I wince as I shift under the blanket, the warmth slightly helping with the ache that courses through my body, but not enough to make it ignorable.
Sam looks at me from over his shoulder, his chair creaking slightly as she shifts to spin it around. "You're still hurting?"
"Yes," I groan, twisting my head on the pillow to look at him. "It's not even been twenty-four hours since I got back from New Oban."
"I know, I know," He frowns. "It's just... even on some of your longest runs, you've never been in so much pain that you couldn't move for hours."
Tom hums through his headset, not even sounding winded even though he's ran over six miles on the supply run Sam's directing him on. "Could it possibly be due to the nanites? Maybe they're making you feel worse? Or possibly they've already done the job, and this is your first time completing a run completely mortal again."
Sam hisses out Tom's name. "You know we shouldn't be talking about this stuff on runs. Janine asks for a mission report even for supply runs."
He scoffs. "We've all left out certain details of conversations on missions, Sam. It will be no different here."
He purses his lips, but then sighs in defeat. "Yeah, I guess you're right. What do you think, Five? Do you think you're... completely mortal again?"
Slowly, painfully, I push myself up onto my elbows. The blanket shifts some, and I honestly need to thank Sam again for getting me this heated blanket because I can only imagine how much this would suck without it. I look at him with a bit of a scrunched up face.
"I mean... I don't know. We won't until Sage's people do another blood test, and while I know my body will eventually get rid of the nanites once they shut off, it's not like I'll see them. They're tiny, microscopic.
"I mean, I feel really sore, much more sore than I felt when we finally stopped Sigrid, and you know how much running I did that day. Plus we went into a geothermal well! I never thought that my immortality affected how sore I got since I still felt really sore..." I click my tongue. "Guess if I was mortal I would have been feeling a lot worse."
"Do you think anybody's noticed?" Tom asks, and Sam shrugs even though he isn't able to see it.
"Paula's suspicious, but she may have dropped it. Maybe. She asked why Callista wasn't at breakfast this morning. I just told her she was sleeping in and that I'd bring her some food after I finished eating, since I'm a good husband and all that." He picks at his sleeves a little bit. "But if Callista is mortal now, does it really matter if she knows? I mean, you were the one who kept saying she needed to tell people about it eventually."
"I did. And I still do think that, but having them find out instead of her telling them might lead to them feeling hurt, and can stir up a lot of ill-feelings, especially since Five is the Head of Runners."
I've thought about that a lot actually, how people will feel about me once they find out the truth, that I've been lying to them for years. I mean, when did we truly figure it out that I'm completely immortal? It was on Maxine and Paula's wedding day, and they got married in 2019. It's 2021 now. I've been lying to them for just about two years, I think, maybe a little less since it's only February, but still.
How will people react? I mean, Tom figured it on his own, and while he's more okay with me now, he was insistent that I at least tell Janine about this. Sam came close to telling others about Moonchild, which I made extreme and stupid choices to prevent, but he didn't want others to know about this because he was afraid I would be asked to put myself in harm's way just like Peter was.
And Peter... well, Peter was just sad, upset about this, that I had to share the same burden as he did. And then there was Sage, and he was indifferent to it, really. I think he only agreed to help because he cares about Peter.
But three of those people who know me extremely closely. Sam is the love of my life and Peter and Tom are my best friends, and in a way they can understand why I haven't said anything. And Sage barely even knew me, so me hiding this means nothing really. The others in Abel though... my kids, some of the other runners, Maxine and Paula, how will they feel when they find out what I've kept from them?
I'm not going to say that Sam or Tom or Peter knew before anyone else, just because I don't want them to be looked at differently because they chose to respect my privacy. I don't want Jody getting mad at Tom for not telling her, or Janine getting upset with him and Peter, or Maxine and Paula being upset with Sam.
I've made my bed, and eventually I will have to lie in it, and I plan on lying on it alone. It was my secret and they shouldn't be punished for keeping it.
I think that's the reason Sam is asking if it's so bad that Paula knows. I know he doesn't like lying to her or Maxine. Plus if I am mortal, I won't have to worry about them asking me to use myself as a human shield or anything like that.
And if I'm mortal, I'll have to keep in mind that I am being careful on missions not to keep others from finding out that I'm immortal, but instead so I don't die.
It's going to get some getting used to.
"We don't know if I'm mortal yet, or if I'm just really sore," I say, hoping my conflicted feelings aren't showing up on my face. "I did run and climb a lot yesterday. And I had to run back to the camper van so we could drive home. I want to wait until we know for sure, so we can be for sure that this works and I'm mortal. I don't... I don't want to be put through unnecessary pain. Just because I'm willing to get hurt doesn't mean I want to be used as one of the first solutions so everyone else is okay.
"And once we're sure I'm mortal, we can actually announce it and then Peter will be able to get the treatment too." Another shift, and another wince. "But whatever's going on, it hurts. I don't have any other runs scheduled in the next few days, do I?"
"Uh..." Sam looks back at his desk, moving around the papers that lay about, some crumpled or stained. "No, doesn't look like it. Uh, raise the gates! Hopefully those meds you got will last awhile, Tom."
He waits a few more seconds to make sure Tom's back in Abel and the gates are shut before turning off his mic to look at me. He holds his schedule in his hand. "And for you, Callista, your next big run is for the celebration of the Exmoore Militia taking over the efforts against the V-Types."
He stands up and stretches, before giving me a grin. "Also, I don't think I told you how genius it was for you to take up that offer from Halima when she said anything you needed, New Oban will help with."
I smile at his flattery. "Well, we needed someone who could trust in Abel. I mean, while they don't know much about me or Abel, we did save them, and we need someone who will help us in this alliance since everyone seems to be on shaky ground with the Exmoores taking over. They're not the ones everyone likes best, but the ones everyone is least wary of, so if something happens, everything could collapse."
"Oh, I agree. Having New Oban integrate themselves to support the Militia was a good favor to ask. But since they're actually going to start communicating with the world again, everyone wants to get on their good side."
I have to resist the urge to laugh, because nothing has ever been truer. Amelia has been more than happy to send some of her folk from New Canton to help catch some of the newly elected leaders-one of those leaders being Halima-all that's happened since they went radio silent, along with helping in distributing the cure.
We need someone stable. We can't risk falling apart when we're so close to finally coming together. If we work together, then maybe we can find a way to stop these V-Types before it's too late.
Sam walks over to me and sits on the bed, but I don't make a move to sit up. It would hurt too much to try. Instead I place my hand on his and playfully drum my fingers onto his skin. A soft smile spreads across his lips in response, and he raises a brow as I continue doing it for another minute or so.
"Having fun?"
"Well, it's about all I can do, so yes," I answer.
"Are you really hurting that bad?"
"Yes."
He pets my forehead sympathetically. "I'm sorry."
"I'll be okay. It's just a bit of soreness." I bite my lip. "But if you really feel bad, I know a way you could make me feel better."
He notices the look I'm giving him immediately, although he gives a coy smile. "Oh? And what might that be?"
"Well, it's two things, actually."
"Two? Expecting a bit much, aren't you?"
I roll my eyes at his flirtatious grin. "Not really, since one of the ways would be something you'd like, too."
His eyebrows shoot up, although I'm sure he already knows what I'm referring to by the blush and slightly embarrassed smile that appears on his face. "Oh?"
"Yeah. First way would be right now, or maybe tomorrow since it's getting kind of late, but getting me peanut butter from the kitchens, and the second-well, that'll be after I feel better, but it would be..." I grab his sleeve and pull him closer to me so I can whisper something particularly naughty into his ear, then giggling a few seconds later when he reddens significantly.
It's funny. We've been married for almost a year, and have done scandalous things together even before that and it's still so easy to make him squirm.
Although I can't talk since I'm the same way.
He coughs awkwardly. "I'm uh, sure I-uh, we can do that."
"Good to know," I reply, although my smile is replaced with a grimace when I move the slightest bit and feel a spike of pain shoot up my side. Sam's eyes widen in concern, but I shake my head before he can ask.
"'M fine. 'M fine. Just hurts a lot. I'll be okay in a few days."
He frowns. "I hope so."
A slight scoff leaves my lips. "Sweetheart, even if I am mortal now, completely mortal, the human body still works to repair itself. The way someone gets stronger is because they exercise and cause slight tears into the muscle and then when resting it repairs itself back stronger."
Sam's eyebrows go up in surprise. "Where'd you hear that? I mean, it's true, but you said you didn't learn much about biology before the apocalypse, which was why it was really awkward at the AMTB when you-"
"I didn't," I interrupt, really not wanting to relive those memories, "but uh, that dream version of me, Evangeline, the girl with the Kinesiology degree or getting one or whatever, seems to like to talk about how the body works whenever any of the other people in their group feels tired or sore from the constant journey."
"You still have dreams of her?"
"Sometimes. I dream of other versions of myself too. I went to Venus in one, and I lived in the Victorian Ages in another. I was poor in that one. It's weird, but it's better than having dreams where I'm other people, or in the past or future. These dreams are purely fictional."
"That's what you think."
I roll my eyes. "If they aren't, then they aren't going to affect me any, so I don't care."
"Speaking of dreams, you should probably sleep. Might help since you won't be moving for a couple hours."
"You know I toss and turn."
"Not if I'm hugging you," He says as he lays down beside me, scooting close and wrapping his free arm around me to pull me closer. "Now you can't toss and turn, and maybe you'll wake up feeling a little better."
"So sweet of you." I kiss his nose, which causes him to scrunch up his face. In return he lightly flicks my nose, laughing when I sneeze.
"Just get some sleep," He says, and I yawn.
"Yes, sir. Hope I don't wake up super early because of this. It's late, but not bedtime late."
"I'm sure you'll be fine."
I smile playfully at his words, closing my eyes as sleep pulls me under.
•
I'm on a train.
I look around, nice wood flooring under my feet, pretty decorated carriages with prime seating. All of them are empty. There's a click-clack sound of the train moving, but I know it's not real. It's there as a comfort for the passengers because the train itself is actually silent.
I'm on the NewOban Express.
Why am I here?
I look around for someone, anyone, but it all seems empty. I start running.
"Sam? Halima? Ellie?" I yell, searching. "Andreas?"
My voice is my own. I'm me here.
Why am I here?
I've seen everything I needed to see. I've learned everything I needed to learn from this event in Catherine's life. I knew what I needed to for New Oban-
"What are you doing here?"
I spin around at the sound of a French voice, and I tense as I prepare for some sort of attack, since Catherine usually follows her words with violence, but her feet stay planted five feet away from me. She looks just as confused and shocked as I feel.
"What are you doing here?" She asks again, and I blink.
"I uh, I-I-I don't know. I just went to bed and woke up here."
She shakes her head. "Pas de. That's not possible." Her face morphs into anger and she takes a step towards me, causing my to tense. "Why are you here? Why were you in New Oban?!"
That catches me off guard, if only for a second. "How did you know I was in New Oban?"
That one second is all she needs to get close and push me back. My back hits the door to a carriage and it bursts open, resulting in me falling flat to the floor. Catherine doesn't give me a chance to recover, and I don't have any room to dodge her hands as she grabs my shirt and pulls me to my feet.
"I saw you," She says, dangerously low. "I saw through your eyes in New Oban."
Confusion washes over me like a tidal wave, so much that I don't even try to push her off me. "That-no, that can't be right. I was conscious the entire time. If you were there, you would have had control over my body-"
"Not all of us have the same strength as you do when it comes to hopping into others' minds. The gas. I was there when you were hit by the gas. I started to remember things that you'd seen while you-we-were running. Why do you think it took you so long to recover?"
She cocks her head, studying me. "I can see glimpses of what happened after I left. I couldn't stay in your head for long... But I can see now that those children you were looking for had been exposed too. They were exposed for minutes, hours longer than you were and yet they didn't take as much time to recover. You did. You were disoriented, couldn't think. It's not because of the gas. It's because I was there. I just didn't take control."
"I... you can do that?"
She doesn't give me an answer. "How did you know about Halima? I saw into your memories. You said you were my sister. Did Sam tell you about the train-"
"I dreamed it," I interrupt, and her grip loosens on my clothes. I take the chance to duck under her and get out of that carriage, putting some distance between us. "I dreamed I was you. I've done it before with Chrysalis, and Cameron."
"You can't do that with me," She says with a scoff, although it's shaky. "I made-I made sure you wouldn't be able to..." A certain look passes over her face, one that looks fearful, but I can't understand why. "I placed barriers. Cassandra taught me how to block you out if I need to. I..."
She goes deathly still, her eyes glossing over.
"I'm deteriorating."
"What?"
Her gaze snaps to me, a sense of urgency in them as she seems to see something within me. "And something's happened to you-your body, your mind."
"I don't know what you mean."
"What have you done?" She gets angry again when I don't give her an answer. "You idiot! Now it's going to speed up the process for both of us!"
"Process of what?!" I yell, and she takes a step towards me, reaching out and grabbing my shoulders. Her fingernails dig into my skin to the point that it's painful.
"Listen to me. It was happening before, but whatever you've done to yourself, I think it's made it worse. Now you're going to start feeling the effects of it too, or you will eventually. We have to fix this, quickly, before it destroys us both."
I sneer at her. "I know what you want to do to fix 'this,' and it's not happening. I'm not transporting my conscious to another body. I'm not Moonchild-ing myself into a brain dead clone!"
"You will if you want to stay alive long enough to see your children grow up."
"What?"
"Look, I don't have any clones ready, but the best thing to happen is for you to come to me. I know you will. I've seen it, and I think you have too. It's either this, or we try to kill each other so there's only one left and the chain is broken completely. And I don't plan on dying. I can't create any clones where I am, unfortunately. There's been some... unforeseen circumstances these past few months, and I can't leave where I am without your help."
"Where even are you?"
"You'll see."
"Not helpful."
"You'll come to me soon. I suspect you'll be here in a few weeks, or at least, near where I am in a few weeks." She looks at me. "I hate you, but I know there's only two possible ways we survive this, and only one that both of us live. We are a ticking time bomb. I know certain meditations and exercises that can stop it for me, and I'm sure that Moonchild in your head is smart enough to keep your brain safe.
"But even so, that will only slow down the process. It'll take a few years, maybe even longer, but it will kill us."
"What is 'it'? What's wrong with us?" I ask.
"Don't you get it?! The chain is broken. The consequences would catch up with eventually. We are dying. We have been since you were fifteen and the link was first established. That's why you have visions, why you can see other people's memories. Those are some of the side effects of the chain being broken, but it's going to start expanding, getting worse. I think it already has. It's just now become serious because we haven't done anything to fix it yet!"
Her hands leave my shoulders to grab my arm, and she drags me towards the door to the train, before pressing a button and causing the door to slide open.
The wind whips my hair around, and I look over my shoulder at the world speeding by outside before looking at Catherine in fear.
"I'll be waiting for you. I know you'll be here soon. But right now I want you off my train. I have work to do."
Then she pushes me out the door.
And I wake up.
My hands reach out, clawing at just about everything as my brain still is convinced that I'm falling. I'm not, and my sore arms send signals to my brain to stop because it hurts, but I don't seem to realize it until I'm hissing out, eyes wide as I stare at the ceiling.
Sam stirs beside me, seeming to be only half awake as he speaks.
"Callista, what's wrong?" He slurs, blinking multiple times to push away the sleep. "What's wrong?"
"I..." My voice dies in my throat. Catherine said we were dying, that we're deteriorating.
I know that when Pro. Feive was first working on the project she said that if things didn't go down correctly that there would be side effects, such as me being more susceptible to mind control and the like, but she never said anything about us possibly dying from it!
"Sweetheart?" Sam calls again, snapping me from my thoughts.
"I'm not sure. It was Catherine. I don't understand what she was saying, or-I mean, I know what she was saying but it kind of sounded like she was going crazy a little bit."
"Well, I mean, she's beat you into the ground multiple times in your dreams, and blames things on you that you couldn't have possibly known, and didn't she rip your heart out once in a dream?"
"Yes."
"So it's safe to assume she's always been crazy," He yawns. "Now what did she say this time?"
I hesitate in answering, but after a deep breath I say it.
"She said she and I are dying."
•
"Dying?!"
I wince. I'm surprised Sam can even speak anymore since for the last twenty minutes he's been shouting, so panicked his voice cracks on every other word.
"Wha-how does she know you're dying?"
"I don't know. She says we're deteriorating, somehow. She knows she is, anyway. That's why I was able to access her memories on the NewOban Express. Apparently she knows how to wall up her mind, probably curtesy of Feive when Catherine went with her to those labs, wherever they were. She says she can see changes in me too, how my mind is working. There are symptoms."
"Like?"
"She didn't say. She said my dreams were because of the chain being broken, as we know. But apparently she thinks that the project failing will have some... more intense affects."
"One of them being death?"
"Yes."
"So why is she just bringing this up now?!"
"I don't know!" I raise my hands and let them fall into my lap. "She said it could still take years, but that unless we fix this, it will kill us."
"And the only way to fix this is for either one of you to die so that only one remains, or-"
"Or do what Moonchild tried to do to me, or what Veronica successfully did to A.N.N.I.E."
Sam rubs his face, a choked laugh coming from his lips. When his hand drops I see there are tears in his eyes. "I'm so tired of this. I'm so tired of constantly being worried that you're going to die."
I don't say anything for a long moment, feeling guilty. "I'm sorry-"
"I remember how, for ages, we thought you were going to die by zom bite. I was terrified to lose you! And for awhile we weren't even together! Why are we never just okay?"
I shrug. "Because it's me... and apparently nearly dying is a part of my life, and you made the mistake of falling for me."
I try to play that last part off as a joke, but a part of me doesn't think it is. Sam's only hurting this much because he loves me. If we weren't this close it wouldn't be this bad for him. He wouldn't be suffering like this.
Even with my joking manner, Sam doesn't take it as so. The glare he sends me is almost enough to make me shrink back on the bed.
"Don't say it was a mistake. Loving you never is." He comes back and sits down beside me again. "Have you noticed anything different?"
"Nothing beside the pains of the nanites. I'm not even sure what she means, but she said she needs me there with her if we want to stop... whatever she thinks is happening."
"And how do you know she doesn't just want to kill you? She seemed to like hurting you."
I shrug. "I can't be sure, but I feel like she would want to try the whole 'create a new body for us' thing, since if we fought to the death, there's a chance of her dying."
"Do you want to do that?"
I pause. "I don't know. I don't know what would happen if I did that. I don't know how it would work, if Moonchild... she's quiet, but she's not supposed to be here. We know when Moonchild and Veronica... transferred, they were changed, in a way. Couldn't remember things, couldn't do things. They were still themselves, but-"
"Different," He finishes, and I nod.
"I don't want that to happen to me."
He kisses my forehead softly. "We'll figure it out when we get to it. But you'll be okay. You have to be."
His voice shakes when he says that, and I reach up and pull him close to me, smiling the most comforting smile I can muster.
"It'll be okay. I always am. Catherine says she's seen that I will come to her, and she thinks it's soon. I had a dream we were on an island. I think that's what she's talking about. We'll fix this, before we even have to worry about more intense symptoms. Okay?"
He nods and kisses me again. "Okay."
"Just stay here with me, and let's focus on right now." I pull him as close to me as possible, ignoring the pain in my muscles and focusing on the warmth of his body against mine. "With you and me right here, pulled close, warm and safe."
He exhales softly. "Okay."
Hearing him relax brings a small smile to my lips, and I gently kiss around his jaw. "It's gonna be okay."
Sam hums, and after a minute or two of kissing I hear heavy, steady breathing, indicating he's fallen asleep.
I intend of keeping my promise. Whatever Catherine says is happening, I'm not going to let it kill me. I don't know what I'm going to do to fix it, but I'm going to fix this.
I'm not going anywhere.
A/N: Here you go, guys! I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Want to know something cool? There's only about ten chapters left in this book! Wow! I do have some plans for how this is all going to work, but a lot of future stuff will depend on what's going on with the actual running series, but I'll tell you guys more about that later. Anyway, please be sure to vote and comment! Thank you and have a blessed day!