Spencer stood in her kitchen, water bottle in hand.
She felt... what was the right word?
Heavy?
Sad?
Tired?
Confused?
She didn't know. The only thing she knew was she was sick to her stomach.
She took a deep breath and walked to her room.
She proceeded to take off her clothes and change.
Spencer looked at herself in the mirror, marks of where Remus had touched her earlier still present.
She put on one of his shirts and dragged herself to bed. All she could do was stare out her window.
It didn't change how she looked at him, she still... liked him.
It just made her realize how cruel the world really was.
He had hundreds of scars, meaning he's been a werewolf for a long time.
But how long?
And she understood why he wouldn't tell her.
She wouldn't like him to know her sad past anyway.
But she finally understood him, why he held himself a certain way, how he looked at himself.
She cursed herself at the stupid jokes she's made.
If only she had known.
"Don't blame yourself" Emily said next to her.
Spencer didn't bother to turn around.
"You couldn't have known" Emily added.
"My head hurts Em, please just don't" Spencer whispered.
"Okay" Emily said softly.
Slowly Spencer fell asleep to the smell of Remus on his shirt.
Remus on the other hand was worried since she didn't show up to dinner. She would've told him.
Maybe she just wasn't up for it because of earlier. It was... a lot.
Maybe she just needed sleep.
He overheard Hermione talking about how she wasn't feeling well and went to take a nap.
Fred and George looked at each other... almost full of guilt.
"Is she up for company?" Fred asked Hermione.
"I don't know" she shrugged. "You guys should just see her tomorrow" she replied.
Both of them nodded.
"Are you okay Remus?" someone beside him asked.
Remus turned around, "you're looking a bit... well I don't know the word" Kula laughed.
"Sorry I- Yes Madison I'm fine" he smiled. "Thank you" he added before taking a sip of his drink.
She nodded her head.
"How are your classes going?" she asked cutting into her chicken.
"They're going well, yeah... I get a lot of help" he nodded.
"Yes, Spencer?" she smiled.
"Yeah" he replied looking out at the dinning hall.
"I remember she used to help out her 5th year teacher" she added.
"Oh?" he replied looking at the exit.
"Yeah, they were quite the pair. I actually think she got bullied because of it" she whispered.
"Hmm" he said thinking.
He remembered the poem he read in her notebook, but then he thought about how she's not at dinner.
Is she okay? I should be with her right? he asked himself.
"I actually bumped into Spencer at Hogsmeade" she replied.
"Interesting" he replied uninterested.
"Yeah and-"
"Sorry Maddison, I'm not feeling well. Would you mind if we continued this another time?" he asked getting up from his seat.
Kula smiled, "of course" she replied as he walked away not giving an answer back.
She looked back down and ate her food in silence.
Remus walked in a fast pace to Spencer's room, not wanting to be without her a minute less.
He opened the door and walked to her room, he smiled as he found her asleep with one of his shirts on.
He kneeled in front of her, kissing her cheek softly for her to wake up.
She shuffled for a bit and slowly opened her eyes.
"Remus" she said.
"Yeah" he answered.
She sat up and Remus moved to the bed, sitting next to her.
"You weren't at dinner" he said holding her hand.
"I needed a nap" she nodded her head, not looking at him.
"You okay?" he asked worried.
"Yeah just..." Spencer shrugged.
"Spencer?" he whispered.
"Mm" she replied.
"Can you look at me?" he asked, afraid of the answer.
She slowly moved her eyes towards him and gave him a small smile.
"Did I do something that you didn't like?" he asked.
"No-"
"Because If I did we should-"
"Remus no, you didn't" she cut him off.
"I just wanted to make sure you're okay" he added.
"I'm fine" she replied placing her other hand on his. "In need of a shower" she laughed softly, he chuckled at her response.
He moved over to kiss her, placing one hand on her cheek.
"Do you want to shower with me?" she asked with a smile.
"We just had sex" he laughed, pressing his forehead against hers.
"I didn't say anything about sex" she laughed.
"You could stay here... in my room... and wait-"
"Fine fine," he chuckled, "but we're eating dinner after" he said.
"Okay" she smiled.
Spencer walked towards her dresser and grabbed the towels while Remus got the water ready in her bathroom.
She sighed to herself- knowing the real reason why she wanted him to say yes.
She walked towards the bathroom and found he was already in the shower. She undressed and stood outside the door.
"Are you getting in or what?" he laughed. "Was this a subliminal message that I smell?" he added laughing.
"You don't smell" she chuckled softly.
She opened the door and walked in. His back facing her.
She closed the door and got closer to him. She ran her index finger across the biggest scars on his back.
He laughed, "that kind of tickles" he said.
Spencer chuckled awkwardly.
She felt herself beginning to cry. She brought her other hand against his back, touching every piece of him.
She felt like she couldn't breathe.
However unlike her panic attacks she wanted nothing but to pull him closer.
She wrapped her arms against his chest, laying her head against his back.
Tears fell down her face while Remus placed his arms on top of hers.
"You're-" he whispered, "why are you crying?" he asked softly.
Spencer started fighting her own thoughts.
I should tell him.
Tell him I know.
Tell him I know everything.
Don't.
He didn't tell you.
It's something he should tell you.
You don't know anything.
"I'm just... very lucky to have someone like you" she whispered before placing a kiss on his back.
He turned around, slowly, wrapping his arms around her.
"Me too, love" he said as he placed a kiss on her head.
"Me too" he repeated in a whisper.
"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked still holding her.
"No, no" she chuckled pulling away and wiping her tears.
"I don't know why I started crying" she laughed.
Remus nodded awkwardly, "Spence you know-"
Spencer cut him off by kissing him on the lips.
"I know" she said into his mouth.
"I know" she repeated stepping back and looking into his eyes.
"Now," she chuckled as she reached for her shampoo, "let me shower" she finished.
He laughed for a second as he looked at her. He was glad he came.
They hopped out of the shower and got dressed.
He watched as Spencer brushed her hair, staring at herself in the mirror. She kept glancing his way, smiling from time to time.
"You're making me nervous" she giggled.
"Why" he asked as he walked up behind her.
"You just do" she said blushing.
"Mm" he replied wrapping his arms around her waist and kissing her neck.
"I'll start dinner" he whispered before looking at her through the mirror.
"Soups in the cupboard" she replied.
He nodded before exiting the bathroom.
Spencer felt butterflies in her stomach and smiled to herself.
She continued to brush her hair until a knock at the door took her out of her head.
"Spencer? It's Fred" she heard.
She placed her brush down and walked towards the door.
"I'm mad at you" she replied through the door.
"I know," he laughed, "I just wanted to make sure you're okay... you didn't show up at dinner" he added.
"I'm fine... I'm about to eat dinner right now" she answered.
"Can you open the door please?" Fred asked.
"I don't want you to come in" she said softly, knowing Remus was in the kitchen.
"Then I won't come in" he replied.
Spencer looked at the door knob, placing her hand on it unsure of what to do.
After a few moments she pulled the door open.
"At least you don't look like a grape anymore" he joked.
She smiled awkwardly, "yeah that was a fun trip" she replied.
"At least you guys didn't go too far so... thank you" she whispered.
He grinned, "good one right" he asked.
"Shut up" she laughed.
Fred grabbed her hand and pulled her towards him, he hugged her tightly.
"What's this all about" she laughed holding onto him.
"Just... you look like you need a hug" he replied.
She nodded her head, "me or you?" she whispered.
"You, definitely you" he laughed.
"Right," he said pulling away, "I'll leave you to eat" he said.
Spencer nodded, "Goodnight Freddie"
"Night" he said before walking back towards his room.
Spencer closed her door and walked back to her bathroom. She turned the light off and walked towards her kitchen.
"You know what I was thinking?" she asked hopping onto her countertop.
"Mm" Remus asked back.
"We should bake some desserts" she answered. "Test your skills as a baker" she added.
Remus smirked, "yeah?" he asked looking up. "How about this weekend, before break?" he asked placing his hands beside her thighs.
"We can do it during the dance" he smiled.
"Yeah, and I can get the ingredients since I'm going shopping with Hermione" Spencer replied wrapping her arms around his neck.
Remus shook his head, "I'll get everything" he said wrapping his arms around her waist.
"You sure?" she asked.
He nodded his head, "I have to do some shopping as well anyway" he replied.
"Okay," she smiled, "how much do you want?" she asked.
"What do you mean?" he said pulling away and stirring the soup.
"For the ingredients? You know... how much money-"
"Oh," he laughed, "I'll get it don't worry" he replied.
"Remus-"
"I'm serious it's not an issue" he replied looking at her.
"Don't look at me like that, it won't work" he laughed.
"It works when I want other things" she grinned.
"You're not wrong" he chuckled.
"Pass me the bowls" he told her.
Spencer hopped off and opened up her cupboards, grabbing two bowls and cups.
She handed them over to him and poured them water. Remus brought them to the table and sat down.
"You know... I've been thinking about what you said" Spencer spoke.
"What did I say?" he asked.
"Fate or destiny" she replied while eating her soup.
He nodded his head, "and what do you think?" he asked.
"Well it's tricky," she laughed, "indulge me for a second?" she asked.
"Always" he smiled waiting intently.
"Fate and destiny are both words dealing with a predetermined or destined future. However, while fate is concrete and determined by the cosmos, or whatever the fuck," she chuckled, "destiny depends... well on your choices in life" she explained.
"You asked me if I would call it fate or destiny," she said with a smile, "I do believe in fate and destiny, but I also believe we are only fated to do the things that we'd choose anyway" she finished saying.
Remus looked at her with a smile, a smile he had on the whole time she spoke.
"Does that make sense? what do you think?" she asked him.
He pulled her chair closer with his foot. He placed his hands on her face and brought it closer to his.
"I'd choose you anyway" he said after he kissed her. Spencer smiled through the kiss.
She brought her hand up to his head, running it through the side of his hair.
"I love it when you do that" he smiled.
"When I run my hand through your hair?" she asked.
"Mm" he said resting back on his chair.
"Yeah," she laughed, "I know what you mean" she finished saying.
"You do a lot of things I particularly enjoy" he laughed.
"So do you" she replied with a smile.
He chuckled and continued to eat his soup.
Once they finished dinner, Spencer washed her dishes from this morning and the ones they just used.
"Why don't you use magic?" Remus asked as he walked next to her, helping her wash them by hand.
"I don't want to always rely on magic," she shrugged, "anyway, it takes my mind off of things" she smiled.
"What things?" he asked.
"Just things," she replied, "currently dreading what to buy the twins for Christmas " she laughed.
"You haven't gotten them anything?" he chuckled.
"No, I- don't laugh" she chuckled.
"Sorry- sorry" he said clearing his throat. "What are your general ideas" he asked
"Well- honestly I was just thinking about giving them gift cards to Zonko's... take the easy way out," she chuckled, "might take that route" she shrugged.
"That's not so bad" he said nodding, taking the rag hung up from the side and drying the dishes.
"It would help if you told me what you wanted" she said hitting his side softly.
He chuckled, "you don't need to get me anything darling, I already told you-"
"Okay, don't help me then" she laughed.
"Spencer I'm being serious-"
"Mmh" she smirked.
"You're going to get me something anyway aren't you" he sighed.
"Mmh," she replied and kissed his cheek, "hurry up and come to bed" she said before leaving the kitchen.
"You're going to be the death of me" he told himself with a chuckle.
Remus finished drying the dishes and walked toward her room. Finding her already under the bedsheets, book in hand.
"Are we still going to keep reading-" he said getting into bed.
"Yes- Pride and prejudice, Jane Austen" she cut him off.
"Right, right, where did we leave off?" Remus asked with a chuckle.
Spencer handed him the book and pointed at the section.
Remus read for thirty minutes before coming to an end, "Nothing could be more delightful! To be fond of dancing was a certain step towards falling in love; and very lively hopes of Mr. Bingley's heart were entertained" he read off the book.
He closed the book and placed it on the night stand next to him.
"Do you like dancing?" Spencer asked him as he pulled her closer.
"I do, does dancing like me though?" he joked.
"I think you're a good dancer" Spencer replied with a giggle.
"I think you're being too kind love" he chuckled, Spencer laughed at his reply.
"Goodnight darling" he said before kissing her head.
"Good night" she repeated.
After 10 minutes of trying to fall asleep, he simply couldn't, and he couldn't tell if she had fallen asleep either.
"Are you awake?" he whispered.
"Mmh" she said tiredly.
"Spencer, I know you know, but I need you to hear me say it" Remus spoke.
"Okay" she whispered.
"I'm here for you, no matter what" he said. "I feel like you understand but you don't want to take the opportunity to tell me about it" he finished.
She took a deep breath, "you're right" she sighed. "I don't want to give you all my pieces or hand you all my trouble..."
"You'll have to watch me struggle because all I want from you is to stay" she whispered.
"Then I'll stay right here, next to you" he said before kissing her head. "I know you don't talk about things-just... I'm here to stay if that's all you want" he added.
"Do you remember when you told me "one day"?" Spencer asked.
"Yeah, one day I'll tell you everything about my past" he nodded playing with her hair. "Why?" he asked.
"I said I'd do the same," she said turning to face him, "and I will" she whispered before kissing him on the lips.
"Now try and sleep, we have classes tomorrow" she laughed.
He chuckled and kissed her head once more.
──────⊱⁜⊰──────
Spencer sat up gasping as she woke up.
"Holy shit" she said to herself.
"What what" Remus said as he got up, slowly opening his eyes and looking around her room.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry love," she said trying to lay him back down, "I'm sorry" she repeated.
"What happened?" he yawned.
"Nothing just, go back to sleep" she whispered and kissed his cheek. "I'm going to the bathroom I'll be back"
"Okay" he replied tiredly.
Spencer ran to the bathroom and locked herself in.
"Emily?" she whispered.
"Emily?" she said a bit louder.
"What" Emily whispered in Spencer's ears.
Spencer jumped, "don't- do that" she said placing her hand on her chest.
She casted a privacy charm.
"Smart" Emily noted.
"Since when have you known?" she asked her.
"I don't know, third full moon maybe? Also Hermione has been dropping hints since-"
"Wait Hermione-"
"Yeah... Hermione" Emily replied.
"Is that why she-"
"Duh"
"But why would she-"
"Well you spend the most time with him- so she would want you to take care of yourself?" she asked questioningly.
Spencer thought about that for a second, but decided on ignoring it for right now.
"He has heightened hearing" Spencer said.
"I believe so, yes" Emily nodded her head.
Spencer sat on her floor.
"Are you scared of him?" she asked.
"Am I scared of the man who has chocolate in his pocket and reads pride and prejudice to me at night? Yes I'm frightened" Spencer replied sarcastically.
Emily chuckled at her response.
"Spence?" Remus asked standing outside of the bathroom.
"Yeah?" Spencer replied.
"Spence you okay?" he asked knocking on the door.
Emily coughed, "privacy charm" she said quickly.
Spencer rolled her eyes as she took it off, "Sorry yeah I'm fine" she replied.
"Are you sure? You took a while to answer" he said softly.
"Go back to bed love I'll be there in a bit" she said.
"Okay" he replied.
She casted the charm once more, "What should I buy him for Christmas?" Spencer asked Emily.
"Really?" she chuckled.
"He won't tell me what he wants" Spencer laughed. "I'm thinking new books right, some he hasn't read, but that's such an obvious choice" she shrugged.
"Let me think about it" Emily replied.
"Fine, but if you're going to pop up unannounced at least come with ideas" Spencer said standing up from the floor. "Night Em"
"Night V" Emily smirked.
Spencer turned to look at her with a smile.
"It's a nice nickname" Emily added.
"Thanks" Spencer replied.
She took off the privacy charm and walked out of the bathroom, she jumped at the sight of Remus sitting on the floor half asleep.
"Remus" she lightly whispered.
"Reeeemuuuussss" she said a bit louder.
"Ready to go to bed?" he asked.
"Mmh" she nodded her head.
"C'mon love" she said helping him up.
"Thank you for waiting outside for me" she said kissing his cheek.
He nodded as they walked into her room.
They got in bed and Remus pulled her close, kissing her on her forehead. She smiled into his chest and fell asleep
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A/N:
currently 2:52 am and I have an ap computer science principles exam tmr 😃😃😃 wish me luck y'all bc I don't know shit skdghcbvf
ty for leaving comments/stars, hope y'all are doing well, love y'all <3
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