He was taught to be the best of the best. To always be top. To always be first place. Ever since he got his quirk at the age of four in his elementary school, people's expectations grew. He was known to be the one with good grades, the one with good looks, the one who had the strongest quirk and who was meant to be the greatest hero. The one who was looked at as if he was royalty. The one who looked everyone down.
The one and only Katsuki Bakugou.
This was how he was supposed to be.
And he had grown up to beat everyone's expectations. He went above and beyond. But everything came at a cost.
Even if that cost was something he didn't intend to pay.
Looking down on everyone. That was the cost.
Even his childhood best friend was apart of that price. The one who was one of a few who was deemed quirkless. The one that was called weak, who couldn't be apart of the fight because that's what the tag he had on his forehead said.
"Deku."
The name he had given him. That stood for useless. That meant that he couldn't be anything in this world because he wasn't a part of it.
And it slowly progressed. It went from name calling to punches and cries of pain. It went from calling the boy useless to proving his point and punching him. One fist after another, taking advantage because of course. Izuku was quirkless.
All the fame. All the expectations. All the pride. It sort of...consumed him.
To the point Katsuki didn't even notice.
But Katsuki knew one thing. He didn't bully Izuku with no mercy just because. He did it because he was scared. Scared that his best friend would be the one person that would look down on him. Sure, it was just one person's opinion so why bother. But Izuku was his best friend. And that opinion mattered and still matters the most. And even though Katsuki was a gifted child, he had flaws. Flaws that he wished he didn't have.
He knew that he didn't have what Izuku had.
The purity of a soul. The kindness of a heart. The helpful hands. Nothing could compare to that. Not even Katsuki.
Because you can only have one thing and learn to deal without the other.
And that infuriated Katsuki. So, he put all the anger out on the younger. Made sure that Izuku could stand no where near as to look down on him. He did that countless of times, too much to the point the childhood memories faded, replacing with haunted photographs of a broken friendship.
And a sentence he would never forget saying.
"If you think you'll have a quirk in your next life...go take a swan dive off the roof!!"
He fucked up. He crossed the line. But for a split second, he meant every word he said. He really did.
Or maybe that was his inner demon. His pride that forced him to say that and make himself believe he meant that. He hoped that Izuku didn't actually...take that to heart. He hoped Izuku didn't actually do it. But he knew the sad truth. The chances were slim. Maybe Izuku wouldn't actually do it, but he would hold a grudge that not even a bullet would be able to go through it.
Yeah, that was more likely.
As Katsuki walked home with his so called 'friends', he made the mistake in kicking a random bottle that was on the ground. A bottle that contained the villain that had almost killed Izuku a few moments ago. The villain grabbed Katsuki and pulled him away. The sludge knew the kid wouldn't be able to get out of his grasp because... well he was liquid!
Katsuki wasn't about to lose against a cheap villain though.
So, he fought back. Fire appearing everywhere as crowds gathered around to see what all the commotion was about. Heroes couldn't do anything because they didn't have the quirks to do so. And All Might couldn't power up yet.
Because he had waisted it all on Izuku.
And Izuku thought he was the one to blame. It was all his fault. If it weren't for him, Katsuki wouldn't be struggling for his life.
He wanted to help. He truly did. But he was quirkless. He couldn't do shit.
'It's my fault. I'm sorry. So sorry. Help will show up and save the day, I'm sure.
Someone. A real hero will come soon.'
There he stood behind the crowds of people and useless heroes. Someone was going to save the day. Katsuki just had to hold on a little longer.
But he already was. And he was about to reach his limit. The sludge had already wrapped his mouth and nose with thick, dark green goo. Preventing him to breath.
His eyes shut, trying. Trying so hard to just breath.
And then Katsuki opened them. Pure fear and pain in his eyes. Eyes that were screaming 'help'.
And those eyes met Izuku's. And that's when he couldn't take it anymore.
A journal fell from a pair of hands, and tired legs began to run.
All Might, the heroes, the crowds, they were all stunned. A true idiot. What a fool. How could a mere kid run towards the problem in hopes to save a kid from a dangerous villain? Did he have a death wish? Or did he not give two fucks about his life?
"Deku?"
The sludge wasn't fazed though. He was more than happy to have yet another brat to take.
'What am I doing? Why am I running? Why can't I stop?!'
Panicking, he desperately tried to figure out what to do. Who runs toward the problem with no game plan whatsoever?
Then it hit him. He had a bunch of journals about heroes for pete's sake. There had to be something there. Think. Think!
'Pre-emptive Binding Lacquered Chain Prison:
Quickly stretch out arms (vines) to make the opponent flinch back, and then use that opening to restrain them.'
Bingo. He quickly grabbed one of the straps of his yellow bookbag and threw it towards the villains' eyes. Books, papers, and journals fell out. One of them successfully hitting directly at the villain's yellow eye, making him flinch and groan in pain. He loosened the grip he once had on Katsuki, giving the boy an opportunity to finally breath.
"Kacchan!" Izuku yelled, desperately pushing the goo out of the way in hopes of giving Katsuki a gap to escape.
"What the hell? Why are you here?!" Katsuki couldn't believe it. If not even the heroes could save him, what made Izuku think he could be the one to save him?
"I don't know! My legs- they just started- moving!"
Maybe it was the look on his face.
"Kacchan. I couldn't just stand there and watch you die!" Tears threatening to spill, having no hope at all. But he still tried to smile.
And maybe his smile is what made Katsuki try harder too.
"Get the hell OFF ME!"
The villain was pissed. A good pissed. "Just a little longer kid. And I'm done with you!" And that sentence was aimed at Izuku.
"Save the boy! This thing will kill him!" And like a blink of an eye, a large explosion was heard. All the debris went flying, and the wind blew loudly. Izuku sat there, trembling with his arms covering his face, crying softly as he couldn't rescue Katsuki.
"I really am pathetic."
Izuku gasped, quickly putting his arms down with a wide-eyed expression.
"All might."
"I told you the traits to make a great champion. But I see now that I wasn't living to my own ideas!" A loud crack was heard. All Might had broken one of the tentacles.
He said something else, which was more of muffled yelling for both Izuku and Katsuki. Everything was blurry to them. Didn't know what the hell was happening.
"Detroit...SMASH!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A photograph was found on the ground. One that was stomped on and forgotten. One where Izuku held out his hand to Katsuki that time he fell when they were kids. That moment where Katsuki realized that Izuku didn't have the strength, but the heart of a hero.
That moment was when Katsuki was a third year.
More mature, wiser and kinder. The moment he realized that...if he didn't ruin their friendship, they could've been the best duo.
Because you can't have both things. But you can team up. Because when you fill in the gap that wasn't in that other person, you become a whole.
But he had realized that a little too late.
And Shoto had realized sooner.
He saw...Katsuki saw Shoto confess. He saw Izuku say yes. He saw them kiss.
Katsuki and Izuku were friends. Their friendship had gotten better over the years and he thought that that would've been a great opportunity to start over again. Maybe be more than friends.
Too late though.
All the new memories they had made over the years in high school. From training together in the wee hours of the morning to sleeping over only to binge watch episode after episode. Series after series.
From bickering in class like an old married couple to telling each other their secrets that they only trusted within them.
From doing homework together and arguing on who got the answer wrong to going grocery shopping and secretly buying snacks for their upcoming show marathon.
From sparring together and giving each other the most horrible bruises, to secretly going to the locker room and bandaging each other up.
They had become practically inseparable. Always being next to each other. But maybe that was worth nothing.
Because Shoto just took Izuku away from him.
But he couldn't let that stop him.
So, he blocked Izuku's number, forgot everything that had just happened and live the life of a hero and save lives as he was supposed to do.
Live and forget.
All the photographs they both had picked up from the ground, fell yet again. And this time Katsuki had no intentions of picking them up.
***
Space is a beautiful place. Full of mysteries yet to be discovered. Full of things and places not even riches could buy. One of a kind. A new dark. It wasn't scary for him.
Wondering eyes would look up at the sky. Maybe asking the above for ideas. Maybe asking them for wisdom. Who knows?
He wanted to go to space one day. Yeah, he wanted to be a hero his whole life. And he wasn't those types of people to be space nerds. But he enjoyed it. He loved it. If for some reason being a hero didn't go as planned, he wanted to run away in the middle of the night and escape everything. Go to space. Be welcomed by the beautifully crafted planets and stars.
Unfortunately, he wanted to go with someone he promised to forget.
Back from his run, he wiped the sweat from his forehead and fished in his pocket for his keys. It was two in the morning and he should've been asleep. But his thoughts didn't let him. So, he ran away from them. Maybe temporary but eh.
He slowly opened the door to his apartment and was welcomed with silence. This was the silence he didn't like. He took his shoes off and set them neatly on the floor along with all the other pair of shoes he so neatly organized.
Hooking his keys along with others, he made his way to his room and grabbed some random clothes and a towel.
Making his way to the bathroom, the thoughts he wanted to run away from came back. And this time he couldn't run. Couldn't hide. Couldn't do anything. Because you can't run away from yourself.
Katsuki slowly closed the door, setting his towel on the sink and turned the water on.
As he showered with freezing water even though it wasn't hot outside, he tried. Tried to suppress those emotions.
Yeah, he still hadn't got rid of that habit.
And even as he made his way back to bed, the voices seemed to get louder. He had to remind himself that this was just his own issues and not a demon.
Voices. They whispered regret, hatred, pain, vulnerability, everything.
"Stupid high school. Giving me damn problems." He muttered, hoping the voices could take the hint and kindly fuck off. But alas that didn't work.
He didn't know what to do. How to get rid of them. Everyday they ate him away. How he was Katsuki Bakugou, and this was his life now.
'You didn't run as much today. Don't let yourself slip up and get weak.'
'Did you lock all the doors and window? Maybe double check again. Don't wanna get kidnapped again.'
'Check your house. Make sure there isn't anyone hiding.'
'You're getting weak. You're already the number two hero. That's bad enough. Don't wanna go even more down do we now?'
'How sad. If only you weren't so mean to him in the past, he would be right here, and we wouldn't.'
'Can't let your emotions get the best of you though. That's not something worth your time right now.'
'Don't be weak.'
'Don't be heartbroken.'
'Don't be scared.'
'Because you can't.'
"Shut the hell up and just let me sleep damn it."
And after a few moments of shifting and turning, Katsuki finally managed to go to sleep. Finally, the day was over with and he can finally escape from it.
***
It was like he was swimming, but he wasn't. A new feeling but that didn't bother him. He could see everything. It was like a new world. A new place where you can just spectate. Not be in it. Just, sit down and observe.
Katsuki was finally in space. He finally made it. He could just float with no worries. "Is this how it felt for the girl Uraraka when she used her quirk?" He chuckled to himself. Why was he talking? He couldn't even hear himself.
He suddenly felt a tap on his shoulder. He swiftly turned around to face a smaller figure behind him. At first he thought it was an alien, but then he soon realized it was his friend.
"Deku?" There he saw a smaller boy with curly green hair and freckles adorning his cheeks everywhere. Eyes filled with wonder as he couldn't stop aweing at everything surrounding them both.
Izuku waved his hand with a small smile. Probably saying 'hi' but since you can't hear anything in space, it looked like he was just mouthing it.
Katsuki waved back, a small smile making his way to his features as he had his friend with him. But it soon turned into a mild shocked expression as Izuku took his hand and started to float away.
As they were getting closer into the mysteries of space, Katsuki saw the other's eyes sparkle more and more.
He laughed. It was everything he ever wanted really. To just be up here with his best friend and float with no worries whatsoever as the worlds under them delt with their own chaos. Kind of déjà vu. Being able to have this moment. Run away from everything.
He saw Izuku laugh. Couldn't hear it, but knew his laugh was pure and light. A laugh of relief. Of pure joy.
And suddenly they felt like kids again. Just two innocent kids with no direction in life playing together, not aware of the problems and not wanting too anyways. Young souls who just wanted to play. Kids who wanted to have fun and that would be good enough for them.
But as they reached the darker parts of this mystery, everything became a blur to Katsuki.
He couldn't see right. Everything felt hazy. Like being drunk at a party at three in the morning with chaotic vibes and just realizing.
Even the smile he once saw from Izuku seemed to disappear. And that's when it hit him. His eyes weren't becoming blurry. He was looking at only Izuku and Izuku was the one fading.
How-
He felt the grip he once felt loosen, watching in shock as Izuku slowly floated away. He was becoming smaller as he went father. And Katsuki wanted to run towards him. Wanted to pull him back.
But he couldn't. He couldn't move. Why couldn't he move?
Just then, he saw something that caught his attention. Something behind Izuku. He could hardly see it, but he connected the pieces and it soon hit him.
A black hole-
"Deku!"
"Deku get back here! You're going to get killed!"
Blackholes. A true mystery really. It's a region of spacetime where gravity is so strong that nothing-nothing at all -no particles or even electromagnetic radiation such as light- can escape from it. The reason it's still pretty much a mystery is because no one has ever been there.
And even if someone had, they couldn't go back and live to explain it.
Katsuki tried so desperately to call Izuku back here.
But he couldn't even hear himself.
So, he had to watch Izuku fade away into a hole full of nothing. A hole you can't escape.
A hole you die in.
***
He abruptly got up, panting and sweating.
"This dream again?"
He had this exact same dream. Every night for the past month. Every time he would go to sleep, he would be met with what seemed a nice dream. But then turn into a nightmare.
And he didn't know why.
Why did he always dream this? Why was it that every time he dreamed it, something felt off? As if his senses were telling him that someone was in danger.
The other question was, who? Who would be in danger?
He had enough of this. Dreaming this for the past month and not being able to do anything about this pissed him off. He never really believed in signs like this, but ever since his new buddies join his already unstable head, he had second thoughts about it.
What was this dream trying to tell him? Who was in danger? Who needed help? And why?
That's when it hit him.
Deku.
It had to be him.
Why? He wasn't exactly sure. But once his name came to mind, that feeling intensified. At least he tried to come up with theories.
None of them seemed to add up, until he thought of another one. One that seemed a bit too right.
"High school probably fucked with him too. It's getting the best of him. Plus, with all the hero work and being the new Symbol of Peace, that must be a lot." He mumbled, concentrated at this new task in hand.
Maybe he could help.
But he couldn't call him. After he got a new phone, he lost all his contacts. He got most of them back but since everything that happened, he never got his back.
What a dumb move.
He tried to shake the feeling off though. Tried to go back to sleep. But that's when his buddies had to start opening their non-existent mouths and start stressing Katsuki out.
"Fine!"
He got up, got changed into what he thought were decent clothes, grabbed his stuff and keys, put his shoes on and headed out the door.
I'll help you.
Even though he swore not to talk to Izuku ever again, now...
It felt like-
Like-
His legs moved on it's own.
Maybe he broke his own promise, but sometimes it's ok to do so. Sometimes.