I waited patiently for the call to connect while surfing through the internet, searching some good baby names gender wise. A message chimed in on my screen.
'Boss, he's on line.'
Finally! I sighed in relief and faced my desktop screen. When I saw my father's face after a month, I burst out laughing and fell off the chair.
"Stop laughing, will you?" He snapped. "It's not permanent!"
"Your hair is pink! Pink!" I laughed out loud and managed to get up from the floor. Secretly, I took a screenshot and mentally made a note to share it with my brother and Amelia. This just made my day.
"Is this how you greet your father? I had taught you manners when you were a child."
"Oh God," I gasped for air. "How… How did this happen? And what is up with that heavy bandage on your forehead, father?"
Father still looks the same as he always does. Age is nothing to him. He was wearing his nightshirt and I could clearly point it out from the background that he is sitting in the dining area. The only difference in his appearance is the heavy bandage on his forehead and his Barbie pink hair.
"A small mishap. Nothing else. I clearly ordered you and your brother to not to disturb me!" He hissed.
"Amelia went into labour earlier this evening." I informed him. "We are all hoping for a girl this time."
"Is that all?" He scowled. "You do not think I know already? I'm not a fool. I have access to all the cameras. If hitting a pregnant woman with a toy car gets her into labour, give those kids a bigger toy car to play with. I don't care."
I raised a mused brow. "You don't care about your grandchildren?"
"Tell that brother of yours to control that sudden burst of pent up energy and focus on work. I've had enough of his teenage boy urges."
I stifled a laugh. "I will make sure that your word reaches him."
"Good. I'm leaving then."
"Hey! No! Wait. Papa, I'm not done yet!" I whined.
"What is it now?" He barked.
"As an obedient son who actually knows manners, it is my duty to ask how my father is as I am seeing him after a month… virtually or not. And I am actually concerned about that bandage you have on your forehead. No jokes on that pink hair."
He gave me an odd look. "Are you pulling my leg, son?"
"Yes, I am." I grin.
"I see." My grin became wider when he didn't scold me for that. Ah, so the man's in a proper mood. "Anything else?"
"I tried contacting my caretaker there. He didn't pick up my calls. Do you know where he is?" I asked.
"I fired him and sent him away." He answered monotonously.
My eyes widen. "O-okay. Did my weekly cleaner stop by?"
"I fired her too."
Ouch. Now that's just harsh. He really took over my first, private home for the sake of holding a hostage. Speaking of hostages…
"Where is she?" I asked, actually feeling concerned.
His face darkened. "That witch did this to me!" He gestured to his head wound and his hair. "Don't you dare ask me about that woman, Adrian."
I leaned back to my chair, not surprised by his revelation. "How romantic. No wonder why you decided to flee away, taking her with you against her wishes. Didn't know that you had it in you."
"Adrian…" My father stopped abruptly as his eyes wandered behind the screen, following something.
"Papa? Are you still there?" I asked curiously.
He faced me, his attention somewhere else. "Yes, yes… stop speaking nonsense. Yes, as you were saying…"
I frowned, not liking this sudden absentminded behavior of his. "What happened to your head, papa?"
"Your mother threw a flower pot at me. Then a few vases, crockeries, knives and your college trophy." He said casually. "It is an everyday exercise and I missed a shot yesterday."
My eyes widened in shock. Mama wasn't joking when she said that she wishes papa dead. My home… I sulked mentally.
"I shall send you a bill of items broken here soon."
"Fine." I mumbled. "Is my trophy alright?"
"That's what you are concerned about, boy?" He sneered. "A fake, rusted gold trophy?"
"It is the only trophy I earned, so yeah." I shrugged. "Take care of yourself, will you? Your grandchildren miss you. They were asking about you." I swallowed hard. Like hell I will ever say that I miss him too. "Look after mama too."
At the exact same time, I heard a huge crash from the background. I raised an eyebrow. Ah, so mama's listening too. To my surprise, papa actually flinched at the noise. "What is wrong with you, woman?! Can't you stay normal for at least one hour?" He yelled.
I winced when I heard some more crashing sounds. I don't know and I don't care what papa is thinking of doing there alone with mama in Maldives but I surely know that my home is going to be broken in pieces.
"Should I ask about how things are between you both? Any progress or anything? I'm bored and I wanna be nosy." I grinned sheepishly.
Papa kept staring at me with a blank look on his face. "You… want to know what is going on here, son?"
I gulped. "Yes."
"That witch wants to learn witchcraft and curse me." Papa muttered in fluent Japanese.
"Why the hell are you speaking in Japanese?" I snapped.
"She is sitting right in front of me, chopping fish for dinner. I am sure that she is imagining that the fish is me." He spoke in Japanese again.
"Oh?" I smirked and decided to change my language too. "By any chance mama would be whippin' that fish? Because you are a whipped man."
"No." He answered. "And I shall not comment back on the comment you just made."
At least he didn't deny. I mused to myself silently. "I do hope that you'd come back soon here. Meet your new grandchild. Spend some time with your other grandchildren."
My father's face got closer to the screen and spoke in a hush whisper. "The roles here are reversed, Adrian. I no longer hold the decision of freedom and travel. That wretched witch has taken in charge here. She is stubborn as a mule. She is… scary."
"You're scared?" I asked amusedly. "Oh my, I better start recording this."
"No!" He hissed. "She is scary. Last week she forced me to eat walnuts and ice cream. You know how much I despise walnuts and ice cream. That too vanilla flavour."
True signs of another whipped man. I sighed. God knows how long Mama will hold her anger towards him. Papa really hates vanilla or any flavoured ice cream and he ate it for her. He always prefers the substitute if he takes anything cold to eat. Yogurt, for an example. He doesn't like the shape of walnuts, though it is good for health, he prefers carving out a real brain from a human's head rather than an edible one from a shell. Strange, I know.
Forgive and forget. Sadly, Mama wasn't the kind of woman who could easily forgive papa and forget the humiliation and heartbreak she suffered. She hides it through her anger.
I think being crazy for another woman runs in the family here. First my brother and now papa. Grandfather was also the same from what I had learnt. So it's all genetics.
"I am not stupid as you think I am." Mama spoke from behind. In fluent Japanese. Oh fucking hell. Mama speaks Japanese? Why am I learning this now? "Calling me names will do no good to you, you stupid monster. I can understand everything."
Papa's face was fuming red in anger and embarrassment. "Spit out that anger, woman! It's been thirty four years now!"
"Oh really? Why don't you chop off your tiny dick, eat it and spit out? Even Satan himself will spit on it!"
"Control that bad mouth, woman! Your son is listening!"
"Then let him listen! He is not a child. He should also know what kind of ugly, weak bastard his father is!"
I swear I saw something silvery shiny fly, aiming straight for papa. A knife? He ducked inside, out of my sight.
"God dammit, woman!"
"Fuck you! I will make you regret bringing me here! Adrian, I will teach you and your brother a lesson later for joining his team. Get out of here. I've got to bash this bastard's head again!"
I heard a knock on my door and my nephew's so-called favorite aunt's head popped inside.
I laughed nervously. "I'll let you get on with it. I've got to go." I switched off my PC and smiled sweetly. "Hello."
I didn't receive a reply.
"Why don't you take a seat, hmm? We've got some work to do."
She stood still like a statue.
I blinked. "Er, alright. As you wish. We have to come up with the baby's name. Like right now."
Silently, she walked out of my office and shut the door loudly.
Fantastic.
*****
A loud thud on my desk broke me out of my concentration I had on my tablet.
'1000001+ names with meanings for babies'.
Damn. This book is thicker than those huge ass dictionaries and law books I have.
Rylie sat on the chair in front of me, a pen and a notebook in hand, a night shawl over her shoulders and watched me intently.
"Didn't know that you were coming back." I grumbled and opened that giant book.
She scoffed in response.
"Fine. Since we are finally going into business, let's put out some basic rules. No creepy staring. No curses. No insults. No glaring. No throwing stuff at me. I know you don't like me and to be honest, I don't like you very much either but for the sake of my future nephew slash niece and its parents, I expect us to be civilised for at least a few hours till we finally come up with a nice name. Are we clear?"
She raised both her thumbs up and smiled sickly sweetly.
My lips twisted. "And no smiling like that."
Her mood dropped instantly and she tapped her pen on the page.
"Alright then." I exhaled sharply. "Let's start."
Three hours, ten letters later, both of us were frustrated.
"… Lamara Agostini… no?"
"No."
"Lorenzo… no. He's our tech guy. Luca. A big no. He was papa's right hand man. Traitorous bastard."
"So… no?"
"No. Strike Limette off too. I don't like that name."
The name was striked off the long list of names.
"Lucas. Leah. Lisa. Layla. Leilani. Liam. Logan. No. No. No. No, no, no and no. You know what? Strike that letter L off. We already have Leonardo and Louisa. I don't want anymore L's here."
Rylie gave me an odd look.
"Yeah… yeah. I know. I said the same thing for letter A too. In that case, no need to go through M too. We already have Marcus and Matteo. N for Nico, but that's only one name so let's start with N."
She striked off all the names she had chosen for the letter M.
I saw the time and it was already way past midnight.
"You want something to drink? Coffee? Tea? Milk? Water?"
My blood?
That woman looked at me as if I had grown two heads.
"No?" My face fell. "Okay. Suit yourself then."
We went back to naming searching business again and I actually wondered… what is going on inside that woman's head? It was a sure thing that I was a certified jerk with a list bad things I had done in my youth days, including her, but that was almost two decades ago. I have changed a lot since then. Partially matured, extremely clever like my father and workaholic.
So what kind of woman is Rylie I-never-knew-her-surname?
We crossed out a few more names, shortlisted some and slowly, slowly, those six short cups of coffee I had were having its effect worn out on me. That woman was still actively looking for baby names and clearly had no ounce of sleepiness in her eyes. Silently, I dozed off to sleep.
The blaring sound of my phone's ringtone woke me up from my short nap. Frustrated and annoyed, I picked up my call.
"Hello?" I snickered in my most annoying tone.
"Brother, I am a father again."
"Shut up."
I cut the call and tossed my phone away to some corner. I yawned and rubbed my eyes. Rylie was still sitting in front of my desk, surprised by my actions.
"What? Don't look at me like that. I just took a short nap. Let's get back to work."
This time my telephone rang loudly on my desk. I didn't bother to pick it up and let it go straight to voicemail.
'Hello, this is Adrian Agostini. If you are hearing this message, it means that I am currently not available to pick up your call and if you are calling me between one am to four am… get a life, you idiot. Kindly leave your message after the beep.'
Rylie was staring at me, dumbfounded.
I checked the time. "It's already three am. My reason is plausible."
She muffled a giggle.
The telephone beeped and once again, I heard my little brother's annoyingly happy voice. "Brother, I am a father again. I know you are listening so pick up the call or else I'll trigger Nico's baby monitor and you will have to lull him back to sleep."
I sighed. "Do you mind if you do a quick check on the kids? I really don't trust this man when it comes to his threats."
Rylie nodded in understanding and left my office.
I picked up the call. "The first three times were exciting but now I just want to hit you with a baby stroller. How did it go?"
Leonardo laughed softly. "It was tiring but so worth it. The delivery went well. Amelia is resting and I have the baby with me. Why don't you switch into video call and meet?"
"Alright." Quickly, I switched on my PC and did the arrangements for a video call. Leonardo's face appeared on the screen. My eyes narrowed. "You're not naked, are you?"
"No. Just shirtless. Something about skin to skin contact the doctor had said. Helps bonding."
"Oh. Where is it? I can't see the baby."
Rylie entered my office again with a glass of water and stopped when she saw me focusing on the screen. Leonardo switched the camera and I came face to face with a baby having nearly half of its body wrapped inside a white towel.
"Is that all?" My nose scrunched up. "So which child should I put up for adop—"
Then I caught the sight of something colourful on the baby's head. A cap having a different colour from all its previous, older siblings .
"Oh, my God."
"It's a girl." A glass shattered on the floor and luckily that sound went deaf on my brother's ears. "Oh Adrian, she's so perfect. How did I get so lucky to have these beautiful women in my life?"
"Oh, my God."
"I'll give you some time to get over this."
"Wow… Congratulations, brother. I'm really happy for you." I made a mental note to start working on baby girl Agostini's deed tomorrow.
"Thank you," I heard a sharp cry and the girl squirmed a little then opened her eyes. It is a scientific fact that all babies are born blind then why the hell is this one staring at me? "Ohh, look who's awake now."
Just like that, another child got me wrapped around its pinky finger. Damn my brother and his kids. They always bring out the soft spot in me.
"So when are you guys coming back home?" I asked.
"Hopefully by early evening or night. Might be tomorrow morning. Don't tell the boys anything about her. I want to give them a surprise."
I waved it off. "Don't worry about that. They'll be excited as always. Especially Alessandro."
"Yes. He adores his siblings very much. I bet he'll be very happy to meet his only baby sister." The image of Alessandro crying again every time he meets his new sibling is definitely going to be something to look forward to. "Any news on her name?"
"Umm…" I rubbed the nape of my neck nervously, my gaze drifting back and forth the giant book, the woman silently weeping in happiness in the corner and my screen. "Nothing much yet. We… I mean, Rylie's a lot more interested in this naming thing than me and I kinda dozed off in the middle too, so I guess it's for the best that she chooses one instead of me."
"You sure you want to skip your chance, brother? It's not gonna come again."
"Positive, boss." I chuckled. "As long as her first birthday party is a princess themed one."
"Shut up. You got over your childish Disney obsession years ago."
I pouted. "Hey! There's no harm in bringing it back. I've got a partner to rewatch all those movies with now."
He scowled. "Shut up."
"No, you shut up. Is this the way you talk to your elder brother?" I asked sternly.
"Yes." He back answered.
I smirked. "So… Matteo for adoption, huh?"
"Seriously, brother. Stop doing that. We'll talk about this when I come back home." Suddenly his voice changed into an annoying child and he cooed. "Do you want to say bye-bye to your uncle Adrian? Say bye uncle Adrian. Ba-byee. I cannot wait to meet you for real. I know you are the best uncle—"
I decided to cut the call first to save myself from drowning in further embarrassment. Fatherhood has changed this man into an extra special annoying brother to me with stupidity as a side dish on plate.
I sighed loudly and closed my eyes, taking in all the information I just learnt. I grumbled. "You can continue tomorrow on your own. Leave. It's already late."
I heard the sound of my door closing and then there was pin drop silence.
Next morning, I was watching the kids play football on the front porch of the mansion while finishing up my pending work. Nico was fast asleep beside me but he woke up when he heard his brothers shout 'goal'.
"Ahh, good morning Nico. Sleep well?" The boy made some fussy sounds, rolled over and stretched. "You want to play?"
My nephew kept staring at me, obviously clueless to what I am asking.
"Come here." I set aside the documents I was previously working on and put the child on my lap. "Talk to your uncle Adrian."
"Blaahgurrgh."
"Sorry, I don't speak the language of babies. Maybe I did once but I guess I forgot. But don't worry. You can communicate with your baby sibling as soon as your parents come home."
"Oh, my God. Yaay! A new baby in the house." I mimicked in a childish voice, personating as if it's my nephew speaking.
"It's your little sister. But don't tell anybody."
I shook his pinky finger with mine. "Pinky promise, Uncle Adrian."
"Talking to you is like talking to myself. Tell me Nico, you don't mind not having any more relatives, do you? As in no cousin?"
"Of course not, uncle." I cooed in a high pitched voice. "You don't need anybody. You can grow old alone and die with no next of kin. My dada is always speaking nonsense about you. I don't like it."
"No wonder why you are my favorite baby in the house."
"Yes, I am!"
"Then what should I do about this dada of yours?" I asked.
"Give him a nephew or a niece to play with!"
My eyes narrowed infinitesimally. "Nico… I just said no cousins. I am not settling down like your dada."
The boy didn't care what I was saying but he was surely enjoying the little jumps he was doing on my lap. Damn. This child is in a very good mood today.
I heard a car honk outside and the children screamed. "Mommy! Dad!"
Nico started squirming on my lap, eager to crawl to his parents. I frowned. "Hey no! You hear your dada and you forget about your uncle? I'll let you go this time but we are not done with our conversation yet."
I picked him up in my arms, walked towards the main front door and stood right there. The kids were now running around the parked car.
"Boys, careful! You'll get hurt." Unless your father decides to start the engine and drive over one of you.
Finally, my brother got out of the car and took out a wheelchair from the trunk then opened the passenger's side.
"Maa… maaa… maa…" Nico tried jumping in my arms.
My lips twisted nastily. "Calm down, will you? It's not like she's gonna run away."
My sister in-law carefully slid out of the car with her daughter in her arms and sat on the wheelchair. Leonardo began to push her chair.
I grinned mischievously. "Look at you. In a wheelchair. Again."
"I am hungry. I am sweaty. I am leaking breast milk and I am tired. I haven't had a proper sleep in months and won't be getting anytime sooner and I have a baby. You better not mess with me."
"And I wonder why." We both glare at the culprit who happens to be my little brother and her husband.
Leonardo glared back. "Don't look at me like that. I am a healthy, active innocent man who loves his wife in every way. This just proves how much I love her in bed."
"Gross." I covered Nico's ears. A couple of months ago, before we found out about the new family member, Alessandro almost caught his parents doing the dirty deed. This shameless couple explained to him that they were doing a private prayer to the big old guy upstairs in heaven for a new sibling. Imagine the shock I had when Alessandro told me this.
She sighed in exhaustion. "I'm too tired to scold him. Sorry, Adrian. Just put Nico down, will you? Tell the kids to stop playing hide and seek between those cars and call them here. Time to meet their sister."
My nephews came running back inside as soon as I called them out. Silently, I made myself comfortable in a corner by leaning against the wall and watched in amusement how carefully and slowly the new parents were breaking the news of their baby sibling's arrival. Suddenly, I heard something shift and a woman stood beside me.
"You came up with that name yet?"
"Yess."
"You gonna tell me first?"
"... No."
I clicked my tongue. "That's just pure evil. I deserve a thank you at least."
Rylie simply handed me a small crumpled piece of paper.
'Thank you. It really means a lot to me.'
I stuffed my hand inside my pocket and pulled out a packet of gum. "Gum?" I offered. "It's strawberry flavor."
She shook her head.
"Your loss." I shrugged and put one inside my mouth. I chuckled when I saw Alessandro staring at his sleeping sister, almost on the verge of crying. "... And three… two… one."
Alessandro burst out crying and hugged his father's leg for support. The twins and Nico joined him later and too much noise made the baby girl Agostini cry out loud too.
I snickered. Rylie made an ugly face at me.
"What? I stay around here only to see this."
'Crying children, seriously?' She wrote.
"Best to enjoy their childhood." I reasoned. "Here's a hypothetical question, based entirely on my brother's words."
She glanced at me warily but nodded, giving me the green signal to go ahead.
"Apparently, he has taunted me many times about this so what do you think about me adopting a kid?" I asked.
She emitted a short laugh but then clamped her mouth shut.
"Yes, exactly my point!" I exclaimed. "It's absolute nonsense. He's the big bad boss-family man and I am his carefree elder brother. It's best like this. Kids are big no for me."
Quickly, she scribbled. 'I am not having this kind of conversation with you.'
"I know. I know! But just hear me out. I have been thinking about this. Hypothetically speaking, if I were to adopt a kid, on scale one to ten, how awesome would I still be?"
'minus infinity' was her answer.
I sighed. Deciding something big like this should be discussed thoroughly with family and it should be something I want to have. Not something my brother is pestering me about. I don't know. Maybe in time I will want to have one.
"Really? I'll let the kid call you mama." I joked. She stomped my foot real hard. I winced. It didn't pain much but it sure hurt a lot. "Control your anger in front of the kids, will you? Amelia doesn't want them to get involved in violence at this young age."
"Asshole." She spat, glaring at me.
"Okay, okay. I'm sorry." I raised my arms in surrender. That woman didn't really believe me but she did calm down a bit. "How old are you again?"
She shot me another glare.
I nodded in understanding and watched the scene of Sandro still crying while my brother tried to do his best to calm his son down. "Ah. So definitely not fifty."
"Mommy, I love her so much!" Alessandro wailed in happiness whilst holding his surprisingly calm newborn sister. "She is so small!"
"Here's another question." She groaned in frustration as a response. "Just hear me out, okay? Hypothetically speaking, again. Am I the kind of man who settles down?"
"Fuck no." She muttered, audible enough for me to hear.
"So glad that we actually agree on this topic." I said sincerely. "I feel like we are actually taking efforts to get to some mutual understanding between us."
"Fuck you." She hissed in anger.
Okay. So definitely no understanding.
"So tell me…" I began, "what should be the qualities for a man to settle down? I mean look at my brother. He was the biggest, dumbest and the most certified asshole of all time and he managed to bag in the tag of having his own family. And surprisingly, he is good at it."
Rylie shot me a glare which could kill me over and over again. Poor woman is stuck with me till the kids finally take in the information that they have a sister and ask about her name, even though she can stand in some other corner. Her mistake.
"Why don't you tell me about yourself, hmm?"
I got silence as my answer.
"All right, fine." I muttered in annoyance. "I did try though. You're horrible."
She scoffed and wrote. "You are no less than me."
"Then you better not name the girl after me." I smirked.
She rolled her eyes dramatically. "Shoo."
"You don't get to shoo at me. I shoo others. I'm all ears or eyes or whatever. So why don't you tell me a bit about yourself. You know… as you are my brother's wife's friend and I happen to be your friend's husband's brother. Strictly knowledgeable."
I have this sudden urge to dig up a hole in the basement and hide there forever. For once, I have to learn how to control my blabbering mouth.
"Here's the thing… what kind of profession would you have been into if you were never brought here? You know, an actual normal life with a shit ton of bills to pay but only slip me inbetween of it."
Rylie shifted uncomfortably away from me.
"No worries. If you don't wish to tell me. I was just trying to pass time." I said nonchalantly and pulled out my phone. After a moment or two of silence, I felt a small tug on my shirt's sleeve.
'A children's book writer. I love writing.'
I gave her a tight lipped smile. "So does this mean we are now establishing common grounds based on purely knowledge?"
She shrugged.
"Do you drink coffee?" I asked casually.
"... No."
My eyes widened. Another adult who doesn't drink coffee. No wonder why her and Amelia are fast friends.
"Rylie, stop standing there like a statue and come meet her! You too, Adrian." Amelia grinned and motioned us both to come see her daughter.
"One last question." I quickly said to Rylie. "In truth, I really wanted to ask this. If we had met in an entirely different situation and whatever had happened between us in the past never happened, would you have gone out with me?"
She made an ugly face. "Noo!"
"Just think about it for a second. The usual girl's best friend and the guy's brother thing. What do you think? Would it have happened?" I did sound desperate but screw that. At least I gave it a shot.
Quickly she scribbled something in her notepad, tore the page, crumbled it and gave it to me. Then she walked away to meet her niece and her friend.
Slowly, I opened the paper. You have got to be kidding me. I laughed to myself.
'You are a blonde and I don't do blondes.'
Rejection has never hurt my ego so much in my entire life.
•••••••
Alrighty bye.