It was through ragged breaths and heavy steps that Childe trekked through the valley of Liyue, his mind only half-present. He couldn't just focus on the long walk back to the city, oh no. If he did, he'd lose whatever strength he had left and would die behind some old mountain that no one, not even the Geo archon himself, came to anymore. No, he needed to focus on other things. Like how Zhongli was waiting for him, and he couldn't keep Zhongli waiting, no matter what. He'd made a promise - sure, he'd only said it to himself, but it was still a promise, and nothing would force him to break that. So he focused on the promise instead, his aching body moving on its own, as if it were an afterthought.
He wrote to Tonia at least once every week because he'd promised her he'd never let her get worried about him while he was away. He bought out the entire bookstore in his little village of Morepesok because he promised to buy whatever would make Anthon happy. Hell, he'd fought a literal leviathan because he promised Teucer that he'd bring him the biggest fish he'd ever seen for his birthday. Childe wasn't about to break a promise because of something as stupid as him feeling on the brink of death. He wasn't going to let something as simple as that force him to break a promise for the very first time.
Still, each step was torture to him. He cursed himself for getting so far away from the city without telling anyone where he was headed, and he cursed himself for being overconfident in his own strength. It wasn't really his fault, though. Had it been normal ruin guards that he was fighting, he would've been perfectly fine. But no. These idiots just had to be some weird hybrids that had only the goal of making Childe suffer in their mind. And, of course, it was his cockiness that almost left him for dead, but that didn't matter right now. He just needed to keep his promise.
Staying in his transformed body was a harsh effort, to say the least, but Childe knew he had no other option. He'd known it from the moment he chose to take on Foul Legacy and don the mask of Tartaglia rather than that of Childe, even if it was only for the span of a short battle. Keeping the swirling mist of electro and hydro took his everything, but it was better than shifting back to his mortal body - the wound on his stomach, though already deadly, would be even worse after Childe's use of Foul Legacy, and he knew there was absolutely no way that he'd be able to get back to Liyue Harbor with an even worse wound than before, especially since the previous cut had rendered him more or less immobile. No, shifting back was definitely not an option. Childe just needed to stay like this for a little longer, to pull through and get to the city where someone could find him and, hopefully, bring him to Zhongli. Then he could die, for all he cared. As long as he kept his promise, he would be fine.
The walk there had been pleasant, a stroll that had given Childe the time that he desperately needed to gather his thoughts and put himself together. This was the opposite. Each step tore him farther apart, destroying any sense of awareness he had left and leaving him as nothing but a mindless creature who only had one goal - to fulfill his promise. He couldn't focus on anything, not even on the fact that his manifested form was slowly slipping from his very grasp. If he wasn't careful, he'd shift back into his human body soon, and that would be completely unacceptable. Childe attempted to keep his focus on his body rather than on the blazing pain that he was left with, but it was hard, so very hard to do.
Each step made him want to give up, to abandon everything he'd ever worked for and to forget every stupid promise he ever made. All he wanted was to rest, to close his eyes and embrace the pain rather than fight it, to finally, finally, be at peace after fighting for so long, but he couldn't. He still had things to live for, he still had people to live for. No one would miss a Harbinger if he died, but he knew his little siblings would miss a brother, and Zhongli would miss a- a friend. And he couldn't do that to them, at least not without passing his goodbyes on through Zhongli. So he pushed forward. He forced back the bile that rose in his body and he pushed forward, one foot after the other, one step and then a second, making his slow, slow journey through Liyue.
How far had he come since the foot of that mountain? Childe didn't know. He didn't know where he was or if he'd even make it there, all he knew was he promised so he had to come no matter what. He wasn't sure if the world swayed around him or if it was just him that wasn't stable anymore. Maybe the transformation was finally wearing off. That would explain why his entire body felt like it was burning up as if someone lit a fire right beneath him. He just needed to hold on a little longer, to stumble through Liyue Harbor's gates and then he could fall, then he could rest. He just needed to stay strong for just a bit more, and then he could be weaker than he'd ever been before. Just a little more.
Every rock and tree locked exactly the same to him - had Childe just been walking in circles this whole time? He hoped not. The thought alone was enough to make his abdomen hurt twice as much, or maybe even his final reserve was finally depleting. He could feel his movements become even more unstable than before, as if he were walking on a rocking ship, and didn't that make him feel all sorts of horrible ways. He was making progress, he was sure of it. For one thing, he was no longer trapped on all sides by looming mountains - he couldn't have still been stuck in that same cursed valley. Maybe Liyue Harbor was near. Maybe he'd make it there without any more complications.
Another jolt of pain when his foot slipped over a tree root, and he managed to catch himself on the trunk with one hand. Where his hand touched the bark, a scorched spot remained. So he wasn't just feeling entirely too hot. He really was burning up. He limped away from the spot, slowly starting to double over in an attempt to quench the hurt that throbbed through his stomach with every little move he made, but combined with the strain that his body was going through he didn't know how he was still able to move. All he could feel was the miserable, miserable agony of his body betraying him as he trekked forward through the endless hills of Liyue, not getting any further but not coming any closer, until-
Until there it was, there it was, far in the distance, the small pharmacy that stood at the edge of Liyue Harbor, standing peacefully in all of its beautiful glory. He did it. He really did it. He'd managed to get all the way back to the city even in his pathetically weak state, and he'd be perfectly fine now. He just needed to get a little closer, to just make himself seen, and then he'd be able to fulfill his promise. He'd come back to Zhongli one last time, and then he could let go. Then he could finally rest, finally lie down and not get up and welcome the pain that threatened to crush him the way someone would crush a fruit fly.
So why couldn't he move? Childe tried to take another step forward, gritting his teeth against the scream that threatened to tear through. No, he couldn't be so evident with his weakness now, not when people could see him. He needed to push through it and wait until he was with Zhongli. Then, he could be as weak as he wanted. Just a few more steps. That's all he needed. Just a few more steps, and then he could rest. Then, he could let go of the storm of hydro and electro that barely stayed up by now, and he could just be himself. He could be Ajax. In his final moments, he could be Ajax, the best older brother that anyone could ask for and the boy who knew how to love and be whole. He could be Ajax soon, so very soon. But right now, he desperately needed Tartaglia. He needed to push through. He needed to be strong.
He managed one step, and then another, but couldn't move any farther without fearing that he'd fall to his knees. Breathing ragged and uneven, Childe pressed himself against a tree that happened to offer its support to him. The rough bark felt almost painful against his tortured skin, and he knew he was boiling-hot again. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to get himself under control - since when was it a little overuse of his delusion and some wound that could render him useless? He was supposed to be the strongest, not whatever this dying state was. This was wrong. He was wrong. He wouldn't make it back, he couldn't. He'd fall here, some hundred meters from the little old pharmacy, and a random merchant would find his dead body. They'd hold him a funeral, but aside from Ekaterina and Zhongli, no one in Liyue would even bother to come.
Childe hesitantly opened his eyes and attempted to raise his head to face the world for one last time. He took in the wind-blown trees and scaling mountains that were worn down with time, he took in the emerald green grass that shimmered under the sun, he took in the jade blue sky, an endless plane of nothing but beauty with not a single cloud in sight. He took it all in. The birds that merrily swung from one branch to another, blissfully unaware of how Childe felt as if he was getting torn into tiny, tiny pieces and then burned alive. The small butterflies that flitted among the sweet, sweet flowers, drinking in the nectar as if it was the finest wine. Zhongli, who-
Beautiful, beautiful Zhongli who walked along the path from the pharmacy, a small bouquet of silk flowers resting in his hands, and even from a distance, Childe could tell that the ex-archon was smiling. His hair blew in the soft wind, framing his already-beautiful features with a crown of dark brown silk. This couldn't be real. Childe was hallucinating, he was sure of it. He was suffering from blood loss and probably burning up from a fever, and he was hallucinating that he saw Zhongli in a desperate attempt to keep his promise, and he wasn't really there and he'd disappear soon.
But he didn't. Zhongli, perfect, divine Zhongli looked up from where he'd been lost in his thoughts, and the bouquet of silk flowers scattered onto the ground. The soft pink petals flew into every single direction and Zhongli's eyes went wide, the red eyeliner only boldening his shocked features, and then he was running, running to Childe. He, in turn, swallowed through the pain of raising himself up from where he'd been hunched over in pain, reaching up a tentative hand shrouded in gray mist in Zhongli's direction. Ah, right. He could let go now.
Childe dropped his hold on his elemental energy, and the body of Tartaglia dissolved into nothing around him. The relief was instantaneous, but it didn't last for long, especially not with the wound on his stomach being twice as deep now. He hissed slightly at the pain, but it was better than the Foul Legacy state. At least he was more used to this. He didn't have time to dwell on it, though, because there was Zhongli, stopping right before him and placing a gentle hand over his bandages, his golden eyes wide with emotions that Childe simply couldn't process right now. He only managed to nudge Zhongli's second hand to hold his cheek, and Childe leaned into the touch as if it was his lifeline.
"You came," he whispered, his voice hoarse from all the screaming. The two words took entirely too much effort for him. "I thought I'd have to come to you."
How he managed to say that much, he didn't know. He did know, however, that he kept his promise. He got back to Zhongli. He could rest now, he could finally let go. He saw Zhongli one last time, and he helped Liyue. He could be weak now. The smallest of smiles tugged onto Childe's lips as he slumped forward and let go.
---
His eyelids were heavy, way too heavy when he finally opened them. Everything around him was blurry, as if someone had smeared white paint over his eyes and stopped him from seeing. Had he died and gone to heaven? Childe had never been extremely religious, but that would explain why he felt like he was floating and why everything around him seemed to be coated in a snow-like blanket. He tentatively tried to sit up in an attempt to explore his surroundings, immediately giving up when it felt like he was getting stabbed in his stomach all over again. By the archons, this was as worse than his time in the Abyss.
Okay, so he definitely wasn't in heaven. He really doubted that heaven would force him to feel like he was dying if he moved. Maybe hell, then? Considering all of his crimes, Childe wouldn't be surprised if that's where he was accepted instead. But no, it couldn't be hell, either. Hell wasn't exactly known to be a peaceful white color, and if he really was in hell, he probably would've felt a lot more pain. Like maybe all of his old wounds reopening and constantly torturing him. But from what he was aware of, he only had one wound now, so definitely not hell, either. Strange.
So he had to be alive then, right? Childe's eyes fluttered closed again as he tried to recall why, exactly, he felt like death. It came back to him in less than a second, all crashing down at him like a massive wave that engulfed his very being. He'd been with Zhongli, but then had to take care of some business that Ekaterina mentioned and ran into some ruin guards and nearly died and had to use his Foul Legacy transformation again and stumbled through all of Liyue because he made a promise to see Zhongli again but he hadn't even made it all the way back to the city because- because Zhongli came to him.
Childe sat up so fast, he didn't even feel the gut-wrenching pain until a few seconds later, as if his body had a delayed reaction to it. He didn't mind, though. If he'd lived before, he'd live now. That still didn't stop him from clenching his teeth to keep from screaming, but some rational part of him somehow managed to keep Childe quiet. He frantically looked around the room, his eyes seeing but not registering anything. It was simple enough, from what he could tell - antique white walls with a bookshelf to one side of the wall and an old wooden desk to another, with a massive grandfather clock standing dead center. His eyes landed on the empty chair that stood, long forgotten, across the room, and Childe almost felt sad. Almost. He shouldn't have gotten his hopes up, really. Just because he was alive didn't mean Zhongli wanted to see him.
He looked down in disappointment, his eyes landing on a messy tangle of familiar silky brown hair, and only now did Childe notice that the bed he was laying in, which most definitely wasn't his, dipped to one side with the added weight of someone else's body. So Zhongli did want to see him, after all. He was just a little tired. He was right there, right by Childe's side, offering his unmovable comfort and support, the way he always did. Childe managed to lift a tentative hand, noticing his gloves were still gone, and placed it gently onto Zhongli's head, his fingers tracing slow circles as they played with his hair. He was, to say the least, surprised that the action was more or less painless. Maybe his body was fine now, and it was only his abdomen that remained injured. That didn't matter right now, though.
Childe could feel himself growing heavy again and his eyes seemed to close on their own, but he didn't stop gently raking his fingers through Zhongli's hair until he was asleep again. He was alive, he'd kept his promise, and Zhongli was right beside him. Things couldn't be better.
The next time he opened his eyes, he was greeted with a plain white ceiling arcing over him and a stiffness in every single one of his joints, though that was understandable. Childe hadn't exactly had the chance to move around a lot the last time he'd been awake, but he was determined to change that this time. The room was painfully empty this time, but maybe that was for the better. As much as Childe adored spending time with Zhongli, he knew the god would definitely keep him bed rest until Childe was completely healed, and he wasn't having any of that. It's been how long - two days? Maybe three? - since Childe last got to move around and he'd be lying if he said he didn't feel, at the very least, uncomfortable. If it were up to him, he'd already be jumping into his next fight the second he didn't feel on the verge of death anymore.
He hesitantly sat up, relieved to find that the wound no longer felt like it was getting ripped open with each move, though the dull stabbing sensation wasn't too much of an improvement. Okay, so maybe he wouldn't be rushing head first into battle just yet, but there still was no way he'd just sit around for Tsaritsa knew how long. With great effort, Childe threw his numb legs over the side of the bed, feeling a little relieved when he felt the floor beneath him, and he pushed himself up into a standing position. Almost immediately, he swayed on the spot, feeling like a newborn taking his first steps. Was he really that injured that even standing still was an issue?
He stumbled into the wall at his left, thankful that it was close enough for him to catch himself without making a complete mess. The dull throb from his stomach was definitely proving to be a lot more annoying than he hoped it would be, but it wasn't anything he couldn't deal with. He took a small step in the direction of the door, relying heavily on the white planks of the wall to offer their support for him rather than his legs, which, considering how each move made him feel nauseous and horrible, was an absolutely amazing idea. Childe slowly shuffled along the wall, taking a break every few steps to catch his breath - who knew that almost dying would make a person get tired so much more easily?
Footsteps rang out from down the hall, and Childe reflexively straightened up, grimacing at the action as it tugged at his cut in a very painful way. He managed to calm himself down with the fact that it was Zhongli. Probably. Most likely. Just in case it wasn't, though, he instantly willed his usual blades of hydro to appear in his hands before realizing that his vision was nowhere in sight. He frowned, looking down at himself - he was sure he'd worn his vision and delusion both on his belt, so why couldn't he- oh.
Instead of his usual Fatui uniform, he was wearing what looked to be casual clothing that seemed a size too big for him. The makeshift bandages on his stomach were gone, too, replaced with actual, real ones. Only now did Childe realize that he'd been pretty much half-naked when Zhongli had gotten to him. He was half-dead, too, but that didn't really matter right now. All that mattered was that he'd collapsed on top of Zhongli while being shirtless. Gods, he'd never live this down. He could already feel the blush spreading over his cheeks, and he had to take another painful step to the door to keep himself from turning into a complete tomato. The footsteps only got louder, and Childe made a rash attempt at seeming natural, which included him leaning against the doorway in a position that did absolutely nothing good for his wounds.
And then came Zhongli, walking towards him with a platter of teacups in his usual calm steps. His eyes met Childe's, who awkwardly stood leaning against the doorframe, looking even more pale than usual, and the platter of expensive tea cups crashed to the ground.