Reviewed by: Crazy LordsSword
Book Title: Fée
Author's Name: Yoon_Gyu
- - -
Title : 2 / 10
The biggest problem with your title is that it's not in English. Since your story is in English, people who can read your story might not choose to read it, and even if they do, they are unlikely to understand the impact of your title.
In addition, simply Fae or Fairy ― according to Google Translate ― doesn't seem to reflect your story quite well or have a powerful impact on potential readers.
Tips:
Your title should tell the reader a little about your story. Something about the main character, the love interest, objective, important themes or something that tells readers a little bit about the world. Series often have similar titles, for devoted readers and to have a sense of cohesiveness. Some titles can serve to tell you about multiple of these things at once, if you have a play on words.
Title styles (and examples which are not geared for your particular story):
Title styles include one word, usually something simple and bold sounding (Shame). Possessive, which is a good choice in your story particular (Her Elemental). Possessive is mainly for romances. Phrases (usually with double meanings), plays on phrases, and partial phrases are also common (Hot and Bothered, Break a Skull ― as opposed to break a leg, In My Eyes). Two words, first is an adjective/present participle verb (ones that end in -ing) and the second is a noun (Taming Fire, Bright Wings). Lastly, there is the list format. This list is three things at most, but usually two (Script and Solitude).
For your particular story, here are some themes and information you should keep in mind when choosing a title. Your main character is a fae and has a tie to time. Your love interest is human and a pop idol. Your world seems normal, but contains hidden magic. Themes include love, loss, and letting go.
I've also come up with an idea for your title, if you want to take it (don't feel you have to). I was thinking of something like 'Our Time'. It references your main character's power over time and, at the same time, makes it sound like this is the time allotted to the main character and love interest, which, when readers reach the end, emphasises the temporary nature of their time together.
Cover: 8/10
I like the coloration of your cover, and I agree with your choice to include the love interest, since he'll be the draw to fans. However, I feel like there needs to be an element of the main character and fantasy element as well, and maybe a hint of colour too.
Tips:
The hint of colour should be small and vivid (no browns or dark colours). The element of the character can only be a silhouette, which will keep her as a nice hint to the . I'd suggest a fairy wing, probably on the left side of the picture and with low opacity so that you can still see the love interest's face. If you make the wing coloured, you can kill three birds with one stone (fantasy, character, and colour) and get a really cool effect over his face.
While that is the easiest way I can think of, there are certainly other ways you can accomplish this. You can make half of her face (with some antennae on her face or an element of wings to stylise the text) on the opposite side of his (though you may have to move the title) or have her whole silhouette in black beside him (with wings). In these cases, you still wouldn't have colour, but this can be a simple fix by making the title more vividly coloured. I'd advise a calming blue, purple, or green (preferably green), as red, orange, and yellow have an energetic vibe that does not suit your story. In fact, consider avoiding these colours for the wings, if that's what you choose, unless they are only as accent colours of the wings.
Blurb: 6/10
I love that you include a quote. It's cool and different, and kind of suits the style of your story. It does not replace the need for a blurb, however, and it could stand to explain a little more about the character and the stakes.
Tips:
Tell me who the main character is. You say this in your chapter titled 'Synopsis', but you should mention it in the blurb as well, underneath the quote. Whatever you want the reader to know about her in the beginning, include in the blurb.
Just a brief explanation about what she is, what she can do, and that she's pretending to be human will suffice. Then, in a new paragraph, go on to say her predicament: she's in love with a human to the point that she changed time for him. After that, use another paragraph to explain the stakes of her situation.
Plot/Flow: 17/20
You explain half-way through the story that the main character is a fairy of time. Part of the problem with this is the fact that this is revealed in your synopsis chapter. Readers already know it, so there's no drama with the reveal. Even if the readers didn't know, the reveal would be out of place. This would be because there is no build up to it. The only hint in-story that there is a secret there was the rewinding of time in the first chapter. If hints aren't frequent/dramatic enough, readers might put it on the back-burner of their mind, which means they wouldn't be as amped up about the main character being a time fairy.
Tips:
Starting information, like the character's names, story hooks, and what your character starts out as is better off being revealed in earlier chapters. Since your story is so short, I'd suggest doing this in the first or second chapter.
Characters/Character development: 10/10
I like the way you express your character's emotions through your writing. I think it's beautifully done.
Writing Style and Grammar: 7/10
The writing style you use is a perfect fit for this particular story and length. It's simple and almost feels like a poem. If you were to describe things in more detail, I feel like it would detract from the emotion of the piece, which is what makes your story so powerful.
That being said, you do have some grammar issues and misspellings that need fixed and some sentences that are difficult to understand.
Examples:
Who's (contraction of 'who is') when it should be whose (belonging to).
It's instead of its. (again, the apostrophe represents a contraction rather than possession.)
Lack of punctuation.
"It just makes me go blind <paragraph break> only letting you for me to look at." (a little convoluted.)
"Still we lose them <paragraph break> but still we manage to live." (You use 'still' twice, which is a bit tacky. Better to change it up.)
Shinning instead of the correct spelling: Shining.
"Bright boxy smile" (Um ... I have no idea what 'boxy' is supposed to mean in this context. It means squarish in shape. Is that what you intended? Feels a little odd for a description of a smile.)
Present tense 'rewind the time' when you were using past tense. (Past tense is rewound.)
Typo: Boyftiend < accidentally wrote it with a 't' instead of an 'r'.
Typo: "Yes, I met her few times in the park" (Missed the letter 'a'.)
Tips:
Contractions vs possessions can be difficult. When you use a name, like let's say my name, you use an apostrophe. "Crazy's item." But if you're using a pronoun, you don't use apostrophes. Your, yours, whose, whom, its, my, mine, their, theirs. Always take a second to think if you're using a homophone (words that sound the same) to make sure you're using the right one.
As for punctuation, since, as I said, your story reads a little like a poem, you can get away with a comma, semi-colon, or maybe even nothing. Just keep in mind what you want there.
For your confusing sentences, specifically, the one in the examples, I would advise simplicity. "It makes me go blind <paragraph break?> to everything but you." If you want to catch these errors for yourself, I'd suggest you read it aloud to see if you stumble over your tongue. (This will also help you spot typos.) You could also get a beta reader to see if they understand your sentences.
For problems with modifying a verb, I'll be honest, I don't know how to phrase it simply. The rules are complex. I suggest you look them up yourself, but here's my best attempt at explaining the information I found on it (I hadn't remembered the specific rules, I just knew it was wrong).
Single syllable vowel-consonant (like 'i' and 'n' endings have the last letter doubled.)
Two or more syllables follow the previous rules with the addition to a new rule: the stress must be on the second syllable.
W, x, and y don't count as consonants.
The problem with your verb spelling of "Shinning" goes to the first rule. The root verb of this is "Shine" which ends in a vowel ('e'). Because it is a silent vowel, the 'e' gets dropped and the 'n' does not get doubled.
Plus, definitely make sure you are consistent in what tense you use. If you're using past tense, keep with it. If you're using present tense, don't change unless it's obviously for a story reason. (For example: if you have half the story in the past and the rest in the present, you'll probably change tense there.)
Genre relevance: 9/10
Hard to mess up fan fiction for genre relevance, but you say it's fantasy too. I feel it would be better if you make the fairy portion of the story a little more apparent in the story.
Reader enjoyment and communication with the readers: 10/10
I loved the particular cadence of your story. It's melancholic and emotional. I would go as far to say that, despite your story's issues, it's a work of art. It bridges the line between poetry and story. I find it beautiful. You communicate clearly the emotion and pain of the main character.
On a personal note, I can relate to the main character on a personal level and that made the read even more enjoyable.
Overall: 69/100
As I've said, you have issues. Your title, blurb, and cover need a step up (your cover needs the least work). Your flow and grammar can use some work. These are all refinement and aesthetic changes though. Your story is amazing, and really doesn't need much to fix it up.
- - -