Two days after questioning, I was finally out of the closet. After much discussion, the majority of Lee's group voted me a permanent member.
I now looked around May's room. Several polaroids taped to the wall. One showed Connor mooning the camera with his middle finger up.
"You can sleep there," May pointed to an empty cot.
Her three mattresses stacked on top of each other were at the opposite end of the room. She volunteered to have me stay with her, but I didn't see this as a fun sleepover. This was Lee's opportunity to stick me with a babysitter.
I set down my blankets and sat on the cot. The stretched out fabric felt stiff under my thighs. It wasn't the most comfortable thing, but it would suffice. May suddenly reached into her back pocket and pulled something out. My heart jumped to my throat as I recognized Daryl's knife.
"Lee said that you could have this back," she handed it to me.
A wave of relief washed over my stomach as I held the knife in my hands once more.
"Thanks," I said.
"It's my turn to be on watch, but I'll see you later. Don't burn the place down while I'm gone."
"Wouldn't dream of it."
May left the room and I waited to hear the door lock behind her, but the sound never came. I turned to see the door wide open. The past few days, I spent my time yearning for the door to be unlocked, to have the freedom to come and go as I pleased. But now, I only felt exposed.
I closed the door and sighed. As much as I wanted to explore the house, I desperately needed a nap. Since arriving, sleep had been scarce. Now that I knew my position in the group was secure, I found myself craving a moment of peace. I messily made my bed, collapsing on the cot.
For now everything was okay.
✯✯✯
I quietly walked to the first floor. Fortunately, no one crossed my path, which is how I wished it would always be. The front door squealed open painfully. I slipped through and let the heavy wooden door shut behind me.
Standing on the porch, I admired the tall perimeter enclosing the house. There was a comfortable amount of space between the two. I didn't feel claustrophobic nor vulnerable. I wondered about getting a garden going.
Muffled sniffles interrupted the quiet. Furrowing my brow, I followed the noise to the side of the house where I recognized Connor's hunched-over figure cradling something in cupped hands.
"Connor?"
His head snapped up at the sound of my voice. Puffy tear-stained eyes met my gaze.
"Is everything okay?"
Connor nodded weakly and looked into his hands. I approached and carefully crouched next to him.
"I can go get someone–"
"No, no," he waved me off. "It's just that–"
He held up a golden wedding band and slowly smiled.
"I'm supposed to be married by now," Connor dropped his hand. For the first time, I noticed a matching ring on his left hand.
"His name was Dan," Connor held the ring to his lips.
"I'm so sorry," I tentatively placed a hand on his shoulder.
"Some days, I'm fine and everything is okay. Then it'll just hit me out of nowhere."
Connor sighed heavily and leaned the back of his head against the house.
"I'm sorry, I don't mean to problem dump," he said in a nasally voice.
"No, it's fine." I bit my cheek thinking what to say. "I recently lost someone too."
Connor's posture slightly perked up.
"What was their name?"
I held back for a moment before pushing out the word.
"His name was Daryl." My throat constricted and I swallowed roughly.
"We got separated. And I have no idea where he is or if he's even alive."
My nails dug into my palms as my chest suddenly ached.
"Well, what happened?"
"He just–," I forced down the lump in my throat. "He just left. He didn't wait for me. And I'm so..."
A salty tear escaped my eye and I roughly wiped it away.
"I'm so fucking pissed at him!"
Connor said nothing and we sat in silence for a moment.
"Sorry," I laughed wryly and wiped my nose. "I barely know you."
"Now, we're even. We both dumped our problems on each other," Connor smirked.
I snorted and shook my head.
"I just don't usually talk to people like this."
"You mean express your emotions in a healthy way instead of internalizing them until you explode?"
"Yeah, that," I chuckled.
A small falcon dove into the trees in the distance and shortly reemerged with a small animal wrapped in its talons.
"Have you made any friends?" Connor wondered.
"Not really," I shrugged. "May seems nice. Lee too. But Kenny hates me."
Connor rolled his eyes.
"Oh, don't even bother with that one. Kenny's always been that way. Most people here live with a stick up their ass."
I bit my lip to suppress a laugh. Connor nudged my shoulder and leaned closer.
"If you stick with me, you'll be just fine."
"Then I guess I'll stick with you."
✯✯✯
(𝑷𝒖𝒃𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒉𝒆𝒅 𝒐𝒏 5/7/21)
𝑴𝒂𝒚 1𝒔𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒚𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝒂𝒏𝒏𝒊𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒂𝒓𝒚 𝒐𝒇 𝑷𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒎𝒐𝒏𝒊𝒖𝒎. 𝑻𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒌 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒖𝒑𝒑𝒐𝒓𝒕. 𝑰 𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒄𝒊𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚 𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒍𝒆 𝒗𝒐𝒕𝒆, 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒎𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒂𝒈𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒈𝒖𝒚𝒔 𝒔𝒆𝒏𝒅 𝒎𝒆. 𝑰𝒕 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒎𝒐𝒕𝒊𝒗𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒔 𝒎𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒌𝒆𝒆𝒑 𝒘𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 ♡︎
𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒍𝒐𝒕𝒕𝒆'𝒔 𝒋𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒏𝒆𝒚 𝒉𝒂𝒔 𝒕𝒂𝒌𝒆𝒏 𝒒𝒖𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒂 𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒏. 𝑰 𝒕𝒐𝒐𝒌 𝒂 𝒓𝒊𝒔𝒌 𝒔𝒆𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒇𝒓𝒐𝒎 𝑫𝒂𝒓𝒚𝒍. 𝑨𝒇𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒂𝒍𝒍, 𝒉𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒂𝒏 𝒊𝒎𝒑𝒐𝒓𝒕𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒓𝒚. 𝑰 𝒆𝒙𝒑𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒍𝒐𝒔𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓𝒔 𝒃𝒆𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒎𝒚 𝒅𝒆𝒄𝒊𝒔𝒊𝒐𝒏 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝑰 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒇𝒆𝒍𝒕 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒊𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒏𝒆𝒄𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒂𝒓𝒚. 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒕𝒐 𝒈𝒓𝒐𝒘 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒅𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒍𝒐𝒑 𝒐𝒏 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒐𝒘𝒏, 𝒐𝒖𝒕𝒔𝒊𝒅𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝑫𝒂𝒓𝒚𝒍. 𝑩𝒖𝒕 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒓𝒚, 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒚'𝒍𝒍 𝒃𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒖𝒏𝒊𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒔𝒐𝒐𝒏.
𝑯𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒇𝒖𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒚𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝒇𝒓𝒐𝒎 𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝑰'𝒍𝒍 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒊𝒔𝒉𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒓𝒚, 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒘𝒉𝒐 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘𝒔. 𝑨𝒍𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝑰 𝒅𝒐 𝒕𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒂 𝒘𝒉𝒊𝒍𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒖𝒑𝒅𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆𝒔, 𝑰'𝒎 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒈𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒏𝒚𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒏𝒆𝒊𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒊𝒔 𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒍𝒐𝒕𝒕𝒆.
𝑯𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒚 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈
- 𝑨