It was easy to forget fear and anxiety on the back of the bike. The wind whipped around her as she closed her eyes and revelled in the freedom of it all, her arms wrapped tightly around Bucky as they sped through the night. He grinned as he turned a corner and her grip tightened. Feeling her laughing against him he pushed forwards once more, picking up speed as they raced back to the compound.
*
"Steve is going to think one of us is dead, you know that right?" Bucky chuckled as Talia jumped off of the bike and removed her helmet, shaking her head to free her curls. Her face split into an ear to ear grin as the idea of it ran through her mind and Bucky pushed the bike to the back corner of the garage. He turned to her with an easy smile, still laughing at the thought of Steve wondering which one was coming back alive, and opened his hands in anticipation. She tossed the helmet in his direction before he had to ask and nodded.
"We have been gone for the whole day Solider." She smirked as Bucky rolled his eyes. "I'm surprised a search and rescue team weren't sent out the minute it passed nine."
They walked beside each other, in easy conversation and Talia liked the comfort it brought her. Bucky knew what she was like before she ran. His acceptance of her now meant more than he could ever know.
"I can see it now," Bucky teased, "Stark flying around in the darkness getting FRIDAY to scan for fresh graves in wooded areas. Barton in a tree somewhere..." As he crouched down mimicking Clint Talia grinned and kicked him slightly, making him curse as he stumbled, laughing. Bucky Barnes was playful. That was not something she had anticipated.
"You sure you don't get drunk Barnes?" She laughed as they rounded the back of the garage and reached the entry to the compound. He shoved her lightly as her giggle rang out around them, shuffling his feet as he looked up at the building before them. Talia paused too. He was shifting in a way that suggested the happy bubble of friendship may burst if he opened his mouth and she braced herself for disappointment.
"Hey Little Widow?" Bucky glanced over to her, a frown setting in, his forehead creasing with worry. "Can I say something that might piss you off?"
"You often do Barnes. And usually you don't ask permission." She winked at him, trying to ease his mind a little.
He grinned at her, stepping towards the plants that adorned the entry to the compound and plucking a leaf from the nearest bush. He turned the leaf over in his hands, inspecting it as he spoke.
"Right." He huffed. "Well, I know it's not my place, but whatever it is that is happening between you and Steve..." He glanced up at her, careful to avoid eye contact, instead focusing on the peachy pink that burned beneath her skin. "He likes you Romanoff. A lot. And after everything you said today about connections and running..."
Talia nodded as her smile faltered. She had managed to push her worries about Steve down and hide them away today and now she would have to face them again. Her chest ached as she realised Bucky was probably about to warn her to keep her distance and she knew he was right. She shouldn't burden Steve with her past.
"Talia," Bucky continued, yanking her from her own thoughts, "the man is probably in the gym right now punching seven shades of shit out of another punching bag. He's probably panicking... so maybe..."
She braced herself for the warning.
"Maybe talk to him about it. Okay?"
Her eyes snapped up to meet his as he shrugged his shoulders. He leaned back as he placed his hands firmly in his pockets and looked up at the night sky, unsure of how she'd react to his advice, awkward and uncomfortable in the moment.
"I will." She smiled at him as he twisted around to look at her, his head rolling to the side slightly. "Thank you Bucky. For today. And for the advice."
He nodded, dropping his gaze to his feet and backed away into the compound, leaving her to her thoughts in the garden.
Pulling out her phone Talia let her mind wander to the night before: she had felt like the truest version of herself in the sanctuary of their room; comfortable, calm... she felt whole with Steve. So she was left with just one question: if it came down to it, when the time came, could she run from him?
She typed without thinking. If she thought for too long then she would end up torn and confused and afraid. She just needed to do it now.
Barnes and I just got back - can we talk?
She waited impatiently, tapping her phone as she rested it against her chin, her anxiety growing with each passing moment.
Of course Runaway. You ok?
She stepped into the compound as she replied, already heading to the stairwell that lead down to the basement level, where Bucky said he would be.
I'm fine. Just trying to be open.
His response was instant.
Ok... I'm just training. Meet you upstairs in ten?
*
Steve could feel it in the air as he threw his phone down onto the towel on the bench. He should clean up and go see what it was she wanted to talk about, but he wanted to put it off for as long as he could. He wanted to avoid the bitter sting of rejection for as long as he could.
He told himself it was ridiculous. They'd spent one night completely open with each other, just one night of kisses and whispered conversations, so he shouldn't feel so angry that she was pulling away. He shouldn't feel so afraid that he was losing her. He didn't even know if she was his to lose.
As he threw punch after punch, losing himself in the rhythmic hits and the routine of the movement, he felt watchful eyes tracing over him in the hallway.
"I thought we were meeting upstairs Runaway." His back was to her still and she smirked as she took another step into the musky room he had holed himself away in.
"What can I say Ice-pop," she smiled. "I couldn't miss the opportunity to see you work up a sweat."
Steve let out the breath of a laugh as he steadied the bag and turned to face her. She looked apprehensive, afraid almost, and he wanted to hold her. Instead he shook his head and slowly began to unravel the wrap on his knuckles.
"Steve." She stepped forwards and placed her hands over his, stopping him and forcing him to look at her. "Can we talk now?"
As he stared into the misty sea green of her eyes he felt himself soften. He knew she was struggling and he wanted to make it easier for her. He wanted to protect her and make her see it was okay to do what ever it was she needed to do. But he was hurting too. She wouldn't look at him this morning and then she'd gone with Bucky. He knew Bucky was only helping, but he hated the fact she went with him when he wanted to be the one to comfort her. It wasn't jealousy, it was recognition of his own failure to put his feelings aside for her. Now he sank into her eyes and he just wanted to make her happy. Even if it meant letting her go.
"Of course Runaway."
Her eyes dropped to his hands as she continued to unravel the thin fabric for him, afraid to look up at him as she confessed.
"While I was out with Barnes we got to talking and naturally you came up in conversation. Well you kind of became our only topic of conversation." She smiled to herself as she thought about the childhood tales Bucky had shared with her and Steve let out a soft laugh.
"Naturally." His eyes were swimming in fear when she looked up at him and her heart fragmented as she realised why. "Look, Talia if you're going to -"
"Steve, this isn't what you think." She cut him off as she threw the wrap aside and took his hands in her own. "Just let me talk for a minute okay. Just... just listen." When he didn't say anything she sighed. Her fingers entwined with his and she held on to him for courage. "We essentially decided you're way too good for either of us. You are selfless and caring, you're funny and talented and kind. You're patient with both of us when no one else would be. You are gentle and understanding and..." She stopped talking as his eyes ran over the length of her, drinking her in and committing her to memory.
"What?" He laughed.
"You're also distracting." She grinned at him as he reached up to brush her hair back off of her shoulder. His fingers traced along the groove at the base of her neck and her breathing hitched.
"Continue please Runaway. I believe you were right in the middle of complimenting me." When he smiled she melted.
"You, Steve, are all of these amazing things. And I'm just me. I'm Runaway." Her smile didn't quite meet her eyes and he watched self doubt dance in them. She trapped her lower lip between her teeth as she stared up at him, afraid to be honest but also afraid to hide. "I don't ever want to run from this Steve. From you. I know what I said earlier sounded bad. God it sounded awful and I should have thought about how it sounded to you as I was saying it..." Her voice trailed off as a small smile began to play on his lips and he slowly stepped closer to her, closing the small distance between them. He didn't want to lose her. He would not lose her. He longed to be closer to her.
"So," he placed his hands on her hips, holding on to her, and rested his forehead against hers as he sighed. "We're okay?"
She smiled up at him, drinking in the blue of his eyes, still clouded with the faint traces of worry and concern.
"We're okay."
He felt the worries melt away as she stood on tip-toes, the soft brush of her lips caressing his own as he pulled her close, needing her. She was here in his arms and that was all that mattered to him. His hands gripped her waist as she held on to his t-shirt. As her lips parted and the kiss deepened he felt the burn of desire, the pull of wanting. He felt his heart pounding as she matched his ache for more. She wrapped her arms around him, her body pressed against his, pulling him closer and her breathing became shallow as the kiss became more urgent, more passionate.
He broke away, breathless, holding her against him, and his eyes burned with adoration.
Even if she did run, he would follow.