The following day is a quiet one. Louis all but begs to go to the park, but with Niall so withdrawn and upset still, there's no way they're dragging him out. So Harry takes Louis to the park and Liam goes out to one of his friend's houses, and that leaves Zayn alone with Niall for the first time in...well, ever, if they're talking about since they got him back. Back before George had taken their son from them, Zayn had been alone with him all the time and it had never been this anxiety provoking.
As such, he makes sure the eight year old eats and drinks something before turning on the morning cartoons and making sure the boy is comfortable before he goes to his room to fish out the sketch pad and pencils that have gone untouched for so long.
He isn't sure why, but it feels right. He hasn't drawn in the longest of times but he wants to; he actually feels inspired to. And with the whole meeting with George out of the way, there's something akin to hope blooming in his chest that maybe, this means there's nothing holding them back from moving on properly now.
Niall doesn't even blink when Zayn re-enters the room, his eyes tired and half-lidded as he watches the tv. Zayn sits on the other end of the couch and begins to draw.
After a short while, Zayn catches the boy watching him from the corner of his eye from his space curled up next to the arm of the couch with his legs pulled up and Bunny hugged to his chest, but the moment he looks back at the kid, he quickly looks back to the TV and tries to act as if he hadn't been staring for the past few seconds.
He turns back to his sketch for a few seconds, the basic outline of his son snuggled up in his PJs watching cartoons before looking back up to find Niall eyeing his sketch pad again.
He smiles. "Did you want to see?" He asks gently, and the child hesitates before giving a small nod, shuffling across the couch until he's sitting beside Zayn with his legs crossed in front of him and his teddy in his lap, tilting his head to look at the page better.
He pauses, then looks up with wide eyes. "You're drawing me?" He asks, quietly.
Zayn smiles again and nods. "I am."
Niall looks puzzled. "Why?"
"Because I love you," Zayn says simply, eyes softening when the boy looks almost confused by the statement. He closes the book and runs his hand over the worn cover; the edges are softened rather than sharp now and there are ridges and bumps in the leather binding. "I've had this book for twenty years, your Dad bought it for me on our one year anniversary of being together," he explains, and Niall's eyes widen.
"It's — it's even older than Liam," he says, earning a chuckle from the man, who nods.
"Yup. When Harry gave this to me, there was a note taped to the inside cover," he flicks the page open and runs a hand over the sheet of paper still stuck there. "See, it's still here. I won't read it to you, but it basically says that this is a book he only wants me to use when I feel completely, entirely in love with the thing that I'm drawing or the moment that I'm trying to capture."
Niall doesn't answer, just stares at the book, and so Zayn turns the page. The first picture is from that day, the one year anniversary of their first ever date; Harry, face smoother and rounder and younger, sprawled out on the living room floor with his laptop open, papers and folders scattered around him as he studied. Zayn had sat curled up in the armchair in the tiny apartment they'd shared back then and watched him, and he'd realised just how madly in love with this man that he was, and so, true to the note, he'd sketched the moment.
"This one was from the day he gave this to me," he says gently, then turns the page, grinning at the sketch of Harry fast asleep on the couch with a bag of crisps on his chest and his head tilted back, mouth wide open, the light of the TV screen lighting one side of his face. "This is the night before I proposed to him, he fell asleep when we were watching a movie and I just...I can't explain how I knew, but I realised I never wanted to be away from him a day in my life if I could help it. Course, we couldn't actually get married back then because the laws were different for people like us, but we wore the rings and it meant the same thing really."
Niall glances up at him at that, brows pulling together. "Why couldn't you get married?" He asks innocently.
Zayn smiles sadly. "Well, because we're both men, and there are a lot of people in the world even now who think that only a man and a woman should be together. But love is love, and there's nothing wrong with the way I love your Dad or the way he loves me back," he says softly, and Niall nods.
"I love Louis a lot. He's my best friend," he states, and Zayn laughs, nodding.
"Well that's a little different, buddy. There are different types of love. The love I have for Harry is very different to the love I have for you and your brothers, but it's just as strong. And you know, if someday you love someone the way I love your Dad, no matter who they are, as long as you're happy and loved in return then you know, me and Dad'll accept it," he tells him, and Niall nods before looking back to the sketch pad.
"Who else did you draw? Apart from — from Daddy?" He stumbles over the word and Zayn doesn't miss the way the kid tightens his grip on Bunny almost anxiously. He decides not to react to hearing him refer to Harry with that title because he'd hate to make the boy even more worried about it.
So he just smiles and flicks across a couple of pages, stopping on one of Liam. He'd been around three weeks old, they'd brought him home almost two weeks earlier. The sleepless nights had taken their toll on all three of them, walking back and forth from one side of the apartment to the other until the early hours when the baby would finally settle for maybe an few hours of they were lucky. This day though, he remembers well.
"This one's Liam when he was a baby. It was the first day he hadn't cried non-stop, your Dad was passed out on the couch and we'd put Liam's cradle between us, and I'd looked down to find him just watching me. Biggest, darkest eyes I've ever seen on a baby, just blinking up at me. It was like I was looking at this entire little universe right between me and Haz on the couch, someone who could grow up to move mountains and I just...I knew I loved him from the second I saw him but this was the moment where it really, truly hit me."
Niall stares at the sketch and then tilts his head again, smiling a little. "He's got lots of hair for a baby," he says, and Zayn chuckles, nodding.
"He really did have, I've never seen anything like it. We used to bathe him and spike it all up into a mohawk, there are so many pictures up in the attic," he tells him with a fond grin at the memory. Then he turns the page again and smiles more.
This is one from a year or so later. Harry had gone back to work for the first time since they'd brought Liam home and Zayn had been terrified; in the drawing, there's a tiny Liam with his arms stretched up and eyes wide. He'd been throwing a tantrum and Zayn had decided to join in — he'd yelled at the top of his lungs and when he finally stopped, Liam was no longer screaming, but just staring up at him. Then he'd started to giggle and those giggles had turned into cries and Zayn realised just how emotional toddlers can be, and the second that little boy had held his arms up to him, he'd swept him up and held him like the day they brought him home all over again until he'd fallen to sleep. He'd drawn the picture after he'd settled him down in his cot.
When he turns the page again, he pauses. Because this is his first drawing of Niall, a few days after he'd brought him home. He had been so tiny, God, so tiny. So fragile that Zayn had been afraid to hold him for too long in case he hurt him.
Unlike Liam's powerful set of lungs, Niall had been the quietest baby of them all. He'd been tranquil and calm, blinking ocean blues up at Zayn and Harry, tiny fingers wrapping around their pinkies and little legs kicking out.
Niall tilts his head at the drawing of the baby in the book; a moment of five year old Liam holding a bundle of blanket and light brown tufts of hair caught in a sketch of black and white.
"Is that Louis?" He questions, peering up at Zayn.
Zayn smiles at him, letting out a small chuckle. "Baby, that's you," he corrects.
Niall looks surprised. "Oh. I was really small. And - and Liam was holdin' me like a grown up. I didn't know kids are allowed to hold babies," he says, wide eyed.
A bubble of laughter escapes Zayn's chest then, the innocence of the question making him feel lighter somehow. "Oh? Why wouldn't they be?"
Niall shrugs his shoulders all the way up to his ears. "I don't know. 'Cause if I hadta hold a baby, I might accidentally drop 'im 'cause I always drop Bunny by accident. And kids aren't very strong," he explains very seriously, before looking back to the sketch pad. "Do you got anymore drawings of me from before?"
Zayn smiles at that. "Of course I do. Lets see..." he flicks forward a couple pages, stopping on a quick sketch of Niall at maybe one year old, wearing only his nappy with his baby skin covered in lines of felt tip pen. He's in his high chair, paper decorated with scribbles on his little desk. He smiles fondly at the memory that arises with it. "You always liked to draw whenever I was drawing. You used to follow me everywhere, you know? I used to call you my little shadow."
The eight year old smiles at that, resting his face against Zayn's arm again, almost nuzzling it. "I still wanna draw with you now," he says softly. "What else did I used to do?" He asks.
"Hmm. You'd only eat your food if each food group was separate on your plate...you used to dance, all the time," Zayn laughs at the memory. "Before you could even walk, you'd stand and hold onto the table and sort of bounce, it was the cutest thing. There was this one song you always used to sing, this really old one your Uncle Cal played for you once and you were mad about it. I used to walk into your room in the morning and you'd just be lay there singing to yourself. God, you must've only been eighteen months, two years old?"
Niall giggles at that, then goes somber and leans into Zayn's side. "I don't 'member all that stuff much," he mumbles, twisting his fingers together in his lap.
Despite the sadness settled in Zayn's chest at the words, he manages a smile, closing the sketchbook and setting it to one side. "That's understandable, Bug. That was more than five years whole years ago."
"But - but maybe if - if George never taked me away, I would remember," the eight year old urges.
Zayn sighs, making a split second to hesitate before he reaches across and hooks his hands beneath Niall's arms and hauls him across to his lap, the closest the boy has been to him since they got him back.
"Maybe you would, or maybe you wouldn't. The important thing is that you're here now. And I'm so, so glad, kiddo," he whispers.
Niall blinks up at him for a moment before he leans his side against the man's chest and sighs. "M'tired."
It isn't the response Zayn had hoped for, but he pushes that aside and wraps his arms loosely around the boy. "Hm? You wanna take a nap?"
Niall nods against him, not opposed to an idea that most other eight year olds might seem as 'babyish'. Zayn knows that it's a result of George's treatment which makes the boy act younger than he is, but he can't bring himself to dislike that fact that his son is more than happy to be coddled.
After all he's been through, he deserves it.
He rocks the boy side to side, one hand moving up to cradle the back of his head, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of his head.
"Sorry I'm not around as much as your Daddy is, Ni. I know I work a lot, but I want to be here, with you. I don't want you to think I'm trying to avoid you."
Niall stays quiet for a moment, and Zayn begins to think the boy has fallen to sleep on him already. Then Niall turns his face into Zayn chest and nods.
"S'okay. Being a superhero takes lotsa time. You hafta go out and save the people in the fires and stuff," he says softly.
Zayn chuckles at that, nodding. "True. But I'd like to be here with you just as much."
Niall yawns. "Mhmm. I like it when you're -" his sentence is cut off by yet another yawn.
"Go to sleep, darling. I got you."
Niall doesn't answer, his breathing quickly evening until he goes completely lax in Zayn's arms, gentle exhales puffing warm air out onto his neck.
He basks in the comfort of having the boy so close after so long, so entrusting of him, falling to sleep in his arms like this. Because sure, Niall sleeps in their room every night, but he always cuddles close to Harry - so this is different.
He remains in that exact position, unable to bring himself to move at all for fear that he might wake the boy, all the way up until Harry returns home from the park with an excitable six year old in tow.
Louis comes bounding into the living room, all giddy and rambly, grinning from ear to ear. "Papa, Papa, guess with I saw! Guess! Guess!"
Zayn quickly holds a finger up to his lips to shush his youngest a little, but Niall doesn't stir anyway, clearly out for the count. Zayn figures that yesterday must've tired the kid out.
Louis noticed his sleeping brother and quickly slaps his hands over his mouth. "Oops!" He stage whispers. "We feeded the squirrels, Papa! There was a man in - in the park, an' he was makin' funny noises an' talkin' to 'em, and - and they was all comin' right up to him, and he was feedin' them, and - and he gived me some seeds and I feeded 'em too, Papa, they're so cute."
Zayn chuckles at the boy's attempt to whisper the story. "Wow, baby. That sounds so cool. You fed squirrels? Oh my gosh."
Louis looks pleased with that response, bouncing a little on his heels. "Uh-huh! Um, next - next time, uh, I wanna take Ni too and - and then he can feed the squirrels too! And you Papa, you too," he says, and the moment he finishes, Harry steps into the room, long hair tied back into a bun tied at the nape of his neck, looking refreshed from the outside air. "We feeded the squirrels, Daddy, didn't we?"
Harry smiles at the boy, nodding. "We sure did, big guy. You finished chatting Ni and Papa's head off about it?"
Louis pouts. "Just Papa, Daddy. Ni's sleepin', duh," he announces, making both men snort in surprise.
Harry rounds the couch and reaches down to tickle the six year olds ribs. "Alright, sassy pants. Go get outta those dirty clothes and I'll run you a bath in a minute, alright?"
The boy nods innocently, skipping down the hall to the bathroom. Harry turns to Zayn with a raised brow. "Well he didn't get that from me."
"Psh. You're kidding, right, that's all you," he teases back, grinning.
Harry rolls his eyes playfully, moving to sit on the edge of the couch, smiling at him and Niall. "This is nice to come home to," he says softly, reaching across to gently brush his fingers through the back of Niall's hair.
Zayn smiles, peering down at the sleeping boy in his arms. "Yeah. God, Haz, I've just been so worried about him rejecting me that I haven't made any effort to get close to him," he breathes, finding himself tearing up. "But he's just so trusting. After everything he's been through, all I have to do is hold him in my arms and he drifts off like he's in the safest place in the world."
Harry smiles. "That's because he is. You're his Papa, babe. You're safe to him, so am I, so are his brothers and so is this house. He knows he's okay here."
"Yeah. Yeah, you're right." He swallows. "I just feel like I had a breakthrough with him today. He hasn't cuddled up with me like this since...god, Haz, since he was three years old."
"I know," Harry looks at them with nothing but love. He leans in and presses a delicate kiss to his cheek, then another to Niall's forehead. "So you keep cuddling up to him and I'll go get the other rascal in the bath."
Zayn nods, watching his husband leave before he turns his attention back to the small boy curled into his chest. He looks so peaceful, so calm and...god, so young and innocent. He moves one hand to brush a wave of hair off of the boy's forehead.
And it's like a revelation in that moment - he isn't trying to reassure himself or think positive thoughts - he just knows for a fact that things have to be okay.
George is being locked up, Niall is home with them, everything is moving in the right direction. And any other obstacle that comes their way?
He knows they're strong enough to get through it.
NOTE
not quite finished yet, im not actually sure how many chapters this story will have but i still wanna write some stuff with ni starting school and all that.
anyway, lemme know what you think in the comments!
thanks for reading (: