Violet.
I sighed when Ian once again didn't really answer my question. He'd been out of it all day, very absent in any conversation we tried to have with him.
I was working the afternoon shift with my boss, Victor. One of the regular social workers had taken ill so he jumped in to help me control the group of kids for the afternoon and evening. It was a Tuesday again, meaning this evening most of the kids would have visitors and it would be quite calm for Victor and I.
He hadn't really worked down here in quite a while. Ever since he got promoted, he was always up in his office and didn't do the regular social work with kids anymore. He actually hardly knew them, and more important, they didn't know him.
I had noticed Ian's behaviour a few hours before, as he was so quiet and back in his shell. It was different to how he had been the first few days when he was going through withdrawal. I sensed he felt bored here, didn't really connect to any of the boys and his mind was going to drugs time and time again.
They didn't really get anywhere with him during therapy, he was just super closed off and slightly arrogant. Since I was his personal social worker and I had to keep an eye on his program, I decided to have a chat with him. After all, it seemed like he trusted me most.
"We're not angry with you or anything, it just seems like... you don't feel comfortable with any of us. And it's keeping you from letting us in and we can't help you. I understand you've gotten basically nowhere with Rebecca, while you've been here over a week now."
Ian shrugged and kept bobbing his knee up and down in a steady pace. He didn't seem nervous, it was just something he did often. He had gotten a bit more colour back in his face when the worst of his withdrawal had passed, and he had gained a bit of weight now that his appetite returned.
I could really see more of Louis in him each day.
"I don't like Rebecca." He mumbled.
"Why not?"
He shrugged again. "Don't know. Can I not get another therapist?"
"If you really want someone else, we can switch Rebecca for Jamie maybe?" I narrowed my eyes to see if that would be something he'd like. Maybe him and Rebecca just didn't vibe. Everyone here had another method of approaching the kids, and it worked for some and not for others. It wouldn't be the first time we switched out caregivers to benefit the program of the kid.
He still kept his eyes down but nodded slightly, one hand reached up to his neck to scratch the back. "I just feel like I don't really know any of you. How am I supposed to... get better and shit when the people who want to help me are strangers?"
I understood where he was coming from. Some kids needed more time to bond, other's didn't really care if they knew their social workers or caregivers. Most of them felt like this was temporary and they didn't want to build up any connections, because then there's bonding, attachment, guilt and the feeling of missing when they get to leave. ù
"What do you want to know?" I asked.
Ian's eyes lit up slightly at my question and I frowned. "You know you can always ask us anything, right? Some might not want to answer, but that's okay. You can just try and see where it gets you." I urged him on a bit to get out of his shell.
None of us would ever get mad at him for asking a question, depending on how personal it was obviously. There were social workers who were really open about their private life, but everyone's boundaries were somewhere else. Maybe that's what he struggled with.
The problem with the RSP is that not all the social workers were on the same line about which treatment worked best. That's why we might be contradictory sometimes, which in return is confusing for the residents. Whenever I worked with Victor, I made sure not to step a toe out of line though. He was quite severe and honestly scared me as much as he scared the kids.
"Do you... have a boyfriend?" He asked quietly and I tried to hide the small smile on my lips. How come that was often the first question they asked when given the chance? I shook my head no. "I don't."
"Why?"
His question slightly threw me off guard, but I didn't mind. This was still stuff I was comfortable sharing. "I don't know. Not really looking and nobody that catches my eye."
"So you're not seeing anyone?"
I slightly hesitated before I shook my head once more, but Ian noticed.
"Go on, tell me." He was slightly smiling now, obviously interested in whatever gossip I could give him. I shrugged. "It's nothing. Bit complicated, but nothing actually to tell. Just some... tension."
Ian nodded in response and seemed to be thinking about his next question. "I had a girlfriend once." He stated eventually. My brows raised and I nodded quickly. Ian had not been one to really be open and personal with any of us since he got here. This was a good sign of that changing.
"What happened?" I asked rather softly.
Of course we already knew about his ex-girlfriend, Kyla. Louis had mentioned her during the intake with Rebecca. She was a heavy user, usually seemed to opt for heroin. It was actually Louis who dragged Ian away from her, seeing as she was a bad influence.
His elbows leant on his knees as he bent forward a bit. "She... used quite a lot. I didn't mind, I liked her a lot. But one day she just disappeared. Louis thought she was bad for me." He sighed.
I frowned slightly, assuming Louis had either bribed or threatened her to not contact Ian ever again.
"How did that make you feel? Could you understand where he was coming from?" I slowly opened my notebook to scribble some things down. My mind was never really clear during personal chats and I didn't trust myself to remember any of this by heart. Ian slowly nodded. "I did. He tried to look out for me, and I know one day I'll be thankful. But it did hurt a lot."
I didn't really respond to him and he let out a sigh before he started talking again. "She was a bit older than me, she was Harry's age, so 23."
I tried not to cringe about the fact that she was a 23-year old and he was 17. I couldn't imagine myself ever dating someone six years younger than me. "Do you always only hang out with people older than you?"
Ian nodded. "Yea, it's just... In my brother's friend group they're all around his age, which is 25. Besides one of them, Harry. He's been here before, you might know him by now. He's like, 23. Bit of a baby, really. I get along quite well with him, seems more like someone my age whereas Louis is always so serious and mature."
I bit my tongue in order to pretend like this was all new for me. Also, Ian referring to Harry as a baby caused me to almost burst out laughing. He was so on edge when I mentioned his younger age before, let alone if someone called him a 'baby'. I left a silence for a while as Ian seemed to be thinking. "Do you think you'd like to have more friends your own age? Or girlfriends?"
"I just feel out of place sometimes with the older guys. I'll always be Louis' little brother to them, even when I'm 30. It's annoying."
"You feel like they don't take you seriously?"
Ian shook his head. "They don't. Louis always sticks up for me, which is nice and brotherly of him, but also makes it seem like I need a babysitter."
"So... It seems like Louis is very protective over you and maybe doesn't realize you're good to go off on your own sometimes?"
Ian nodded in response, confirming my suspicions. He sighed and rubbed his hands together. "Turns out he's right though sometimes, look at what happened with Kyla. But it's frustrating, I get angry at him for belittling me so much, always making my decisions for me."
I held my breath, feeling the need to rant about Louis but also not wanting to let my personal life affect Ian's program. "It could be something we discuss with him." I suggested.
Ian shook his head. "I've tried, trust me. It ends up in heavy fights. He just gets me so..." Ian got up to his feet and started pacing around, frown on his forehead and balling his fists, "angry."
"What's something that helps you whenever you get angry? How do you deal with moments like this?" I had my eyes trained on his white knuckles as he tensed his muscles.
Ian scoffed dryly. "We fight. Like physically. We punch each other or throw things. It gets messy."
I frowned a little. "You never get to have a decent conversation about the fact that you want to be taken more seriously?"
He shook his head frantically. "No, fucking hell, just thinking about it drives me nuts."
"How do you usually deal with that anger? Besides punching one another? What could be a solution?" I asked.
"Dru-."
"Besides drugs." I quickly cut him off and Ian let out a sigh, running his hands through his hair. "I don't fucking know."
I flinched slightly when he rammed his fist against the wall, denting it but not putting a hole in it. His breaths were heavy as my hands were tightly resting in my lap. "Ian..." I tried carefully.
"I'm sorry." He instantly muttered, still pacing around with a clenched jaw.
"It's okay. I'm trying to think of ways to help you right now. Do you want to be left alone? Or would that be a bad idea and do you want me to stick around? Or Victor? Do you want to go play video games? Do you want to go to the gym?" I listed a few options.
"I'm... Fuck, I don't know. Maybe the gym?"
I nodded quickly. "I think that might be a good idea. A lot of boys go there to control their anger. There's a punching bag."
I glanced at the clock, seeing it was five minutes to seven. Louis would be here any minute to visit Ian, and right now I doubted it was a good idea when Ian's temper was like this.
"Go ahead, I'll come check on you in a bit." I urged him and he quickly nodded before fleeing the room. I got up to my feet and let out a sigh, inspecting the dent in the wall and comparing it to the thousands of other ones that were left by other residents.
I joined Victor in the office with a sigh. "Ian is in the gym, cooling down. Talking about his brother and his need to be treated like an adult, are sensitive subjects to him."
Almost like clockwork, the bell rang at seven and I flicked my eyes to the security footage to see Louis and Harry at the gate, while on another camera I could see Ian pacing around between the gym equipment.
"Can you go check on Ian really quick? I'm going to let them in." I spoke to Victor, who nodded and went up the stairs.
I hadn't seen Harry since he was high out of his mind at the Mayfair on Saturday. I had gone to work on Monday evening, but had only seen a quick glimpse of him up the stairs before he disappeared in his office for the rest of the evening.
His other friends, except for Louis, did talk to me more often as well as Isobel. I was supposed to be working tonight as well, sharing another shift with Abby. She hadn't asked me about Harry after I told her we had sex in the bar, and she was thankful I gave her a hand with the bartending. Harry being cooped up in his office all night meant he had no idea what work I was actually doing, and none of his mates seemed to care enough to rat me out.
"Hi." I opened the gate to let the two of them in, Louis giving me his usual glare while Harry kept his eyes down. They followed me down the hall and I opened up one of the therapy rooms, turning the lights on.
"I had a bit of a rough talk with Ian. He was quite triggered and he's cooling down in the gym. Victor has gone to check up on him now, but I just want to warn you he's not exactly a ray of sunshine today." I explained briefly.
Louis narrowed his eyes. "A rough talk? About what?"
I shifted on my feet uneasily. "We should maybe wait until Victor gets here."
"Jesus Christ." Louis scoffed. Harry nudged his shoulder but Louis didn't seem to back down, "He has one talk with you and he's moody? Big surprise." He muttered under his breath.
I frowned at his childish behaviour. "I know you don't like me, but I'm doing my work in the best interest of your brother. Don't come at me for not being professional when I'm literally doing my job. Try to keep your feelings of hatred towards me to a minimum, I'm doing the same thing. After all, the only person it'll affect in the end is him."
Louis' mouth was a tight line and for a second he looked like he wanted to explode, while Harry seemed rather shocked and surprised at my little rant. I kept calm and collected, trying to seem confident in front of the two men while Louis' heavy glare made me want to sink through the floor.
I was relieved when I heard approaching footsteps and Victor joined us, slightly out of breath. "Is Ian here?"
"No, he's in the gym." I frowned when Victor shook his head. "I just went to have a look, he's not there."
"How can he not be there? I saw him on the camera just a minute ago." An uneasy feeling crept up in my stomach, "I'm going to check again." I informed the three men as I walked backwards towards the stairs, jogging up and taking two at a time.
I checked the gym, seeing it empty indeed. I checked his bedroom, the showers and then the gym again, but he was nowhere to be seen. I then checked all the bedrooms of every floor, even on the third floor that was off limits for him. I checked the basement, even though it was locked, I checked every therapist room and the kitchen and ended up out of breath in the garden.
"Ian?" I called out into the dark space, before grabbing my phone, turning on my flashlight and going all around the garden. It was raining again and I was soaked by them time I got back in. I quickly checked all the camera's again but there was no sign of him. None of the other kids had seen him either.
Harry, Louis and Victor all looked at me with expectation when I joined them in the therapy room again. I let out a heavy breath. "Ian's gone." I muttered, and Victor's eyes widened. "Shit."
I nodded. "I checked everywhere, even twice. It's quiet and empty on all the floors, even went around the garden twice. The camera's aren't picking up anything either. I think he ran off."
Victor ran a hand over his mostly bald head and let out a sigh. "I'll go check everything again really quick."
I nodded while Louis let out a shaky breath, shoulders and jaw tense as he was clearly trying to contain his anger. "He ran?"
"He ran?!" He repeated much louder, making me flinch slightly. He took the few strides until he reached me, his voice echoing around the small space and I sucked in a sharp breath. "It happens often when they receive bad news. The conversation I had with him might've been a trigger when he already had a shit day."
"What was that fucking conversation about?!" Louis snarled.
"You!" I exclaimed, "It was about you. He... He feels misunderstood, he wants to be taken seriously and treated like an adult. That's what we were talking about." I spilled, seeing Louis' face turn from angry to hurt and guilty.
I knew I had gone about this the wrong way, throwing it in his face. The last thing I wanted wat to create more tension between Ian and his brother, but on the other hand I felt the urge to continuously defend myself when it came to Louis. Especially when he questioned every little move I made.
Harry seemed calmer and more collected as he stayed seated. "What's the policy now?" He asked. His voice was low and it had been the first time I'd heard him speak since they got here.
"Um. We call the police. He's underage so they have to track him down and bring him back. Unless he shows up at someone's house and calls us, or that person calls us. If he's used anything he's not allowed back until 24 hours has passed and he has a clean urine test." I explained and Louis seemed even more angry than he was before.
Harry put a hand on his shoulder and Louis quickly turned around. "She's doing everything she can, Lou. It's policy. He'll be fine, you know that." Harry's voice seemed to soothe Louis, who calmed down instantly but was still on edge. Victor joined us in the room and shook his head. "He's not here anymore."
Louis instantly stormed past me. "I'm going to go look for him." He paced out the door and Harry followed swiftly, not giving me another look. I sighed and rubbed my forehead. "I'm going to get all the paperwork in order. Are the kids all behaving?" I realized we had left them alone for a good 10 minutes, long enough for them to burn down the building a few times.
Victor and I were slightly shocked when they were all sitting nicely on the couches, watching tv. "They deserve a prize for this." I muttered, sitting down on the desk chair to start the paperwork. Victor nodded in agreement. "I'll go get the ice cream."
I opened the correct forms on the computer and filled them out with all the information I had on him before mailing them to the police department. I then phoned them. "Hi, this is Violet from the RSP. I'm calling to report a runaway here."
The woman on the other side of the line sighed quietly and I couldn't blame her. "Hi Violet, it's Kimberly." I actually knew Kimberly because I had phoned the police office so many times to report runaways, that we had become acquainted.
"So, his name is Ian Tomlinson, he's 17 years old. His brother is out looking for him right now."
"What is he wearing?"
"A pair of dark blue sweatpants, white Adidas-trainers and a white t-shirt. He's probably wearing a black hoodie too. He doesn't have his wallet or phone on him and he's very prone to relapse. He's only been here a good week."
"Christ, that's a recipe for disaster." Kimberly muttered and I ran a hand through my hair. "He's about 6 feet tall and has a skinny build, but his weight is average. He has brown short hair and blue eyes. No tattoos or scars on his face. I just sent you some forms with a picture of him included, you should get them in your mailbox any second."
Kimberly confirmed she had received the e-mail and we ended the phone call. At this point there was nothing I could do really, but I felt obligated to inform Louis. I grabbed the phone with a shaky hand to dial his number. He picked up after the first ring, desperation laced in his voice.
"Hi, it's Violet from the RSP. I've been on the phone with the police, I've given them a picture and clear description of what he was wearing this evening and what he looks like. They've got people looking out for him."
Louis didn't really answer me, but I heard him breathing. "Thanks, Violet. We have a pretty good idea of where he might be." Harry answered instead of him. He sounded a lot more collected and together than Louis did.
"Call me when you find him. I'll be here the rest of the night." I sighed, leaning back into the chair and letting my eyes dart on the other kids who were still watching tv, eating their ice cream right now. They had deserved it.
"Will do." Harry spoke before ending the phone call. I stayed in the office most of my shift to update some people's files with whatever information I had. I kept checking the phone to see if I had a missed call from either Louis or the police, but hours passed by and nothing happened.
I grabbed a cigarette and informed the kids they could have their last smoke of the night, and soon we were all under the overhang outside, smoking in silence.
Aaron was the first to speak, as the oldest resident here, he had been taking up his exemplary function and it suited him. Technically, Casper was the oldest resident but he was so advanced in his program that he hardly had to spend any time anymore at the RSP.
"I hope they find him soon, it's a cold night." Aaron remarked and I nodded. Even though none of them really got along well with Ian, there was this atmosphere of worry hanging around. It had always been like that when someone ran off or left. There was just a tense mood, and everyone silently prayed that Ian was alright. In the end, they were all in this together and they did try to look out for one another.
I felt like we had a good group going on at the moment. There were tensions and fights, but there wasn't this one shithead kid who made us want to put our heads through the wall. It felt nice after a few horrible months last year. It felt like we could breathe again, but on the other hand we all knew it was just a matter of time, and that this was just the calm before the storm.
I just hoped Ian wasn't that storm.
"He's got people looking for him. He'll be fine, guys." I tried to sound reassuring, but it didn't really lift anyone's mood. I got snapped out of my thoughts when Victor tapped my shoulder. "Night staff is here, so I'm heading out. It's past 10 p.m., Violet, you should get going to." He suggested.
I nodded to him. "I'm just going to hang around a bit longer. See you soon." I waved him goodbye as he opened the gates, locked them again and then drove off the parking lot. The kids had all finished their cigarettes and headed upstairs as I met up with Alex who was doing the night shift.
I smiled at him and he frowned when he saw my exhausted expression. "What happened to you?"
"Ian ran off."
"Fuck, really?"
I nodded at his question and he quickly sat down at the computer to read the logbook from today. We sat in silence for a bit until he checked his watch and went upstairs to put the kids to bed, turn off their lights and let them sleep. I was thinking deeply when the phone rang and I recognized the number on it.
"Louis?" I breathed in anticipation.
"It's Harry. We found him."
"Oh, thank God." I muttered, finally feeling the huge weight drop off my shoulders. "How is he?"
Harry sighed and I could already tell it wasn't good. "He's high as a kite, Violet. I caught him snorting coke when we walked in, he's at the Mayfair."
"Shit. Okay... Fuck." I hissed into the phone, feeling more frustrated than ever that Ian had been able to run away and get intoxicated again. "Did he drink too?"
"Probably."
"Fuck." I repeated in a mumble. "Well... Does he have anywhere to stay tonight?"
"Louis and I brought him to Gabriel's mansion. He'll be able to crash here. When can he return?"
I heard Harry walking around and heard voices in the background. "He's allowed back after 24 hours when he's used something. So, starting Thursday morning you can bring him back. He'll get a urine test to see if he's clean and we can go from there."
Harry didn't say anything for a bit and I could tell he was busy doing other things while on this phone call. "Thursday morning, okay, I'll tell Louis."
"Okay. And, Harry... Thanks for looking for him, he's lucky to have people who are in his corner. He's going to need that."
"Yea." He answered shortly. I felt like he was about to end the phone call so I quickly stopped him. "I know I was supposed to work there tonight, but I need to stay here to fill out files and forms. Is that okay?"
"Bar's closed tonight." He sounded distracted to I decided to not ask any questions and not bother him any longer. It was quiet for a bit before he mumbled a goodbye and ended the phone call.