I was hanging out with, Johnnie, Alex, Shannon, Kyle, Jordan, and Jayden. Everyone was just talking amongst themselves as we walked around the tour grounds. I had a souvenir cup of ice water in my hands as we all talked. The conversation mostly consisted of them speaking to one another.
Our walking was interrupted by an unwelcome presence.
"Hey, Stella." I heard Austin Jones try to get my attention.
"What the fuck do you want." Johnnie sounded angry.
"To talk to Stella, not you." Austin sounded annoyed.
"Go away Austin." Shannon chimed in.
"No, I'm here to talk to my friend." Austin stated.
"Are you stupid?" Kyle piped up, "I don't think anyone here wants to fucking talk to you right now, especially not Stella."
"Nobody asked you, Kyle." Austin retorted.
"I don't give a shit, Austin." He mimicked.
"Just wait until I tell Bryan about this." He was angry.
"Tell him what? Someone didn't want to talk to you, that's not a fucking crime." Shannon was angry.
"I don't understand why you guys are acting so crazy right now." Austin calms his tone.
"We're acting perfectly normal given the circumstances, you fucking creep." Johnnie was angry.
"Dude calm down," Austin attempts.
"I will not calm the fuck down," Johnnie practically yells, "you are a piece of shit and no amount of using Bryan as leverage will fucking help you, we all know what you did and what kind of person you are."
I was letting my friends fight my battles for me. I was not in the mood to fight my own. I should have fought my own battle but I did not want to. I wanted this all to be over. This whole interaction was making me feel anxious, I kept pushing away my anxiety, trying to focus on staying calm.
I wanted this to end, I wanted to go on with my normal life but he won't leave me alone. I do not even know what normal is any more. Even if Austin leaves me alone there is no going back to the way things were.
My parents were in a huge fight, my girlfriend broke up with me over the phone, and I did not feel safe by myself. My entire world just imploded on its self and I was supposed to stand here and act like nothing happened because my emotions were too inconvenient for me to deal with.
My breathing started to pick up. I tried to control my breathing but it was difficult.
"Stella?" I hear Shannon's voice, "Are you okay?"
I backed up from the group as I began crying. I did not know what was happening, I just wanted to get out of there. There was so much going on, I did not know how to handle it.
I ran away, leaving the group behind. I just wanted to go back to my bus, I wanted to be alone.
I enter the tour bus, slamming the door behind me. "Stella?" I hear my dad's shocked reaction.
I do not reply, I leave the front of the bus, making my way back to my bunk.
"Stella, whats wrong?" Dad had followed me to the bunk area.
"Nothing, go away." I demand as I shut my privacy curtain.
"Please talk to me." He pleaded.
"I don't want to." I curled up under the covers.
"We're worried about you." He had attempted reason.
"How could you be worried about me? You don't even notice me anymore, you and papa are always too busy fighting to care about me." I retorted with malice laced in every word.
there was silence for what felt like a very long time.
A long sigh cuts through the silence like a knife. "Stella, I'm sorry, I know it can't be easy to listen to us fight like that." He explained in a somber tone, "I promise, none of our fights have anything to do with you and we love you so much. Please talk to us, we want to be there for you, we can't help you if you don't let us."
I let the silence surround us for a moment, "Where is papa?" I asked as I hesitantly opened the privacy curtain.
"Do you want me to call him, get him over here?" Dad asked.
I nodded my head as I wiped away old tears, "I'm sorry." I told him.
"I know you are," He sympathized, "I'm sorry too, sometimes we get so caught up in our own drama we forget that you might have stuff going on too." He explains as he searches for papa's contact in his phone.
"Hey," Dad said when papa picked up, "We need you back at the bus, Stella needs us."
Not too long after the phone call Papa was rushing in the door. "What's wrong?" He asked, concerned.
I look down at my hands folded in my lap silently.
"You can tell us anything, we're here for you." Papa informs me.
I let out a shakey breath. I was not sure how much information I wished to share at the time. "Do you remember Lydia?" I ask.
"Yeah?" Dad replies.
"Well," I swallow thickly, "uh," I do not even know how to say it or if I want to. "Her and I were in a relationship."
"Past tense?" Dad asks.
"She-" I pause remembering that night, "She broke up with me the night of the party" my words were coming out a little shakey.
"Oh honey I'm so sorry." Papa says before pulling me into a hug.
"You're not mad?" I ask as he releases me.
I look up at them. "Why would we be mad?" Dad asks as he glances to Papa.
"Well, I didn't tell you" I say before looking back down.
"That's okay." Papa reassures, "you weren't ready yet."
"I'm really sorry about Lydia, do you want to talk about it?" Dad asks.
I shake my head "no".
"Was this the only thing troubling you?" Dad asks.
I shrug my shoulders, still not looking up.
"What else is wrong sweetie?" Dad asks.
The thought of it makes my heart race in anxiety. My breathing quickens. "N-nothing." I reply.
"It doesn't sound like nothing." Dad replies.
"I- I don't want to talk about it." I reply.
"Are you sure?" Dad asks, "are you okay?"
"I just don't want to talk about it I want it to go away." I reply.
"Ignoring the problem won't make it go away." Dad informs me.
"I- I- I d- don't want to t- talk ab-bout it." I was beginning to cry at this point.
"Alex, don't pressure her." Papa scolds.
"I'm just worried about her, I need to know if something's wrong." Dad defends.
"And she will tell you when she's ready." Papa informs.
"Stop." I interrupt. "Your arguing is just making my anxiety worse."
"I'm sorry." Papa apologizes.
"Let me get you a glass of water." Dad says before leaving the bunk area.
When dad returns he hands me the glass, "Here, take your time, and talk to us when you're ready."
I sip the water and try my best to control my emotions. I take a few deep breaths and contimplate what I am about to say.
"After," I pause and let out a sigh, "after Lydia had called to break up with me" I pause again as my emotions start coming back, "A- Austin J- J- Jones," I paused, squeezing my eyes shut trying to force out the painful retelling of the story, "tr- tr- tri- tried t- t- t- t- to f- f- force him s- self o-n me." the last part came out nearly a weak whimper.
Dad gasped. Papa did not make a sound.
My eyes were still squeezed tightly shut.
"What did he do?" Papa asks.
I slowly open my eyes and look up at them. Dad looks almost as if he's about to cry and Papa just looks angry. I shrink into my seat.
"H- he wasn't able t- to do m- m- much." I reply. "J- Johnnie was the one who st- stopped him." I reply.
"So you have a witness?" Dad asks.
"Well- I- yeah I guess." I reply.
"We can file a police report, take him to court, press charges." Dad replies as he fumbles with his pockets.
"N- no!" I shout. "I don't want you to do that, I want this to just go away."
"Sweet heart, that man hurt you, he is dangerous." Dad replies.
"They won't believe me." I reply.
"You have an eye witness." Dad informs me.
"Then if they do the story will get huge and my name will always be associated with it." I explain, "I will always be known as the girl who was assaulted by Austin Jones, any time you Google my name it will be the first thing that pops up." I was becoming hysterical, "I just want it to go away!" I start pulling at my hair.
"Hey, hey, hey." Dad tries to stop me from pulling at my hair, "We won't file a police report, okay?" Dad replies.
"We won't?" Papa sounded shocked.
"No," dad states sternly, "we will not, Stella does not want us to and we can't make her."
"Fine but I want him off this tour." Papa was angry.
"And how exactly are you going to do that?" Dad asks.
"I'll speak to his manager." He replies.
"His manager is protecting him." I inform.
"Then I'll bring this up to the owner of the tour." Papa replies angerly.
I scoff, "like he would care."
"I'm going to do something, I'm not just going to sit here and let this man be anywhere near you after what he did." Papa livid.
"Don't worry, we will keep Stella safe." Dad gently rubs circles into papa's back to calm him down.
Papa let's put a frustrated sigh, "I just knew there was something off about that man."
"I know," Dad tries to calm papa.
"I just want this to be over." I plead.
"I'm so sorry." Dad pulls me into a hug.
"We should drop out of the tour early, go home, and focus on each other." Papa suggests.
"No," I plead, "don't end the tour early."
"Why not?" Dad asks.
"You haven't even done your Maryland show yet." I remind them, "you guys wanted to come out to fans on stage, didn't you?"
"Yeah, but you are so much more important than that." Dad reminds me.
"I will be okay." I insist.
"You don't seem okay." Papa replies.
"But if you drop out of the tour early because of me I'm going to feel really guilty and blame it all on my self." I explain, "Not to mention I was so excited for warped tour." I explain.
"It's not safe for you here." Dad reminds me.
"But I don't want to go." I begin tearing up again.
"I know it sucks, but we need to do what's best for you." Dad explains.
"No, please don't." I plead.
"Stella we can't, in good conscious, let you stay here when that creep is walking free around here." Papa explains to me.
"But I- I don't want to go." I start crying.
Dad sighs, "what if we stay here till the Maryland show, and then after that show we drop the tour?" Dad asks, "We can announce right now that we're going to be dropping out of the tour half way, that way it'll be less of a sudden shock to fans."
"We can't do that!" Papa defends, "Austin Jones is still here, he could hurt her again!"
"We can keep a close eye on her, make sure she has someone with her at all times to keep her safe." Dad explains.
"What if we can't be with her constantly?" Papa asks.
"Then we'll make time." Dad replies, "Stella's safety is more important than whatever it is we are doing."
"What about preforming, or meet and greets?" Papa asks.
"We can get a friend to stay with her." Dad explains.
"What do you think about that idea, Stella?" Papa directs his attention to me.
I let out a sigh, "it's a better compromise than I realistically expected, so, thank you." I reply, "that sounds good to me."
"Okay, I'll talk to the others, then we'll see about dropping out of the tour after the Maryland show." Dad explains.
"Okay." I let out another sigh.
I just wanted this all to go away.