°°
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you bleed just to know, you're alive
°°
Harlow Dean
I heard a gunshot, and suddenly it was like all of my own pain disappeared. Seconds after the first one there was a second, so I raced out the car as fast as I possibly could because the panic that crashed over me was so lethal that it was numbing all the pain I was already feeling.
The closer I got, the clearer my view of the situation became; Liam is lying on the ground and Daniel the same.
My heart sank and I continued approaching them, however when Harry yelled my name so loudly with such horror in his voice, I stopped my place. He had a gun in his hand and tears in his eyes, his face painted a picture of terror and it was enough to scare me into staying where I was for a few seconds.
All four of them were crowded around Liam, Harry straddling him and pressing his hands against Liam's chest which is covered with blood. Daniels lying on the ground lifeless just meters away from them all and this whole picture is just horrific.
When I got closer, Niall tried to keep me back by placing his hands on my shoulders and shuffling me backwards, but when Harry shouted and told him to be careful with me he lifted his hands.
Liam's eyes are still open and blinking, Harrys still clutching onto his chest for dear life while the rest of them stand with their hands over their mouths unsure of what to do.
"Harlow, please go back in the car." Harry pleads, his voice more distraught sounding than ever.
It hurt seeing him like that, I don't think I ever have seen him so upset before. Although when Liam slowly lifted his hand, as if that action was the hardest exercise in the world, Harry's eyes lit up with hope.
"No..." Liam spoke quietly, gripping onto Harry's forearm. "H-Harlow..."
Harry looked up at me, so did everyone else and then Harry motioned me over with his head. Slowly I approached and crouched myself down next to him, being careful of my painful rib and a little weary of the fact Liams lying here with a bucket in his chest.
I've never seen something quite like this.
"You saved Harry." Liam mumbles, looking me straight in the eye.
For some reason I felt my heart break, but then I put myself into Harrys shoes and looked at this from his perspective and it broke even more. He says he's never loved before, but the love he has for Liam is the type where you don't realise it's love until it's over. They're brothers and Liam means the world to Harry, even if Harry fails to recognise it.
"Gave...gave him something worth living for." He says, causing my eyes to well up with tears and my heart to drop down into my stomach.
"No. Liam stop it." Harry pleads, lifting one hand off his chest to hook round the back of his head and hold it up for him. "Stop saying goodbye."
I've never seen him so hurt before and it's so painful to see. All I want to do is comfort him and tell him that everything's gonna be okay, but in reality, if I told him that it seems as though it would be a lie.
"Zayn, go and call somebody, Louis check on Demi and Niall check Daniel. Now!" Harry shouts, causing the three of them to scatter leaving him and I with Liam.
I turned to look at Harry, only to be met with the sight of him and his teared up, bloodshot eyes and skin covered with smudges of blood. Looking back at Liam, he looks weak, his face has drained of colour and it looks as though it's a task for him to even keep his eyes open.
"You saved my brothers life..." he talks so slowly, so painfully. "Thank you."
"Stop! Stop it Liam, I can't..." Harry pauses, shaking Liam slightly as if it's going to wake him up and remove the bullet from his chest. "I can't do this without you."
It's the first time Harrys ever said that, and I can tell just how difficult it was for him. Recognising his feelings never has been an easy task for him, dealing with them is a whole new level of difficulty.
My chest aches hearing him beg Liam not to give up, because I know just how much he values their relationship despite the fact he doesn't show it. He started to cry, and he wasn't even trying to hide it anymore which only goes to show how hurt he is.
Liam's eyes started to close, and when Harry realised, he started to shake him harder and become a lot more frantic.
"Liam stop! Harlow what is he doing?!" He asks panickedly, shaking Liam who's eyes were closing. "Birdy, help me please." He pleads, crying like never before as he's shaking Liams lifeless body.
His eyes closed, the grip he had on Harry's arm dropped and I think deep down Harry knew he was gone now, he just couldn't accept it. It's so visibly painful to watch him try and bring him back to life, but if he doesn't be careful he's only gonna hurt himself.
"Harry..." I place my hands on his shoulders and try and pull him back before he does any further damage.
To think just hours ago I was sat helplessly at my mothers grave until Harry picked me up, took me home, washed me and took care of me is terrifying, because in such a short space of time everything has switched and now Harry is the one who needs comforting.
It's scary how quickly things can change, and it's even scarier when you haven't even had time to digest certain things before the world throws another hurdle at you.
Harry eventually gave up and leaned straight over to me. He went to wrap his arms around my waist but stopped himself when he remembered my rib and instead, wrapped his arms around my neck and hugged me so tightly. He started to cry like never before and just let all hell break loose around him.
I had blood on me now, and the way we're sitting definitely isn't doing great for my rib however I just don't care. My biggest concern right now is Harry's welfare because it's been so long since he's experienced loss and the fact it happened right before his eyes is absolutely dreadful.
My eyes started to cry too, repeating the words Liam had last spoken about the fact I had saved Harry and gave him something to live for. Harry and I both saved each other without knowing, and now it's become certain that we so desperately rely on each other.
"We have to go home." He cries, his head resting on my shoulder. "Please. We have to go home."
"Home sounds good." I whisper, as Harry clings onto me like I might disappear.
Harry's house is home now.
Harry stands up first, his hands covered in blood and cheeks stained with tears. He wipes his hands on his shirt and holds his still bloody hand out to help me up. When I take to my feet it rushes all the pain back to my rib but I just ignore it, because Harry's hurt seems a lot worse than mine.
Still gripping my hand we pace over to his car where Louis and Demi are standing and Harry climbs straight into the driver's seat without even talking.
"Can you drop Demi at home?" I ask him shakily, to which he nods.
Quickly, I thank Louis and rush round to the passenger seat. I tried to be as quick as I could but it feels like somebody's crushed my rib cage each time I move. Harry took off as soon as I shut the door and reached across to hold my hand so tightly that it almost hurt.
He turned down the music so silence filled the atmosphere and he was driving so fast that it was a miracle that we didn't get into a car crash. He was dodging through the traffic like a fire engine too, nearly wiped out a motorcyclist but I decided not to question it.
When we do arrive back home, Harry races out his car and straight inside without giving it a second thought. I had to awkwardly shuffle off the seat thanks to the fact it feels like my ribs are all shattered, but when I did finally make it inside after him he was nowhere to be seen.
I heard the shower running though, so I took myself upstairs into his bathroom, only to be me with the sight of him under the water in all of his clothes with his knees up at his chest. He looks so distressed and it breaks my heart.
Dismissing the fact I'm still fully dressed in Harry's clothes, I climb into the shower with him which causes him to cross his legs and look at me confused. I sit myself down in his lap, my legs wrapped around his waist and I just hug him.
His face tilted forward and his wet skin rested against my forehead as his sunken eyes started directly into mine. It's so upsetting to see him like this, because it's such a rare right. I hate seeing people upset but when it's somebody you love and care about it hurts so much more.
He links his arms round my neck, dropping his head down to my shoulder and his breaths become choppy against the soaked cotton on my skin. The glass pane to the side of us is fogged up due to the heat of the water and when Harry lifted his head, he drew a heart and wrote 'H+H' inside of it which had nostalgia smacking me straight in the face.
"I never should've left-"
I cut him off by pressing a finger against his lips to stop him from speaking, "Harry stop that. Stop punishing yourself for things you can't change."
He lifts his head back up so he's looking at me and sighs, resting his wet forehead back against mine as the water drenches the two of us.
"I'm gonna buy you a club and stuff." He mumbles with his eyes pinched shut.
"The club is the least of our worries just now, it's okay." I tell him, my heart shattering after hearing the pain and desperation in his voice.
"I need to fix everything, all the mess I've made." He adds, his voice cracking mid sentence and becoming more shaky. "I need to fix you too, I ruined you."
I've been in his place before so I understand exactly how he feels for the fact he's 'ruined me', but he hasn't. Not even in my worst nightmares could Harry ruin me, not after everything he's ever done for me despite all the challenges we've faced.
"You haven't ruined me silly, you've made me so-"
"Don't say happy." He cuts in, "you're not happy anymore."
I've been trying to be so comforting, wear a smile on my face in the hopes it'll make Harry feel better but then he comes out with things like this and tears all the strings in my heart. The worst part is that he's not even wrong.
I'm not happy, but that isn't because of Harry. I'm unhappy because I've lost everything I've ever had besides Harry and that really takes a toll on a person's mental health.
Just hours ago I was tied to a chair with blood dripping down from my forehead, it was all too much then and that's why I was so not myself earlier, because I didn't know how to deal with it. Parts of me were telling me to leave Harry because I couldn't take the pain of him leaving, but quickly I came to the conclusion that I couldn't leave Harry if I had to.
He makes me happy.
"We'll get through this Harry." I tell him, hugging him back because I just can't bear to look at his heartbroken face anymore. "I promise you that we'll get through this."
Harrys the one who has to reassure me all the time and I think it's important for me to do the same. He worries about me too much and I just want him to know how much I care about him.
"Together?" He asks me timidly.
I lift my head from his shoulder and bring my hand up between us, holding my pinky out towards him. When Harry catches on, a few tears splash down onto his cheeks and an inaudible cry escapes his lips before he eventually wraps his pinky around mine.
"Always."
°°
Is someone cutting onions?