Chapter NINETEEN
Where are you? I thought you were going to wait for me to finish my last exam?
I opened the text from Kane, an hour later, at home. My heart was beating too fast. I knew he could calm me down, but I was still so confused. If Marisa knew what Kyler had done to me, who else knew? I had assumed I'd gotten past all of it without people whispering about me, but maybe that wasn't the case at all.
Home. I sent him back a text.
Oh okay. Can you go out tonight? Trenton's after dinner?
I'll ask.
Are you okay? There was that question again.
Yeah, fine.
~~~
"Can I got out tonight?" I asked my parents, at dinner a short while later. My mom was smiling at me. She always seemed to be smiling these days.
"How were your exams?" my dad asked, not answering the question just yet.
"Good. Nothing too difficult," I answered.
"I'm proud of you for not letting your... struggles... affect your school work," my dad went on.
"It was fine," I said, picking at my veggies.
He smiled, then finished, "Where are you going tonight?"
I'd been lying for weeks, telling them I was heading to Kaylee's or Georgia's or the mall, or anywhere other than where I was actually going. They trusted me, which made it worse. But for some reason I didn't want them to know where I was going. I just wanted this part of my new life to be for me and Kane.
"Just the cafe, meeting Kaylee. I won't be late," I said easily.
My mom nodded. "You're on winter break! You don't have to worry about school for two weeks."
"Right, I know," I replied.
She gave me another smile, then went back to finishing her dinner. I texted Kane when I was done eating, to tell him I could go out. I was still feeling strange about talking to Marisa, but maybe Kane could talk me through it. He told me to come over whenever, so I tossed on my coat and boots and headed out.
On the walk, I let my mind play out different scenarios, which is something I did all too often. Maybe Kane didn't really sleep with Marisa. Maybe Marisa knew Stephanie. Or maybe Marisa knew, because everyone knew, but no one wanted to say anything to me about it. I was glad to not have to go to school on Monday to find out.
I walked right in to Trenton's house, but the living room was dark. I reached the basement door and heard the TV was on, loud. Trenton, Marcus and Kane were all playing a video game. I often wished to see Jessie there, just to have a girl around, which is likely why I had agreed to her plan. Trenton waved, Kane smiled, but they continued on with their racing game. When the race ended, Kane put down his remote.
"Hey," he said to me. "What's up?"
I shrugged, sitting on the empty sofa. Now, there were three open bags of snacks and some chocolate bar wrappers on the table in front of me. Kane came over and sat beside me, knowing something wasn't right.
"Marisa came to find me today," I said right away, calmly.
"Wait, what?" He was not expected that.
I nodded. "She was just there, at my locker. Like, how does she even know me?"
"I don't know," Kane shook his head. "I mean, she was Kyler's sister's friend, before. Stephanie told lots of people lies about her after she broke up with Kyler..."
"She told me Kyler did the same thing to her," I said my voice just above a whisper. Kane definitely did not know about this, I could tell by the look on his face. "What is the whole story? You obviously know."
"What does that mean?" He narrowed his eyes at me.
"Well, did you have sex with her?" I asked.
"Marley, that has nothing to do with -"
"It does. It affects this. Because I thought I was doing good, but I'm not, at all. And -"
"You are. It's okay," Kane said, but I just looked at him, annoyed and frustrated. He didn't get it.
"Why did you have sex with her?" I asked.
He hesitated for a second. "She was at a party that I was at, before school started. She was upset, and -"
"Never mind," I interrupted. I couldn't stand to hear any more. I stood up. "I need to... I just..." I was practically hyperventilating.
"Hey, come on. You're okay," he said, standing up quickly and touched my arm. "Breathe."
I looked into his eyes and he just stood there, holding me in place while I breathed, slowly, in and out. And then, he was pushing some weed into a little glass pipe, and we were back sitting down beside each other again. I had been ready to run out of there, but now I was lighting the bowl, inhaling and letting myself calm down.
Ten minutes later I had my head on his shoulder, my eyes closed. He was just scrolling on his phone, quiet. I could hear Trenton and Marcus still shouting, playing the racing again, but it seemed like they were far away. They definitely hadn't taken notice of our conversation.
"Marley," Kane began, whispering. "You awake?"
"Yeah," I said.
"You know... I'd do anything for you," he went on.
I smiled to myself. "I know."
~~~
A week before Christmas, I went to the mall, alone, to buy some Christmas gifts. I wanted to get something for my parents, Andy and Kane. I took the bus there, people-watching and listening to music on my phone. I had lunch at the mall, found something for Andy - a new soccer ball and a video game I knew he wanted - and for my mom, then headed back towards the music store to look for something for my dad.
But there, coming right towards me, were Kaylee and Georgia. I saw them first, but they saw me too, so I knew trying to turn back was not an option. I stopped, trying to figure out what to do. They didn't slow down.
"Hey, Marley," Georgia waved. "How's your Winter break going?"
I forced a smile. "Good. You?"
Georgia went to talk again, but Kaylee stopped her. "No. We are not doing this."
"Kaylee-"
"No. If she can't apologize, we are not going to act like we are cool." Kaylee was talking to Georgia, but looking at me.
"You know what? I'm not sorry I said that. Because you are so judgemental and you don't even care that I just fit in with them -"
"Them? The stoners?" Kaylee laughed, like this was ridiculous. "You smoking pot now, too?"
I looked at my shoes, quickly. Then I was mad. "It's none of your business, actually."
"Wow, really? You are?" Kaylee was actually surprised, not to mention the look on Georgia's face.
"I have to go," I said, stepping around them.
They let me go, and I didn't turn back. But now I was all worked up, and I had to get out of there. Outside, the air was cold and my jacket, even with the hood up, wasn't exactly keeping me warm. I knew the bus wouldn't be coming for awhile, so I decided to call Jessie.
"Hey Babe," she answered. "What's up?"
"Want to put your plan into action?" I asked her.
One week of winter break had passed, and she had only been allowed to go to Trenton's once. I'd been there every day. I wondered why she didn't lie, or beg to go. She was seventeen, her brother was fifteen. He got in trouble a lot, snuck out late, partied. I guess Jessie wanted to at least keep the peace as much as she could.
"Oh, yes! Where are you?" she asked me through the phone.
"At the bus terminal, at the mall. Want to come get me?"
"Okay, be there soon."