The day had finally come.
Not like he'd been anxiously waiting or anything. Well, he had been anxious, and he had been anxious while waiting. But not in that way. Not like there was anything wrong with his house in Busan or his family and friends. In fact, he had no reason at all to move.
Other than ambition.
He wanted to dance in the capital.
There were many great opportunities in Busset, yes. And it was a lovely city, yes. He definitely was not doing this because he thought going to the capital was the only way to make a living out of his passion: dancing. He could easily do what he loved from the safe and comfort of his home town. But that was the thing. Jimmie didn't want safe and comfort. He wanted to explore. He wanted to see the world. He wanted to try new things.
And the first step towards that second dream of his was moving to the capital. That would be the first piece of world he'd see. It wasn't much, but it was something, and he had to start somewhere.
"All packed?" The door to his room creaked and a few soft steps sounded on the wood floor, taking Jimmie out of his mind.
He turned around and found his brother Jily, standing dejectedly by the door to his room. Jimmie smiled softly and opened his arms. Immediately a little body collided against his and Jimmie wrapped his arms around him. Jily hiccupped and Jimmie started whispering nonsense to soothe his little brother.
To tell the truth, Jily was supposed to be getting ready for school right now. But the whole moving away thing had hit him so hard that he'd gotten physically sick. It hadn't been too bad or too serious, just headaches and stomachaches, but today in the morning he'd been throwing up nonstop. Jimmie's parents had been forced to call the school and notify them that Jily wouldn't be going that day. All of the boy's teachers knew Jimmie and knew he was leaving today, so they probably knew what Jily's sickness was all about. But they just said they hoped Jily got better. Didn't even ask to see a doctor receipt tomorrow. And good thing too. Because Jily was just so sad he made himself sick, and doctors couldn't detect or cure that.
"I don't want you to leave," Jily sobbed as his hands clutched Jimmie's shirt tightly. "Please Mimi. Don't leave. Please."
Jimmie was convinced this boy wanted to kill him. Cause of death: a broken heart.
He held back his tears and his feelings, and smiled gently as he pulled back. Jily stared at him with big doe eyes, shiny and watery, his cheeks stained with old and new tears. He used his thumbs to wipe the tears as best as he could.
"Come on Jiji, don't be like that." His tone betrayed nothing, but inside he was begging. For all his little brother loved him and was doing this with good intentions, he was making it harder and harder for Jimmie to leave. "You know I'll be back. Thanksgiving and New Years are right around the corner. I bet the company will let us go visit our families during the holidays. Just wait a few months and I'll be able to come see you."
Jily somehow seemed to see or perceive the begging Jimmie had been doing in his heart, and he stepped back and used the back of his hand to wipe what was left of his tears furiously.
"Alright Mimi," he said, meeting Jimmie's eyes for all of five seconds before he lowered his head because he was getting teary again. "I'll be waiting for you, so you better come visit us, okay?"
"Sure thing, Jiji." Jimmie gave him another smile, a radiant one this time, because he was proud of his little brother. Everyone and their mother could see that Jily was trying to be 'mature' and 'adult' and that he was failing terribly.
God, Jily was already entering that 'I'm a grown up and too cool for this world' phase of adolescence. And Jimmie wouldn't be here to tease the living daylights out of him.
Let's not continue down that train of thought, okay? More importantly, shouldn't we be leaving soon?
"Jims," a low male voice rang through the room. "It's time son. Grab your luggage and let's get going or you might miss the bus."
Jimmie nodded and looked at Jily again. The boy, well, teen really, was staring at him with those red watery eyes again.
Please don't ask me to stay. I really might agree if you do.
"I hope you have a good time at the capital Mimi." Jily's voice was breaking all over the place but he held Jimmie's eyes and tried his best not to cry again. At least while Jimmie was still in the house. "Really. I hope you meet lots of new nice people and make good friends, and dance a lot, and have fun, and love whatever you're going to be doing from now on."
Man, Jimmie would've almost preferred Jily cried again and asked him not to go. These words felt even more heartbreaking.
"I-I..." Jily's voice cracked and he had to take a deep breath and swallow before he could continue. "I ho-hope you're very loved and appreciated over there. And if you're not, then don't think about it twice and come right back home." Jily's eyes hardened and he took on a firm tone, taking Jimmie by surprise. He had never seen his little brother like this. "Because here you have people that do love you, and you have people that do appreciate you, and you have no need to be there. If they ever treat you badly, if they ever... I don't know, do something that hurts you in any way, do not feel like you have to take it because there's no other option. There is another option. Remember that."
The teen stared Jimmie down like his life depended on it, no wavering, until Jimmie nodded; almost cracked his ribs with the fiercest hug he'd ever received; and then proceeded to walk out of the room with the same firmness.
Jimmie and his father stared at Jimmie's bedroom door, both dumbfounded and impressed.
"Wow..." Jimmie said quietly.
"I know, right?" Jimmie's father turned to look at his oldest son. "I've been raising him for fifteen years now and I didn't know he had that in him. I guess it's true that you never really know everything about a person."
Jimmie snorted and his father smiled. The serious atmosphere dissipated just like that.
They brought down Jimmie's bags and drove to the bus station. The car was silent as though no one was in it, even though mother, father, and oldest son were there. No words were left to be said. No other topics came to mind. All the three could think about was that one verb: leaving.
They arrived at the bus station right as Jimmie's bus was preparing to depart. There was a long queue of people waiting to leave their luggage and board, but Jimmie didn't go immediately. After all, the seats were numbered. There was no need to rush. He turned to look at his parents and they both had the same red watery eyes as Jily.
"Listen to your brother. He was right with what he said. Do not let yourself be mistreated, Jims. You have another option."
Before Jimmie could think of something to say or some awkward joke to make, his father grabbed him by the arms and stared him down. For obvious reasons, his stare was by far more intimidating that Jily's.
Even though his mother hadn't been there to hear what her youngest son had said, she nodded with teary eyes.
"Give it your best. Put your whole heart into this project. Don't give up without a good fight even if it get's hard. But honey, remember you have a home to come back to."
Jimmie's eyes started itching and his throat got tight, but he fought it back.
Not yet, hold it a little longer.
Not trusting his voice Jimmie nodded firmly. They weren't a poor starving family that depended on his success to survive. There was no sob story here. No need for Jimmie to endure insults and abuse. He knew it well, and he would make sure to keep it in mind.
The three hugged one last time. Jimmie boarded his bus, his parents begun walking towards their car. They knew their eldest son, and knew that he really needed space right now. So, even though they wanted to stay until the bus left, they didn't because Jimmie liked to cry in private.
He sat down, pulled his cap down low, and pulled the hood of his sweater on over it. That was when the first tear began to roll down his cheek. Many more followed and he tried his best to hold in his sobs. He didn't want the person sitting next to him to hear him.
The bus started moving and Jimmie surreptitiously looked over at the seat next to his. It was empty. He let out a long shaky and hiccupy exhale. Thank God for small mercies. No that he began full out sobbing, but he was a lot less tense and on guard while he cried. Jimmie looked out the window at the moving scenery as he thought about what he was leaving behind, about what he hoped awaited him at the capital, about why he was leaving in the first place.
Never once had it occurred to him that leaving, exploring, seeing the world, would hurt this much.
He hoped fervently that it got easier as the years went by.