Chapter Thirty Eight:
(SARAWAT)
"Is it you right?"
I said through gritted teeth as I yanked her arm.
"You're hurting me Wat!"
"Tell me where did you put my phone?! Don't lie to me I know that you're the one who took it!"
I yelled. She hastily removed my gripped on her arm.
"I'll buy you another one"
She said. She's really imposible!
"Why do you keep doing this to me Monica?!"
I saw pain on her eyes.
"Because I can! Yes I'm the one who took it, so what? You're going to hurt me? Go on! Hurt me Wat!"
She said grabbing my hand but of course I didn't budged. She's crazy.
"You're really crazy"
I said. Turning my back at her but she yanked my arm forcing me to face her.
"Yes, I'm f*cking crazy and you know it. But it didn't stop you before didn't you? It was you who insist yourself to me!"
Tears started to stream down her face. She's losing it. Anger boiled on the pit of my stomach as I remembered everything.
"It was all in the past. I'm too immature that time and I---"
I didn't finished my word because she slapped me. She's being violent again.
"You never did. I'm not here in this situation if you love me as much as I love you"
Now her voice is cracked.
"You promised me that you'll give me everything and yet you didn't---"
Here we go again. If I was the old Sarawat I'll took the blame because that's how weak I am but I'm not the same as before. I came to realized that Monica is just like Grandpa. She's also manipulative but unlike Grandpa, Monica knew how to manipulate everyone emotionally.
"We're done here"
I said. I don't want to have an argument with her anymore because I'm tired. Tired of all these things. But then she took the nearest vase and throw it on the floor. The sound of it roared around the mansion. Some of the maids doing their daily cleaning screamed because of surprise but then cleared their throat because that's actually not even new to them. It was not even a big deal on this household so they continue what they have to do.
My eyes widened when I saw her knee bleeding because a broken piece cut it when she threw the vase. She leaned down to take a piece and without a second thought slit her wrist with it. I stared at her in horror. What the.....
"Monic--"
"You're not going to turn your back to me ever again Wat"
With that I sighed in defeat. Her wrist begun to bleed. Making blood rushed from it and few drops of it dropped on the floor leaving stain.
*******
I took her on her room closing the door and pushed her to sit on her bed. A maid came in with an aid box and was about to go inside but I took the box from her.
"I'll take care of her"
I said closing the door. Monica was sitting on her bed and I sat infront of her. I started to rummaged on the aid box pulling out the things I need.
"You're f*cking crazy"
I said not looking at her. I started to clean her wound. I want to pour an alcohol so she will end up wincing in pain but of course I didn't. Instead I took care of her wound with gentleness.
"I did the same thing to Tine"
I was in halt when she said that. I didn't even realized that I'm gripping her wrist tightly.
"I slapped him"
I gulped. My other hand form into fist. She's testing me.
"You're going to do the same thing didn't you?"
She said smiling but it didn't reached her eyes.
Calm down Wat.
I swallowed the lumped in my throat and with a heavy heart I continued what I have to do.
Tine was hurt by this woman. As much as I want to get revenge for him I have to control my temper. I just want to get out of this mess as soon as possible.
Hang in there a little bit more, Tine. I'm sorry.
"You really do love him don't you?"
I didn't respond.
Of course I do.
"Or you're just doing the same thing to him? Does he really hold your heart or you just want to keep him because he's your escape?"
"You don't know anything"
"I want to know"
Then our eyes met. Now her eyes are full of sadness. I can say that she calmed down a bit. That's my cue to start to take care of her wound.
"You're hurting yourself"
I said.
"I used to get hurt in the past but nothing made me crazy just like you did to me"
Silenced engulfed us but then she spoke up.
"I used to think that we're the same. The feeling of similarity drown me to you, we're friends and when you told me that you loved me it was the very first time I felt genuine happiness. You're broken as well as I am that's why we stayed together. Hoping that we could make things work between us. You told me you love me but I know that it is nothing but an empty words"
Tears flow down on her cheeks. We never once talked about this before.
"And now seeing you being like these made me sick. You being in loved with someone that it isn't me. Taking care of someone when you never did to anyone"
She started to cry harder. I felt tears forming on my own eyes but I held it back. Like what I've said in the past I'm too focused on myself to even care about anyone. My world only revolves around me and Monica was one of the people I hurt the most. I'm that selfish. Now, I'm facing the consequences.
Why now? It will be easy of me if I knew nothing but of course Grandpa knew how to play his card very well.
"I loved you, you know that. I wouldn't care and be hurt upon you chosing my Dad if I didn't love you"
I said without looking at her. Dumping a cotton swab on her wound.
"But it's not as much as I do"
With that I felt a pang in my chest. The guilt was eating me alive. But somehow, I know it is not only my fault.
"If you ever been honest to me don't you think we're going to be like these?"
I said looking at her. Tears are still flowing from her eyes.
"W-hat do you mean?"
Once again I put my attention on her wound.
"I should've protected you"
I said in a low tone.
"But it's all in the past now. Let's accept that it was all meant to happen. But I still want to hear it from you"
I took a glance at her to see how she would react. I saw that she was surprised on what I've said making her avoiding my gaze.
"Just like you said it was all in the past now. There's no need to bring it u---"
"You know why we didn't worked out?"
I asked. She didn't respond.
"Because we said we're in loved but we never did trust each other well enough. Grandpa told me anything but I want it to hear it from you. This time be completely honest with me, As much as I hate the ugly truth we both know that it will set us free"
I said. Heyes met mine and all I can see is pain on them.
"You don't know how much Monica suffered because of you. Don't you think it is the right time for you to do something for her?"
The Old Man's words rang in my head. I swallowed the lump in my throat. The silence fell between us and as much I hate to hear her cry I can't do anything.
I couldn't bring back the past to make things right. It was all too late.
"I was afraid that you would leave me. I know that it was me who love you more. It was me who gave more to make things work between us and if you found out the truth I know you will leave me. I love you, I always do. But that time my life is in the hands of your Dad. It was because of him why I got out of the h*ll that my own family put me in. He sets me free but then I met you. Broken like I was. I thought that maybe your Dad is just a way for me to meet you. But then I figured that you only love me because I was your escape. It was a mistake for me to love you more than you love me because it made me crazy"
She wiped her tears away for a moment.
"So I decided to play safe. I chose your Dad because if it is him I'm sure that my life would be better. Instead of me dealing with your half hearted love"
With that she winced in pain because I suddenly grip her wrist. It made me angry that until now she's still lying to herself.
"Why the f*ck you still lying? What's the matter if you tell me everything?!"
I yelled. Our eyes met and I know that I'm crying too because I saw how surprised she was.
"Then what do you want me to do?! Tell you the reason why? And what? Be guilty about it?"
I didn't respond.
"Okay fine. If that's what you want. I chose your Dad because I know that was also the best for you. Wat...."
Tears flow down on my cheek when she suddenly put her hand to it. Wiping my tears away.
"I couldn't see you hurting. I know that you always wanted to leave this house. In order to do that I have to sacrifice myself so at least you have a reason to go"
My heart broke into pieces. I didn't expect it to hurt this much when I heard it directly from her.
"All those years I loathed you"
I said with a trembling voice.
"That's my punishment for lying to you. Just let it be"
She said as tears rolled down to her cheek.
"If that so. Then why do you want me back?"
I asked. She smiled bitterly.
"I told you, it is because of your Grand pa. He took care of me, when your Dad gone. I have no place to go and even though he was heartless I learn how to cope up with that. I learned to understand his ways that's when I realized that I treat him as my own family. Now that he's dying I want you to reconcile--"
I took her hand away from my face.
"Don't you see that he also manipulated you? I'm sure that he knows what's going on between you and Dad. I'm not even surprised if he told me that he knows you before I could meet you knowing that you're a mistress of my Dad"
I said through gritted teeth. I hate that she doesn't see how f*cked things are. She was blinded by Grandpa's manipulated ways and now she's here defending him when he's the one who should be blame in everything.
"He changed Wat....if you only knew"
"No. I don't want to know. He doesn't deserved to be forgiven. If I forgave him out of my willingness I know that I'm only lying to myself"
"I'm not forcing you to forgive him. But at least stay for a while and do what he wants you to do. If he couldn't have your forgiveness then at least take care of his empire because it is belong to you anyway"
With that I was surprised.
"You're going to be surprise if I told you about the thing he wants me to do"
I said. Now feeling fine as if a burden lifted from my shoulders.
"What do you mean?"
I smiled at her as I wrapped the bandage on her wrist. I started to put everything on the box since I'm done taking care of her wound.
"Wait. Tell me what is it?"
I stood up and flicked her forehead. Thing that I usually do back then.
"We're going to talk about it tomorrow. You have to sleep now"
She took my hand.
"No please just tell m---"
I took her hand and inspect it. I saw the wounds there, some are scars but most of them are new wounds. She quickly pulled her hand away from my grip and cover it on the sleeves of her sweater.
"Goodnight"
That's the only thing I said before I left.
After all Monica is one of the people I failed to protect.
*****
I anxiously typed the numbers on my new phone. Glad that my butler found a store that still opened at this time. And I never been so thankful that I can easily memorize things and one of them is Tine's number.
I bit my thumb as I waited for him to take the call. Yes, It's Tine. I just couldn't sleep knowing that he was hurt. After few rings he answered.
"Who the hell is in the right mind to call me in the middle of the night. Better have a good explanation or e---"
A smile appeared on my lips when I finally heard his voice. It was already late so I have to end this in a short time.
"Tine"
"Who is this?!"
I chuckled.
"It's me Sarawat"
"F*ck you"
I didn't respond. I just want to hear his voice. I'm actually waiting for him to cursed at me because I deserved it.
"I hate you Wat. I f*cking hate you. Don't call me ever again, Don't ever wanna see your face again! You're an idiot! A f*cking idiot! I don't care about you anymore. Go on, just disappear again just like you did. Don't ever show your f-- *sniff* I hate you *sniff* I never wanna se---"
I gulped when he started to cry. I felt the unbearable guilt hearing him cry because of me.
"I'm so sorry"
It took a moment of silence and all I can hear is his sobs through the other line.
"No.....just come back, okay?"
I would be lying if my heart didn't ache at that.
"I miss you Tine"
"I miss you too Wat"
With that tears started to fall from my cheek.
"At least let me know that you're okay. Don't just disappear like that Wat...."
"I know. I'm so sorry"
"Are you going to come back?"
"Yes I will. I don't know when but trust me, yeah?"
I said. Hope in voice.
"You know that I'm always here for you. Tell me what can I do to help you"
What have I done in my past life to deserve you Tine?
"You don't have to do anything. You always got my back Tine and it is more than enough but right now, this is something I have to deal with alone. I don't want to ran away anymore. I'm done hiding and being afraid to face my fears"
He didn't respond at that.
"Just trust me, okay?"
I asked.
"Go to sleep now. I just checked if you're doing alright"
(TINE)
I was an ugly crying mess as I heard him say that. All my doubts had been cleared now. Wat is on the other line telling me to trust him. He still care about me and I feel guilty for doubting him.
But then the fear of him leaving me again make me feel uneasy. I felt my heart beat faster. I'm afraid that this will be the last time he would call me or anything and I don't want to make the same mistake again.
I want him to know what I really feel. I want him to know because I would end up beating myself if I let the chance to slipped off on my hands once again.
"Wat! I have to say something....I...i..."
I feel so nervous and my palms are already sweating. This will be the first time I would confess to him and I thought since it's not in person it will be less nerve wracking but I was wrong. I swallowed the lump in my throat and with a shaky voice I spoke.
"I know this is too soon and this is not the right time to say this. But I wouldn't know when will you come back or when will you call me again. I just have to....I need to say this because I don't want to make the same mistake again. Wat I l...."
My hand grip the phone as my heart beat faster.
"Tine.."
He called.
F*ck it. Say it Tine or you'll regret if you don't. Tell him now!
"Wat I....I lo---"
"Don't... Just don't Tine. I know what you're going to say"
It was the words came from his mouth.
And I would be lying if it didn't broke my heart.
---------------------------------------------------------------
A/N: Sorry I've been out lately. I kinda feel not in the mood and I've been feeling a little bit lost these past few days. I wish that it would not affect my Motivation to continue this book because my Mental Health is not in the best condition that even writing my fave ship seems a little bit off to me.
Not gonna lie but my Sarawatine heart is in red alert right now🚑❗‼️
BTW, What are your thoughts about Sarawat? Do you think he's having a crisis now that he knows the tragic truth about Monica?
WatNica?🤐