part two of "I Love You(but i don't believe you)". read that first or this will not make sense.
unedited
Midoriya Izuku is dating Bakugou Katsuki. It should come as a surprise to the world, given how Kacchan hates Izuku's guts, but it doesn't. All of his friends expected it, saying that it was about time.
Which Izuku didn't quite get. Kacchan never showed any sort of affection for Izuku, only just an obvious irritation. So how was it about time? Maybe they could see how much Izuku longed to be with the ash-blond. That had to be it.
But even so, when Kacchan had asked him on a date, he said yes. It had to be a dare or something, Kacchan is never one to back down from those, even if it meant dating a shitty nerd like him.
The first date was everything Izuku ever wanted. He had dreamed about it for years, since they were five! It was just a simple movie date, but it was perfect. A hero movie that was, in Izuku's opinion, not that good but still enjoyable because Kacchan was pressed up rigjt next to him. His skin was warm against Izuku's and it just felt so right.
Kacchan didn't even seem to mind his quiet mumbles about the movie!
Izuku remembers that the sky was blue that day. A pretty, clear ocean hung above them when they exited the theatre. Its never ending vastness comforted Izuku, just like Kacchan's arm locked in his.
The next date, Izuku hoped he hadn't annoyed Kacchan too much by begging him to bring them to the aquarium. He isn't quite sure if Kacchan remembers this, but this was actually where they held hands for the first time when they were younger. They had been on a school field trip and almost got lost in the crowd, but Kacchan, brave and strong, took his hand and found the group again. They had held it all through out the rest of the day.
And it felt so nostalgic, to feel the same, albeit bigger and more scarred, sweaty palm slotted with his. He kept a tight grip and rubbed his thumb over the callouses on Kacchan's hand, memorizing them and making them out as if he'd never get the chance to again. Just feeling Kacchan squeeze back as a shark passed over their heads in the dome gave him that same fluttering feeling of courage all those years back.
The sea above them was positively flowing, and Izuku almost felt like the water wrapped around him and Kacchan. Like it was encasing them in their own bubble. Izuku would never forget it.
The third date, Izuku felt fear. Fear because maybe this all wasn't a dare, especially if Kacchan made rice bunnies for him. Kacchan would never get caught making something so... so cute! But if it wasn't a dare, then what did all of this mean? It made Izuku's hands shake, and he gripped the picnic blanket beneath them as they star-gazed.
The sky that night was suffocating. It was close, closer than it should've been, and Izuku was sure it could crush him at any moment(but not Kacchan, never Kacchan, Kacchan is indestructible— could never get hurt, Izuku wouldn't allow it). It never ended, the opaque ocean swimming for miles and miles above them. It was terrifiying and inviting all at the same time, and Kacchan, sweet sweet Kacchan, looked up at him like he just hung the stars in that black hole. He never wanted this moment to end.
The fourth date, Izuku couldn't believe it. Kacchan wanted him to be his boyfriend, Kacchan's boyfriend. It left him wide-eyed and gaping for words, because how could Kacchan, beautiful and courageous Kacchan, want to date him, the nerd who spoke too much and got lost in his head too often? Of course, they had been friends for ages after they got through the rough patch in middle school. They were adults now, just beginning college, but he still couldn't wrap his brain around the fact that out of all the people Kacchan could have, he chose him.
When they left the restaurant that night, the sky drowned them in giddiness and love.
Izuku was in love. He knew that. He knew that before he could even speak. His heart had only known Kacchan, and the fact that Kacchan's heart knew him as well... it made him bawl to his mom on the phone that very night.
And things were amazing. They were perfect, everything like dating Kacchan should be and like he imagined it to be. They balanced each other out, like fire and ice, and Kacchan was just so undeniably Kacchan. The skies were clear for a very long time.
Izuku didn't mean for things to turn out like this. He really didn't. He doesn't really know how it happened himself.
Izuku is a people pleaser. It's a known fact amongst anyone who has ever known him. Everyone always says how Izuku's selflessness is his best quality. But Izuku knows now, that it's also his worst.
He never meant for things to end like this.
He never meant to hurt Kacchan. He didn't want to. God, if he could, he would take on all of Kacchan's negative feelings himself, just so the ash-blond could feel relieved.
But that would be in a world where Izuku isn't a people pleaser, and rather just a Kacchan pleaser.
This is not that world.
Because while Kacchan means everything to him, his anxiety won't let him not care about anyone else.
In a perfect world, Izuku would've broken things off with Todoroki the moment he knew Kacchan was serious about them. He would've told the bi-colored haired man that he had a boyfriend, one who loves and cares for him.
But again, this is not that world.
In Izuku's non-perfect world, insecurity drowned him and he choked on salty memories of their childhood. Kacchan didn't love him. This whole relationship had been a joke to Kacchan, it didn't mean anything.
Izuku knew this, but he buried it deep, deep down. He could ignore it in the first half of their relationship with all of the sea water that pushed it down. But then the sea levels kept on rising and rising and the high tide wasn't going down ever and oh god, Kacchan hated him.
Izuku hadn't hooked up with Todoroki since before Kacchan took him on their third date. Izuku could admit that Todoroki was an attractive man. His facial structure was sharp, all defined edges just like Kacchan's, but unlike the ash-blond, he had a gentle softness in his features. When Todorok hit on him, Izuku didn't turn him down because the hurt of knowing that Kacchan was just taking him out because of a dare stung too much.
But then Kacchan asked him to be his boyfriend on that fourth date and Izuku knew that it had to be real. Because Kacchan doesn't do what Kacchan doesn't want. He stopped seeing Todoroki outside of work after that, and kept their relationship strictly professional.
That was until that one damn night. Izuku had been working overtime, breaking his back hunched over his desk, drawing sketches for his next chapter. Todoroki, his editor, stayed behind to help with ideas.
The sky was dark that night, Izuku remembers, and it through the windows, the world looked like nothing but an open, blank space.
Todoroki kissed him.
Izuku hadn't kissed back. The bi-colored man pulled away, apologizing profusely. But Izuku, wrapped up in his own insecurities with Kacchan, could only preen under the attention. He pulled the man back in for a kiss.
And it escalated from there.
Izuku doesn't know how home-made dinners with Kacchan turned into late night hook ups at the office with Todoroki. He'd come home to a plate wrapped in tinfoil with a note saying "for the nerd. stop working yourself so hard. make sure you eat or i'll beat your ass. come cuddle immediately afterwards or else".
And his stomach would twist and turn, churning with a gut-wrenching guilt. Bile would rise up in his throat and he couldn't remember how many times he would hyperventilate in the shower, hoping the sound would drown out his sobs. He would scrub himself raw, hoping it would wash away the hickey's on his neck or the hand prints on his ass.
He did all of this, only to go back to Todoroki the next night and repeat it all over again. It was like he couldn't stop. Because before this, he knew he wasn't good enough for Kacchan, he always knew, but now that he cheated on him... He scratched hard at his skin, breaking through a layer.
The fights Kacchan and him were having didn't justify his cheating, either. Just because they were going through a rough patch doesn't mean he should go and get fucked by someone else! What had he done? What had he done? Why couldn't he stop? He just wanted the insecurities that tugged his heart into the acid of his stomach to let go. But now they were only worse and his heart was burning, incinerating, and it was killing him— it was killing Kacchan.
Why did he snap at Kacchan? Why did he have to bring up their stupid past? He hated this. He hated all of this. He hated the fights, hated the make-up sex where Kacchan fucked him so rough and tore him apart like if he didn't claim him, he would go and spread his legs for someone else. Because his claim didn't do anything. And it only hurt so much more later, the bitter sting, and Todoroki entered him.
He just wanted all of this to end. He didn't mean for it get this way. He just wanted to know what it felt like to be loved again.
But now he realizes that he had been a fool. Because Katsuki loves him, he loves him so so much. Izuku knows that now. How he ever though otherwise was a fucking mistake. This whole arrangement of secrets and office sex was a mistake.
Because seeing Katsuki's eyes, so full of hurt, watery and red, and hearing his voice crack because he was holding back a sob absolutely destroyed Izuku. He knew this was the end of them. Of Kacchan and Deku. Of the Wonder Duo.
Katsuki left that day as the sun set in the skyline, and an encasing darkness remained. Izuku swore that it would never rise again.