,,So, I was thinking we could do a performance of this song.”
He texted me as he sent me the link to the song.
My teacher – well actually, the guitar teacher of my brother, offered me to work with him on some music performances and prepare it with him and some of his students.
Of course, I immediately said yes.
I’ve been looking forward to this for so long!!!
I envied all of those violin and flute students that could perform with their quartets and little orchestra groups. It must be so cool and fun to perform with a group ...
I actually asked my piano teacher a few times to ask the orchestra if they would, by any chance need a pianist...
,,That is a very nice idea! We’ll think about it!”
As I expected... they didn’t.
Luckily, a few weeks later after persuading the guitar teacher, he finally promised me to organize something. So, there I was, totally excited to hear the song that he sent me. I clicked on the link so fast and waited for it to open. The link loaded and Youtube opened up the video. I read the title.
Lars Danielsson – Liberetto.
Wait... what? What the heck is that? The song started playing so I quickly turned the sound towards my ear. I listened and tried to be patient with it. I couldn’t get over the fact that he wants me to learn this! I thought it would be something modern, something trendy, something I know and like. But this??? I don’t usually tend to like just any kind of music... and that applied for this song as well. I was very much sceptical and kind of mad and as I was busy sorting out my feelings from this whole group music performance that I suddenly stopped liking the idea of, I turned off the video.
I got back to the chat and listened to the other two links. Well, at least, Shallow by Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper was there! Something I knew and something the audience will know as well!
I replied to my teacher, texting him something like: “Wow, I really loved the songs, they’re such a good pick! I’ll start working on them!” “Great! Please, start working on the Liberetto first because that’s the first song we’ll start practicing. The other two are really easy, okay? ”, he replied.
I sat there so upset. That’s just AWESOME. I pushed all my frustration about the song out of my head and let it go. I have a lot of time, right? It’s gonna be fine.
After a few weeks...
My piano teacher went to the bathroom and told me to wait for her till she get’s back. I sat there behind the piano, a little bit nervous. It was my first group practice after all... She came back and asked me to not forget to learn the first few pages from my new music sheets.
“And now... you still have 5 minutes, so please, play me the song... what’s it called?”
“Liberetto”, I said.
“Ah, yes! Well! I’m listening!”
Dang! I thought to myself. I don’t know it that perfectly for her to hear it... but I started playing. After a few chords, I stopped.
“Well, it’s basically the same on and on.” and I stood up.
“Well, I’m sure it’s going to sound a lot better with your group! Because the song is really beautiful!”, she said admirably.
I nodded and took it not much seriously. I’m sure she says this about every song...
We said goodbye and I ran downstairs to the concert hall.
I paused shortly before the door. I could already hear the guitars playing, looks like all of them were already there. I took a quick deep breath and as I opened the door, I tried so hard to look casual, not overly excited or nervous. I barely looked at them as I greeted them and jumped up to the piano.
“We’re glad you’re here! I hope you’re excited as we are, and prepared!”, the guitar teacher said.
“Sure...”, I chuckled nervously and went through the chords with them.
The guitar teacher encouraged me to play more widely and make up my own little details between the tones. I barely noticed the guy that was sitting next to the teacher and practicing his own stuff.
As I completed my quick practice with the teacher, he said:
“So, I was thinking you could have a little solo part where you could improvise a bit too. See, Roberto here is going to have a solo as well so, it would be nice to have two different instruments doing their thing.”
What?! No!!! I... I can’t! I’m not sure... I’ve never had a solo! And not even a group performance, for crying out loud!
“I-I... actually, I would be very glad if just he would have a solo... I mean... I- ...”, I couldn’t pronounce the words I wanted to say.
I was so insecure and in shock. And ESPECIALLY shy. I bet he is a solo expert... I do NOT want him to think of me as a little girl trying to put up with a solo and be proud about it. And as I thought that to myself, I noticed he was smiling a bit. Great! Now he thinks I’m both unexperienced and unconfident! That’s just awesome!
But my teacher didn’t pay much attention to my objections and automatically started planning the whole structure of the song. Perfect! I’ll be humiliated AND I’ll look like a super overly-confident wannabe talented solo pianist. Why not!
The teacher sat down, took his guitar and started the counts. We all started playing. Me on the piano, the teacher on the guitar, that guy on the guitar as well and a little boy on the bass. I was having a problem catching up on the chords as it was my fault that I didn’t learn them.
But why does the song sound so... beautiful?
I stopped playing for a bit and just listened. Wow...
“Hey hey hey... hold on, everyone. Catherine, why aren’t you playing?”, my teacher looked at me.
I was busy thinking about the song and I didn’t realise they stopped because of me. Dang. This is embarrassing.
“Gosh, I’m so sorry. I just forgot the chords a bit...”, I nervously replied.
“What is there to forget? It’s easy!”
He told me the chords and I tried to memorize them quickly. We started playing again. A few seconds later, that guy started his solo. I tried to pay attention to it but focus on the rhythm at the same time. He’s quite good...
Before he ended his solo, my teacher started winking at me. It’s my turn. Oh no. I looked at him and whispered that I’m not prepared. “Just improvise!”, he said and continued playing. I then started but I don’t even remember what I played. I only remember the embarrassment when they were all looking at me like they were expecting a grand performance. Oh my gosh. Why do these things always happen to me?
We finished playing.
I sat there, unable to speak and totally red in the face. The teacher was so confused and started to give me a lecture of how I should not be nervous, otherwise I’ll never be able to do a solo. Weird, but Roberto was still smiling. He suddenly turned to me and said:
“Don’t worry, I’ve been there too.”, and smiled. Then he turned to the teacher and said something to kind of defend me and my nervosity.
Okay... I wasn’t expecting this. It startled me a bit. He turned to me and told me something jokingly and I smiled at him, thankfully.
“Okay, let’s go, boys. Catherine, make sure to practice a lot, especially your solo part, okay?”, the teacher told me as he was making his way out of the concert hall and waving at the boys to go after him. Roberto stopped for a while, as if he wanted to say something but he just smiled, quietly greeted me and left.
I stood there beside the piano, alone.
As I was standing there in total silence, my heart started whispering how it can’t wait for the next practice. And it really couldn’t.
The day of the concert.
I quickly put on my favorite brown elegant dress, brushed my hair, did my makeup and put on my black heels. I grabbed my bag and quickly made my way outside. I’m late, as always. I ran a bit while trying to stay calm and not sweat my underarms. I entered the music school, went upstairs to my classroom where my piano teacher was waiting for me. I greeted her, she smiled at me and a few seconds later, I started practicing. She advised me a bit and offered me some snacks and drinks. I was nervous and anxious as always. She gave me a paper tissue to wipe of my sweaty hands and I thankfully smiled at her. She looked at her watch. It was time to go down to the concert hall.
I left the classroom and hopped down the stairs. I entered the concert hall. There were a lot of other guitarists, it was a guitar concert after all. We took turns to practice and the guitar teacher was organizing us and everything else.
I didn’t see Roberto and I started feeling a bit down.
What?! Why?! I don’t even know him!
“Catherine, come on! Let’s just go through this for once.” The guitar teacher interrupted me from my thoughts and started organizing the chairs as I went and sat behind the piano.
Suddenly, Roberto came out of nowhere with his guitar and sat beside the teacher. I was so confused but... glad.
We started playing, all four of us, each doing our best.
“Okay, that will do. Next!”, the teacher shouted as he called the other group of guitarists to practice.
We stepped down from the stage and as I didn’t have anyone I knew there, I just wandered and looked around.
Suddenly, Roberto made his way and approached me with a smile. My head freezed for a second. I was definitely NOT expecting him to talk to me! But he did.
“Hey!”
“Hm... oh hi!”, I nervously smiled, trying to sound so casually.
“I feel like this was the most terrible practice from all of them. I totally screwed up!”
“Right? Me too! I’m so nervous right now!”
We both laughed and started talking. After a few minutes, the concert hall was full of parents, teachers and children. We were being told to go and find a place to sit. I went to the back and stood against the wall.
He came and stood close to me, leaning against the wall too. I was so surprised to still see him with me. The concert started and we were listening at the back, occasionally whispering to each other and making fun of the performances we didn’t like as we giggled together. After like 15 performances, it was our turn.
He let me go first as we both made our way to the stage. We bowed and sat down, each one of us to our own chairs, me behind the piano, of course.
Our teacher introduced us and the song we were playing and, he dedicated this whole performance to his girlfriend who had her birthday that day. Everyone clapped as she stood at the back, totally shy but emotionally smiling at her boyfriend. Our teacher sat down too and started counting down the counts.
I quickly looked at the cross on the wall above us, then lowered my head and closed my eyes. I took a deep breath and focused on what was about to come.
“One, two, three, two, two, three..”
and we all hit the first tones.
We started playing the most wonderful song with such emotion but also, maintaining the rhythm and volume. Everyone of us were deeply involved in their own part but the harmony was so complete, so soundful. We made our way throughout the song to Roberto’s solo.
I still remember how he kind of messed up towards the end but it didn’t matter. As he ended, I started with my first, sharp tone. I was feeling the harmony so much that I went out of rhythm for a bit but managed to get back. We then played the last set of tacts and ended with a last grand sound.
Everyone was so quiet and amazed.
They suddenly started clapping immediately, someone even made a whistle. The clapping didn’t end that fast, so we bowed a few times, all four of us. After that, we made our way off the stage and listened to our teacher who briefly thanked everyone for their attention and wrapped up the concert. Everyone stood up and clapped once again as the loud chatting started resonating throughout the room.
I turned around and looked for my family but Roberto quickly came up to me. We smiled at each other, happy that we could continue talking. Everyone around us wanted to make their way out so we stood closer to each other as it got a bit cramped. But we didn’t mind it at all as we were too busy focusing on each other.
Suddenly, my piano teacher grabbed me and started congratulating me as she kissed me on the cheek. She praised me and the whole performance, also praising Roberto’s solo. We both smiled and thanked her.
Roberto wanted to continue talking to me but my parents suddenly approached me and led me a bit to the side from Roberto. I didn’t want to go and as I was being led by one of my siblings, I turned around to Roberto but he was busy being interrupted by some of his family relatives as well.
I talked a bit to my parents and siblings, letting them praise me and talk about my performance. My little brothers were chattering and telling me something very funny and I tried to listen to them but my eyes were searching for him.
Where is he?
The guitar teacher approached me and my family and congratulated me on an amazing accomplishment. My parents started thanking him for the concert and they even started talking to some other parents which were actually the parents of the guitar teacher. They were all analysing the concert and praising all the students while playing with my little baby sister. I tried to be polite and listen to them but my sight was wandering all over the hall looking for Roberto.
Suddenly, someone tapped me on the shoulder and as I quickly turned around, I saw him. We smiled at each other and started walking towards the stage by ourselves, leaving all the people behind. We talked and talked, enjoying the presence of each other. I remember realizing after a while that he might be flirting with me. But I was doing the same too.
We must’ve talked for a longer while because suddenly, the guitar teacher came and interrupted us.
“Hey, you’re still here, you two?” and he started tidying up all the stuff.
We laughed together and started helping him too. We collected all the program sheets that were around and continued talking. We suddenly got to the point where we started talking about my church I go to. He said he used to attend the Sunday masses there and also, he would assist the priest as well. For some reason, I started liking him even more.
He then said after a pause:
“How old are you?”
“Nineteen.”, I replied. He was quiet.
“And you?”, I asked him, interrupting the silence.
“Twenty-seven.”
Somehow, both of us stood still and realized our age gap. But then we also realized how we wouldn’t even think of the other person as someone far from our age since we were so close with each other.
“Really? You look younger... I wouldn’t say that about you!”, I said.
“Me neither.”, he replied and looked at me with an eloquent look. I gently smiled at him.
“You know... I think it’s fine because you think I look younger and I think you look older so...”
He didn’t end the sentence.
But I knew what he wanted to say by the look in his eyes. We smiled as we looked at each other in a meaning only we knew.
“Hey, you two! Come and help me!”, our teacher waved at us.
We started carrying all the guitars and equipment upstairs. Every time we went past each other, we smiled and made eye contact.
As I went downstairs again, I didn’t see him.
He must be in his classroom, I thought to myself.
I tried to wait for him but no one was coming downstairs. After a while, I went upstairs but he wasn’t there either. I entered my classroom and took my stuff with me. I said goodbye to my piano teacher and left, looking to both sides in case I would see him.
I didn’t.
He was gone.
After a while, I made my way to the exit of the school building and left.
I saw him on my phone for a few times as I was stalking his previous performances or his Facebook. But I didn’t have the courage to send him a friend request.
I didn’t see him since that day but I kept listening to “Liberetto” on repeat.
A year later...
I was waiting in the concert hall for my piano teacher, really sweaty and nervous. As always. I was about to play one of the longest songs I ever played at a concert. What’s more is that I even improvised and made up the version of this song all by myself. I was really REALLY nervous.
It started getting full in the hall so I stood at the back, not even seeing the performers or the stage itself. I was anxiously waiting for my turn, barely listening to the other musical numbers.
Suddenly, a very familiar guy made his way to the stage. I saw him from the back but I immediately knew who he was.
Roberto.
He started playing his own song and everyone liked it as they gave him a big applause. I tried to make eye contact with him as he was passing by but I was hidden behind a few teachers and he didn’t even notice me. He went to the side but I couldn’t properly see where he was standing.
At last, it was my turn.
I went to the front, stood beside the piano, made a short bow and sat down. I looked at the cross, took a deep breath, lowered my head and closed my eyes. I then placed my fingers on the keys and starting playing confidently.
After about six minutes, I hit the last set of tones loudly and strongly and let them make an echo. Everyone was so quiet and this stillness lasted for a while.
Suddenly, a huge applause was made and I was so shocked. Everyone was clapping, whistling and smiling. The principle of the music school was standing by the side, smiling so proudly and looking at me.
I was in awe. I felt like I was about to cry. I quickly bowed and went to the back of the hall very quietly. The principle then thanked everyone and ended the concert with one last big applause.
Everyone started talking and again, a sound of chatting resumed.
I started looking around but I couldn’t see him. I started being nervous that I missed him. He might’ve already left, I thought to myself.
My parents, siblings and my piano teacher came up to congratulate me. After a while, my parents started talking to my piano teacher while I was standing there and nervously looking around all the people, in hope that I could maybe find him.
My mom came and stood beside me, asking me if I liked the performance. I nodded and she started talking about something else.
Suddenly, as she was talking to me, Roberto came by and noticed me. He was making his way towards the exit but he recognized me and stopped.
“Hi...!”, he said, surprised to see me after a long time.
“Hi!”, I smiled at him with relief but something suddenly catched my eye.
He had a baby in his arms.
A woman suddenly came up to him and started playing with the baby. I was confused.
He suddenly realized what it looked like and wanted to say something. We wanted to talk but my mom was standing beside me and looking at me as I was blushing.
I really wanted to talk to him and say something but...
I just couldn’t.
He took a breath and was about to say something but someone pushed him towards the door.
He looked back at me as if he wanted to explain the whole situation.
But I just smiled and turned around.
After a few minutes, I went outside to go upstairs. And I saw him there.
He was sitting in the hall on a chair with the baby. I noticed a man and a woman taking care of the baby and tidying up their stuff. They were the babys’ parents.
I looked at him but he didn’t notice me.
I went upstairs, took my stuff from the classroom, went downstairs and left the school.
I didn’t see him ever since. But I still think of him. A lot.
And “Liberetto” is still on repeat.