"So," Dr. Hartz opens the door to her home. "You must be Killua."
Killua nods. "Uh- yeah."
"It's so nice to meet you!" Hartz hugs him. "Come on in."
Killua walk inside, and Hartz leads him to her home office. She opens the door and let's him in, where Gon sits on a couch. With a toddler who's intent on flattening his hair.
"Kiwrua!" Gon says, slurred a little due to the little hands grabbing his cheeks.
The little girl looks over to the door. "Ba?"
Hartz chuckles. "Abby dear, you're not supposed to be in here."
"Ba ma!" The little girl exclaims. "Eh- eh Gon!"
"It is Gon." Hartz takes the girl out of Gon's hands. "Go find your sisters and scold them for not watching over you like I asked them to, okay?"
"Ba!" The toddler nods before running upstairs.
Killua snorts, looking at Gon's hair as he takes a seat next to him. "Nice makeover."
Gon crosses his arms. "You should see what she can do when she's got a brush and hair accessories."
"Alrighty then, boys." Dr Hartz takes a seat across from them. "Let's get this started, shall we?"
Gon and Killua nod.
"So how long have you been dating?" She asks, even though she already knows.
"Uhm..." Killua thinks for a moment. "Five months."
"Mm. And how did you start dating?"
Killua blushes, remembering how they confessed to eachother. It's actually rather embarrassing, now that he recalls...
"Killua was having a nightmare," Gon begins. "And eventually as I was comforting him, we ended up confessing to eachother."
"Do you have nightmares often, Killua?" Hartz asks.
Killua nods. "I used to. Though they're not nearly as common as they once were."
"What are they about?"
"Uhm..." Killua holds Gon's hand. "I- it varies. Sometimes it's nightmares of my sister and her suicide. Or losing Gon somehow..."
"Do you blame yourself?" She asks. "For what happened to her, or for losing Gon in your nightmares?"
"Yes..." Killua looks down.
"And why is that?"
"I wasn't there for her when she needed me." Killua says. "And... I guess I'm scared that I'm..."
Gon waits for Killua to continue, but Hartz can see where he's going. "I see. Gon, you used to have nightmares of the same thing, didn't you?"
Gon nods. "Yeah. I blamed myself for just about everything. Even after I met Killua, whenever something bad would happen I'd blame myself."
Killua sits up. Did Gon blame himself for the things that happened to Killua? The beatings, sexual assault, and Killua's suicide attempts? But- that's- no. Gon's the only reason Killua made it through any of that. There's no possible way for him to be the one to blame. Regardless of your perspective.
Gon couldn't think that was actually his fault-
Right?
"How did you stop the nightmares?" Hartz asks. Again, she knows. But Killua doesn't.
"It wasn't me." Gon answers. "It was you, Kurapika, Leorio, and Killua. On my own I never would've been able to get rid of them."
"And now that you don't suffer from those nightmares anymore, how has it changed you?"
"I've learned that it's better to let people in than keep them out. I can't deal with my trauma on my own, and I've accepted that." Gon says.
"But do you still blame yourself for what's happened?"
Gon hesitates. "Yes. Somewhat."
"What can't you forgive yourself for, even now?"
"..." Gon doesn't quite know. What does he still blame himself for? "I don't know. I guess everything in general, I can't help but feel as if I could've done something."
Hartz nods. "That feeling will never fully go away. For either of you." She sets down her clipboard. "You'll always have that little voice in your head trying to tear you down. All you can do is fill your lives with something to drown it out." She clears her throat, putting her supplies away. "Now, the best kind of therapy is joy. So let's stop with the more negative stuff, for now, and discuss something else."
"Alright. Like what?" Killua asks.
Hartz grins. "Well, what sort of thing do you want to be in the future? I know it's a cliche question, but you really can tell a lot about a person from their dreams and aspirations."
"Uhm..." Killua thinks for a moment. Dreams? Aspirations? He's never had any plans for his future. For so long he didn't want a future. And all he's ever dreamed of is Gon.
I want... Killua blushes brightly, realizing what he wants. I want to marry Gon. Have a family. That's all.
"While Killua thinks, what about you Gon?" Hartz asks.
"Well... I kinda wanna be like you." Gon answers with a small blush. "Maybe not a therapist. But I wanna help people."
Hartz smiles. "That's really sweet, Gon. Killua, have you come up with an answer?"
Killua looks away from Gon, bashful. "W-well... I uh..." He mumbles out the rest. Forgetful of Gon's ridiculously good hearing.
Gon blinks a few times, wondering if he heard that right. Hartz raises an eyebrow, looking between the two. "I'm sorry, what was that?" She asks.
"I want to be a stay at home husband..." Killua says, a little louder. Gon turns a deep shade of red. "For Gon..."
Hartz smiles warmly. "That's a good answer, Killua. Very down to earth. Why do you want to be a stay at home husband?"
"W-well, I never had any dreams or goals before I met Gon. A-and I want to have a family, and prove I'm not who my parents raised me to be." Killua explains. "Gon's basically my whole world. I don't need any other dreams."
"That's very sweet." Hartz smiles. Gon blushes deeply, still holding Killua's hand. "So, dinner plans anyone?"
"Uh, no." Killua replies.
"Me neither." Gon says.
"Great, then why don't you join us? Morgan is cooking tonight." Hartz stands.
"Morgan?" Killua asks.
"My eldest daughter." Hartz tells him.
"She's a great cook." Gon tells Killua. "And her wife is a confectioner."
"Sounds good." Killua nods.
Hartz leads them out of her office and to the dining room. In there, Mallory Hartz's six daughters are causing commotion. Twin fourteen year old girls arguing over the seating arrangement, the twenty year old Morgan trying to cook without going insane, Morgan's wife trying to get the five year old out of the freezer, the seventeen year old is just sitting in her seat playing on her phone, and then the ten year old is throwing food at the twins.
"Shit- mom's here." One of the twins curses, sitting down immediately.
"Mo-" the other twin takes her seat without any further argument.
The ten year old freezes, half an avocado in hand. "Ah- hello there our beautiful mother-"
"Don't even." Hartz sighs.
"Finally." Morgan sighs as well, setting the food on the table. Her wife finally gets the toddler out of the freezer and sets her down so she can help Morgan set the table.
"Everyone, this is Gon's boyfriend, Killua." Hartz announces. "They'll both be joining us for dinner."
"Gon!!!" The twins get up, latching onto Gon's arms.
"Did you watch the latest episode of Edens Zero?" One asks.
"I just got the biggest tea on-" The other is cut off by Hartz.
"Sienna, Rachel, chill." Hartz tells them. The twins pout. "Sit your butts down." The twins grumble, taking their seats.
"I'm Peyton." The seventeen year old introduces herself to Killua. She's the same age as Gon and Killua. "How long have you known Gon, Killua?"
"Well, we've been classmates for a few years but we only really started getting to know eachother this year." Killua explains.
"We call the twins there Rache and Enna." Peyton points to them. "Rache is the one with the right gray eye, Enna has eye green right."
Rachel and Sienna both have straight strawberry blonde hair and pale, freckled faces. They're identical other than the colors of their eyes, and even wear their hair the same way. They both have heterochromia. Their left eyes are blue, but their right eyes are different colors. Gray for Rache, Brown for Enna. Rache tends to wear mostly darker colors, while Enna wears mostly pastel. They're the same height of 5'4.
"The ten year old she-devil is Remy." Morgan says.
Remy, a tiny ten year old at the height of 4'3, has short blonde hair in a bobcut. She wears all black, and has aesthetic bandages all over her face, arms, and neck. Some of the bandages have trans pride stripes on them. Some have aro-ace pride stripes. Others have anime characters on them and cute shapes. She has big round glasses with black frames, and black nail polish. She wears combat boots and fishnet stockings, a mini skirt, and an oversized t-shirt tucked in. All in black.
"I'm Morgan, this is my wife Kristin." Morgan sits, her wife at her side.
Morgan wears a button up white blouse, and black slacks. Her ginger hair is tied in a bun, with bangs covering her forehead. She has a small silver nose ring, and a slit in her left eyebrow.
Kristin wears a long sleeved elaborately patterned dress with many shapes and lines, a few colorful flowers to make it all pop here and there. She wears a black choker with a small golden heart-shaped pendant on it. Her long black hair lays loose on her shoulders.
"You've met Abigail." Hartz gestures to the toddler. Abby grins.
Killua nods. "It's nice to meet all of you. How long have you known them?" He asks Gon.
"Three years." Gon answers. "Ever since Abby was still in diapers."
"Yup!" Abby giggles. "Gon's wike the bwother we nevah had!"