Adam sensed something was bothering me, my head leaning against the window, we were quiet the whole ride back to our place. I was incapacitated since that one sided conversation with Rachel.
He tried his best to get it out of me, "Babe what's wrong?" Wondering time and time again, stealing looks from the driver's seat. His arms gripped tightly over the steering wheel, he felt hopeless.
"Nothing" i whispered, feeling damaged and shallow on the inside.
Usually, and i mean all my life, i was able to stand up for myself, I'd say something back, even if it was stupid and unrelated, or I'd just cuss at them. I never stood back. But this time, she caught me right where i was vulnerable, digging right into me. It was racking my brain, it was taking everything in me to not explode into a crying mess in the car.
A lot of things are on the line if i told Adam, and i really, really fucking wanted to. But I didn't want to mess with any potential deals he got going on, "To understand what he's doing, build with him" her words rang in my head like painful alarms.
I couldn't bring myself to utter a word to him, and i hate that I'm distancing myself right now, but it's as if i was in a daze, and I couldn't bring myself out of it.
"Tell me what's wrong, please" he breathed, placing soft kisses down my neck as i stood in front of the dresser to unzip my dress, his hand wrapping over my stomach, pulling me onto him, and the other helping to unzip, the warmth of his bare upper body, raising the hair on my skin.
"It's n-nothing I'm just tired" I gave him a fake smile, breaking free from him before rushing to the shower, staying buried under the hot water in the tub, refusing to come out, hoping it'll wash away all my problems and pain, but all i did was become a crying mess.
Why did it affect me this bad? This is embarrassing.
It's aching my heart when her words flood inside my head, I couldn't help but believe she was right. That's why it hurt the way it did. Part of, or maybe everything she said, it's true.
I sort of avoided him the whole night, jumping on to the bed to pretend to fall asleep quicker, i could tell he was sensing something, "I know you, i know when something's wrong" he whispered against my ear, his comforting arm snaking over my waist, pulling me into him, "just know I'm here, you can tell me anything, please" he pleaded, desperately trying to break through to understand my emotions.
There's nothing more i want than to tell him, to tell everybody, but how? When he's the root of it all?
Maybe i was tired after all, or just that my body refused to get back to reality, that i actually slept through Adam going to work. I woke up to a profusely vibrating phone, fluttering my eyes, i was met with a bright glaring screen and consistent texts from the girls, ranging from asking me where I'm at to demanding that i get to the King's room
The familiar sensation of my sinking heart was back again, the pit in my stomach forming.
The sudden realization that Rachel is probably in his office again, basically trying to conquer him is making my knees weak, it's like I'm being punched in the chest repeatedly.
I gotta get that bitch back, but i first need to gather my thoughts.
"Greenhouse. SOS" i texted. Taking a deep breath as my feet hit the cold hard floor, my hair disarray and my heart heavy, ugh gross, i hate feeling this yucky.
.•° ✿ °•.
"She said WHAT?" Both the girls' voices vibrated inside the greenhouse, with Liam being the only calm one, his jaws clenched as he listened to me confide in all three of them. Edward would be super jealous that Liam is part of the girls right now and not him, sorry dude.
The peaceful sounds of the water crashing and the refreshing smell of the trees was something i need to collect my thoughts and calm my nerves.
I was hesitant on telling the girls, surprisingly enough, and they're the first people i tell everything to, they're my whole heart. Rachel hit me hard enough that i was doubting everything, everything, from my stance in the group to my friendship with everybody. I doubted that they'd understand how i felt, but i know they'd try to. "The thing is, what hurt the most is that, i think she was right" i sighed, my heart violently beating inside my chest.
"FUCK NO" rhi swore, hands on her hips as she paced back the forth in front of us, while the three of us sat on garden chairs surrounding a stone table.
I shook my head, "No listen, i think she is" the sheer realization that's been brimming inside my head since last night was aching my heart to an immeasurable amount, "She's the first person to see me, for how i see myself, and come at me with it, and that's why I couldn't stand up for myself" i croaked, all of their eyes on me, terrified and sympathetic expressions.
"Everything she said, was word for word what I believed for so long but I never opened that bottle and confronted myself about it and there she comes" waving my hands in frustration, i continued, "saying all of it back to me, just confirming my worst fear"
I leaned back on the hard stone chair, exhaling deeply.
There was an extended silence, crashing of the water continuously stopping me from entering into my bubble.
I could feel the warmth cradling of Liam's hand on mine, one of his many ways to comfort me.
"I love you but I'm so close to beating you up" Rhiannon shouted, stomping her foot on the ground, "I have never heard you say one wrong thing after another - and not to invalidate you my love, but you couldn't be more terribly wrong" Erika cooed, tilting her head, her hand reaching over to cup my cheek, caressing my skin and essentially wiping away a tear streaking down my face.
"She sounds cruel and jealous and insane" Liam shook his head, his grip on my hand tightening, "And you know what, she just said those things, to get you out of the way to get to Adam" Erika's brows raised, gaze shifting from me to the others.
"Yeah no she's obsessed, with him and his power and his money" Rhiannon confirmed.
"That doesn't change the fact that she is right, I literally bring nothing to the table I haven't even gotten a simple assistant job" I yelled in frustration, it sounds a lot of self pity, but if thats not something you can do with your friends then what's the point.
Slamming her hands on the table violently, rhi glared at me, "You bring a whole lot more than the six of us combined"
W-was that a threat or her way of comforting me? I'll never know.
"Yeaaaah you changed the trajectory of this group since the day you joined. Like IMMENSELY" her sweet melodic voice bringing in comfort, Erika beamed.
Not that i was looking for validation to this level when i decided to confide in them, they are making me feel a whole lot better. I couldn't help but smile, heat pooling in my cheeks, the pit in my stomach slowly subside.
Sometimes you're really just too weak to bring yourself up, you really need your friends for it. "Starting with Adam? He was like this unapproachable dark mass, like a fucking demon. None of us liked him till you showed up, now he's bearable" rhi scoffed, shaking her head.
"None of us were that close or hung out the way we do now till you showed up, we never called each other best friends that's for sure"
"Except Liam and Edward, but like i said, they're Shrek and Donkey"
"Yeah...wait what?" Liam's brows furrowed, he shot at Rhiannon.
"The thing is, just because you're not leading companies doesn't mean you're lesser than us" his soft voice chimed in, his bright blues peering into me, "You're the strongest person i know, you've done so much more than we can think of, we had it easy"
Well at least they're self aware. "You're meant for far more greatness than you give yourself credit for, and it's all on your own, that's just admirable"
"And we - are going to beat this bitch up" Erika added, tilting her head and giving me a beaming smile.
I chuckled, the increase in my spirits and the subsiding of my aching heart already making me feel eons better from what i felt before, "Why didn't you tell Adam? He'd actually get me to bitch slap her I'm sure" Questioned Rhiannon, finally taking a seat across the table.
"I wanted tell him first, last night itself but I don't know, I don't know how far their deal has gone and I didn't wanna mess anything up"
"Nowhere, he's holding back. You should tell him, I wanna watch him explode"
"OOOO that's gonna be fun" Erika rubbed her hands together playfully,
Ah my confidence is back, i missed it. All of my rage and the frustration from not clapping back was eating at me. "You should get her back" Liam perked up, as if we were four scheming witch sisters around a boiling cauldron, a mischievous smile forming on his lips, "That deal does more for her than for Adam, so get in the way, fuck with the deal"
Oh that sweet little book filled brain of his.
"Wouldn't it be fucked up that i get in the way of his work, it's a little manipulative isn't it?"
"How? You're just telling the truth and the rest will fall into place"
"You really think Adam would want to work with a scheming bitch that disrespected you? He'd kick her off to the curb" Erika scoffed.
You know that meme, 'he was crazy, but she was crazier than him, and god forbid anyone messes with his queen' or some shit, giving me strong vibes.
I felt a little strange, lack of a better word, about telling Adam the truth for the sole purpose of getting her back. Sure i most definitely do want to get her back, but on my terms, on my own. And after whatever it is i do end up saying back to her, only then ill tell him the truth, and what he does with that, is up to him.
We love a little planning session with the besties, don't we all?