A/N: ^^ i fuckin spat out my coffee 💀💀
*
Asha's heart seemed to judder to a stop.
This was a piece of Severus. A piece of him she'd never come even remotely close to. She'd already labelled him as someone with uncommon depth and substance, yet she was suddenly realising she'd barely scratched the surface. How much else was there to this man?
There wasn't time. He was leaving.
"Severus, wait," she lunged forward and grabbed his arm, unknowingly pressing her palm into his Dark Mark. He pulled away but she caught his hand. "I'm..." sorry. She couldn't say it. "Don't go," she said instead. Her tone made it unclear whether this was meant as a grim plea or an outright demand.
Severus surprised himself by stopping. At first, it was her voice that held him to the spot. The force of it. Then he registered the warmth of her hand on his and something hard and brittle in his stomach seemed to melt away.
Despite his overwhelming desire to storm back to his chambers and never speak to her again, his gaze ran from the hand that grasped his, up her arm and finally landed on her eyes. They were swirling and fierce and strangely pleading. He let out a slow, silent breath.
Asha watched the fire in Severus' eyes cloud over until only a smoulder was visible. She released his hand.
"I won't ask questions," she promised, her voice sounded strange in her ears. "We don't have to talk. You don't even have to look at me. Just... stay."
For many tense seconds, they were both still as stone, hardly daring to breathe. Then, with the slow, forceful movement Asha had come to always expect from him, Severus straightened his cuff and walked to the balcony railing. He stood there stiffly, hands clasped behind his back, his gaze burning into the horizon, but Asha could tell he wasn't seeing any mountains. He was elsewhere, buried in his past - whatever that was - and it was she who had dragged him there.
Asha leaned her head back against a cold stone column and gave a silent, pained exhale. The past few minutes had opened up a black, bottomless wormhole inside of her.
She and Severus stood, separated and silent for a long while, trying to tolerate the intolerable. But that's exactly what it was: intolerable. Asha's mind clawed desperately for a way out. An escape.
She cleared her throat. Severus graced her with a grim sideways glance. Asha had never seen his expression so dark. It was enough to convince her that Severus was dealing with a black, bottomless wormhole of his own right now.
"Drink?" was all she said. Her tone was leaden.
They watched each other for a moment.
"It's three o'clock in the afternoon," said Severus. It wasn't really an objection, more of a statement.
Asha's expression didn't waver. Severus returned his gaze to the horizon and shot an icy stare at the sun, which was still obnoxiously high in the sky. Without turning back, he gave a curt nod, swept his cloak aside and made for the door.
Asha took that as a 'yes'.
*
The castle was empty to the extent that Asha and Severus didn't pass a single soul on the way down to the dungeons. The journey to Severus' office was very familiar to Asha now, but when she made to enter through the dark, carved door, Severus made a dismissive noise and continued to walk down the passageway. Asha followed.
Soon after, they came to a stop in front of a blank section of wall. Asha immediately spotted a tiny snake engraved on one of the bricks, presumably marking some kind of secret entrance.
Severus tapped the snake with his wand and murmured, "asphodel". He hadn't changed his password since his very first year teaching at Hogwarts. The outline of a door materialised, cutting silently through the bricks. With a gentle push, it swung inwards on invisible hinges. Severus held it open for Asha, motioning her inside with a stoic tilt of his head.
Once through the entranceway, Asha found herself standing in a spacious section of what she suddenly realised must be Severus' chambers. To the left was a modest kitchen, a dining table and several closed doors. To the right was a living area with a pair of couches and a deep armchair.
Closing the door behind them, Severus wasted no time collecting two glasses from the cupboard and setting them on the table. This was something he would've normally done by magic, but he took advantage of the distraction and the opportunity to keep his hands busy.
Then, crouching down in front of the liquor cabinet, he surveyed his options. They were both in the mood for something strong; Firewhisky it was.
Asha watched Severus closely, acutely aware of the tiny differences in his demeanour that gave away his distress. She contemplated what his 'dark past' could possibly be. Could he actually have been responsible for someone's death? Had it happened during The War?
Severus filled their glasses and went to hand one to Asha, finally catching her eye. He paused, arm mid-outstretched, and scowled. "Don't look at me like that," he growled.
Asha didn't bother responding. Closing the gap herself, she reached out and plucked the glass from him. As she did so, their fingers brushed and all the strange tension from the past week swelled within her again. She turned away and took a sip. Then drained the glass.
"Merlin," Severus muttered in response.
Asha unashamedly refilled her glass and began wandering around the room, taking in the details.
Severus hung his cloak and sunk into the armchair, levitating more logs onto the fire.
Asha's little stroll led her over to the bookcase. With a quick scan, she realised there were no tomes of Dark Magic here.
"Muggle books," she murmured with a soft, fond smile. The silence that followed was so long Asha assumed Severus had either completely ignored her or not heard her in the first place.
"Have you read any of them?" came his voice, not so velvety as usual, but velvety nonetheless.
Asha's neck tingled and she focussed on skimming the shelves.
"I was never much of a reader," she admitted. "I couldn't sit still for long enough. Plus, I dropped out of school at age ten, so reading anything substantial would've been..." she trailed off, "...huh."
Turning to face Severus, she found his eyebrow was saying, 'what?' The sight of it brushed a tiny smile to her lips.
"I just remembered; when I first started at Hogwarts, I found reading the textbooks really difficult. But I suppose that was why - I hadn't read anything except street signs and billboards for five years."
"I never noticed you struggle with brewing instructions," Severus countered. If he was honest with himself, he barely remembered Asha at all from her earlier years. She had been so unremarkable. But that, in itself, was a testament to how truly remarkable she was.
She breathed a laugh that could've also been a scoff. "Don't you remember giving me extra homework because I kept looking over Padma Patil's shoulder? I had to fake my way through that first term by copying what everyone else was doing."
To anyone else, Severus' face might've appeared unreadable, but Asha fancied she could spot a look of incredulity pass over his features. She bit the inside of her lip and returned her attention to the bookshelf, leaving Severus to his whisky and thoughts.
She was hit by a wave of nostalgia as she touched a finger to the spine of Huckleberry Finn. She was considering pulling it from the shelf when thoughts of Cole and St Andrews brought her back to the bitter fight she and Severus had just had in the Owlery.
Severus watched as Asha took a hefty swig of whisky and abandoned her interest in his muggle literature, dropping onto the couch opposite him. He rolled his own glass between his fingers, watching the amber liquid swirl.
Unlike the harsh leather couch in Severus' office which Asha had become accustomed to, these couches were soft and homey. She tucked up one leg, not caring if Severus thought it was rude, and sat in brooding silence.
Eventually, the Ogden's relaxed Severus enough for him to say, "Did you ever read Lord of the Flies, W. Golding?" He noticed a bit of warmth return to Asha's eyes.
"Yes. But only because it was that or repeat sixth grade," she said dryly. A small smile played on her lips as she recalled the wild adventures she and her twin had planned. In the unlikely and miraculous event that they ever found themselves stranded on a tropical island with no grown-ups to boss them around, they knew exactly what they were going to do.
Asha and Severus' conversation rolled on from there. Not to anything dark or personal, and especially nowhere near what had been 'debated' in the Owlery. Instead, they talked of lighter things that weren't tainted by the lives they'd lived.
Though Severus was participating in the conversation, he was still in a tense, ruminating state and his stony gaze was hyperfocused on Asha. Hence, he immediately noticed when her inquisitive eyes locked onto something near the entranceway.
He followed her line of sight to a thick, pale yellow book sitting on a small table by the door. They had both walked right past it on the way in. Severus felt his heart lurch and hastily lowered himself into a state of outward calm.
Asha, no doubt curious about the single out-of-place object in his chambers, raise a hand. The book flew over to her and she caught it lazily. Severus exhaled slowly. Waiting...
She held the book up for Severus to see. "Duelling?" she inquired, failing to conceal the bright interest in her voice.
Severus kept his face cold. "What of it?"
He saw Asha fight not to roll her eyes.
"I didn't realise you were interested," she said pointedly.
"It is... a hobby, of sorts," Severus intoned carefully. He hadn't had time to think through how he was going to play this.
The thing was, on New Years Day, Albus had caught wind of the fact that Barty Crouch had gone missing - properly missing. Unsurprisingly, the Ministry was keeping it all hush-hush, but the Ministry trying to keep secrets from Dumbledore was like a halfwit trying to brew Felix Felicis: impossible and stupid.
Barty Crouch being reported missing was bad news. It meant things were progressing more rapidly than Severus and Albus had anticipated. What exactly those things were, no one except the Dark Lord himself could be sure.
But one thing was for sure: if worse came to worst, Asha needed to be properly trained in defensive magic. She needed to be confident in duelling people who might try to kill her. And, with the right training, she would make a valuable member of the Order.
Problem was, it had been little over a month since Asha's memories had been returned, and with them, many terrible, hard-to-stomach truths. She still needed time - as much time as they could give her - to ensure she would be in the best headspace possible to face the reality that her father was returning.
Thus, the dilemma: how does one request to train an unbelievably astute girl in combative magic, designed to prepare her for an impending war, without her questioning why she is being trained?
Easy. Let her suggest the idea.
Once it was revealed that Asha had already initiated duelling sessions with Cedric Diggory, it became obvious that she had a keen natural interest in the art.
At the time, Albus had said, "You don't seem the least bit surprised, Severus."
In that moment, Severus had contemplated mentioning to the Headmaster that Asha had shown a clear inclination towards the Dark Arts. But he quickly decided against it. Firstly, that would require revealing that Asha had spent time at his cottage, which would lead to a rather awkward conversation. But more importantly, he didn't want Dumbledore to view Asha differently because of it. Albus didn't understand the lure of the Dark Arts. He didn't understand that a fascination with it didn't always stem from a malicious place.
But Severus hadn't even planted the book yet. It had been sitting by his front door, waiting to be taken to his office. It was a highly unanticipated coincidence that Asha had spotted it in his chambers, thus setting the plan into motion. Never in a million years had he expected to find Asha inside his quarters. He hadn't yet considered how reluctant he was going to play it when she asked the inevitable. And here it was, any second now...
"Will you teach me?" Asha asked. "Will you practice with me?" She didn't even bother hiding her eagerness.
"That wouldn't end well for you," Severus said bluntly.
Asha wasn't deterred. "I think you underestimate me," she said as she thumbed through the book. "I know most of this stuff already." She glanced at him."I'm sure you haven't forgotten my... arrangement with Diggory."
"Prior arrangement, if I understand correctly," he drawled warningly.
"Yeah, yeah." Asha waved a dismissive hand, still engrossed in the book. "I got too good for him anyway," she said cockily, then looked up with a sly smirk as if trying to tempt Severus into duelling her just to wipe the smug look off her face.
Severus wandlessly summoned the book out of Asha's greedy hands and set it down on the table beside him. "Enough. Duelling isn't a joke, and it's not something a student should be so enthralled with."
Asha's face hardened. "I never said it was a joke. It's a good skill to have. And I'll need it for Auror training."
"You will learn it during Auror training," Severus replied with a sternness that made Asha feel like she was back in his second-year class. "Or perhaps, if you're lucky, you'll get a taste of it during your Defence Against the Dark Arts classes next year, if you don't get stuck with another Lockhart."
"Moody's not staying?" Asha gaped.
Severus narrowed his eyes at the stricken look on her face. "I thought you were suspicious of him," he half-mocked, "What is all this sudden fondness?"
"It's not fondness," she refuted. "He's just a good teacher. Nearly as good as Lupin." She spotted Severus' eye twitch angrily and decided that if she was going to have any hope of convincing him to duel with her, it would be best to keep him in a good mood (a good mood for Severus, that is).
"Apparently, next term he's going to put us under the Imperious Curse," she said conversationally, "so we can experience the sensation and attempt to resist it."
Severus breathed a scornful laugh. "I would pay money to observe that lesson. I wonder if he'll make you tap dance, Winters. Though, that wouldn't be too difficult given your innate inclination for dancing."
Asha flashed him a very improper hand gesture before continuing on as if nothing had happened. "So you don't think I'd be able to resist, then?"
It took Severus a moment to register what she'd said. He couldn't remember the last time anyone had dared treat him with such disrespect, playful intentions or not.
"There is a reason the Imperious Curse is Unforgivable and there is a reason why it was the cause of such devastation during The War," he said scathingly. "It is near impossible to resist. Wizards who succeed in even partially resisting are only able to do so because they possess rare strength of character and have participated in tedious training and exposure to the curse. I don't know what kind of farfetched ideas Alistor Moody is filling your heads with, but I'd bet one hundred Galleons, not a single student will be able to resist. Including you."
It took Asha considerable effort to shift and fidget under his gaze. She felt like she'd just been scolded by a House Parent and told to sit in the Reflection Corner. She sank back into the couch and looked away, taking several gulps of liquor and relishing the burn.
"Were you ever put under it, at school?" she asked stiffly, hovering between anger and shame.
"I..." Severus hesitated. After his little lecture, he was reluctant to reveal the truth. "I have been exposed to it," he said evasively. "It's not a-"
"What," Asha cut in accusingly. Severus scowled. He wasn't used to being interrupted. Asha ignored him. "What is it you're avoiding telling me?"
Severus pursed his lips for a moment. "Who's the detective now?" he said, his tone deep and frosty.
Asha's face suddenly gleamed with realisation. "You can resist it," she said. It wasn't a question. Severus' face didn't so much as twitch. "But why were you trained? Why would a Hogwarts Potions Professor need to be trained in resisting an Unforgivable Curse?"
"I was interested," he said sharply, mercifully startling Asha into silence.
Not for long, however. A daring smirk flickered around the edges of her mouth. "Just like you were interested in duelling?"
Severus took a long sip of whisky, then set his glass down firmly, glaring at her. Daring her to keep talking. It didn't work.
"Or should I say, just like you are interested in duelling, given this book was just lying around, ready for easy access?" She leaned forward, elbows on knees. "Oh, come on," she implored. "You're interested. I'm interested. I bet you've got a little extra skill you can add to my repertoire. At the very least, it will be fun."
Severus arched an eyebrow. "Fun?"
Asha's eyes sparkled like never before. "You're telling me you don't find it even a little fun? A little thrilling?"
Severus found himself unable to stop a smile from slowly taking over his mouth. He covered it with a long sip from his drink.
"That's what I thought," Asha grinned, relaxing back into the couch as if her work was done. She peered at him expectantly.
"I'll think about it," he said grudgingly. Now it was Asha's turn to hide a smile behind her glass.
A few silent, companionable minutes passed.
"I participated in an international duelling tournament in Paris, once," Severus hummed in a low baritone.
"Really?"
He nodded slowly. "In my sixth year."
Asha considered pressing him further about duelling, but decided would be safer to save her questions for another, less delicate evening. Instead, she said, "I would like to visit Paris."
Severus raised an eyebrow.
"I never had much interest, until I found out how big the wizarding community is there," she said, a little defensively.
One side of Severus' mouth smirked. "I assume, as a would-be-Muggle, you found the notion of going off the beaten track more appealing than parading around large, tourist cities?"
Asha almost looked sheepish. "You could say that. Also, large tourist cities aren't known for being kind to a near-empty wallet."
Severus nodded. He understood exactly how hard it was to conceive of visiting places like Paris when you could hardly afford second-hand clothes.
From there, the conversation came easy. They talked about where Severus had travelled and where Asha had always dreamed of travelling. Later, they had a light-hearted (though not particularly eloquent, given the rather significant consumption of whisky by that point) debate on the suppression and ethics of House-elves. They even found common ground talking about their tastes in liquor; Asha had tried a variety, though only ever the from the bargain shelf. Severus insisted that drinking cheap, discount versions of alcohol was a poor representation and didn't count.
The fire continued to crackle heartily and the afternoon morphed into the perfect winter evening. There was no suggestion of going to the Greathall for dinner. Asha and Severus were becoming comfortable in each other's company again, and even though the pleasant numbing of alcohol was temporary, the dissolution of the tension that had been underlying their interactions since the Yule Ball was permanent.
"We shouldn't make a habit out of this," Severus remarked, his words spoken not quite so precisely as they normally would.
"Of what? Being friends?" Asha was lying lazily on the couch. She wasn't sure at what point she had taken her shoes off, or where they now were.
"Drinking together," he spelled out. "On school grounds. This is the second occasion in less than a fortnight."
Asha made a rather uncoordinated gesture. "It's the holidays," she mollified. Then with a lazy grin; "We'll sober up come term time."
After a natural lull, Severus said, "You should know, I don't think of you any differently after what you told me."
Asha didn't have to ask to know he was talking about her scar and the man she had killed.
"That's a lie," she slurred. "It would be impossible not to think of me differently."
"I'm not lying," he said firmly, then seemed to mull over her words in earnest. "I see what you are saying. But I... don't think I was surprised by what you told me."
Asha didn't know how to take that. She thought she ought to be hurt, but Severus was giving her a look that seemed to say 'please understand what I mean', and she thought she did, somehow.
Another several fingers of whisky later, the time between sleepy snippets of their conversation grew until Asha fell into a dizzy, drunk sleep. She couldn't help it. She felt so safe and content in Severus' presence.
Similarly, the constant detachment, isolation and loneliness that usually pressed heavy on Severus' chest had abated that evening. Despite there only being one extra person in his living room, the place felt quite full of life.
He vaguely recalled fetching Asha a blanket after she'd passed out on his couch, before returning to his own chair. The last thing he remembered was a feeling of warmth in his core which was definitely due to the crackling fire and nothing to do with the presence of a particular peacefully sleeping girl.
*
The first thing Asha became conscious of was the deeply unpleasant ache emanating through her skull. She brought a hand to her head and tried to sit up, pushing away a blanket. Instantly, she was hit by a powerful wave of nausea - the kind only associated with a bad hangover. Groaning, she quickly lay back down... on what she now realised was a couch.
From there, she did a bleary-eyed scan of her surroundings. A man was slouched in an armchair opposite her. Severus, she realised, this was Severus' chambers. She hadn't immediately recognised him. For one, Severus wasn't usually one to slouch. But he was also looking rather dishevelled. His hair was slept on. His jacket lay discarded on the floor beside him, leaving him in a white collared shirt with serval of the top buttons undone. His face was creased in a grimace.
For a while, Severus had been drifting in and out of a hung-over sleep. When he heard Asha's groan, he eased open one eye and peered at her. Asha.
He felt like death. His head was pounding and his mouth was dry. It had been a long time since he'd drunk so much in one night.
Asha watched Severus close his eyes again and kick his grimace up a few notches. One of his hands was clutched at his thigh, while the other pressed to his forehead. His fingers intertwined through his hair.
Then his eyes snapped open again and he tugged his sleeves down, re-buttoning one of the cuffs that had come undone.
She gave him a weak smile, finding it very amusing to see Severus in such a state.
"Oh be quiet," he muttered, his voice rough and gravelly. "You look just as awful."
"Well, I must look horrendous then," Asha croaked, giving a second attempt at sitting up. "Have you got some Pepper-Up? Or that Sober-Up stuff? I think I'm still drunk."
Severus grunted.
After several seconds of psyching himself up, he pushing himself out of the armchair. Swaying slightly on the spot, he groaned as the pounding in his head amplified ten-fold.
"Why don't you just Accio it?" Asha muttered.
"You try using magic while you're this hung-over," he snapped.
Asha scoffed indignantly and reached for her wand which was lying on the floor beside the couch - an action that made the room spin. "Accio Peper-Up." From somewhere further into his chambers, behind a closed door, there was the pathetic clinking of glass bottles toppling over. This was followed by a soft smash.
"Winters," Severus groaned, rubbing at his eyes.
"Oh sit down, I'll get it," she grumbled, "I've got a whole decade on you. I better respect my elders." She gave him a pale-faced, lop-sided smile. Spotting the flicker of annoyance on his face, she dug for more. "It must be hard, being an old man."
Severus scoffed and dropped back into the chair, far too quickly, he realised in retrospect. After an uncomfortable wave of queasiness, he managed to sneer, "Let's see you stand up then, lightweight."
Doing her utmost to look nonchalant, Asha rose from the couch. For a few beats, she pulled it off, until a sudden conviction that she was going to be sick forced her back down into the cushions.
Severus gave a dark, deep laugh but quickly stopped on the orders of his throbbing skull. Seeing the green tinge of his guest's face, he reluctantly got to his feet. This time managing to be more steady, he disappeared through a door and collected Sober-Up and Pepper-Up from the bathroom cupboard, taking care not to tread on the damp pile of broken glass beneath the sink.
Having just taken a hearty swig of Pepper-Up, he returned to the living room with an already healthier colour to his face. He hovered in front of Asha, holding the bottles out of her reach. She shot him a pained look.
"Okay, I'm sorry," she whined, "you're not an old man, you're a fucking spring chicken, now please hand them over."
Severus smirked and dropped the vials into her hand.
*
Potions couldn't work miracles but within half an hour both Asha and Severus were feeling ten times better.
"What are you doing today?" asked Severus emotionlessly. They were sitting at the dining table.
Asha sighed. "No doubt figuring out a way to explain to my - oh, actually..." She frowned into her bowl of porridge. Her brain was still desperately sluggish. "Never mind. All my roommates are still away till this afternoon. No excuses needed!"
Severus carefully put down his mug, a look of disbelieving exasperation schooling his features. "You're telling me, you stayed the night here, and only now are factoring in your dorm mates?"
"Oh be quiet. You didn't think of it either," she replied irritably.
"Because I wrongly assumed you had it under control."
"Obviously it wasn't my intention to stay," Asha defended, a little snarky. "I don't even remember falling asleep. You on the other hand..." She raised her hand and the blanket she'd woken up under flew over. She caught it. "You must've realised I was going to end up staying." She arched her eyebrows and tossed the blanket at him. He pushed it off and sent it wandlessly back to the couch.
"You, Asha Winters," he muttered, "are a pest."
Her eyes glinted overtop of her mug as she took a sip of tea. "Oh, I know."
*
A/N: Oh beech I'm so excited for Ash to duel with Sev and realised how much of a fckin badass he is!
Also thanks sm for the votes on the last chapter! I was NOT expecting to be posting this one so soon!
ALSO yay for finally seeing the inside of Sev's chambers lol
ps heheh... paris
EDIT: yo who wants to be my 100th follower in exchange for a high five 🖐🏼
*
Aaaand an edit from 2022: IM SO SORRY FRIENDS IT'S BEEN SO LONG SINCE I'VE UPDATED!! I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW I AM FULLY COMMITTED TO FINISHING THIS STORY... as soon as ive got my shit together. my shit not being together is the limiting factor here, NOT that ive lost enthusiasm for this story. i fuckin love this story and i haven't even got to the good parts yet!!! ... aight then, i'll see you back here with my neatly tied up and secured bag of shit. well... no... Hogwarts is actually the one place where I don't have to bring that with me. thank god. this is why we love it here.