March 2014
Taylor sighs and leans her head back against her seat as she feels the plane rumble to life. She would be landing in New York City in six hours time, to potentially find her new home.
She had spent the last week doing research on the city, asking for advice from family and friends, and most importantly listening to Karlie’s encouragements. Karlie was unafraid to express how badly she wants Taylor in the city with her, and the singer had woken up daily to texts explaining new reasons why New York was the place for her. They brought a smile to Taylor’s face each morning, and Karlie always had more reasons to share when they spoke on the phone each night.
Taylor was confused by just about every aspect on her dynamic with Karlie currently, but one thing she knew to be true was that Karlie made her happy. Each day she looked forward to calling Karlie, knowing they would be on the phone laughing together each day for hours. They didn’t necessarily flirt, or really speak of what occurred on the road trip, but what was left unspoken was not out of mind.
Taylor had been trying her best to go into New York City with a purely patient and open mind, but each night she spent on the phone talking with Karlie made that to be a harder and harder feat. Saying goodbye to Karlie each night made it impossible. The singer had told friends and family that she is simply looking, seriously looking, but just looking; this was not the case, however. She was positive she would make the move to New York, and she was positive she wanted to do it as soon as possible.
She needed a new start. She was beginning to feel trapped by her own life to the point where she wasn’t living that life anymore, and Karlie had made her realize that. She wasn’t happy in Los Angeles anymore, and Nashville just wasn’t as practical a place for her to live in relation to her music and work as it once had been. New York was a logical choice. She loved the east coast’s beaches, and New York was incredibly close to her Rhode Island home. Talking to various friends of hers, she had even learned the paparazzi were more manageable than most places. Sure, harder to hide from, but much more respectful: they just wanted their shot. She didn’t have too many friends in New York City, apart from Karlie and Lena, but her friends in Los Angeles were often not even in town due to various other commitments. Taylor was positive Karlie would be determined to make her feel at home as well, introducing her to her own friends from the city.
What does moving to New York mean for me and Karlie? Taylor wonders. The singer had told the model the feelings she harbored for her, and the model had expressed the same sentiments. Since the road trip ended, the exchanges they had seemed like a dream. Not only was Taylor in disbelief that her memories were real, but her feelings for Karlie seemed just as unlikely to her. There was no use in denying their existence at this point, but they were so new and unexpected for a variety of reasons that Taylor was easily confused when dwelling on them. If she felt these emotions for a man in her life, Taylor would have a clear picture of what she wanted to pursue with those feelings. She would flirt, go on dates, hope for a future, especially at the man’s admission at having feelings as well. However, Karlie was Karlie, and that meant Taylor had no idea what to do with her feelings, and even if she did have a clue, Karlie has a boyfriend.
The thought of Josh makes the singer’s inside go cold. Jealous wasn’t a strong enough word to describe her feelings. The girls didn’t speak of Josh much, they never did in the past, but from the little of what Karlie has shared with Taylor about him she never felt a though he was a great match for her. She always tried her best to pass as little judgement as possible, however, as she had never met the highly successful entrepreneur. However, since developing feelings for the model Taylor had found it extremely difficult to keep up that mindset. She didn’t want Karlie to be together with him.
Do I want her to be with me? Taylor wasn’t even sure about that. Yes, she had feelings for Karlie, and maybe it should be an obvious conclusion that of course she wants to pursue something with the younger girl, but what would that mean for Taylor’s image? Her brand? She could already hear all the jokes that would be made on each late night talk show, the headlines of gossip magazines, the trending topics on Twitter. ‘Taylor Gives Up on Men, Gives Women a Try’ would of course be the most popular of jokes. Anything she could potentially have with Karlie would be scrutinized and trivialized far more than any other relationship she has ever attempted to have in the public eye. Speaking of that, each one of her past relationships would be questioned for being false, and therefore the emotions she has written about in the past would be questioned. Taylor isn’t sure if her lyrics being torn apart and deemed as insincere is something she would be able to handle emotionally. Can America’s sweetheart even date a woman? Will parents of ten year old kids still be bringing them to her concerts? Buying them her CDs?
The risks involving anything with Karlie were so steep and so plentiful, and none of those risks were fair.
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“Taylor, we are landing,” Andrea says, shaking her daughter’s shoulder.
Taylor hadn’t intended on falling asleep on the plane, she had so many business emails to catch up on, but staying on the phone late with Karlie each night was starting to get to her.
Taylor sits up and looks out the window, catching her first sight of New York City’s tallest buildings. She had obviously spent her fair share of time in this city, but seeing it now as a potential part of her future made the viewing experience different.
Taylor, of course, had brought her mother along to look at different real estate properties with her. At twenty four years old, there were a lot of things Taylor felt confident doing now as an adult, but buying property was not one of them.
“I can’t believe you could be so far away from me,” Andrea says, grabbing Taylor’s hand.
“I’m just looking, mom,” Taylor says smiling.
“I know, I know, I can’t help but jump ahead. But I just want you to do what will make you happy, you don’t have to worry about me,” Andrea replies, as Taylor rests her head on her mom’s shoulder as the plane begins its descent.
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Minutes later, Taylor and Andrea are sitting side by side in the backseat of a Lincoln driving towards the first condo. Taylor’s ringtone chimes, and she smiles seeing Karlie’s contact name. She answers the phone, looking down to hide the slight blush that has developed when thinking about her mother being in the car.
“Hey, Karlie,” Taylor says smiling, knowing the model probably has been counting down the minutes until the singer was supposed to land in the city.
“So, are you all moved in yet?” Karlie asks, and Taylor can hear the smile on her face.
“Oh yeah, the house warming party is tonight. Did I forget to invite you?” Taylor replies quickly.
“Just the thought of a house warming party makes me so excited.”
“Well, I haven’t even looked at anything yet so slow it down,” Taylor says, although feeling excited herself.
“What are you doing?” Karlie asks.
“Nothing, just in the backseat with my mom. Say hi!” Taylor says, switching the phone to speaker mode.
“Hi, Mrs. Swift!” Karlie laughs.
“Hi, Karlie, how are you doing?” Andrea replies, looking up from her phone.
“Getting crunk in Paris,” Taylor replies for her.
“You did not just say that vile word,” Karlie replies, with no hint of amusement in her voice.
“Oh my god, I have never heard you sound so dark!” Taylor laughs.
“What is crunk?” Andrea asks, causing both girls to laugh now.
“Okay, I think that is enough talking to mom,” Taylor says, turning the speaker mode off now and holding the phone against her hair.
“I hate you,” Karlie laughs. “I want to meet your mom!”
“I know, you will! I wish you were here, that was some bad luck. I want to see your place!” Taylor whines, not even realizing the Lincoln had stopped for their first destination.
“You can go by if you want. I actually accidentally stole a sweatshirt from you if you want to go and get it,” Karlie replies.
“It’s unlocked?” Taylor asks, ignoring the looks her mother is giving her hinting to hang up the phone as they enter the first condo where they are meeting the realtor.
“No, but there is a fake porch light with a spare key. Seriously, go see it,” Karlie insists.
“Okay, maybe I will. But Karlie I have to go, I’m being rude. I will call you later on if you’re awake.”
“Okay! I hope you find something today! Good luck!” Karlie says, as both girls hang up the phone.
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Hours later, Taylor finds herself back in her Lincoln on the way to Karlie’s home. She had sent a quick text to the younger girl, telling her to call her if she is awake. Taylor had great news to share.
Taylor was nervous she was going to go into house hunting with no restraint or patience while looking at properties. She wanted to invest in something that was perfect for her and not settle for anything less, but she was anxious to move. Luckily for her, she found an apartment so perfect she couldn’t have even dreamed it up. She made an offer immediately. Her life could officially be changing in two weeks. A new city, with new adventures and new people. A new start.
As the Lincoln slows and pulls over near the curb, Taylor spots a black gate signaling they have arrived to Karlie’s West Village apartment. The singer didn’t really have a reason for going here, other than curiosity and missing Karlie’s presence. She was hoping that being in Karlie’s apartment would temporarily keep her from wishing the model was in the city with her.
Taylor smiles getting out of the vehicle. It is mid March, and the springtime is beginning to fight its way back into New York City’s bloodstream, and Karlie somehow managed to find an apartment in the crowded city that has various forms of shrubbery. Although just beginning to come back to life, Taylor can already tell how beautiful the entrance will be in a month’s time. Taylor eases the gate open and walks past the greenery to Karlie’s front door, leaving her security guards to wait in the car. The key is where Karlie described, and Taylor unlocks the door and enters the apartment.
Her apartment is everything Taylor would assume a model’s apartment would be: stylized and chic. Taylor slowly walks around the living room, as there is lots to look at. Taylor examines the spines of the books Karlie has collected, the different pieces she has hanging on her walls, the house plants she has chosen to incorporate in her design, and all the other knick knacks on display. It isn’t until Taylor makes her way up the three stairs leading into the kitchen that it is obvious this is Karlie’s apartment. There are pictures of Karlie with friends and family clinging to the refrigerator by magnets, various cook books, with a particular one still opened beside a bowl on the counter. Karlie could be there right now baking, by the looks of it. Taylor can’t help herself, and closes the book and places it back among the others, and then opens various cabinets before finding the correct one to place the bowl into. She smiles to herself noticing bits of flour along the black granite countertop, and even dampens a paper towel to wipe the spots away. Taylor could already hear Karlie teasing her about it when she returns home from Paris.
Taylor decides to spend more time looking at her refrigerator, and softly laughs to herself seeing a younger ten year old Karlie in the middle of a dog pile composed of the rest of her sisters on a beach. As she takes out her phone to take a picture, Karlie is calling once more.
“Guess where I am?” Taylor answers.
“Um.. New York,” Karlie says sounding groggy.
“Duh. Did you just wake up?” Taylor asks, still studying each picture on the fridge, pausing her eyes on one of Karlie with friends from high school.
“Yeah,” Karlie yawns. “But where are you?”
“I’m in your apartment. You realize that your living room is way cooler than you’ll ever be right?” Taylor asks, thinking back to how suave it was.
Karlie bursts out laughing before agreeing. “Yeah, I know. Isn’t it cool? It is so cool that I couldn’t even decorate it myself I had professional help.”
“Yeah, well, I’m looking at your fridge now and it is much more you. You weren’t kidding about all the dogs,” Taylor remarks.
“Oh jeez. Wait go to the island counter behind you, open the blue envelope,” Karlie instructs, as Taylor spins around and immediately spots the envelope.
“What is it?” Taylor asks as she grabs it. When she opens it she realizes it is an envelope full of pictures from their road trip, professionally printed out from Karlie’s iPhone. “Aww! These are so cute!” Taylor exclaims.
“I didn’t have time to go through them before I left. Hang some up if you want!” Karlie says. Taylor is delighted to now be a part of Karlie’s mosaic of photographs, as she silently takes her time choosing the perfect one to stick on.
“I can’t choose just one,” Taylor groans into the phone, which she is holding in between her shoulder and ear as she looks through the photos.
“I want more than one picture of you on there anyway!” Karlie replies.
“Hmm..” Taylor hums sounding pleased, as she begins choosing photos.
“So did you make my bed yet? Because I know you will once you see it,” Karlie laughs.
Taylor rolls her eyes and smiles before replying, “Well I haven’t seen your bed yet but I did clean up your kitchen.” Karlie knows her so well.
“What do you mean you cleaned my kitchen?! It was clean!” Karlie says, sounding playfully outraged.
“You’re such an animal, you left an opened book out and an unused bowl. Particles of flour. Business papers strewn about. In what world is that clean?” Taylor replies drily, as she choose magnets to hang up photos she chose.
“Oh my gosh, you are really crazy,” the model laughs.
“I’m neat!” Taylor protests.
“Mmm..okay,” Karlie replies, sounding unconvinced.
“You know, I was going to tell you something but now I don’t think that I will,” the singer says stubbornly.
“What?! Tell me! Don’t be mean I just woke up!” Karlie says, sounding much more alert than she had been sounding.
“Hmm..” Taylor says noncommittally.
“Taylor! Don’t be like that I am sorry! You are definitely not crazy, you are just a far better person than the rest of us. What do you have to tell me?” Karlie fires off, talking quickly.
“I don’t think I can remember now..” Taylor teases, smiling at Karlie’s excitement.
“Stop! Did you like something you saw?” Karlie whines.
The singer plays it out for as long as she can, enjoying Karlie’s impatience. “A little bit,” Taylor says, doing her best to keep her tone level.
“A little? Well there are lots of places always added in the spring market, you will find something soon,” Karlie says, although sounding slightly disappointed.
“Well.. I actually liked it a lot. And I placed an offer on it. And I want to live there,” Taylor says evenly, her tone not matching the level of excitement she actually felt.
“TAYLOR!” Karlie shrieks. “Why would you do that to me?! Why did you take years to tell me?” Taylor could only laugh at the younger girl’s excitement, and somehow feeling even more excited herself because of Karlie’s reaction. “Where is it?”
“One and a half miles from your apartment,” Taylor replies instead of giving the address.
“Taylor! This summer is going to be amazing!” Karlie exclaims, and Taylor can hear her smile through the phone.
“Well, it isn’t a definite yet. But I really loved it,” Taylor says, careful to not get her hopes up too much.
“Well, you can just live with me if the deal doesn’t go through. Either way you are going to be in New York,” Karlie jokes, but nevertheless Taylor’s heart swells.
“I couldn’t live in this pig sty. I’m currently making your bed,” Taylor replies deadpan, doing her best to play off the effect Karlie’s comment had.
“Do my laundry while you’re at it, babe,” Karlie says, giving Taylor’s attitude right back to the singer.
Taylor bites back a laugh, but she feels disappointed when she hears a familiar sigh from Karlie, signaling that she is about to hang up.
“Taylor, I have to get ready for work. I don’t want to go to work now, how am I going to focus?” Karlie whines.
“You’ll get through it. I will keep you updated when I find out anything,” Taylor replies.
“Can I call you after work?” Karlie asks.
“I was hoping you would,” Taylor smiles, she couldn’t wait to find out how many minutes she has used this month.
“Aren’t we the cutest?” Karlie laughs.
“Definitely. Okay go get ready, stop stalling,” Taylor replies, hating to be the one to prompt Karlie to hang up.
Taylor had walked down the hallway towards the model’s bedroom as she was on the phone, and now that she has hung up she begins to pull on the bed’s sheets and blankets. When she fluffs the pillows she catches Karlie’s scent, and the singer becomes shaken that she can recognize it as hers. She takes her time making the bed up, slightly blushing as she knows she is spending so much time on it just because it smells so much like her. She was realizing she was in much deeper than she thought, and despite the fact that she was securely alone in the apartment her blush deepens at even the thought of someone knowing what she was doing.
When she finally finishes making the bed, she begins to examine the photographs in Karlie’s bedroom, which seem to be more important and intimate to her as they are mostly of her parents, grandparents, and sisters. Taylor smiles at the photo of Karlie and her grandmother wearing matching aprons baking, probably around the holidays. The picture of all the Kloss sisters is eery, as they all have the same smiles that seem too big for their faces, radiating happiness even through an average sized photograph. Taylor couldn’t get enough, feeling as though she was getting an intimate peek into Karlie’s life that she has never had before, and she was shocked that she found herself to be loving her best friend even more than she already did. Maybe even growing stronger romantic feelings for her as well, which Taylor is still unsure if that is even something that she wants.
Taylor recognizes the stack of polaroids they had split between them at the end of their road trip on her bureau, and Taylor is smiling as she walks over to them. Was Karlie going to include a picture of their road trip in her bedroom among her family members? Taylor flicks through the pictures smiling as she remembers how difficult they both were with each other in deciding who got which pictures.
Just as the singer decides it is about time to leave and join her mother back at their hotel room, she notices a frame lying facedown on the nightstand next to Karlie’s bed. Curious, Taylor walks over to examine the frame, and her heart is iced over as she is unexpectedly faced with a picture of Karlie kissing Josh’s cheek on a beach.
Facedown? Taylor thinks, as she stares at the picture which is causing her a surprising amount of pain. She wishes more than anything that this picture meant nothing to her, but it just didn’t. She was jealous, beyond jealous. And she was hurt, because no matter what feelings she had for Karlie, the model’s boyfriend was very present in her life, even if Taylor didn’t think he deserved to be. But realistically, could Karlie ever have a picture of them together like this? Was it something that could ever actually happen, something that Taylor was willing to risk her image and their friendship for?
Taylor stays standing, staring down at the photograph in silence. After a few moments, she sets the picture frame back down on Karlie’s nightstand, deliberately facing it upright and tilted to face Karlie’s bed. Taylor is surprised to find herself feeling upset, knowing Karlie would notice when she returns home. Taylor leaves the bedroom and makes her way back down to the front door of the model’s apartment, and as her hand rests on the door knob she pauses. She closes her eyes and leans her head against the door, not wanting to leave this way but feeling like she has no other choice. Karlie would take the hint, and hopefully they would never speak of it again and they could enjoy their summer together as best friends. Uncomplicated. Taylor would just have to nurse her feelings for Karlie silently, in seclusion. Taylor knew deep down this was the easiest way, this would make the most sense to leave now. The move to New York City easily gives Taylor the chance to explore any feelings she has for Karlie, and the model for her, but how safe was that really for each of them to do? In terms of their careers, their friendship, and their own personal lives. This was a bad idea, Karlie was an amazing friend and that is all Taylor needs from her.
I’m not going after anyone who is a bad idea anymore. Taylor affirms to herself. She had promised herself that after Harry. It is easy to spot a relationship that is a bad idea, one that is trouble. This was trouble. Karlie herself of course wasn’t a bad idea, but the dynamic was. Taylor had every single reason and more to leave the apartment now, but she hits her forehead out of frustration against the door she is still leaning on with her eyes closed, before releasing the door knob and turning around to go to the kitchen.
She scoops up the photographs on the kitchen counter, and finds the print out version of Karlie kissing her own cheek at the beach at Big Sur on their last day together. She gives it a quick glance before walking back to Karlie’s bedroom with it, tossing it on the well-made bed for the model to find when she returns from Paris. She then goes back to the younger girl’s nightstand and flips the frame of Josh and her together facedown once more, as she found it. With that, Taylor spins on her heel and quickly walks back towards the door of the apartment before she can have any second thoughts.
Why did I do that? Taylor asks herself now, sitting in the backseat of the Lincoln once more, already regretting her very forward action. Despite the slight stress she feels now, the singer knows she would have felt much more regret right now if she had left without doing what she did.
Karlie was right, this would be an amazing summer.
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Another update will be up tonight, to make up for yesterday! Sorry if these chapters are a little boring so far (and believe me they are boring to write too). They are just setting up for really good things coming. Let me know what you think!!