Brian F:
Even now knowing that Brian was safe and sound, I was still worrying about him. I felt like as long as he was not with me I wouldn't calm down. I knew he needed to rest but I just wanted to call him for hours. However his health was more important than anything so I just spent the day thinking about him. About how much I love all of his features. His bright eyes, plump lips, sharp jawline, strong body, tattoos. His humour, his manners, his behavior, his talent. Brian is perfect to me.
I've never questioned anything in my friendship with Brian. But I came to consider that I might have stronger feelings for him than I thought. It never occurred to me that we could be more than friends. I believe it's because there's a fine line between friendship and relationship, and that we crossed it years ago. We just don't label our relationship as such. Even though we never really had sex or went on a proper date, I just felt like Brian was my boyfriend.
I started to realize that he might not feel the same way about me. This thought filled me with anguish. What would I do if he rejected my love? Would it totally destroy our friendship? I was lost. I know Brian will not let me down, however I don't know if he wants to be my lover.
He was coming home tomorrow afternoon and I couldn't wait to see him. I also needed to open up to him. No matter the consequences, I needed to be honest. I love Brian too much to not be my true self in front of him and lie about my feelings.