avada Kedavra"
*
Now, I long for yesterday...