"Hey, this is Katie Moore sorry I can't take your call right now-"
I slammed the phone down on the glass table when I heard my mother's voice mail play for the 15th time. I rubbed my eyes harshly with the heels of my hands.
"No answer? Micah asked gently.
I shook my head, biting the inside of my cheek.
"Cassie-"
"Don't say it." I cut my therapist off sharply, squeezing my eyes shut.
Micah sighed and leaned against the wall, crossing his arms over his chest. "Cassie, I think you need to go with him."
"I need to talk to my Mom first."
"Cass, it's been an hour," He looked at me with pity filled eyes that made my chest swim with panic and frustration. If Micah was pitying me, then I could only conclude that I was in some deep shit. "She isn't going to answer."
I shook my head again, rubbing a hand up and down my face. "I need to talk to her. I won't go with him until I do." I jabbed a thumb at the door behind me, where Beck and Jamie were sitting, waiting for me to get the confirmation I was looking for from my mother. The man, who was still claiming to be my brother, had been surprisingly patient with my lack of faith that what he was telling me was true.
Even after I saw birth certificates and a positive DNA test between him and Jamie, I still couldn't bring myself to fully commit to the idea that he was not only my brother, but also my legal guardian. This all was just so shocking, so out of the blue and so undoubtedly scary. Not Mom losing custody. That part was the least shocking of all. A pre-teen suicide attempt is usually enough ground for CPS to investigate, and it was no surprise that they deemed the way we lived 'unacceptable'. I couldn't even imagine what kind of hell our home had gone into without me there. I was the one who cleaned up the mess in our house. Literal, and figurative. And when I was gone, there was no way the fragile foundation I'd created years earlier would withstand the pressure my departure must have caused.
"Cassie, you've seen proof that Beck is your brother. We've talked about what happened to your mom and why you're not going back there. I understand the need to talk to your Mom but for right now, I think you should go with Beck." Micah's words made sense. I agreed with what he was saying. I should go with Beck. The smart, rational side of me agreed with what Micah was saying.
But it's never the rational side that gets the final say. The emotional side of me has always been my downfall. Mom used to say I felt too much and thought too little. I always hated that she was right.
"I know I should Mic. I know I should." I muttered. I twisted the cord of my headphones around my finger again. The tip turned a pale purple and cold to the touch. I pressed my cold skin against one flushed cheek.
"Then do it, Cass. Go with him." Micah urged with a thin lipped smile.
I found myself wondering how he felt about all of this. Micah hadn't known anything more than I did about all of this. He had made that plenty clear after I grilled him for half an hour about why I hadn't heard anything about my mother and my supposed brothers up until now.
Micah told me that he doesn't handle the CPS aspect of the hospital and therefore wouldn't have known unless someone told him, which apparently no one did. I was inclined to doubt his innocence in all of this, but I was fairly confident that Micah wouldn't have kept something like his from me. I knew he was crap at hiding things.
"So are we all set then? Because I think Beck and Jamie are still waiting for you out there." He said, jabbing a thumb towards the lobby where I could see my brother and the other man watching something on the latters phone with small smiles. I fastened the cord around my finger even tighter and pressed the sharp corner of my Ipod into the palm of my hand. The lump in my throat suffocated me even more than it had earlier.
Shakily, I nodded and stood up after Micah. "All set." I muttered, crossing my arms over my chest and dropping my Ipod into my sweatshirt pocket. Both boys' heads shot up when they heard the creaking of the conference room door open and the two of us stepped out. Jamie's face broke into a warm smile that I thought would only ever suit him and Mr.Rogers.
"Cassie!" He stood up and walked over to me, arms wrapping around my waist once more. I happily returned the gesture. "Are you ready to go?" He asked softly.
I sighed and squeezed him a little tighter against my body. "Yeah J. I think I'm ready."
When I stepped back, Micah immediately grabbed my shoulders and spun me to face him. "Okay, so here's the deal. Your new house is only about 25 minutes away from here," He started, glancing at Beck who nodded, never taking his eyes off of me. "So you're gonna come and see me three times a week to start. Then, we can assess how you're doing from there and all that. How does that sound?" He was talking fast. Probably hoping the quicker I left here, the less time I would have to freak myself out about this. Micah really knew me too well.
I nodded. "Fine with me."
"And I have Micah's number if you ever need to talk to him." Beck spoke up, sounding nervous and a bit apprehensive. It was obvious that he was just as uneasy with me as I was with him. And somehow, that only made me feel worse. I nodded curtly, my eyes focusing on the clock.
"Got it." I muttered.
Beck forced a small smile onto his face and shoved his hands into his pockets. "Is there anything else you need to do before we leave?" He asked, eyes flitting almost frantically from me to Jamie. My little brother, whose face was still beaming as he clung to the hand that wasn't holding my Ipod, shook his head and looked up at me.
"We're ready to go," He answered for me. "Right Cass?"
I nodded at him, casting one more look at a Micah where he stood chewing his lip with his arms crossed over his chest behind us. "I think I'm ready," It was more of a question than a statement, and of course Micah realized that and nodded at me with a newly formed smile.
"I'll see you soon, Cass. Call me if you need anything." Micah flashed me one more gentle smile and turned to walk away from us. I pulled on the cord of my headphones so tight around my finger, I felt a surge of pain shoot through my whole hand.
"If you're ready..." Beck muttered, indiscreetly shifting his weight from one foot to another. I plugged one ear bud into the side of my head.
"Picks up the rice in the church where a wedding has been. Lives in a dream Waits at the window Wearing the face that she keeps in a jar by the door Who is it for?"
I didn't say anything as I swung my arm over Jamie's shoulders and started walking towards the glass doors that lead to the parking lot. I heard Beck sigh softly behind me.
"Okay then, let's do this," He whispered to himself.
"All the lonely people Where do they all come from? All the lonely people Where do they all belong?"
-CASSIE-
"1367 Mississippi, 1368 Mississippi, 1369 Mississippi,"
My grip on the seat of Beck's truck tightened every time the old car jolted over a bump in the road. I counted the seconds under my breath, my gaze glued to the sky and the trees outside my dirt speckled window.
"1375 Mississippi, 1376 Mississippi, 1377 Mississippi,"
"We should be there in just a minute," Beck muttered, turning down the fuzzy sound of the radio. I think it was an Aretha Franklin song. I fought the urge to put my headphones in. I was not normally one for facades, but something internal prodded me to at least pretend to be willing to make conversation, should the opportunity arise. It hasn't so far. I had expected Beck or even Jamie to try and make small talk during our drive together, but so far no one has said a word.
I glanced at Jamie in the rear view mirror. He was looking out his window with a tired, half lidded stare. I had already taken note of the purple-ish bags that resided under his eyes, when I first saw him a few hours ago. I made a mental note to ask him about it later, to make sure he was okay. I had spent the last three months worrying about my little brother non-stop, and now that he was in arms reach, I couldn't help but feel an overwhelming sense of protectiveness towards him. Jamie was all I had in this world. He was my family. He was my life line. And he was my responsibility.
"1394 Mississippi, 1395 Mississippi, 1356 Mississippi,"
"Not everyone's home right now, but most of them are," Beck hadn't said much throughout the drive either. It wasn't hard to tell how nervous he was around me. I found myself wondering what it was that made him nervous. My past, my present., or my future. More than likely, all three. "They're very excited to see you." He was talking mostly to himself at this point. I hummed in response.
"You're gonna love our new house Cassie," Jamie muttered. "You and Kaia's room is so cool. And we even have a basement with a pool table. It's so much better than Mom's apartment."
I winced a little at the use of 'moms apartment' rather than home. It was still our home. It was still my home. But that was a conversation for another time.
"Who's Kaia?" I asked instead. Beck's eyes shifted to me momentarily, filled with an emotion I couldn't quite place.
"Kaia's our sister, Cassie." He said softly.
"Yeah, and she's really cool. You're gonna love her." I turned to look at Jamie's grinning face. I nodded. My grip on the seat tightened a little more.
"1417 Mississippi, 1418 Mississippi, 1419 Mississippi,"
"She's waiting at home for you. She's psyched to have another girl in the house." Beck chuckled fondly. I hummed, turning back to my window.
"1426 Mississippi, 1427 Mississippi, 1428 Mississippi,"
My heart was in my throat by the time I heard the crunch of gravel under Beck's tires. I detached my white knuckle grip from the seat. My Ipod dug into the palm of my hand in a bruising clasp. The car pulled to a stop in front of a decently sized white sided house that looked like it had seen better days. But it wasn't the house that truly caught my attention at first glance. It was the cloud of smoke that rose above the roof from somewhere behind the house.
"Fucking hell," Beck muttered to himself. "I told them not to do this." He grumbled, pushing his door open, strategically placing his foot in just the right spot to get it to open. I turned around to look at Jamie, who seemed utterly unfazed by the smoke, and alleged fire behind the house.
"What's going on?" I asked. My little brother shrugged, a spark of mischief glittering in his icy blue eyes.
"Let's go see," He pushed his car door open the same way Beck had, and before I had the chance to try and open mine, he came to my side of the car and yanked it open for me. "Your door gets stuck a lot. Well actually, they all do." He said when I gave him a questioning look. I nodded slowly and jumped out of the car-which was almost too tall for both me and Jamie to get into without a struggle-grabbing my backpack and slinging it over my shoulder.
Me and Jamie trailed after where Beck had gone, going all the way around the house until I heard a collection of unfamiliar voices yelling back and forth to one another. I slowed my pace almost instinctively, but once again, Jamie seemed completely placid.
I guess I shouldn't be so surprised. He had lived with these people for three months by now. To him, they were far from strangers. I was the only one still out of place.
"I said no fires today!" I heard Beck yell. It wasn't hard to pick out which voice was his. It was the only vaguely familiar sound amongst the dozens I could hear.
"But we had stuff to burn." A new voice whined in response. We turned the corner and I saw three boys sitting in lawn chairs around a fire pit, surrounded by various notebooks, children's books and a few random stacks of papers.
"Not the point, Austin." Beck said, rubbing a hand up and down his face. None of them seemed to notice me and Jamie standing behind Beck, and I was far from inclined to make my presence known. If for no other reason, to watch this scene play out. Jamie watched the four men with an amused grin on his face, hands shoved into his sweatshirt pocket and his stance more relaxed than I had seen him in a long while.
"Well to be fair, you said no fires in the driveway. You never said anything about the back porch." A boy with messy brown hair spoke, shrugging carelessly. A cigarette hung from the corner of his mouth. I hadn't had a cigarette in three months. The first few weeks at the hospital were hell, while I was going through withdrawal. It's funny. I was so adamant that I wasn't addicted to the pills I OD on, and yet there I was feeling like slipping into insanity while I waited for the pills and nicotine to flush themselves out of my system.
"You know what Hudson-" Beck cut himself off, pinching the bridge of his nose and shaking his head. "Never mind. Put this out and come inside." He muttered, sounding deflated.
"Here," Jamie walked over to the group and grabbed a nearby bucket of water, handing it to the same brown haired boy with the cigarette.
"Thanks kiddo," He smiled, dousing the fire heedlessly. The wood hissed and crackled loudly, and I was quick to grab Jamie by the shoulders and pull him away gently.
"Be careful, Jamie." I mumbled warningly. The three boys all turned their heads at the sound of my voice, as if this was the first time they were noticing I was there.
"Oh shit," Brown haired boy said. He stood up and dropped the cigarette into the fire pit. My eyes followed the white and orange stick until it curled with the heat into a shriveled up nub among the wood and ash. "Holy shit," He said, chuckling to himself gingerly. "So this is Cassidy?" He looked at Beck who nodded slowly. I bit the inside of my cheek, straightening my stance and clenching my jaw.
"It's Cassie. Who are you?"
"Hudson," He said, sticking out his hand. I ignored it. "I'm Hudson, and this is Austin," A blonde boy who I thought may have been the one whining to Beck earlier, stood up with bounce in his step and walked over to us.
"Hi Cassie." He leaned one elbow on Hudsons shoulder, grinning at me like a Cheshire cat. I tightened my grip on Jamies shoulders.
"And this is Jonah," The tallest boy yet stood up, brushing some of his feathery dirty blonde hair away from his eyes. He didn't say anything, but instead gave me a tiny smile and a short wave. A silence quickly fell over the five of us. They were waiting for me to say something. I was waiting for them to say something.
"Is Kaia inside?" Beck asked after a moment. Hudson was the first to respond.
"Yeah. She was doing something in her room last time I checked." Beck hummed and nodded towards the house behind us.
"Ready to go in?" He asked me. I looked down at Jamie, who seemed to be awaiting my answer and gave a curt nod. "Sorry about that. I thought Hudson and Jonah would be at work,"
"It's fine." I muttered, stepping onto the wood floor of what looked like a kitchen.
"The only ones who aren't here are Elias and Clarke. Eli's in the army, so he'll be at a base in Florida for at least the next few weeks, and Clarke is at work right now-like the rest of them are supposed to be."
"You'll really like them, Cassie." Jamie muttered, walking out of arms reach in front of me. "I can't wait for you to meet Eli. He's really cool." Beck smiled at Jamie putting a hand on my little brother's head.
"He is pretty cool, you're right about that J."
I ignored them, turning away to take in the rest of the house. It was neatly decorated, if a bit messy, and reminded me of a TV house. It felt homely, and lived in. But not the kind of lived in that my apartment was. Not the kind that made you wonder what could have happened here. Not the kind that made you sad.
"Kaia, come down here!" Beck yelled. I turned my attention back to the two boys standing at the bottom of the stairs, clearly waiting for this girl to come down as Beck had just screamed for her to do. And a moment later, a girl with messy blonde hair and smudged eye makeup, stepped out of a room upstairs and stood at the top of the stairs looking down at all of us.
"I fell asleep." She mumbled with a yawn.
"Yeah, we can tell." Jamie smirked. My ipod was starting to leave an indent into the palm of my hand. I tightened my grip. The girl rolled her eyes and walked down the stairs, pulling her hair back into a neater ponytail until her eyes fell on me.
"Oh hi," She said, seeming much more awake than she was a moment ago. "Oh my god, hi," She raced down the rest of the stairs, almost tripping over her own feet and immediately pulled me into a tight, unwelcome hug. I didn't push her away, but I didn't hug her back either. I just stood there limply, waiting for her to let me go. "Oh my god, you're here." She gushed, squeezing me a little tighter. I hummed, taking a step away from her and crossing my arms over my chest protectively.
"Jesus christ, Kai, you're gonna crush the poor kid." Beck chuckled, pulling her back with a . The other girl shrugged, a small smile playing cautiously on her lips as she looked me up and down.
"Oh, sorry," She didn't seem the least bit apologetic. "I get a little carried away sometimes." I nodded curtly, biting the inside of my cheek and shuffling back even a little more.
"Kai, let's show Cass your room!" Jamie cried, grabbing my hand and pulling me towards the stairs before either me or Kaia could agree or protest.
A/N-I hate this ending but oh well. What do we think about Cassie so far? She's a bit different from my other characters. I kind of think of her as a mix between Izzy and Flick. She's not as shy and nervous as Izzy but she's also not as bold and cocky as Flick.